The newcomer puked and passed out the moment the song ended.
When they came to, they were lying on a rather uncomfortable bed. The room was cold and smelled like crap. Their headache was worsened by the single bright light above them. Groaning, they rolled over and fell off of the bed, landing face-first on the hard concrete floor below.
"Ow!" they yelled, groaning in pain as they rolled onto their back and stared up at the ceiling. Their head hurt really bad, but after a moment of adjusting, they realized they had no idea where they were. "What the hell…? This isn't the amusement park."
They got onto their feet—which felt much bigger—and placed a hand—which also felt bigger—on the wall, leaning against it for support. They observed their surroundings. The walls and floors were all concrete. Only a bed and a toilet could be seen in the room. Directly in front of them was a set of bars keeping them trapped in the room, and across that set of bars was a man in a sheriff's uniform sat at a desk. He seemed not to notice that the other had awakened. He was too invested in a phone call, and his back was turned to the cell.
Jail, our hero thought. I'm in jail. Great. What had happened last night? How did they end up here?
"Yeah, I got some drunk here," the sheriff said. "Just found 'em passed out at the Freedom Day celebration last night, sleeping in a puddle of their own puke. I think they've been mixing drugs, too, because I tried to give them a breathalyzer while they were out cold and their BAC doesn't seem very high. That, or this stupid thing is broken…"
Our hero stood up and searched the room some more. Virtually no way out, except…
"Nope. No ID. Well… I found a kid's wallet on them. They probably stole it. Once they wake up I'm gonna give them a piss test and ask them a few questions, run a background check on whatever name they give me… supposing they're sober enough and don't outright lie to me, that is."
One thing was certain; jail sucked. They had to find a way out of here. "Alright… how are we going to do this…"
"God, I always get stuck with the lunatics. Why can't I just send these guys to ER or something, make them Dr. Maheswaran's problem? Can't they run drug tests over there?"
Our hero started concentrating on the bars, careful to bend them slowly so as not to make any noise. They were finding it hard to concentrate, it seemed like their mind was a jumbled mess right now. They couldn't tell if that was because of the hangover or… Something else.
"Yeah, sorry, I don't know when I'll be home. What time is it… Three AM. Jesus. Why did I get stuck here? Listen, you have a good night, sorry I had to miss dinner again tonight. Okay, love you too. Yes, I'll stay safe. Goodnight." The cop hung up and sighed. "I could be stopping a bank robbery or uncovering a major corruption ring or something. But no. I'm stuck watching after some drunken idiot."
Having made a sufficient gap between the bars, the prisoner slowly started to slide through. They looked to their right. The door was right there. As long as the guard didn't turn around, they were home free.
They needed to get back to the temple… Wait, no, City Hall. The barn?
Wait, where's home? they thought. Being lost in thought, our hero didn't notice the trash can in front of them, and they tripped, a loud noise erupting from the room as the can hit the floor.
"Huh?" the guard looked up, a shocked look coming across his face as he stared at the prisoner. "Hey, how the hell did you get out?!"
"Ah!" Our hero turned and ran out the door.
"Stop! Get back here!" The cop drew his pistol and ran after his prisoner. "You are under arrest! Please put your hands in the air and get on the ground!"
The former prisoner dashed through the parking lot, jumping over cars as they approached.
"If you don't stop, I will be forced to shoot! Please put your hands on your head!"
The prisoner turner their head, their pupils becoming pinpricks as the cop pointed his gun in their direction. "Oh, jeez." They really didn't want to get shot today, so they kept running. Shots rang out, and two bullets soared past their head. Letting out a Homer Simpson-esque scream, they summoned their shield and levitated it in the air behind them, three more bullets ricocheting from its surface and embedding themselves in nearby cars.
"Trigger happy, aren't you?!" they shouted. "Can't we all just get along?!" Shield still hovering behind them, our hero hopped one last car and crouched down behind it.
"Listen," the cop explained, "just come out of wherever you're hiding at with your hands up and come with me. Then we can talk about why you just ran."
