I am so sorry it has been such a long time between posts. Life just gets in the way of my writing sometimes. I have no other excuse. I hope those of you who have stuck with me, in spite of my lack of posting, will like this latest update. At least it's a little longer for you. Enjoy!

"This is it," Elliot said, putting the car in park behind the abandoned gas station. There was no sign of anyone and the place was dark. He looked at Olivia, sitting next him, mindlessly resting her hand on her stomach and he wanted more than anything to keep her from walking into whatever mess lay before them inside. "Liv…" he said again. "You ready?"

She looked at him, swallowing and trying to find her words. "I…" she sputtered, looking down at her hand. "Uhm…I don't know…"

"You don't have to come in," he said. "Really Liv…you don't have to."

"It's just…one of my detectives…she's four months pregnant and she didn't tell me forever, and I was so pissed when she did because all I could think of was that she put her child at risk," Olivia's eyes filled with tears. "And me…I don't even know if I'm having this baby yet…but…"

"You do know," he said with a weak smile. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be feeling like this." He looked at her hand gently protecting her unborn child and he put his carefully on top of it, "Stay in the car." And he opened the door and climbed out.

"El…" she called after him. "Be careful. If something seems off, I'm coming in."

"All right," he agreed, then he closed the car door and disappeared into the old, run down building.

Olivia opened her purse, glancing at her gun. "Why did I have to come out here dressed like this?" she sighed, sitting the purse in the driver's seat beside her and kicking off her heels. If she did have to go in and help Elliot, the shoes had to go. It hadn't been long when she heard the gunshots, followed by a blood-curdling scream, and it made her jump. She wasn't sure if it was Elliot or someone else, though she really didn't think it sounded like him. Something was wrong regardless, and she had to do something. She opened the car door, ready to run into the building, but before she could even grab her gun from her purse she felt something cold and hard press against the back of her head, and she froze, immediately flashing back to the horrific events that had occurred the last time someone held a gun to her head.

The color drained from her face and she thought she would pass out cold, almost wished she would so she wouldn't have to think as he killed her, and that was when Elliot ran out from behind the building screaming her name, "Olivia…don't…don't get out of the car…" but he was too late and he stopped in his tracks.

The man pushed the gun harder against her, and then put his arm around her neck to hold her in place. She couldn't see him, but she knew even before Elliot spoke his name, and her mind and body were filled with regret.

"Tucker…let her go," Elliot pleaded. "You don't need to do this. You already killed Brian…Teddy…" And Tucker took the gun off of Olivia and pointed it toward Elliot. "Just let her go…take me..."

"I'm going to kill you both," he sputtered, but his cool demeanor seemed to be dwindling as Olivia felt his body shake a bit. "You ruined everything…"

"I'm sorry…" Olivia felt the words choke up from her throat. "I didn't mean to hurt you…I know you warned me to stay away from Brian…"

"This isn't about you and that jackass!" He yelled, turning her around so she was staring into his face. "You really think I give a fuck about you screwing that piece of shit? He didn't die because of you…He died because he got himself too involved in my business. He should've stayed away when I told him too."

"Just let her go…" Elliot's voice quivered though it was apparent he was trying to sound calm and collected. He raised his gun slightly, "You won't get by with this. Don't make it worse."

"Worse?" Tucker snickered with an evil grin. "You made me kill my own son…"

"Your son?" Elliot gasped. "What are you talking about?"

He grabbed Olivia, tighter around the throat and she coughed trying to force herself to breathe while he pulled her face closer to his, "Teddy…was my son. Mine. And I had to kill him. Because of you two!" he screamed. "Damn you! Showing up here…getting in the middle of my business. Benson and Stabler to the rescue, huh? Well not this time. First Brian…and now you two…really, you'll never learn."

"Your son…Teddy?" Elliot shook his head in disbelief. "He was raised by a single mother. He didn't have a father…"

"I was his father!" Tucker screamed and Olivia felt his hand tighten even more and she thought she might pass out. "His fucking slut of a mother kept him from me. When he grew up, he came to New York to find me. Wanted to join the NYPD, but I couldn't have that. He wasn't going to be a good cop, I knew that. So I got him on down here and decided it would be a perfect way to get a little help with my side business." He could see the confusion on Elliot's face and laughed, "You don't even know, do you? The reason Cassidy was here?" He looked at Olivia, the color draining from her face and he loosened his grasp a bit, "Your boyfriend knew. He overheard something he shouldn't have…and he knew. I had to get rid of him…permanently."

