The Attempt

A/N: Sorry about this everyone. When I wrote this chapter, I was half asleep. I didn't go back and edit it, so when I re-read it, I realized just how bad it sucked. I just went around editing and making it more coherent. I hope you enjoy the re-uploaded version.

Blowing kisses in the wind

Giving you love that you haven't been given

Cross my heart and hope to die

Only wishing you would love me like I do

Blowing kisses in the wind

Waiting waiting waiting

Waiting for you is

Like blowing blowing kisses

(Paula Abdul- Blowing Kisses)

"She fuckin' hexed me. Trust, she fuckin' hexed me. La la la love. I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none and cursed them away!"

Remus winced as the charmed radio blared the angry music and James and Sirius danced to it. Their bodies moved and shimmied through the dorms and Remus rolled his eyes. The music wasn't at all to his taste, but everyone else seemed to be enjoying it, so he refrained from throwing the device against the nearest wall and smashing it to bits.

"That was Puddle of Polyjuice with 'She Fucking Hexed Me'" the announcer said. His voice was smooth and Remus was relieved that he was talking instead of that horrible song. He shook his head and grinned at Peter who smiled back and looked over at James and Sirius who were wiggling and dancing waiting for the next song to came on.

"And this next song is from a little known Wizard who prefers to be called, Sting," the announcer said as the music started. "And here he is with 'Every Thing She Does is Magic.'"

"Allllriiiiight!" Sirius cried, grabbing Remus around the waist and swinging him in the air. He laughed and threw his head back, hair flying away from his handsome face.

Remus yelped and squirmed as he was lifted off his feet. It was two days after his little encounter with Lucius, and the boys of Gryffindor were throwing a part to celebrate their recent victory over the Ravenclaw team. It was Saturday and the night was young so they gathered in the dorms for a pre-party celebration. All the 5th year and 6th year boys were there, along with a few stray younger and older ones. A few 7th years were talking quietly among themselves, wanting to move the party the common room.

Firewhiskey was being passed around in absurd quantities and Remus vaguely wondered how they got it. It was obvious that his long haired mate had had his fair share of the booze as he spun around, still holding Remus. The blonde laughed and squealed as Sirius continued to spin. In his mind, Remus knew that he really shouldn't be enjoying himself after what happened. But he couldn't help it. All the male energy that was radiating through the room was getting to him and he couldn't stop himself from having a good time.

He was relived to have Severus off his mind, but he still felt bad. He hadn't seen the other man in over 48 hours and he was worried about him.

Remus gasped for breath as Sirius dipped him like they were tangoing. The dark haired man laughed and rubbed his face against Remus'. The blonde grinned and pushed him away.

"Are you drunk, Sirius?" he asked, touching his friends hair.

Sirius smiled sloppily at him and kissed his forehead. "Nooo mate. I'm just happy," he slurred, releasing the blonde and dancing over to where James was standing with Benji Fenwick. The other boy handed him another firewhiskey and Sirius took a deep swig. He shook his head, eyes turning red.

"Every little thing she does is magic! Everything she do just turns me on. Even though my life before was tragic, you know my love her goes on!" Sting sang, voice rising over all the noise. Remus was glad the radio was playing something he could actually enjoy as well.

Feeling exhausted, the amber eyed boy pushed his way through the crowed of students. He wanted to get away from all the noise and relax because he hadn't been sleeping well the past few nights. He knew that James and Sirius would be pissed when they discovered he'd slipped away, but all the partying was just too much for him. After finally getting down the dorm stairs, Remus walked through the common room to where he'd set his star charts. He glanced at them and frowned when he saw that they were not complete.

He knew he'd have at least two hours before he had to be back in the tower, so he decided to head up to the astronomy tower to work. At least it would be quiet there. Remus picked up his charts and tucked them into his satchel.

At was about 20 minutes before he reached his destination. When he pushed the door open and stepped out into the warm October air, he paused. His ears picked up what appeared to be the sound of someone crying softly. He listened closely; the wind swirling and bringing the sound back to him.

Edging his way closer, Remus peered over a corner. "Hello? Is someone there?" he called.

