Learning to Live
Disclaimer: The Mortal Instruments series belongs to Cassandra Clare.
Chapter 9
No Glory
Jace leaned against the wall as he watched Clary hug Isaac goodbye. Her arms were wrapped around his neck; she stood on her tiptoes just to reach him. He could see the slight tremor to her legs; he swallowed. For a moment, his jealousy is swallowed up by concern. Her lack of strength-despite having slight muscles still-is concerning. As if feeling the tremors, Isaac lifts Clary off of her feet. She giggles. Just like that his jealousy is back. Isaac ignores the glare Jace is leveling at him as he sets Clary down on her feet.
"I probably won't see you for a while," Isaac says quietly. Clary's green eyes locked on his darker green.
"Why?" Clary asks; her tone is filled with concern. Isaac smiles slightly.
"Nothing horrible. I just have to go to Idris for a few days," he reassures her.
"Alright," Clary nods.
"By the way," he whispers as if he is telling her a secret, "Adele and I put your birthday present from us in your bag."
"I kind of figured you waking me up was my birthday present," Clary tells him as he starts to walk away from her. He turns around and starts walking backwards.
"Didn't know it was your birthday," Isaac points out with his index finger as he nears the corner. He smiles at her as he walks around it. Clary shakes her head and turns around to see Jace leaning against the wall. He's looking directly at her; his golden eyes are unreadable. He's got her duffle sitting beside him. He stoops down and swings it over his shoulder as she starts his way.
"I'll show you to your room," he tells her.
"Okay," she concedes. The first time she was in the Institute she was just learning her way. She hadn't gotten the chance to explore the place in its entirety. The burn in her legs tells her that exploring the Institute would have to wait. She wants to scream. 'I'm so tired of waiting!' She screams mentally. For two years, she had waited for someone to wake her up; now, she was waiting to be able to walk again. Waiting, waiting, waiting!
Jace glances over at her. He had asked her a question, but she apparently hadn't heard him. Her green eyes are staring straight ahead.
"Clary," he tries again. This time she blinks and turns her attention to him. Simon had often complained that it took three minutes for him to get her attention usually; Jace felt proud that he had gotten her attention in barely fifty seconds. "Are you alright?" He asks; it's not the question he asked originally, but he wants to know this answer a little more.
"Fine," she says with a smile. She slaps her thigh. "Just tired of not being able to walk but a few short distances." Jace doesn't smile.
"You have to build your strength up," he says logically.
"So everyone tells me," she grumbles as she crosses her arms over her chest. "But how can I build my strength up if I can't stay on my feet for more than thirty minutes?" She asks rhetorically. Jace bites his tongue to keep from giving her a stupid suggestion like "you could always use the stamina or strength rune." The runes would lure her into a flash sense of security. They were only a temporary fix to her problem. She needed to build her strength up on her own. 'But…what if the stamina rune could be used as an aid?' He wondered, suddenly traitorous to the logic he had tried to apply earlier.
"Meet me in the training room tomorrow morning," he found himself saying as he slowed in front of the bedroom. It was located between them all. Jace was at the farthest end of the hall; Isabelle in the middle along with Clary-maybe a few doors down; Alec was at the other end of the hall. Clary raised her eyebrows at him, but nodded anyway.
"Okay. What are we going to be doing?" She asked. "Because I'm not holding the bag for you," she added. Jace laughed and swings the duffle off of his shoulder. Clary takes it from him and swings it over her own shoulder.
"Think of it as endurance training," he tells her as he kicks away from the door and walks toward his room. He can feel Clary's eyes on him. He smiles. Clary stares after him; she snorts and shakes her head as she pushes the door open.
The first thing she notices is that the bed is a queen. At the headboard and footboard there are thin towers that go up to form a frame at the top where a white thin curtain lays flat. It drapes down at each corner of the frame and ends at the bottom of the bed. She adored beds like these. When she was younger, her mother had had one. She could remember closing the curtains and hiding inside with a book. The off white bed sheets have small silver runes stitched between each of the four corners. It was beautiful in its simplicity.
