A/N: We're bored/hyper/pulled-an-all-nighter-so-we're-really-tired-and-delirious/ and we just read the stupidest Pirates story ever and so we're feeling really good about ourselves and our own story. Chapter…uh…9:
"How in the name of Davey Jones are we to get off this ship?" Alfhild paced in circles around the dingy cell, much to the dismay of Myra, who was greatly aggravated by such movements.
"There's plenty we can do."
"What? We can submit to their will only to be violated and then thrown to the sharks. We can sit here and pray the crew we snuck away from notices we're missing. Or we can find our own way out, right?"
"Yes, yes, exactly."
"How, Myra? How do we do it?"
"That I don't know."
"Think, Myra! Think!"
"Aha! I've got it!"
"What?"
"We… it may involve quite a bit of flirtin'."
"Flirtin' is what I can do."
"So, here's the plan! We seduce the guard."
"Easy."
"Then we knock him out."
"That may be harder."
"Then we steal one of them boats!"
"Commandeer a longboat? From on deck? That may be hard."
"Aye, and we'll pray we're not too far from land."
"Aye."
"Well then, I'll seduce the man, you conk him out, we'll sneak out at night and then we'll steal a longboat and make for shore!"
"Done!" So the girls sat and waited for the nighttime shift to come, where it would be easy to sneak away and be long gone by morning. When the sun finally set over the water, Alfhild slinked up to the door where the guard was sitting.
"Hello, love."
"Uh…hi."
"What's a big, strong, tough guy like you doing down here in this deep, dark, dingy little cell?" Alfhild giggled for effect as the guard straightened up, looking embarrassed and pleased at her comments.
"Well, somebody has to guard you two."
"And so they send the biggest, handsomest strongest man down here to watch over us?"
"Yes, yes they did."
"What a brave Captain, to send you down…" He blushed at Alfhild's teasing.
"So, how'd you get muscles like this?" she giggled while feeling his flexed biceps. "Hm, so strong…" Myra snuck up behind the unaware man and hit him in the back of the head with a chair.
"Myra!"
"What?"
"Why are you running around knocking out the handsome men?"
"Honey, we're sneaking out, remember?"
"Oh yeah…Aw, but he was better looking than the rest…"
"I know, but we have to go now." The two took the swords he had on him and ordered Augusta, who had watched the whole charade with deep interest, to stay behind and run for the boats first chance she got. The crew their swords and ran on deck screaming bloody murder and waving swords around like lunatics.
What they did not know was that while they were seducing the guard and plotting their escape, Captain Violet Black and Jack Sparrow, who was captain only in his mind, were also planning a daring rescue mission along with Will and a few other female pirates.
And so the two females ran out on deck, brandishing their swords and screaming like heathens. However, they stopped when they saw jack, Violet, Will, and a few other crew members.
"Jack, love…" Alfhild said confusedly.
"Myra! Alfhild! What are you two doing here?"
"We're saving ourselves…what are you doing here?"
"We're rescuing you…"
"We're perfectly capable of saving ourselves." Myra said as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Well then, we'll be on our way."
"No! Wait, come save us Jack!" Myra said in a panic.
"Well if you'll just be givin' us the three girls, we'll be on our way," Jack said, tipping his hat to Blackbeard.
"Which three be you wantin?"
"There are more than three?" Jack looked at Blackbeard suspiciously.
"Oh good! Mister Sparrow!"
"Holy Wench! It's you!" Jack jumped at the sound of Abigail's voice.
"Holy…wench?" Will looked confusedly at Jack.
"Nothing! She's…never you mind. Girl, how'd you get here?"
"I stowed away! Just like a good pirate."
"Pirate my ass," Violet fingered her pistol lovingly as she mumbled to no one in particular.
"What was that? And who are you?" Abigail looked at Violet.
"I'm Captain Black, mate," Violet said, getting in Abigail's face.
"No you're not."
"Yes she is," Myra said as Violet pulled her gun, "And she won't hesitate to shoot."
"But there are no female pirates."
"Then who are they?" Violet gestured to the crew with her free hand.