"Knew what?" Olivia's voice rasped and her throat burned.

"About my side business…" Tucker's face contorted into a depraved grin. "Drugs and prostitution…my buddy Sam helps me through his club. This was the perfect location. Dumbass cops here wouldn't know a real crime if it bit them on the ass…and Teddy helped keep things under the wire. Got his girlfriend Penny a job there too so she could help keep things in line. Then fucking Cassidy puts his nose in my business, starts making calls, asking questions. Says he heard me on my private line talking about distributing drugs and trying to pinpoint where it was happening. So when I knew he had a pretty good idea, I sent him here. Told him I had information about a prostitution ring that could be traced back to New York, and I knew his dumbass would jump on it. Come here to try to prove he was right about me. He never knew how to stay out of trouble."

"And then you killed him," Olivia sputtered.

"I didn't," Tucker pushed the gun closer against her temple and turned her back so she was facing Elliot, his gun still drawn at them both. "Teddy did. Stupid kid…I told him to get rid of all evidence…and he left his fucking wallet. Then he tells me he wants to confess to the murder. I couldn't let my son confess to killing a cop...drag my name through the mud with him...so I had to kill him. I had no choice because of the two of you."

"Tucker…" Elliot cleared his throat. "Just let Olivia go. She didn't do this. I did. I'm the one who recognized Cassidy. I went to New York and started this."

"Yeah, you did…" Tucker's voice was clear and calm as he turned the gun back toward Elliot. "That's why I'm going to kill you…after you watch me kill her." Olivia felt his warm breath against her neck and his whispered in her ear, "You thought flirting with Sam would get you what you wanted? He called me the second you left. You stupid slut. You'll sleep with anything that moves, won't you? No wonder you let Cassidy knock you up!"

Olivia felt her body stiffen at his words. How did he even know she was pregnant? Had he been watching them this whole time? Suddenly she realized it didn't matter what she did, she wasn't getting out of there alive, and her mind wandered to thoughts of her son, growing up without her, of the child she was carrying that would never breathe its first breath and all she could do was take a chance now to save them both. Tucker was still whispering in her ear, feeling the way her body seemed to tense up against his and she looked at Elliot, his own gun pointed at them and she knew she had to take the risk. She raised her leg a bit, hoping the movement would go unnoticed, and swung around kicking Tucker with full force in the crotch, forcing him to double over from the pain and shock, releasing her from his grasp.

She ran toward Elliot, just as the first gunshot rang out from Tucker's gun. He wasn't a good shot when he was in so much pain, but Elliot grabbed her, pushing her to the ground as the second gun shot rang out, and she watched him fall next to her, blood oozing from his chest. "No…" she screamed, grabbing his gun from his hands and aiming at Tucker who was still doubled over as he let out shot after shot from his own gun, and she watched him fall to the dirt when the bullet hit him, dropping his own gun beside him. "El…" she cried, putting her hand over the bloody wound while he looked up at her with wide-eyes. "Don't die…please…don't die…"

"His…gun…" Elliot's voice was weak. "Get his gun…"

And she looked over at Tucker's body, knowing he was unconscious, but alive and she ran over and grabbed his gun from the ground, using all of her strength not to shoot him one final time. When she made her way back to Elliot, his eyes were closed and the blood was pooling around him. "Elliot…" she pleaded. "Please, wake up…" she cried. "Don't leave me…please…"

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Elliot opened his eyes, but everything was dark. He couldn't see anything but lights flashing around him, and the sound of beeping and buzzing let him know he was probably in the hospital. He'd been there enough times to recognize the signs, even though he couldn't think clearly yet. When he tried to move he couldn't. The pain was too intense and he heard himself let out an agonizing groan, but he couldn't make his mind remember what had happened.

