A/N: So here I am, almost one year after my last update. One novel and a lot of coursework later, here I am to tie up some loose ends to clean up and finish my incomplete works. "Limerance" is my baby. It is what I always hoped "My Hatred, My Obsession" would be. Now, with a lot more experience under my belt, I believe that I can finally do it justice and give my readers the full story.

All chapters prior to this one have been edited and adjusted for better flow. Everything from here on out is new content.

I hope to hear from both my old readers and to see some new readers join the adventure. Reviews really help inspire me to keep working, and since this project is rather large and time-consuming, knowing that you guys are enjoying the read would be quite a booster to my stamina.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!


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Limerance

Chapter 8

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Kagome sat cross-legged on her cot, cradling her bleeding severed hand and clenching her teeth together to keep from screaming. Her body rocked back and forth, large beads of cold sweat slipping down the sides of her face. She shuddered when the sticky warm blood dripped down the side of her clothes to pool on the blankets. A roaring filled her ears as her heart beat a loud and frantic rhythm against her ear drums. Dizziness assailed her; she could hardly breathe past the clammy hands of terror that wrapped like pitch black shadows around her neck.

A dream...only a dream...it was just a dream, she chanted to herself. A nightmare!

But, she couldn't force herself to look down at her arm to confirm it.

Behind her eyelids, images flashed like erratic bolts of lightning.

An ogre. A chase. A frantic dash for safety. Claws ripping her apart. The stench of blood and venom.

It was just a dream! Kagome, get a hold of yourself!

Her jaw locked in place, teeth grinding against each other. Panicked eyes darted from corner to corner of the inside of her pavilion, as though waiting for a giant lumbering monster to burst through the dark brown walls at any moment. When nothing happened, her breaths began to even out. She wrinkled her nose at the smell of horse and sweat.

The other cot in the pavilion - Katashi's - was empty. No doubt he'd gone on patrol earlier than planned to inspect the camp. Kagome let out a shaky breath. Had he been here, things would have been worse. He took any and every opportunity to emphasize that her dreams were nothing more than a result of a trauma. Midori hated her for calling him a liar, but Kagome knew better than to believe everything he said.

Too slowly, events of the previous days came back to her: the hard riding, Katashi's relentless pace across the countryside, and her exhausted collapse to bed the night before. He'd made good on his promise to take her to see the Artifact, though his frustration with her insistence was evident. He kept her within arm's reach at all times, always under his control and within his sight.

It's more than a trauma...this is different. This is something real.

Her hand pulsed with pain. Kagome's shoulders tensed. She could have sworn she felt torn and mangled flesh when she ran her fingertips over the appendage. Biting her lip, she suppressed a terrified whimper.

It's fine, her logic soothed again. There was no ogre. No huge slimy teeth. No venom-tipped claws tearing through her body with relentless savagery.

Just a nightmare, she promised herself, her shoulders shaking. Her throat constricting, she finally gathered the courage to look down at her throbbing hand, relieved to find it still there, unharmed.

Thank the gods.

No ogre. No teeth. No bloodied stump in place of an arm.

Letting out a sigh of relief, she buried her face in her hands. How much longer would these nightmares persist? She wasn't sure if seeing the Artifact would change anything for her, or if it would make these nightmares better or worse. Any amount of truth would be better than none. As it was, she felt broken, like there was something missing inside of her very soul. Midori or Kagome? Kagome or Midori? Which was real and which was a result of confusion?

She cursed, wiping sweat off her face with a corner of her sleeve.

The sooner they reached the stone, the better.

The caravan and its fifty armed samurai escort was making good time. Katashi assured his men they were within a week of the temple in the western corner of Harima. The soldiers rejoiced; Kagome wanted to cry. Another week? She wasn't sure she could survive the grueling travel for much longer. Inside her mind, Midori chided her for being so stubborn, for she'd tried to warn Kagome of how difficult traveling with hardened soldiers would be.

I need to keep it together, Kagome scolded herself. This is what I wanted, isn't it? Whatever happens when I see the stone, I'll accept it. If Kagome really is a figment of my imagination, I'll become Midori and stay with Katashi like he wants. If not...

Determined to regain her composure, she stood up, pulled her warmer black haori over her clothes, and stepped outside. Somehow, the grass felt amazing on her bare feet. She always felt better when she could feel the ground under her, as though nature surrounded her and protected her. It was cold, but Kagome gave it little thought. She was more intent on clearing her head so she could look presentable in the morning.