Our hero peered over the hood of the car. The cop had holstered his weapon and was now searching the parking lot with a flashlight. This hiding spot wouldn't work forever. They felt very exposed. They needed to get out of here, and fast…
Our hero gasped and glanced up at the car's window. They could escape with this! Focusing their mind on the locking mechanism, they tried to figure out how to move that lock…
"I'm sorry I shot atcha. Bad call on my part. Let's all just sit down and talk about what's going on."
He was getting too close. Time for plan B.
Our hero used their shield to smash the driver-side window. They unlocked the door from the inside and got in, staying ducked in the cabin in case the cop started shooting again. They groaned in exasperation when they saw a second keyhole. Likely the ignition system.
Where's a skeleton key when you need it?
"Hey! Stop right there!"
Shoot. Staying low, they pulled the cover from below the steering wheel and started fiddling with the wires.
"Please step out of the vehicle! This is your final—"
The engine roared to life. "Yes!" the prisoner shouted as they sat up in the seat and practically stood on the gas pedal. Nothing happened. The car didn't move.
The parking brake was still on. Our hero groaned and started messing with the gearshift until the car started moving.
"Stop the car, now!" the cop shouted. Ignoring him, our now-free hero stepped on the gas and sped out of the parking lot, more shots ringing out as the car disappeared in the distance.
Now speeding down the open road, our hero sighed with relief. Freedom.
Now if only they could figure out what their name was.
Wait. What? Our hero looked up in the rear view mirror, and gasped when they saw that they were not either of the two people they last remember being.
"AH!" they shouted as they were enveloped in a bright, white glow. Steven and Peridot became unfused, both falling into the foot space of the passenger seat. The car swerved off the road and slammed into a tree, the car's body becoming warped as it wrapped around the tree.
Smoke erupted from the car's engine as it suddenly died. The bubble that Steven had formed around himself and Peridot dissipated as soon as the danger was gone, and Peridot kicked the driver's side door open. They both fell out, and the car—which Peridot, having become somewhat of a car buff in her time in Earth, now recognized as a 1997 Carter Royal Elizabethan, a four-door sedan commonly used by police departments—burst into flames. Steven and Peridot put some distance between themselves and the car and then fell onto the floor, taking deep breaths as they tried to process what just happened.
Peridot sat up and placed both hands on either side of her head. She was freaking out. "What was that?! What were we?! How?! Why?! AGH!"
"Peridot, calm-"
"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN, STEVEN?!" Peridot shouted. "Let's recap what just happened. I drank. We fused. We went to jail, escaped, and crashed a police vehicle. We FUSED. The car burst into flames, cops are looking for us, WE FUSED, and I don't even know where we are. AND WE FUSED. How does that happen?! I didn't ask for that, that's something that can just HAPPEN?!"
"Peridot, we need to—"
The car exploded. Peridot's ears started ringing as a large fireball shot up into the sky, bathing the entire area in an orange glow. The tree caught fire as well, but that wasn't really on Peridot's mind right now.
What was on her mind was Steven, who she looked at with a guilty look on her face. "Steven! I'm so, so sorry! I screwed up! I screwed up bad! I didn't know that would happen, I was too inebriated to even THINK about what we were doing, you probably HATE me now because I basically FORCED you into—" she was cut off as Steven gripped her in a tight hug.
"Peridot! That was so cool!" he gushed. "We were fused, and we didn't even know who we were or what we could do, but we used our powers to escape jail like some kind of action movie heroes, and we stole a CAR, and we HOTWIRED the CAR, and we made a big explosion, and it was so COOL to watch!"
"You're not furious with me?"
"Why would I be mad?" Steven said, smiling. "That was really, really cool! I mean… I guess I'm a little bummed out that our fusion is a wanted criminal now, but—"
"I felt so… Powerful," Peridot muttered. "But, at the same time, I felt so weak. And alone. And hopeless. Like I didn't know who I was or what my purpose was. Is… Is there something wrong with me?"
"No!" Steven said quickly. "No, no, nonono. There's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes a new fusion has to… Figure out who they are! You think Garnet was Garnet on the first day? Plus, next time we won't be running from the cops, so we'll have more time to figure that stuff out!"
"Next time…?" Peridot asked. "You… want to do that again?"
"Well, yeah, duh!" Steven frowned. "Don't… you?"
