Disclaimer: I do not in ANY WAY own South Park.

Warning: This story contains character death and dark thoughts.

A/N: I have finished planning out this story! I figured out where I want this to go! So, with that in mind, I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Also, please review!

Legacy Scars (Chapter 9)-The Planner

It doesn't matter how tired I am, or what I have to do; I have to keep going. One slip up can be devastating. This is a delicate situation and I have been burdened with the task of dealing with it.

But I don't mind it; after all, I promised myself to help my friends no matter what. And if it means being exhausted and a bit overwhelmed for a few more days, then I'll do it with a smile on my face. They are that important to me.

But, boy am I tired. It's the middle of the semester, and that is when us students just start getting all the work and projects and the like thrown at us as if we have nothing better to do with our lives besides just sit in front of a computer and write essays that don't matter. Like, seriously, who cares about a character analysis of George from Of Mice and Men? That book has been thoroughly analyzed and written to death, so why should we have to do the same? I would rather just play some video games with Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. But no, I have to do all this useless work that won't even help in college.

In college, I think I'm going to do something in the humanities, maybe Anthropology or Archeology, either with a minor in Art History. Stan convinced me to take AP Art History after he took it last year, and I freaking love it. So, riddle me this my teachers, when would I ever use character analysis when I want to study African and Western art and the social foundations surrounding them? I would not, my teachers!

Wow, my mind is all over the place. But it's not my fault! I get weird when I'm tired and stressed! I've also been having to stay up late talking to Kenny. I'm worried about the guy. Especially after he came in to the bathroom while I was in there last week, I was the only he had opened up to as I later found out. Knowing that much, I was already burdened to have to watch out for him.

Not that I mind! I love my friends! But, it scares me because I don't want to screw it up. I have to keep reminding myself that one screw up can screw him up. Who knows what Kenny will do to himself if I say the wrong thing or say something sarcastic that he doesn't catch or use a misleading emoticon? I'm afraid to think it, but I can see it all the time. I can just see him doing to himself what Eric had done to himself...

No, not Eric. He's Cartman.

And it's because of him, that horrible monster, that Kenny is the way he is right now. What did he do to make Kenny so attached? No mentally-healthy person would feel this way about an asshole that not only abused him but all of his friends. What the fuck did he do to Kenny?

Kenny…

Why won't you tell me anything? We've been talking for a week nonstop in these text messages. We talked about school, homework, and our families. We told each other jokes and stories about whatever. I told him what my own day was like, how our friends are doing, and I told him how my parents were getting to me again. But he's not telling me anything substantial.

Kenny, Kenny, Kenny! Say something! Why are you so upset? What are you feeling besides sadness? What have you been doing in your room this past week? Why don't you say you appreciate me for doing this and talking to you when nobody else will? Oh…

I'm so selfish. I want to believe that I have a right to be a bit selfish; after all, I would give anything for my friends and for them to be alright. But, what about me? I deserve a little bit. I deserve for them to give something so I would be alright. But, I want Kenny to say "thanks" or to tell me that it means a lot to him that I would do such a thing like this. Then I would like to give him a kiss!

Butters! Stop it right now, mister! Don't think like that! This isn't about you, and it never will be! You've been crushing on him for at least two years now, and you know it won't happen. Don't get yourself worked up again. Don't do this to yourself, Butters. Instead of trying to be selfish and delusional, you need to keep thinking about your friends. They are what matters. You're fine. Now it's time to worry about them.

But it's hard to keep thinking like that. Every time I tell myself that, I just want to start crying. I hate myself so much. I hate what I've done because of Cartman, and I hate what I want to do with Kenny or other boys. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I just like a girl and be shallow like almost every guy in my year? But no; I have to just care about everyone I love and hold dear to me much more than myself. Maybe I should have done what Cartman would have wanted me to do. Maybe he wouldn't have killed himself if he had that extra money. Maybe-

No! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You deserve so much more than getting used like that, Butters! Why can't you just believe yourself when you tell you? Your friends care about you, and they love you. Imagine how they would feel if they found out what he tried to do to you, let alone what they would feel if you had done it. Just remember what you're feeling right now. Right now, you're feeling loved. You are loved.

Remember the love, Butters. And spread that love to all your friends. They need it, but so do you. Don't let this go. Maybe soon, after all this is over, and when Kenny and everyone else is alright, you can put yourself out there. Maybe you can get a nice boyfriend.

That's the plan. Let's try to put it into action.

A/N: So, you can probably tell that this story is already almost done. I estimate only three or four chapters left. Are you guys liking it? If you are, I think you're going to like were this will go! Also, don't forget to review!