Masazumi had to be transported in a carriage during the journey back to Osaka. Mitsunari rode beside it on his horse, trying to keep his head held high. His father rode next to him, and although neither of them had spoken to each other since the outburst in the tent, Masatsugu still acted as a shield between Mitsunari and any other soldiers, something which the young warrior was grateful for. At the very least, it meant his father was no longer as angry.
During a break, Mitsunari climbed into the carriage to check on his brother before leaving to find his father. Masatsugu sat near a tree away from all the other soldiers, staring out across the land.
Approaching slowly and watching for any reaction, Mitsunari stepped closer to him. Masatsugu turned his head and looked up at his son, his expression unreadable.
"I'm sorry, Otou-sama," Mitsunari said, his fists shaking. "I was...very hurt and angry, and I said something I shouldn't have."
To his relief, Masatsugu offered a small smile and held out an arm. Mitsunari sat beside him and his father drew him close.
"It's all right, Mitsunari. I'm not angry about it anymore. Don't dwell on it." Masatsugu patted his son's back. "That incident aside, you did very well. You even killed the enemy leader, and this was just your second battle. I'm very proud of you."
His pain easing somewhat, Mitsunari managed a small smile.
His father gave him a sideways glance. "Just remember that although this is war, life is sacred. We are the Ishida. We do not kill or cause suffering to innocent people."
"I understand, Otou-sama. It won't happen again, I swear. I...I was desperate, and all I could think of was not losing Onii-sama." The young warrior swallowed. "To lose him like I lost Okaa-sama...it was unbearable. Looking back, I-I regret killing that soldier. He didn't deserve it." His voice wavered. "But there's nothing I can do about it now."
Masatsugu drew in a deep breath, and thought for several moments before speaking. "I can understand that."
"You don't think of me as a murderer, do you?" Mitsunari blurted. "Is everyone going to think that?"
His father's arm wrapped tighter around his shoulders. "Don't be silly. No matter what, you will always be my son."
The young warrior could only manage a choked noise.
"The soldiers may talk about you for a while, Mitsunari, but they will stop—you are too valuable to the Toyotomi. Remember that the ability to take life is a very powerful thing. How you use it, and when, reflects your nature. When you're a bit older, you will understand this better."
#
When the city rose into view, Mitsunari was glad to be home, in a safe place away from swords and danger. Back at the residential quarters, he and his father carried Masazumi into his room and set him down on his bed. After changing his bandages, they had the servants fetch them a basin of water and some towels, which they used to bathe him. They managed to change him into a kimono before setting him down on his side.
"Is he ever going to wake up?" Mitsunari asked, pulling the covers over his brother.
"He's strong, and stubborn. He won't leave us so easily," Masatsugu answered, getting to his feet. "I'm going to ask the servants to fetch us some food and drink."
Sitting next to his brother, the younger Ishida watched for any signs of awakening, but there were none. Heaving a sigh, he grasped Masazumi's hand tightly, trying to will him into waking up.
Masazumi's fingers twitched.
"Onii-sama?" Mitsunari gasped.
There was only silence. Surely that couldn't have been a coincidence. His brother was trying to reassure him. He had to be.
"I know you can hear me, Onii-sama," he said quietly. "Don't worry. I'll be right here when you wake up."
Bending down, he kissed Masazumi's cheek, and the latter's eyelids flickered briefly in response. In that moment, Mitsunari understood that all he needed was patience, and the thought eased his heart greatly.
He didn't leave his brother's room unless it was necessary, and at night he moved his bed and blankets inside. Nothing changed the next day, but on the morning of the second, Mitsunari was sitting at the desk when blankets rustled. Blinking dazedly at his surroundings, Masazumi finally lifted his head.
"Onii-sama!" the younger Ishida cried, rushing over. "You've slept enough! Wake up!"
Masazumi looked up at him and smiled. "Mitsunari..."
Burying his face into his brother's shoulder, he held back tears of joy. "I was so worried about you."
"It'll take more than that to kill me." Even in his current state, Masazumi managed his familiar, derisive snort.
Mitsunari ran to fetch his father, but their reunion was short, as Masazumi was still rather weak and needed time to rest. Faithfully, Mitsunari remained in the room and tended to his brother's needs, although Masazumi spent most of his time asleep. As the days passed, the older Ishida regained his strength and ate more, and was able to sit up. Eventually he grew strong enough to get up and walk around to work his muscles.
However, Masazumi's injury needed time to fully heal, and during the day he often slept for hours. Mitsunari received news that the Toyotomi forces were preparing to march again and take over yet more territory, but he refused to leave, and no one could change his mind. So Masatsugu departed with the army, knowing that his sons could take care of themselves. There was no need for Mitsunari to worry about his father—he was confident that Masatsugu would return safely. The young warrior spent his time at his desk, going through papers, performing calculations and handling other administrative duties, while his brother snoozed in the bed nearby.
"I wonder if Otou-sama is all right," Mitsunari said later that evening as he helped change the bandages. "They've been gone for almost a week now."
Masazumi yawned and shut his eyes, head hanging from fatigue. "It's not uncommon for a battle to last that long. Chichi-ue will be fine. I'm sure they'll be back soon. In the meantime, we should just enjoy life! I missed doing whatever I want, whenever I want without another care in the world."