It was too dark for him to see properly, and he began to second guess himself.

No one answered and he wondered if it was just his imagination or a ghost. He shivered despite the warmth of the air and moved closer still. "Hello?" he called again. The crying stopped abruptly and was replaced by the sounds of shuffling clothes. Finally, his eyes adjusted to the dark of the sky and he was able to make out the silhouette of someone standing on one of the guard rails. The person was attempting to climb over the railings. emus gasped and dropped his bag.

"Oh! Oh Merlin!" he cried. As quickly as he could, Remus ran towards to figure and wrapped his arms around its middle. The waist was thin and he had no trouble getting his arms around it.

The person in his arms startled struggling furiously, but Remus would not release them. He tightened his hold and pulled the person off the railing.

"Whatever it is, it's not worth it!" he shouted, still not letting go. Both still fighting with each other, they fell to the hard stone floor. The rocks beneath them were smooth from being treaded on, but it still hurt when they hit. For the first time in his life, Remus was grateful that he'd been bit by the wolf that night. If it had never happened, he never would have heard the soft sobs and the person beneath him would surely have taken the plunge and be dead right now. It was his heightened senses that brought him there in time.

"Please," he whispered. "Stop struggling!"

But the person did not stop struggling. Instead, they began to pound their fists on Remus' back painfully hard. Remus grabbed one of the thin wrists of the person who was hitting him and slammed it down. The person beneath him gasped and winced in pain. Startled, Remus pulled back to look at who it was.

"Get off of me, Lupin!"

Shocked, Remus released him and sat back. He was perched on the stomach of Severus Snape. His long hair was splayed under him and covered part of his gaunt face. His dark eyes glared up at Remus and the blonde could see they were red. Remus could not find any coherent words and Severus pushed at him, trying to force him off.

"What…were you doing?" Remus asked, still shocked.

"What did it look like? I was trying to learn to fly," Severus snarled, moving some his hair into his face.

"Severus, don't fuck with me!" Remus shouted, shaking the slight boy. His head wiped forward then back. His hair was tossed to the side and Remus could see the ugly bruises that marred his face. Remus stopped shaking him immediately and let him go.

"What happened to you?" he whispered, feeling awful for shaking him so. He hadn't meant to hurt Severus, but he was just so angry that the other boy was acting the way he was.

"Nothing. God damn you, Lupin. Let me up," Severus snarled, still straining against him.

Remus shook his head and positioned himself so that Severus' arms were pinned under his knees. "Don't lie to me, Severus." He touched the other man's face gently, not wanting to hurt him. "What are you doing up here?"

"This is the highest tower besides the owlery, but that's locked at night," Severus answered, matter of factly. Remus was surprised by how lightly the other man was talking about it.

"Severus, why?" he murmured, feeling suddenly very ill.

"Why shouldn't I?" the other boy spat, mouth twisted into a sneer.

Remus couldn't even speak. Here Severus was, trying to kill himself and he was acting as though it was no big deal.

Severus turned his face away and continued. "Besides, it not like anyone would even care. So kindly let me up so that I might finish what I started."

Remus couldn't tear his eyes away from the bruises on his partners face and suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Fighting a wave of nausea, Remus snapped at him. "Severus, that's not true! There are plenty of people who-"

"Oh please. Don't even start. Like who? Black and Potter would have a celebration, I'm sure. All the other students wouldn't even notice until they started passing out the flyers to the party."

"Severus! Stop that! I'd care!" Remus growled, shifting a little. How could Severus even be talking like that? What had happened to him in the past 48 hours that would make him feel this way? To make him even considering ending a life that had barely started in the first place?

But Severus didn't have a clever remark for him when he spoke. Instead, he lay passively under him and let out a breath. "You'd care? Right." He turned and looked back up at Remus, eyes burning. "Do you enjoy this? Enjoy holding me down, against my will? Having your cock pressing against me, forcing me to feel it? Is that what you care about?"

Startled and feeling disgusted, Remus pulled away from him. "Severus, why would you say that? You know I'd never-"

"Of course not. Not Saint Lupin. What are you going to tell me next? That I'll like it? That it won't hurt a bit?" Severus spat at him, still gazing up at him with those angry eyes.

