Steve jerked awake, gasping Peter's name. Looking around the room he saw a dark figure standing at the foot of the bed. He couldn't help the whimper that left him when they moved closer. "Tony?"
"Steve, a-are you ok? Your heart monitor is going wild, is it...did you have a nightmare?" Tony slowly moved forward, talking softly. He glanced behind him, checking to make sure both Peter and Johnny were still sleep. Turning back to Steve, Tony jerked at the look on his face. "Steve..."
"Tony, help me..." Steve gasped. He struggled to pull in a breath as he watched Tony move closer to him. "Please, I-I can't..."
Tony looked at Steve, reaching for the nurse call button. "Steve, what's wrong? Y-you can't, what, baby, what is it?" Tony could feel panic start to creep in until he noticed Steve was gasping, like Johnny did... "You can't breath...asthma attack." Tony whispered. He turned towards the side of the bed, reaching for Steve's oxygen mask. "You couldn't get comfortable with it on..." He drifted off as he helped Steve get the mask back on, watching as he closed his eyes and focused on breathing. Tony watched as Steve turned on his side and curled in on himself, climbing up on the bed behind him, Tony slid an arm around his waist. "It's ok, Steve, honey, just breath slowly." He rubbed the thin back gently, trying to chase away the trembling. When Steve finally was able to relax, he pressed back against Tony with a sigh. Tony pulled him tighter against him, pressing kisses into his hair. "Better?" He asked softly, aware that the tremors still hadn't left him completely.
Steve nodded his head slowly, he couldn't get warm enough to stop the trembling in his body. "I-it's cold, Tony. T-the heat..."
"I'll turn it up, hold on, ok. I didn't...Johnny was burning up earlier..." Tony's voice drifted off as he moved from the bed towards the thermostat. He punched in the numbers, waiting till the temperature rose to at least eighty degrees. Looking back towards the bed, he started when he saw Peter standing there. "Pete, everything ok champ?"
"Pop can't breath, t-they kept it cold at night t-to see what it would do to him." Peter whispered. "Pop would always make sure I stayed warm but he...he would try a-and they would..." Peter stopped talking as he listened to Steve's breathing. "It was always cold." He shivered as he pulled his blanket tighter. "Pop always tried to make sure I was ok. He would make sure I ate before him, knew when I was lying about being hungry o-or if I'd been hurt by the guards. He always knew and would take anything they put him through...anything just to keep me safe...t-to make sure..." Peter broke off as he kneeled beside the bed. Looking up at Tony, Peter tried to take a steadying breath. "He's always trying to protect us and I couldn't help him, dad. They would...pop would fight back b-but they always gave him something. He would be so out of it a-and they would..." Tears filled his eyes as he watched Tony walk closer. "I tried to help him, dad, I swear I did b-but they were still...I-I failed him."
"No, Peter, you didn't fail anybody, ok. Listen to me, champ, you did everything you could to help. Your father and I do not blame you. If anything, I'm at fault, I should have done better to protect you guys." Tony hugged Peter tightly against him. "You are not to blame for anything that happened, do you hear me? Neither your father or I will let you blame yourself. You did the best you could, made sure you guys got out..."
"W-we had help...a, uh, a nurse there. She knew us." Steve whispered. "She said you never stopped looking for us." Steve slowly turned over onto his back. "Hey, Pete, you ok?"
Peter gave him a watery smile. "Yeah, just worried about you. Feeling better?"
Steve nodded, "Your dad took care of me." He gave Tony a shy smile, then looked past him to see Johnny sitting up, facing them. "Hiya squirt, thought you'd sleep all night."
Tony turned to see Johnny watching them, his face pale as he kept his gaze on Steve. Ocean blue eyes focused in a way that Tony had only ever seen on Steve. "Johnny?"
"Pop?" Johnny moved closer to the bed, his gaze scanning the blond in front of him. He glanced over at Peter then looked up at Tony, after a short nod from him, Johnny turned back to Steve. "Y-you're a lot shorter than I remember."
Steve grinned behind the mask. "Doesn't mean that I can't still beat you up."
"Yeah, but, you're like, Pete's height now and I mean, will you still be able to play basketball with us? Because you know, I made the team two years in a row and we went to state last year..."
Steve's eyes widened in surprise, struggling to sit up, he glanced up at Tony then back to Johnny. "I-I didn't know you made the team? That's great Johnny, really, I can't wait to see you play." Steve smiled at the flush that bloomed on his son's face.
"Like father, like son. Just that it's much more appealing on you, sweetheart." Tony grinned as he watched the blush on Steve's face match Johnny's.