Peridot pulled her legs closer to her body as her eyes darted around the field, as if she was looking for something. "I… I don't know."
"Oh."
"Steven. That was horrifying. I don't think I was ready for any of that. It was my first time, and… I don't think I was ready for it."
"I see."
Silence. Peridot sighed. "Steven, I'm sorry," she repeated. "I haven't been entirely honest with you. The truth is that… fusion's been on my mind since before the election. We almost fused when we made up a few weeks back."
"Wait, really?"
Peridot nodded. "Since then, I… really wanted to try it. But I don't think I was ready. I'm sorry."
Steven shrugged. "Alright. It's not everyone's thing."
"Thank you for understanding. I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing, Peridot!" Steven laughed and scratched his neck. "It's totally okay."
Peridot and Steven stood up and walked back towards the road. "Which way are we going?" Peridot asked. Steven didn't have time to answer; another police car arrived, sirens blaring, and parked on the shoulder. Two cops got out, one of whom had a loudspeaker. The other one ran to the trunk and pulled out a shotgun.
"Over there. They crashed the car." Speaking now into the loudspeaker, the cop that was originally chasing a fused Steven and Peridot made his demands. "Alright, that's far enough. Step away from the vehicle with your hands up!" He put the loudspeaker down and stared at the wreckage. "Oh, shoot, they might be dead." He looked down at Steven and Peridot, who had approached the police vehicle with their hands up. "Mayor Peridot? What are you doing all the way out here?"
"Uh… You see…"
"You JUST missed the criminal!" Steven lied. "He… She… They got out and ran into the forest! You might still be able to catch them if you book it!"
"Son of a… come on, Dave, we can't let them get away!" The cops thanked Steven and Peridot, grabbed their weapons, and ran into the woods.
One more explosion erupted from the car, and the tree fell over amongst the flames. Peridot let out long exhale. "Well. We should probably get home. Pick a direction and start walking."
"That direction seems good," Steven said, pointing across the highway, where Peridot could see fields of corn and other crops.
"The barn?" Peridot questioned. "We didn't drive THAT far out, did we?"
"Well, Beach City doesn't actually HAVE a police station of its own," Steven explained. "We USED to. But a corruption monster got loose and the station was too damaged to repair. Everything goes through the county jail now, which is a little out of town."
The two crossed the road and slid down the hill, then crossed through a berry bush ("'Member?") and made their way through the corn field, eventually coming out on the other side, finally able to actually see the barn. Peridot and Steven entered the barn quietly, as Lapis was in a hammock nearby, sleeping.
"Sheesh, she really does snore loud," Steven whispered. "Can gems get sleep apnea?"
Peridot shrugged. "What's sleep apnea?"
Lapis snorted, and jolted awake. "Wuh, uh… huh?" she started to fall asleep again, but in doing so leaned too heavily to one side and fell onto the floor, landing with a loud thud. "Ow."
"Evening, Lapis."
Lapis pulled her face up from the floor to stare groggily at Steven and Peridot. "What time is it?"
"Why are you so tired?" Peridot questioned. "Gems don't need sleep in the first place."
Lapis stretched arms, yawning as her bones popped. "I'm sort of used to a schedule now," she said. "Once you start sleeping, you can't get enough of it."
"Can Steven use your hammock?" Peridot asked. "It's late. He needs to rest. And we need to talk."
Lapis gestured to the hammock. "Knock yourself out." Steven himself yawned and nodded. He walked over to the hammock and climbed into it; the last 24 hours had left him exhausted, so he fell asleep almost immediately.
Peridot let out an exasperated sigh. "I've made a horrible mistake. I have a city to run and instead I'm off doing stupid, impulsive things that endanger the lives of the people I love."
"What did you do, kill a guy or something?"
Peridot watched as Steven slept, his chest rising and falling in time with his breathing. "Lapis. I need you to SWEAR you won't talk about this with any of the other Crystal Gems. Not even Connie or Steven. This concerns him, so DEFINITELY don't talk to him about it." Lapis shrugged. "Is that a promise? That was very noncommittal."
"Peridot, I don't even TALK to the other Crystal Gems besides you."
"I fused with Steven," Peridot said quickly. Lapis seemed taken aback.