Her body ached everywhere, legs shaking even at a slow walk. Midori suggested she see Katashi and ask him to slow down. Kagome thought the idea ridiculous. She wasn't about to prove him right by appearing like a weakling half way through the journey. Instead, she wandered around the camp, noting how all the fires had gone out. It was still the middle of the night, and the next change of guard wouldn't happen until morning. Katashi had ordered not to restart the fires until then to avoid giving away their position to potential enemies or demons prowling the area.

He was a paranoid man.

Despite her reluctance to think about her recent nightmare, Kagome found she couldn't quite rid herself of it. She clutched at her hand, recalling how different this particular dream was. The ogre was, as always present, chasing her past the stone into the forest and towards the cliffs. This time, however, there were others in the dream, too. Specifically, two men with long shining silver hair and eyes the color of shimmering amber.

Like statues, they stood at the cliff's edge, neither helping nor hindering. From their looks, she could tell they weren't human. One had a pair of animal ears atop his head and both had elongated claws and slitted cat-like pupils. Their mixture of unmarred pale skin, strange markings, and colorations should have frightened her. These were clearly demons, just like the ogre hunting her. Yet, for reasons she couldn't fathom, the two of them looked striking and beautiful, like paintings out of a storybook.

Their eyes looked soft and kind, Midori whispered in Kagome's thoughts. For once, they agreed on something. Rather than giving off a fierce and intimidating presence, their figures were a comforting sight. Not even her fear of the ogre could block out that particular emotion.

But who were they?

More figments and mysteries, Midori insisted. I don't want to think about that frightening dream anymore. Where is Lord Katashi? We should find him. He'll protect us.

Kagome shook her head to get Midori's small timid voice out of her mind. If she really was Midori, then was the princess such a coward? Kagome refused to believe that her past self — and the voice still trying to break through — was such a soft-hearted and passive girl. Right now, she didn't have time to be a scardey-cat, especially not while Katashi tried to thwart her every attempt to discover her true origins.

Kagome was lost so deep in thought about her betrothed's paranoia and controlling personality that when she heard his voice, she thought she might have imagined it. Glancing up, she noticed that she'd somehow walked over to the second pavilion in camp, one reserved for Ryuichi, Katashi's right-hand man, and his two second officers. A light flickered within, and as she stepped closer, she heard low voices speaking.

"Katashi, you understand the danger of this quest, right?" Ryuichi's scratchy baritone asked. "You know every man here would die for you, but are you really prepared for what might happen?"

"Yes," Katashi answered flatly.

We shouldn't be eavesdropping like this! Lord Katashi will be furious if he finds out!

Despite Midori's warning, Kagome crouched down behind a nearby crate of supplies, straining to hear what was being said.

"What if it doesn't go like you planned it to?" Ryuichi asked. "What if the vessel is corrupted and turns on us?"

"That won't happen."

"You're not a god, you know. You can't predict the future."

"What would you have me do, Ryuichi? If we don't claim this power for the Relegation now, we may as well have lost the war already." A beat. "Do you presume to question my judgment?"

"Not at all. Just that…you seem awfully attached to her."

Her? The vessel is a person?

"Admit it. You are overprotective. Anyone who isn't blind can see it."

"Don't be a fool. Midori is nothing more than a tool to accomplish our goals."

"See? You even gave her a name. Do you usually do that for pigs you keep as livestock?"

Kagome reeled back, feeling the ground tipping and swaying beneath her. She brought her hands up to cover her mouth, afraid she'd make a sound in her shock and panic.

"She needed to have a world around her, something tangible to keep her obedient and calm. Otherwise, she would have run away, and we would have lost our link to the Artifacts."

"You're not being honest with yourself, Katashi. I see the way you act around the girl. Is it because she looks so much like her?"

"She is a means to an end. I will protect her body until it becomes the vessel. After that, her consciousness will vanish and she will obey all of my commands. She will become my weapon to wield against our enemies."

"That's what the scrolls say, but what if it doesn't work like that? She could die, too."

"She won't. She will survive."

"And we have another problem. You've got one of the fragments, which means the artifacts are already partially corrupted. How do you plan to complete the soul if you've already taken part of it for yourself?"

