A/N: This chapter has a trigger warning for talk of sexual assault and eating disorders.
Kurt stumbled through that week blindly. He tried his hardest to pay attention in class, but always seemed to fall behind on his work. He stopped doing homework, choosing instead to sleep from the moment he got home until dinner, and then again after he had pushed his peas and carrots around his plate for a few minutes. Burt asked him why he wasn't eating much, to which Kurt always responded, "I had a big lunch." Thankfully, Finn was more than willing to eat any of Kurt's leftovers. Living on an empty stomach, he grew more irritable than usual, lashing out at anyone who spoke to him.
Usually, the target of this anger was Blaine. Kurt hated to fight with his boyfriend, but it seemed like every time they spoke, they wound up arguing. It wasn't even big things that set Kurt over the edge, just little flaws in Blaine's character. Once, Blaine dropped his sweatshirt on the floor, and Kurt yelled at him for being a slob. Sometimes Blaine would try to hold his hand, and Kurt would recoil away. He no longer wanted any physical contact- even hugs from Carole were unwelcome. Eventually, Kurt stopped answering Blaine's calls. They were still together- their facebooks said so. But it was almost like they were back at separate schools again. Kurt couldn't fully understand why he was pushing Blaine away. He loved him, he truly did. But he just didn't want to deal with people anymore. Everything anyone else said or did was irritating.
In his infinite wisdom (and with an upperhand, having slept with the head secretary once), Mr. Schue refused to let Kurt transfer out of Glee. Kurt would sit with his arms crossed, staring off into space each class, but he was there. And at after-school practices, he stood in the back of the formations, mouthing along to the lyrics. As much as he hated to admit it, Glee was the one thing he enjoyed. He hated that he enjoyed it. He felt so down, so lost, that he wanted to boil in his own anger and sadness.
One day before class, Mr. Schue pulled him aside. "Kurt, I really want to help you, but it's crunch time. You know as well as I do that we need this win at Regionals. I know there's something hiding inside you right now, and I want to give you the opportunity to let it out. So I want you to pick out a song to sing for us tomorrow. If the rest of the club agrees, I want you to do it at Regionals. Does that sound good?"
Kurt shrugged.
"Good." Mr. Schue replied. "I'm looking forward to it."
Kurt flipped through his music folder on his computer that night. He listened to every song that could possibly relate to his struggle. He scanned the Beatles catalog, every Broadway soundtrack he owned, even a few Pretenders songs that Finn had given him on a mixed CD. Finally, he found the cheesy pop mix that Rachel had made him for Christmas that year, and realized that it contained the perfect song.
The next, day, Kurt strolled into Glee, feeling slightly better. Once the bell rang, he maneuvered himself to the front of the classroom. Mr. Schue asked for a brief explanation of the song.
Kurt shrugged. "It's a Michelle Branch song, actually, called, 'Are You Happy Now.' It just kind of explains everything I'm dealing with right now." And with little more than a nod to the backing band, he began to sing.
Now, don't just walk away
Pretending everything's okay
And you don't care about me
And I know there's just no use
When all your lies become your truths
And I don't care
Blaine straightened up in his seat. Rachel instantly recognized the song, and started mouthing the words along with Kurt. Finn's eyebrows were scrunched in concentration.
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now?
Would you tell it to my face
Or have I been erased
Are you happy now?
With each line, Kurt's face got redder, and his movements became more and more pronounced. Mercedes leaned back nervously in her chair.
You took all there was to take
And left me with an empty plate
And you don't care about it
And I am giving up this game
I'm leaving you with all the blame
'Cause I don't care
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now?
Would you tell it to my face
Or have I been erased
Are you happy now?
At this point, Kurt was nearly shouting. Tears had started to roll from the corners of his eyes down to his lips.
Do you really have everything you want
You can't ever give something you ain't got
You can't run away from yourself
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now?
Come on, tell it to my face
Or have I been replaced
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?
The group waited a few seconds after he finished before applauding, not sure what to make of the song.
"Well, what did everyone think?" Mr. Schue asked.
"Amazing. I could feel the emotion." Blaine dryly stated.
"I'd consider giving up a solo for that." Rachel smiled. "Well, that's a lie. I wouldn't. But it was great. Kurt."
Kurt's face had gone from bright red to ghostly white. He excused himself, and stepped into the hallway, where tears burst out of his eyes like a broken pipe. He lacked the energy to even sit down, but just stood, crying.
"Kurt?" Mercedes' voice was soft, warm. "Is everything okay?"
"Obviously not." he stammered through his tears.
"What happened, baby?" She asked, reaching out to touch his shoulder. He shifted to miss her touch. "Something is very wrong." she continued, "You normally love my hugs. What happened to you?"
And with the last question she asked, the words suddenly bubbled out of Kurt's mouth. "Something bad. Very very bad." He spat out. "Something Blaine doesn't know about. CAN'T know about."
"Anything, sweetie." She cooed.
Kurt took a deep breath. "Do you remember how Karofsky k-kissed me?" He stuttered. "And how he threatened me if I told anyone?" She nodded. "Well, he did something else. Something worse."
"Did he... did he hurt you?" She asked.
"Sort of." He sighed.
"Did he... you know?" She leaned in closer, biting her lip in worry.
"Not quite." He shut his eyes to keep more tears from coming out. "He held me down and made me..." he tried to find the right words. "Made me go down on him." Kurt could feel the vomit rising in his throat again.
"Oh my god." Mercedes whispered. Suddenly, she started sobbing, thick tears dropping all over her sweater. She didn't even bother to cry into her hands, but just wept in front of Kurt. "I'm sorry." She finally offered, wiping away a tear. "I just... it kills me to think that someone would do that, especially to you, baby. You're my best friend, and I just... I can't."
"Please don't tell Blaine." Kurt pleaded. "You're the only one who knows."
She reached out her open palm, and Kurt took it. The first contact he'd had in weeks. "I promise." Mercedes nodded.
A/N: As always, thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you all are liking the story. The next chapter is going to be Regionals, so you'll see my take on the matter. Also, things are about to get a lot worse, but also a lot better. Just trust me on this one. Much love, and please don't forget to check out my other stories!
Also, this week is going to be full of shambles (mostly the worst French test ever), so my advance apologies if I don't get chapter 10 up until Friday or Saturday.