She throws her bag onto the bed and opens it up. There atop her clothes lay two long boxes. A smile tugs onto her lips as she recalls Isaac's parting statement. Clary picked up the first box. It was silver and caught the light as if it were covered in glitter. A faded green ribbon was tied around the box. She pulled the small bow loose and laid the ribbon in her lap. She lifted the top and her breathe froze in her lungs. Her hand shook as she lifted the stele off of the tissue paper that surrounded it. It was the same one she had used to heal Isaac. The stele still felt warm and familiar in her hand. Her eyes stung with tears. She turned the stele over in her hand. She hadn't thought of it since saving Isaac. She had forgotten it, but Isaac and Adele never had. She laughed a little and wiped at her eyes even though none of the tears slipped over. Clary forced herself to set the stele into the box again and pick up the other box. Unlike the first box, this one was wrapped in blue paper with a cream colored ribbon tied around it. She untied the ribbon and slipped her pinky along the edge of the paper. She unraveled it and opened the box. Her eyes widened at the content. A small green beaded charm bracelet sat on the tissue paper. The only charms on it were a small strawberry and a redheaded angel. She lifted it out of the tissue paper gently. It was gorgeous. There were small hooks for other charms, she noticed. She looked back toward the box to see if some had fallen off. Instead of charms, she found a note.
We left room for other charms. So that as you make more memories, you can add more.
Adele & Isaac
She smiled and lowered the note and bracelet back into the box. She set both of the boxes onto her nightstand and turned back to her bag. She pulls out a pair of grey sleep pants and a baggy cream-colored T-shirt before entering the bathroom to get ready for bed.
She let the door fall shut behind her. It was dark in the kitchen, darker than it had been in the living room. She strained her eyes to see Sebastian and Max and saw nothing but shadows.
"Sebastian?" Uncertainty crept into her tone. "Sebastian, what are you doing in here? Where's Max?"
"Isabelle." She thought she saw something move, a shadow dark against lighter shadows. His voice was soft, kind, almost lovely. She hadn't realized before now what a beautiful voice he had. "Isabelle, I'm sorry."
"Sebastian, you're acting weird. Stop it."
"I'm sorry it's you," he said. "See, out of all of them, I liked you best."
"Sebastian—"
"Out of all them," he said again, in the same low tone, "I thought you were most like me."
He brought his fist down then, with the hammer in it. (City of Glass, page 234).
Clary jerked awake with a quiet yelp, sweating and shaking. The book she had fallen asleep reading hit the floor with a loud thunk. The parabatai rune stared up at ceiling from the thin paper. Clary wrapped her arms around her waist as if it could stop her shivers. She only shook harder. She had been haunted by these horrible, sometimes reoccurring nightmares for the past two years, ever since she had fallen into Lake Lyn. They had been even more horrifying when she awoke to complete darkness. The darkness had been suffocating. Now, the relief of seeing the low light from her nightstand lamp nearly brought her to tears.
If she hadn't awaken when she did, she would have seen Sebastian beat Isabelle to death. It never changed. Clary tightened her arms around her waist. Her nails bit into her skin through her shirt. No one ever came to save Isabelle or little Max. Tears started to trail slowly down her cheeks. Her eyes found the open book then. The parabatai rune stared up at her.
She recalled both what she had read and what Isaac had told her. Parabatai were able to sense one another's life force. They felt the moment life left their parabatai and when something supernatural happened to the other.
Logically, she knew that her decision shouldn't be made just because of the emotions she felt right now. Logic, however, didn't seem to matter. All she knew was that she couldn't lose Isabelle; she couldn't lose anybody. She wanted to protect Isabelle with her life; she wanted to be by her side and have her back during battle; and from what she'd read that's all that really mattered.