"The fragment I have is of no consequence. The vessel can survive without one, though to be missing any more will eventually…"

Unable to hear any more, Kagome backed away from the pavilion, her feet so numb she hardly felt the prickling of nettles and pine needles crunching into the bare soles of her feet. Tears streamed down her face. She slapped a hand over her mouth to keep silent.

Impossible. She'd suspected that Katashi wasn't telling her everything about her life as Midori. But to think that all of it was a lie? Her head spun. She thought she might be sick.

Stumbling towards her and Katashi's pavilion, she fell onto her cot and pulled the blanket up and over her head. Her gut clenched and she leaned foward, heaving without vomiting until she saw stars. Midori's voice screamed and shouted, making excuses, trying to justify what Katashi was doing. Kagome ignored her, slapping her hands over her ears and squeezing her eyes shut.

Midori was a lie. She was fake, nothing more than a selfish man's story to keep her in line. But, if that was true, then…

Whose voice had Kagome been hearing this entire time? Who was she, really, if not a lost princess pulled into a series of unfortunate events? What did this mean for her? For months, she'd stared into the mirror and tried to will Midori into existence. Had she made up her softness? Her kindness? Her trusting nature? Was all of that a lie, too?

If so, then who was Higurashi Kagome? The girl in her dreams, standing proud and brave against the tide — who was that? With a bow and arrow, she faced down demons and darkness. She was a beacon of courage.

The complete opposite of me.

Tears tasted salty when spiced with self-loathing. Strange. She'd never shed tears quite like this. Katashi had made certain to make her life as his "Midori" free of anything that might distress her needlessly. For months, she'd allowed it. For months, she was happy to float in her bubble of ignorance, trusting complete and utter strangers to move her like a pawn in their game.

Stranger.

That word, when coupled with Katashi's face — when applied to every single face she'd come to know and trust — swelled into a towering colossal shadow that swept over her and left her feeling cold and numb inside.

There had never been a Midori. All those people had known it, yet they'd lied to her every single day. The servants she smiled with, the men and women claiming to be her allies, and even those calling themselves family — all lies!

"Oh god," Kagome wheezed, her teeth chattering. "Oh god…what do I do?"

Katashi would be back soon. Could she keep pretending that nothing had changed? Could she hide the disgust and terror from him when he spoke to her and touched her? And what, then? They would go to the Artifact, and what then? What would happen to her there?

As though he spoke right next to her ear, Katashi's voice sandpapered down her skin like the dry grating scales of a cold snake.

her consciousness will vanish and she will obey all of my commands

So, he planned to sacrifice her then use her like a sword in battle? She was a person, not a tool! Couldn't he see that? Couldn't any of these people see that? Surely they knew what would happen. Surely they knew what Katashi planned. Yet none of them had spoken out against him. None of them had done anything to stop him!

Her consciousness will vanish

Like hell it would!

There may have never been a weak-willed, naive, and trusting Midori, but there sure as hell was a Higurashi Kagome, and she was not going to let some psycho do whatever he wanted with her body and her mind.

Snapping up and throwing the blanket aside, Kagome remembered the terror of feeling helpless as the ogre was chasing her towards the cliffs in her nightmares. She remembered the desperation to fight and live no matter the terrible odds thrown against her. She'd scrambled for life that day, had paid for it with her body and part of her mind. Now, she wasn't about to let anyone take it from her.

Pursing her lips, she tugged on her wool socks and straw sandals then pulled her traveling pack out from under her cot. In minutes, she emptied it of everything except a change of clothes and some wrapped food left over from their meal the night before. As she pulled it over her shoulders and stepped outside, she looked towards the center of the camp, where most soldiers left their spare weapons and armor out while patrolling.

If she was going to get through this, she would need a weapon to defend herself. Katashi had told her a hundred times over that princesses didn't wield bows and arrows. Now that she knew it was a lie, Kagome was confident that she had and would wield it. The decision gave her clarity, sending a rush of adrenaline sparking to her hands and feet.

This was going to be dangerous. If she was discovered, she had no idea what Katashi might do. Before, she was prepared for a light scolding and a slap on the wrist. But, now?

Midori flailed inside her, throwing out protest after protest with every step Kagome took towards the weapon racks in the middle of the camp. Doubts, fears, worries, and a stubborn insistence that Katashi was just lying to Ryuichi about his feelings to protect his reputation. But, what did that matter? Nothing could change the fact that her life as she currently knew it was a complete sham.