"Jack Sparrow's girlfriends?"
"What!" Violet roared as she cocked the gun.
"I wish love," Jack said, flinching as Violet slapped him.
"What?" he asked, just before Elizabeth slapped him as well. It was then that Myra and Alfhild both slapped Jack as well.
"What in bloody-"
"Everybody else was doin' it," Alfhild said defensively.
"Excuse me," Blackbeard stepped forwards. "But exactly which three be you wantin'?
"These three," Jack gestured to Augusta, Alfhild, and Myra.
"What about me?" Abigail said.
"If you're such a good pirate, get out of it yourself." Violet put her pistol away and walked over to pick up her daughter.
"Well now that we've established who's bein' taken, what's the price you'll pay?"
"Price? What would a lovely man such as yourself want with these fine young ladies?...Don't answer that…" Jack thought about the situation for a minute before carefully choosing his words.
"We both know what it is I want from you and we both know it's the reason you took the girl. Now how about this- you give me the three girls, and I'll sail away, with the promise that I, Captain Jack Sparrow, will not touch a single piece of your said treasure."
"I don't believe you, and you should know your word has come to be useless in these parts."
"Teddy." The two crews turned to see Violet talking to an increasingly aggravated Augusta.
"What is it, love?" Violet asked.
"I want my teddy. I won't leave without teddy."
"Oh dear god…where's the teddy bear?" Jack asked frantically of Blackbeard.
"Why do you need to know?"
"She may look like an angel."
"Hardly," Blackbeard said, rubbing the spot on his shin where he had earlier been kicked.
"But when she loses certain items, say her teddy for instance…she's not quite good to have around, as it were, savvy?"
"A teddy bear? Like this raggedy old thing?" he pulled an old-looking worn down thing that may have been a bear at one point in time but was now definitely unrecognizable.
"Teddy!" Augusta said.
"Well, there's no use for it." Blackbeard threw it over his shoulder, straight into the water.
"TEDDY!" Augusta screeched like a banshee, and even Violet had a time of holding her back.
"You shouldn't have done that you brainless git," she said between struggles and yells of anger from the girl.
"Turn the boat around!" Jack yelled, running to the rail.
"What?" Blackbeard asked. "You re in no position to be demanding of any-" he stopped when Augusta, who had broken free of her mother, sunk her teeth into the bruise she'd left in his leg. He tried kicking her, but she had spun loose and stood before him, breathing like a bull.
"On behalf of the high queen of England, I demand that you turn this boat about at once."
"The queen of England? How long have we been chummy with her?" Jack looked at his daughter confusedly.
"The queen? We take no orders from the queen of anywhere." Blackbeard was now beyond angry at the girl.
"What's going on?"
"How in god's name did you get there so fast?" Blackbeard looked at the rail by which Charlotte was standing, but did a double-take when he realized that Augusta was standing right in front of him.
"What's wrong?" Charlotte looked at her sister.
"HE threw teddy overboard," she said, still as enraged as a wounded rhinoceros.
You shouldn't have done that," Charlotte said gasping. "You're a stupid, stupid man."
"Why I ought to-"
"Ought to what, exactly?" Violet stood facing him, her pistol at his face and her sword aimed at a considerably lower spot.
"Turn the ship about," he said. "Pick up that bear." The crew got busy turning the ship around and picking the bear up while Violet and her crew, along with Jack, Will, Charlotte, Augusta, Myra, and Alfhild all stood watch over Blackbeard. Alfhild, however, shirked her guarding duties when the guard from the brig woke up and stumbled on deck.
"Sorry about that, love, but we had to get away." Alfhild apologized. "But you do have really strong arms," she said, almost hopefully.
"Right." He walked away, but looked a bit happier then a few moments before.
Eventually the ship was turned and the bear retrieved, and Violet's crew returned to their ship.
"Welcome to the Caribbean, love!" Alfhild said.
"Bye-bye, love!" Myra waved from Violet's ship. "Nice knowin' ya." She turned to Alfhild and they walked back below decks, laughing.