"Oh, jeez."
"Yeah."
"I didn't think you'd actually do it."
Peridot sighed. "I didn't mean to. I consumed an alcoholic beverage last night and learned the hard way that Gems handle that stuff much, much differently from humans." She glared off to the side and blushed slightly. "That, or I'm a huge lightweight," she muttered. "Anyway, while intoxicated, I coerced Steven into a dance. And then it happened."
"Coerced, huh? That sounds a lot like—"
"I know, I know, and I know you hate talking about that," Peridot said, her eyes shut tightly as she tried to clear her mind. "I wouldn't be talking about this with you if I had someone else to talk to. You're the only one I can trust—and the only one I know with experience in this sort of thing."
"What about Garnet?"
"Garnet set this whole thing up," Peridot said, annoyed. "She knew from day one that I'd been having thoughts about it, and instead of saying something, she nudged us into that direction. Why? I'm not sure. I'm still trying to figure that out. The point is that I can't trust Garnet right now."
"So… was it a bad fusion?"
Peridot blinked and stared at Steven again. "I felt so powerful, Lapis. The entire thing made me realize how weak I really am, but with him, I felt… Like I could conquer the world."
"So… That's good, then?"
"It's bad."
"How is that bad?"
"Do you recall what I said, the day I decided to run for office?" Peridot asked. "Nobody who wants power can be trusted with it. I don't want power," she said. "I want to help people and protect this planet. Power gets in the way of that. And sure, deep down inside, I feel like my life would be easier if I was powerful. But I don't want that.
"That… THING we became, on the other hand... It wanted power. It was power hungry. When we unfused, I could feel It resisting. Like It had a mind of Its own. It didn't want to stop existing. All of my subconscious desires mixed with Steven's impulsiveness and created a monster. In the time the fusion existed, It broke out of jail and stole a car. Which It later destroyed. That's IT."
"It's not sounding like you were together for very long," Lapis observed. "How could you have gotten all of that information so quickly? Do you even know what their NAME was?"
"No, and I don't want to know," Peridot responded. "It's NOT going to come back into existence. Even now, I can feel my body longing for that rush again. I'm not going to give in to that. I have more important things to focus on."
"Like what?"
"I'm the mayor. I have responsibilities, I-I can't be doing this sort of thing anymore. For the last two years, I've been running around getting involved in literally every minuscule 'adventure' this planet has to offer. I've chased cars, I've built drones, I've been attacked by wild animals. I can't do that anymore. I can't get involved in these inane shenanigans that always seem to end in something blowing up. I need to take my job seriously." Peridot turned around and started to walk towards the barn's entrance. "I'm going for a walk. I need to clear my head."
"Wasn't this whole election really just a big power grab?" Lapis questioned. Peridot stopped dead in her tracks.
Was it? She turned her head slightly to address Lapis. "Maybe. That's why that fusion can't be allowed to exist. I'll start using my new position for greedy things. And my legacy will be marred by corruption." She started to walk away again. "Just like Jasper."
Paul Ryan and Nancy Pelosi met once again in the fused House. "We're ready to hold the Puerto Rico vote, Nancy," Paul said. "What's the hold-up?"
Pelosi sighed. "The referendum turnout was too low. Something doesn't add up."
Ryan leaned against the wall. "Well, we have to have that vote at some point. The American people are waiting on us, and the Senate is ready to debate the bill once we pass it."
"I know. I know." Pelosi strengthened her resolve and stood up. "Alright, then. The Puerto Rico vote will be held in two weeks. No more fooling around. It's time for the United States House of Representatives to prove once and for all that we're finally capable of getting things done."
"Great, because have you SEEN our approval ratings?" Ryan said. "There's no way we're getting re-elected next year unless we can actually get something done."
Pelosi nodded sadly. Their approval ratings were abysmal.
Tim Hairpiece sat in his study, sipping a glass of wine as he finished drafting his plans.
Everything was falling into place. Nobody would be able to stop him. Two years of building up politicians and watching them fall were about to pay off massively for him and everyone in his field. He was certain of it. The videos of Beach City's drunken mayor were making their rounds on the Internet… But he had much, much bigger plans for Peridot.
She was about to become a ratings success for him.