"You do that on purpose." Steve said softly, a smile curving his lips up. He looked at Tony then turned back to Johnny. "Your brother and I've missed a lot. You're going to have to help us catch up."
Johnny nodded, "Sure, Pop, anything you and Peter want to know I can tell you. Well, maybe not anything but, ummm, I'm sure JARVIS will help."
Peter grinned, "Well, I want to know why basketball? You never really liked it before?"
"You did, you a-and pop always played and I really couldn't all the time, but after...w-when dad and Uncle Bruce found out what was wrong with me, I kind of, uh, had to learn how..." Johnny drifted off, glancing at Tony from underneath his lashes.
Steve looked from Johnny to Tony then back, noticing the tension tightening Johnny's shoulders. Pushing himself up into a sitting position, Steve reached up to take his mask off. "Johnny..."
"Steve, wait, are you sure you should take that off right now?" Tony looked at him with a frown, concern written on his face.
"I'm ok for now, Tony." Steve kept his sky blue gaze on his youngest son's face. "Johnny, why did you have to learn basketball?" Steve had a feeling that what happened wasn't something he was going to like.
Before Johnny could answer, Tony spoke up. "I kind of let him down, too." Tony looked down then over at Johnny. "I'm sorry, squirt, I swear I am. I never meant..."
"It's ok, dad, really." Johnny grinned. "I got you back in time so, it's ok." He gave Tony a hug then sat back, turning to look at Steve. "Pop?" He asked softly at the confused look on Steve's face.
"I want to know what happened, Johnny...Tony, what are you not telling me?" Steve turned a glare on both his husband and youngest son. When they looked at each other then turned back to Steve, he saw the guilty looks on both their faces. "Tony..."
"Ok, ok, but you've got to promise to remain calm." Tony sighed at the mutinous look on Steve's face. "Steve, please..."
"Fine, I'll try..." Steve folded his arms over his chest and waited, aware of the worried looks on Peter and Johnny's faces.
Tony stood up and started pacing the floor. "Ok, well, see the thing is, w-when you and Peter, uh, died, I kind of lost it a-and Johnny kind of was there for it..." Tony looked at his youngest son, the despair and fear slowly starting to creep back in. "If Rhodey, Avie, and Pepper hadn't been around I could have lost him for good." He whispered softly. He turned his gaze back to Steve, ready to face the anger and rage he was sure he'd find directed towards him.
"W-what do you mean you almost lost Johnny? What happened Tony, what is it you're not telling me?" Steve kept his gaze on Tony, knowing there was more to the story than what he was saying.
Tony frowned, letting out a rough sigh, he raked his fingers through his hair. "It was hell, Steve, losing you and Pete. It was the worst thing I've ever had to feel and I couldn't...I just had to find a way to numb the pain of failing you two. Of knowing that I had lost the one perfect thing in my life. I couldn't..." Tony stood in front of the window, aware that Steve's gaze was on him, intent and unwavering. "I was at SI when there was an accident o-or something, I can't...I don't remember but, uh, I didn't...I stayed despite the building burning down. I had to make up for losing you two, I had to find a way to make amends for what happened to you both. I didn't care if I lived or died and I was so busy trying to get people out that I hadn't realized Johnny was there with the school. I'd mixed the dates of their visit up and when I went back in, he was...I-I almost didn't get to him in time. The building was coming down and I saw him standing across from me..." Tony's fist clenched as he tried to control the flood of memories.
"We, uh, Victor, Sue, and I were ummm, in the restricted levels..." Johnny began shakily.
"What? W-why were you down there? Those levels have been off limits to you two since the whole blowing up your room incident." Steve could feel his anger burning through him. "Johnny, you know you're not allowed down there..."
"It's where dad kept your shield and Pete's ball! How else was I supposed to see them if I didn't go down there?! Dad wouldn't go with me and Aunt Pepper or Cousin Aveline were always saying they would talk to dad about it but..."
"W-why was it kept in the restricted area? I mean, my shield I understand but Peter's basketball?"
"I couldn't..." Tony was finding it difficult to explain things to Steve without upsetting him. "Look, this is what happened. After the funeral I tried to jump in the grave with you both, when I couldn't do that I tried to kill myself with alcohol, pills, and whatever else I could find. Johnny had gotten worse, I'd lost you and Peter, what more did I have to live for? I'd tried doing right, Steve, I did but look what it got me! I lost you two for three years and I almost lost Johnny as well. I know I fucked up, I know I did but I swear if I had known you two were still alive..."
"I-it's ok Tony, I understand. Just," Steve broke off as he tried to process what he'd just been told. "I would never have wanted you to go through that. Not alone and not because of me..."
