Chapter 9: True Feelings

Edward pulled up to the Swan house and got out of the car. Charlie had left a voicemail on his phone. He let out a deep breath as he got out of the car and Charlie was sitting on the stairs waiting for him. "Good afternoon Chief Swan," he greeted.

"Edward," Charlie answered.

Edward stood in front of the porch, his hands in his pockets. "I trusted you with my daughter, Edward," he commented.

"Yes sir," Edward answered.

"I trusted your brother with my other daughter, which one of you boys do you think still holds my favor?" Charlie asked.

Edward was silent. "At least when things got tough between Jasper and Alice, at least your brother stood his ground and stayed by Alice instead of taking off running at the first fight," he commented gruffly.

"I have no excuse for my actions sir," Edward answered.

Charlie remained quiet, shaking the beer can that was in his hand. "You and Jasper know that Alice and Bella are my two of my pride and joy. Emmett is also, but Emmett can take care of himself. Bella and Alice are my daughters and seeing Bella hurt so badly is the worse thing a parent should never ever have to witness. Seeing Bella going to every doctor's appointment with a solemn look on her face because she knew you weren't there. You know the night Renesmee was born, after everyone left but me, do you know what Bella was doing?" Charlie asked.

"No sir," Edward replied.

"She cried, not out of joy like other mothers but grief," Charlie replied.

Edward looked at the ground. "Out of all the people in this town, I like your family. Except you are the biggest disappointment I have ever met," he commented. Edward winced a little. "You disappointed me Edward. You promised me the day you came to my house and introduced yourself, you promised you'd take care of my kid. Instead, my daughter's comes home from school one day, up in her room sobbing asking what she did wrong. Asking why you left her and why you didn't love her anymore," he added.

"I didn't mean to hurt her," Edward answered.

"Bullshit, you knew exactly what you were doing," Charlie told him.

Edward sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I do care about your daughter sir," he said quietly.

"If you cared so much, you wouldn't have left her. You would've stayed," Charlie answered crushing his beer can and chucking it into the trashcan next to him.

Charlie cleared his throat and looked at the young man. "She's not here either, she took Renesmee to visit your parents. Don't go over there either because Bella doesn't have the strength to even look at you. I'm not a deaf man, Edward, I know when my daughter's crying at night over you still," he added. He got up from his spot on the porch and walked over to Edward. "Unlike Emmett I am that girl's father and if you do anything to hurt her again. Emmett will have to wait his turn because I will beat you to Timbuktu," he said angrily.

"I understand," Edward answered.

Charlie then grabbed Edward by the front of his jacket, yanking him closer. "Then buck up and be a man for once," he snapped before shoving him back and stormed into the house after that. Edward watched him go inside and walked back to his car.

Edward was now sitting outside the house and watching from his car to see Esme and Bella talking while Esme was holding Renesmee in her lap. They were laughing and having a good time. "Bella doesn't have the strength to even look at you," Charlie's words echoed in his head. His phone rang and he saw that it was Tanya. He sent it right to voicemail and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. In the glove box in his car, he still had the engagement he was going to propose to Bella with after their graduation. He got out of the car and walked into the forest.

Once he was far enough away from his parents house, he looked towards the nearest tree and started kicking it and punching it. He stopped and slid to the ground with his head in his hands. He hated himself, he wanted to turn back time and change what he had done. He let out a heavy sigh and looked at his now bloody knuckles.

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Bella smiled to see Renesmee in Esme's arms. "Bella I'm sorry," Esme told her. The younger woman shrugged her shoulders.

"What's done is done Esme," she answered quietly.

Esme looked over at Bella and smiled sadly. "You're still in love with him," she observed. Bella pulled a knee up to her chest.

"What makes you think that?" Bella asked.

Esme sighed a she rocked her granddaughter in her arms. "Carlisle and I were separated once," she commented. Bella gave her a quizzical look.

"You? You guys are still all over each other," she answered.

The older woman laughed lightly. "Do you think we never had our fights Bella?" She asked. Bella gave her a quizzical look. "It was right after Jasper and Rosalie were born, Carlisle and I were fighting constantly because we were tired. He was working nights and Jasper had colic so he was crying all the time. Well whenever he cried, he got Rosalie crying because she wanted just as much attention as Jasper," Esme explained.

"So what happened?" Bella asked.

"Well, I wanted it to work and I know Carlisle did too so we tried a lot of different things to try to keep our marriage together. The stress was added when I found out I was pregnant with Edward," she replied.

Bella bit her lower lip and Esme kissed the top of the toddler's head. "But you know, we loved each other enough that we would work through anything. We wouldn't give up no matter what," she added.

"But Carlisle didn't leave," Bella pointed out.

Esme sighed, stroking her granddaughter's hair. "No…but the threats were there between us both," she replied. She looked over at Bella to see her dazed. "Bella, I'm not going to tell you what to do. You haven't done anything just to please someone else," she pointed out. Bella laughed a little, wiping her tears away.

"If I did that I would've given Renesmee up like mom begged me to do," she muttered.

Esme sat back against the door of the house. "Bella…I have to ask…what is the one thing you want in this world. Something just for you, what would it be?" She asked. Bella felt the tears prick her eyes again and she let out a shaky sigh.

"If I could have anything, no strings attached, nothing. I'd want Edward," Bella replied.

The older woman was quiet and Bella moved her fingers through her hair. "I want to stop hating what he did and just wake up one morning and forgive him," she added. She let out another sigh. "I'd turn back time and have it so I ran to Edward telling him what was going on with me and not Jacob," she said quietly. Bella let out a small sob. "I would also want to stop loving him too so I can stop feeling these things. So I'd stop thinking of the what ifs and how things could've been. I want to forget," she admitted. Esme leaned over and hugged her with her free arm. "I want to forget," she repeated sobbing. She took Renesmee into her arms and cuddled her sleeping daughter close. "I'll raise Renesmee like I promised two years ago when I found out I was pregnant with her. She's mine, Edward can see her I won't deny his visitation, but she's mine," she added. Bella buried her face into her daughter's hair. "You're mine," she whispered.