Mitsunari slapped his shoulder. "You're just lazy."
"At least I know how to relax when I see the opportunity."
Masazumi's wound was healing nicely, but it was much too large and deep to heal without leaving any traces. The stitches had been removed, but the result was a long streak of red, knitted flesh, the dots from the needle still visible.
"What's the matter?" he asked when his younger brother remained silent.
"This is going to leave a scar," Mitsunari said. For him it was a reminder that he was the reason this horrible grinning wound was now carved permanently into his brother's back. That his youthful inexperience nearly cost him another member of his family.
"It's just a scar. Besides, don't you think it makes me more fearsome? Manly?"
Shaking his head, Mitsunari snorted and wrapped up the injury.
"Mitsunari, can you tell me something?"
His hands froze, and trembled. There was no escaping this conversation.
Shifting around slowly, ignoring his half-bandaged back, Masazumi locked eyes with his brother. "Did you really kill an injured soldier to get a medic to help me?"
The younger Ishida did not answer, averting his gaze. Uttering a word was not necessary. They knew each other far too well, silence or not.
"So it's true then," Masazumi said at last. "I couldn't believe it even when Chichi-ue told me. I never thought...that my little brother could do something like that."
"Don't say it that way. It hurts me." Sucking in a breath, he forced his voice to stay steady, forced the tears back. "The memory has plagued me since it happened. I can never stop thinking of that moment. Of what I could have done differently. But in the end the answer is always the same. I could not lose you no matter what. Don't you understand?"
"Of course I do," the older Ishida answered quietly and with surprising lack of resistance. "Anything else would have wasted precious time and I might not be here now. And anything else would have resulted in the soldier's probable death. Yes, of course I understand. You had no choice so you took the only available option."
Mitsunari stared at him, amazed at the speed with which Masazumi calculated all possible scenarios and arrived at the simple, logical conclusion.
"What?" Masazumi asked. "Don't look at me like that. I'm just being pragmatic."
"It doesn't bother you?"
The older Ishida turned back around. "What's one more soldier when you've already watched so many die? Killed so many, with your own hand? Once upon a time I might have felt grief for the poor soldier. But now there is nothing. And that's just the way things will have to be. It's the way things must be. In war, you can't feel sorry for everyone."
"What I did wasn't right."
"'Right?' Tell me, what is 'right?' Would it have been right for you to sacrifice me so that the poor soldier could live?"
Opening his mouth to answer, Mitsunari soon closed it.
"See? You're only saying it wasn't right because that's what everyone else thinks. But not you. It would never have been right for you to allow me to die. It is nonsensical." Masazumi paused. "Nothing is ever completely right or completely wrong, Mitsunari. You may have to choose between two things that are wrong. Or two that are right. In the end, all anyone is capable of doing is what they think is best. You made your decision that day, and no matter what you did, you did it because you knew it was the only way. Don't regret it anymore."
A weight lifted from Mitsunari's chest, and he nodded.
In the mornings, Masazumi went into the garden to do some simple exercises. He had lost some of his endurance and needed to get back into shape as soon as he could. Mitsunari remained indoors and glanced at him from time to time to make sure he wouldn't overexert himself.
The Toyotomi soon returned victorious, and the brothers had some peace of mind knowing that their father was safely home with them. For the first time in a long while, the three went out into the city to spend time together. Mitsunari was happy to forget about his new occupation and, as his brother said, live life comfortably.
At last, one day Masazumi spoke the words that Mitsunari feared hearing. "Chichi-ue says I'm ready to start training again."
"No!" Mitsunari cried. "I'm not letting you go back to battle!"
His brother blinked at him in surprise. "Huh?"
"If you go, you're just going to get hurt again! But if you want to go without me, then fine! I'm just going to stay here where I won't hurt anyone!"
Silence.
"Mitsunari," Masazumi said in a gentler tone, "you still blame yourself for what happened to me, don't you?"
The younger Ishida looked away. "Don't start. It was my fault. You know that."
"So you're just going to hide here like a coward while the rest of us go and fight? Do you think that sitting here with your abacus is going to help protect the people you love? Think again!"
Trembling, Mitsunari stared at him.
"I fight, and will fight again not just for the Toyotomi, but for you and Chichi-ue." Masazumi's eyes burned with vigour. "Simply dying at the hands of a common soldier would be shameful. But to die protecting someone I love is a good enough death for me. Listen, Mitsunari. Chichi-ue and I wield our blades for you. Won't you do the same for us?"
Mitsunari stared at the floor, his hands curling into fists. A wild pressure rose up in his chest, until he couldn't bear it anymore. Crawling over to his brother, he flung his arms around him. Masazumi hugged him tightly, rubbing his back.
"I'm...I'm just afraid of losing you, or Otou-sama," Mitsunari choked out at last. "When you were hurt...I've never been so frightened in my life. You and Otou-sama are my only family." His lips quivered. "If anything happens to you two...I don't know what I'd do."
"Considering you were willing to kill some poor soldier to get help for me, I imagine you will bring endless suffering to your enemies."
"That's not funny!"
"No one can know what will happen later. Such things are beyond our control. That's why we must make the most of what we have."
Mitsunari nodded. In that case there was something he needed to say. It took him a few tries to get the words out. "I love you, Onii-sama."
Masazumi kissed his cheek. "I love you too."