"I let you all down and you all paid the ultimate price. Ross tried to warn me, to tell me that this could happen and I was so sure I could protect you." Tony said softly.
"But you couldn't have known, Tony. None of us could, it's not like any of us can see the future. If that were possible, I'm sure there are a lot of things that wouldn't have happened. I mean, look at me, Tony. Can you really say you'd have married me if I looked like this when we first met?"
Tony whipped around to look at Steve. "I'd have married you if you were wearing a brown cloth sack and no shoes. I love you, more than life itself and how you look is not important to me, Steve. Never has been, you know that, besides I've been in love with you for most of my life, so yeah, there is that particular fact." He grinned as Steve flushed in pleasure.
"I swear, y-you do that on purpose." Steve tried to be stern but couldn't hide his smile. He thought back to what Tony and Johnny had said. "Maybe we should, ummm, talk to someone, all of us...t-together?" Steve looked at the faces of his husband and sons. Grateful to finally have his family back together but he knew they were going to need help rebuilding their lives. From the belligerent looks on both Johnny and Tony's faces they were going to put up a fight but Peter...Steve's gaze focused on the pale face and bright baby blue eyes. "Pete, what's wrong?"
"I don't...I-I don't think I can talk to anyone, n-not right now Pop. I mean, I will, honest but maybe we can, ummm, can we just wait a few more days? At least until we get back home?" Peter dropped his gaze, aware that Steve was still watching him. He didn't want to talk to anyone about what they'd gone through or what he'd seen. He didn't trust anyone to know what had happened to them the past three years. How his father had been stripped of the serum because he couldn't save him...because he hadn't been strong enough...
"Peter?" Steve called his name softly. He could see the way the thin shoulders tensed and curled down. "Peter, what is it?"
"I couldn't...I couldn't help you a-and they took the serum from you..."
"That's not your fault Peter." Steve looked from Peter to Tony then back. "How could you...why would you think that you're to blame?"
"Who told you it was your fault, Pete, because I swear if it was someone here..." Tony started angrily.
"No! Dad, Pop it wasn't...look," Peter let out a rough sigh. "I know you feel like it's not my fault that I did what I could but I don't feel like that. I look at Pop and wonder if he hadn't been trying to protect me would he still have lost the serum?"
"Peter..." Steve started shakily. He reached out for the smaller brunette, his heart constricting with the pain in his son's voice. "Peter it's my responsibility to do whatever it takes to protect you. If that meant losing the serum then I'll deal with it. I've been this size before..."
"And it's a very beautiful size as we all see." Tony grinned and gave Steve a wink. Chuckling softly, when Steve flushed again.
"Dad, come on, really?" Johnny groaned with a grin. "That was just so cheesy."
Peter shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "It's just...I'm not ready to talk to anyone right now. Maybe, ummm, maybe later, after..."
"After we get back home and you're all settled. We'll talk about someone coming to the house, if we're all comfortable with that?" Tony looked from Steve to Peter, nodding his head in encouragement.
Steve nodded, his gaze still on Peter. He was worried about him, the way he seemed to curl in on himself reminded Steve of someone...
"Steve?" Tony was looking at him with concern. "You ok, do you guys want anything to eat?" He looked around at the three in front of him
"Yeah, uh, something warm would be great." Steve turned to Tony. He could see the look of concern on his face and gave him a small smile. "When do you think we'll be able to leave?"
"Not enjoying your stay at Chez S.H.I.E.L.D Medical?" Tony laughed at the look Steve gave him. "Let me see what Bruce says, left up to me you guys would have already been home but..."
"Tony?"
Tony turned at the sound of his name, not surprised to find his cousin standing in the doorway. "Hey Avie, what's up? Was getting ready to order Steve and the boys something to eat." Tony stood up from the bed, brushing Steve's hand as he did so. Looking down at his husband, he smiled, the pleasure of seeing him alive more than he could have ever expected. "I'll be right back, ok. Let me see what Aveline wants."
Steve nodded, his gaze moving to the door, he gave Aveline a shy smile then looked back up at Tony. "We can talk when you get back." He gave Tony's hand a small squeeze, holding on until he had moved to far out of reach. Steve watched as Tony walked towards the door, turned and gave him a smile then left with Aveline. Turning back to Peter and Johnny, Steve looked at both boys closely. He knew they were in for a rough time, especially if Peter was unwilling to talk to them. He listened as Peter and Johnny talked about what had changed and how Peter was going to catch up on everything. From the latest fashions to the current music choices. When Peter looked at him, Steve gave him a smile, reaching over to pull him close for a hug. Glancing back over towards the door, Steve wondered how long Tony would be. He was ready to go home so his family could start to heal.