She climbed out of bed. The cold floor against her bare feet did nothing to deter her. She slipped out into the hallway and began to walk toward Isabelle's room.
Isabelle was only just dozing off when she heard the knocking at her bedroom door. She leaned up onto her elbows. 'Who in the hell is knocking on my door at,' she looked toward the alarm clock on her nightstand, 'two a.m.?' Irritation swelled up within her powerfully. She threw the covers off and marched to the door. She threw it open and recoiled instantly. Clary stood there. Her arms were wrapped around her waist as if they were the only thing keeping her together. Nervous energy radiated from her.
"Clary? Are you alright?" Isabelle questions, truly worried for her friend. She had never seen Clary like this before.
"Yeah," Clary said, but the movement of her head contradicted her. Isabelle furrowed her eyebrows. "Can I come in?" Isabelle blinked and stepped aside instantly.
"Of course," Clary stepped around Isabelle and sat down on the end of her bed. Isabelle closed the door and walked over to her. "What's wrong?" She asked. Clary looked over at her and it all came spilling out.
"When I arrived at Idris through that portal, it threw me into Lake Lyn." Isabelle's eyes widened; her lips fell apart. "According to Luke, I inhaled half of it before he could get me out. He took me to his sister, Amatis, and she saved me…but the nightmares…" A dark laugh escaped her lips. She didn't finish, but she didn't have too; Isabelle understood. She reached across the small space between them and took Clary's hand.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked. Clary's green eyes were almost lifeless when she looked over at her. Isabelle smothered her gasp, but her hand tightened around Clary's. She shook her head. Life resurfaced in Clary's eyes, but pain still swam there.
"There's no need," Clary muttered. "It'll only scare you." Isabelle opened her mouth to say that it couldn't possibly frighten her if it wasn't real, but Clary pushed on. "But they made me realize something." Isabelle tilted her head in question. "My answer's yes." Isabelle blinked. Confusion filled her for a moment, then it clicked.
Even though she was happy, Isabelle couldn't help but be skeptical, "Are you sure? This isn't a decision you need to make in one night…" Clary smiled.
"I know that I can't lose you," she said. Isabelle's eyes widened. "I want to be your side in a battle—even if it's just a small skirmish with a demon I know you can handle. I want to have your back like I know you'll have mine."
"Um…okay…you're pretty sure then…" Isabelle muttered. Her heart was pounding in her chest despite herself. She could feel the sincerity in Clary's words. "But we still have to know each other better before we go into the ceremony or…"
"The Council will reject us," Clary said. "I know."
"So…what's your favorite color?" Isabelle asked. Clary looked over at her with a small laugh.
"Twenty questions?" She asked.
"Why not?" She shrugged.
"Green," Clary answered. Isabelle smiled knowingly. She could have guess that one. Clary looked around her room, already knowing the answer to what Isabelle's favorite color was. Pink.
"Who was your first serious relationship?" Clary asked.
"Simon," Isabelle admitted. She snorted, only vaguely offended as Clary's eyes widened. "All the guys before him…I didn't have an emotional connection too. Simon was…different. He didn't just want to be with me for one thing…no matter what Jace thought of him, but I could see…that he loved you. So, I was terrified of getting too close. Then," Isabelle swallowed, "you vanished. And…he needed me so much. I pushed my feelings aside for that first year and just focused on him." Clary squeezed Isabelle's hand.
"Thank you…for taking care of him," she whispered. "I don't want to think of where he would have been if you hadn't been there for him." Isabelle bit her tongue to keep from telling her exactly where he would be. She had seen it that first day she came to check on him. She still remember how sick and thin he looked; how quickly his mother had ushered her in.
"I don't know who you are and frankly I don't care as long as you can help my boy," Elaine had said as she shoved Isabelle toward Simon's room. Isabelle shook the memories away.
"Who was your first serious relationship?" Isabelle asked in return.