Stop this! - Midori begged. This is insanity. What can you possibly do by yourself? You aren't a warrior. You can hardly ride a horse without falling off, and you want to go traipsing through a plague-ridden province without any kind of escort?

Kagome paused. That part was true. If she was going to make it to the Artifact before Katashi's company of soldiers, she would need a proper map. Scouts usually carried them. She'd seen the men using them for reference when they thought Katashi wasn't looking, wondering — like her — how much farther they had to go before they reached their destination. For now, she had to keep moving. There wasn't much time before sunrise. She needed to grab a weapon, get her hands on a horse, and grab a decent head start before the soldiers began waking.

She weaved between tents, surprising herself with her agility as she ducked under pole ropes, hopped over errant obstacles, and moved in a deft crouch towards the weapon racks. Fortunately, the patrol was small during these hours of the morning, and in order to have the strength to march the next day, men were taking turns grabbing small naps to keep up their strength.

One such man sat on the ground with his back to the weapon racks, leaning against a supply tent with his head bobbing up and down as he fought sleep. Occasionally, he would tip a little to the side then shake himself awake. Kagome was about to head in his direction when another man stepped out of the shadows and walked up to him.

"Fallin' asleep again, Higen? You just had your break."

"I'm fine," the man countered, rubbing his palm against his nose.

"You know what will happen if Lord Katashi finds you asleep at your post," the first man said, his tone grim. "Seppuku for dishonoring the Relegation."

Kagome's heart skipped a beat. Surely the man was exaggerating.

"That's why I won't fall asleep."

"Right, well…" The first man scratched the back of his head, adjusting the swords on his hip. "Nashi and I are gonna go make another round to the south end of camp. Can you hold up till we get back?"

"Yeah, I got it. Just go. Faster you leave, faster I can take my break."

The first man didn't look pleased, but he vanished back into the darkness with a curt nod. Kagome didn't hesitate. As soon as he disappeared, she tiptoed to the supply tent and squeezed behind a pile of crates. Behind the dark brown canvas, she heard the man called Higen muttering to himself. Afraid to make any noise in case he was, indeed, paying attention to his surroundings, she waited.

It took a few minutes before she heard a thud followed by light snoring. She smiled. Looks like luck really was on her side. She took a few moments to pilfer a few parcels with medical supplies and bandages, stuffing them into her pack, before padding out of the tent and sneaking towards Higen. By his uniform, she recognized him as a scout. Though he was sound asleep, drool dripping down the side of his face into the dirt, she was still wary as she reached out and gently tugged his satchel towards her. It most likely contained a map, but she didn't have the time to make sure.

Turning back to the weapon racks, she plucked a bow and a quiver of arrows from the set of ranged weaponry then began to make her way to the western part of camp, where the horses were kept. She prayed she could make it in time. Already, the darkness around her was thinning. Those men assigned to care for the animals usually woke up earlier than the rest of the company to prepare the beasts for travel. As she snuck between their tents, she could hear them mumbling and complaining to each other about the chill of the morning.

She'd run out of time. If she didn't take a horse and leave now, she wouldn't have a head start at all.

During the week of travel through Harima, Kagome hadn't paid attention to what horse she rode from one day to the next. She had no assigned mount and didn't have a chance to get too attached to any one in particular. She was certain that she'd never ridden a single horse more than once, yet the moment she stepped into view of the animals tied to their respective posts, one horse in particular pricked up its ears and looked at her with surprising familiarity.

She, in turn, recognized it immediately as well.

It was Katashi's war horse, a stunning brown and black stallion which was rumored to have a nasty disposition in the hands of anyone but the General. She crept up to him, gasping when he nuzzled her side and sniffed at her pack. Reaching into it, she pulled out a pear and let him eat it from her hand. Unsurprisingly, he was already tacked and saddled. Katashi's order, no doubt, in case he had to ride out earlier than the rest of the company. Since Kagome had no idea how to saddle a horse and didn't have time to search for where such supplies were being stored, she decided that this would be her ticket out of camp.

Unless it decided to stop being sweet and cooperative when she mounted it. But what choice did she have, really? Beggars like her couldn't be choosers. After the horse gave her one more affectionate nuzzle and a small playful nip of her braid, Kagome's mind was made up. She examined the creature, gauging the consequences of what she was about to do.

You're going to regret this, Midori warned her.

Kagome frowned. She might regret the hardships ahead and the manner of her escape, but she could never regret taking the chance to obtain freedom, no matter the cost.