"What are you talking about, Severus? I'd never do that to you! I'd never even think about it!" Remus shouted, his own eyes beginning to water. Angrily, he got off of the thinner boy and wiped his eyes with his hand.

Severus sat up, eyes glued to him. Remus didn't even care that he was crying. He was more upset about being accused of trying to sexually assault Severus. All he'd wanted to do was help him, and now he'd only made things worse. What would give Severus the impression that that was what he wanted to do to him? He choked out a sob and cursed himself for being so weak.

He was startled when Severus touched his arm.

"Lupin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's fine!" Remus hissed, trying not to let the Slytherin see his tears.

"Lupin…."

"No. Just forget it ok?" he sniffed, rubbing his eyes again. "But…can you tell me why you said that? I mean, I never meant you any ill will…"

"No. You never have," Severus assured him. He lowered his gaze and didn't raise it again. "I spoke out of place. I'm sorry. I regret that I said anything."

"I just don't understand why you would even think that!" Remus cried, turning to face him. "Severus, I care about you! But I know that you have no feelings for me. I'm sorry if you think it's weak, it's just…" he was cut of by another sob and he buried his face in his hands. He was so furious with himself for acting like this in front of Severus. He'd always seen him as a strong person who would never act so childish.

He did not expect what happened next. Severus touched his arm and pulled it away from his face. The thin boy looked down at their intertwined hands, then back into Remus' blotchy face.

"Remus…" he whispered, leaning close to him.

Not sure what he was going to do, Remus sat motionless. That was the first time Severus had ever called him by his proper name. Even though he was sure Severus hadn't meant to, it made Remus happy that he had. He watched as Severus shifted his position and raised his head to look at him.

The blonde turned his head a little so that their mouths were very close. Then he leaned forward and captured Severus is a kiss. The first kiss they shared was bittersweet and over far too soon. Remus pulled away, a little embarrassed. He hadn't meant to kiss Severus and he felt guilty for wanting to do it again.

Feeling ashamed for acting on his own wants without even consulting Severus, Remus lowered his gaze. Even though he felt bad for what he did, his stomach tightened, telling him to do it again. He touched Severus' face and rested his other hand on the thin boy's hip. Slowly, he pulled him forward to meet his lips again. To his disappointment, the other man pulled away.

"No. You don't want to, trust me."

"Yes I do," Remus replied, confused as to why Severus wouldn't let him. He was hurt by the reaction, especially since Severus had seemed to enjoy it.

"No, you don't," Severus assured him. "I mean, you don't want me after…"

"After…what?" Remus asked, not being sure that he wanted to hear the answer.

Severus lowered his gaze and tried to pull away from the blond. Remus did not want to let him go, but he allowed it. He didn't want Severus to think he was trying to force himself on him. Finally, Severus took a deep breath and spoke.

"He kissed me. More than that. He…he held me down and he…forced me to…he made me go down on him. He made me take him in my mouth and…and then he… he…Lucius…he fucked me." Severus choked out, not meeting the wolfs eyes.

"He's done it before, too. All the time. At first, he told me I'd like it. He promised me that he loved me and…"

Remus was unsure of what to do. He touched Severus' bruised arm and face, realization dawning on him.

"Did he…do this too?"

"Yes. He beats me for disobeying. For disrespecting him. It gives him some sick pleasure I guess because he's always hard afterwards and then he-"

"You don't have to tell me," Remus said. The truth was he just didn't want to hear what it was Lucius did to Severus. But in his mind, he was sure that it would have been him in Severus' place now if the other man hadn't rescued him. He had helped Remus even though he knew what would happen to him. Remus timidly put his arms around the small boy's body and pulled him close. To his relief, Severus slowly put his arms around him as well.

"How long?" Remus managed to ask, face buried in Severus' hair.

"Years," the other man answered.

"And then…two days ago…?"

"Same thing…" Severus replied, still holding onto Remus.

With new conviction, Remus tightened his hold around the frail boy and kissed his hair.