"Undoubtedly Jace," Clary said with sureness, "he was my first kiss, my first love, and my first heartbreak." Isabelle flinched; Clary saw it. She smiled slightly. "My heart had broken long before that night, Isabelle." The words didn't make Isabelle feel any better. It only made her hurt worse for her friends. They had both been through so much. She couldn't imagine the pain of being in love with the man that you believed to be your brother. Still desiring to be with him even though you knew it to be wrong. It was like a love story written by Brothers Grimm.
"At least you guys are together now," Isabelle fished. Clary looked away from her. The slump of her shoulders filled Isabelle with panic. "You aren't…are you?" She whispered. Clary shook her head.
"I still love him…with everything in me, but I don't…trust him anymore." Just like that Isabelle's heart broke along with Clary's voice. She could hear the raw pain that Clary hid just underneath the surface. The pain that Jace had caused. "I gave him all of me, Isabelle, and he threw it back at me; then, he stomped on the pieces in a doomed attempt to protect me."
'I was right,' Isabelle realized, 'but there's no glory here. They're both broken and have been for a very long time….and the only person that fix them is one another.' Clary looked over at her now. Her green eyes were bright with unshed tears.
"How can I trust him after that?" She asked; her green eyes pleading Isabelle for the answer she couldn't give.
"Give him a chance," was all Isabelle could say, "Give it time." Isabelle shifted so that she fully faced Clary on the bed. She took both of the girl's hands in her own and leaned forward slightly. Her dark brown eyes bore into Clary's green. "Just…Clary please…please…don't give up on him because I don't think he'd survive it."
"Isabelle," Clary sighed. Isabelle tensed, fearing the answer. Clary's green eyes bore into hers. "Giving up on Jace is the one thing I have never been able to do."
Their clothes were thrown about the room carelessly. Clary stood at the footboard, naked as the day she was born and waiting for him. He smiled and let his sock fall to the floor. He walked to her. She smiled gently and pushed a lock of his hair out of his face. Her green eyes staring up at him as if he were her entire world. He smiled and kissed her gently; his hands wandered down to her legs and he swept her in his arms. She giggled as he laid her down on the bed. Her red hair covered his pillow. He smiled as he came to hover over her. He brushed her hair away from her neck with gentle fingers before placing a small skin on her pulse point. She sighed; her pink lips parted softly. They drew him in as if emitting a siren's call. He peppered small kisses to her lips. She tangled her hands in his shoulder length hair and sighed against his name against his mouth.
"Isaac…"
Jace awoke with a jerk. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked around the room, almost as if he expected to see them on the bed with him. He sighed heavily, ran a hand through his hair, and flopped back down onto the bed.
"Damn it…" He cursed. There would be no getting back to sleep tonight, he realized. He vaulted up from the bed and shrugged a shirt on. He walked out of his bedroom. As he walked by, he peeked in Clary's bedroom. His heart jolted at finding it empty. His mind wandered back to the dream. 'What if she snuck out to see…' The thought was interrupted by a familiar giggle, Isabelle.
"You're serious?!" He heard Isabelle gasp through laughter.
"Yeah!" Relief filled him as he heard Clary's voice, filled with laughter.
"Oh my god!" Isabelle fell to the laughter again. Jace could see them through the crack in Isabelle's door. Clary and his sister sat on the bed; in their laughter, they were leaning into one another. Potato chips and candy were on the bed between them. Jace smiled in amusement and relief. He chuckled and turned away from the door. He felt significantly lighter, but he was still too wired to sleep. 'Nothing a few laps around the training room won't solve…' He thought.
(A/N: Crappy ending to the chapter I know, but at least it wasn't a cliff hanger.
MalecBaby and Chatterbox, you guys have no idea how badly you have surprised me. Wanting Isaac and Clary together…yes the name would sound awesome (Isary?) but still…oh my goodness!
Kailey (guest) of course I responded. I try to respond and take suggestions, you know. I hope this chapter has answered your question.)