Then she was there, standing over him a look of panic and grief on her face and he remembered. Tucker had shot him and had tried to kill Olivia too, but from the looks of things she was okay. "You're awake…" she forced a sad smile and put her hand gently against his forehead, like she was checking for a fever or something which seemed ridiculous when he was laying in bed with a gunshot wound to his chest. "I was scared…you were gone…"

"I'm fine…" his voice croaked and the sound surprised him. "How long…have I been here?"

"A couple of days," she said. "You were sedated, after they did surgery to remove the bullet. Do you remember what happened?"

He nodded, but it made his body throb so he stopped, "Tucker…" he tried to clear his throat to ease his voice, but that seemed to hurt as well. "Is he dead?"

She shook her head, "No, he's down the hall. Police are monitoring him and he's cuffed. I only shot him once, but it did some damage." She sighed, "El…I'm sorry. This is all my fault. If you hadn't pushed me out of the way…"

"Then you would be in this bed," he reminded her. "Or worse…" he didn't want her to feel guilty because saving her was the best thing he'd ever done. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Turn on the light…"

She reached up and clicked on the light above his bed, and he closed his eyes in response to the brightness. "Do you want me to turn it back off?" she asked.

"No,"he insisted, forcing his eyes open. "I want to look at you," he gave a weak smile when he saw her dressed in hospital scrubs, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail. He could see the deep purple bruises on her neck where Tucker had held her and he wished he could shoot the asshole himself. "Are you all right, Liv?" he asked. "Your neck…" and then he remembered something else, "Oh God…the baby…"

"I'm fine," she promised. "We're fine." She let her hand rest gently on her stomach. "They did an ultrasound when the ambulance brought me in." She reached into the pocket of her scrubs and pulled out the fuzzy black and white photo and held it out for him to see.

"Wow," his voice cracked, this time more from emotion than from the fact that he hadn't spoken in days. "Liv…just wow…"

"You saved my baby, Elliot," she said tearfully. "I didn't even know if I wanted to keep it, and you almost died trying to protect us."

"I let you down before," he said seriously. "I will never do that again."

"I'm gonna have a baby," she sobbed. "Me…Olivia Benson…"

"Yeah, you are," he smiled. "And that baby is going to have the best mother ever." He took the ultrasound photo from her and looked at it more closely. "Did they tell you how far along you are?"

She nodded, "Yeah…thirteen weeks…" she admitted, embarrassed. She'd gone the entire first trimester without knowing she was pregnant. "I'm so stupid…"

"No you're not," he whispered, handing the photo back to her. "You were just scared…and you didn't see all the signs. You didn't want to believe it. But now you know, and you're gonna be ready for this little one in no time. At least the morning sickness should be over soon."

She laughed a little, "I haven't thrown up today at all." She sat in the chair next to his bed, "El…I don't know how to do this by myself. Two kids, my job…" she sighed. "I'm scared."

"I know," he said softly. "But don't doubt yourself. You can do it. I know you can." He closed his eyes and opened them, trying to fight the exhaustion that was overtaking his body. "How long before I can go home? I want to get out of here."

Olivia laughed, "It's gonna be a while." She said. "So keep your stubborn ass in that bed."

"I'm just tired," he insisted. "I'll be fine."

"Then get some sleep," she leaned forward, kissing him softly on the forehead and it surprised him, but he didn't let it show.

"You gonna be here when I wake up?" he asked.

"Yeah…" she promised. "I'm not going anywhere."

Two Months Later…

Olivia flipped through the channels on the TV, stopping at an old black and white movie, and laying back on the sofa, wrapping herself in a blanket. She'd heard pregnant women were supposed to feel hot all the time, but lately she'd been freezing and the only thing that made her comfortable was a nice warm blanket. She felt her stomach rumble and flutter, and she wished her Chinese food would arrive. It seemed like she'd ordered it hours ago, but she knew it hadn't been more than twenty minutes. After she'd fed Noah and put him to bed she'd had the most intense craving for it, so she'd decided to go ahead and order it, even though she'd already had dinner and at her last appointment the doctor had cautioned her about her weight. She rubbed her hand carefully over the swell of her stomach, pulling the bottom of her shirt down and trying to force it to cover her completely, but it was a lost cause. "You are really doing a number on me, kiddo," she laughed.

The knock on the door forced her up off the couch and she pulled her shirt down more easily once she was standing. She walked across to the door, and grabbed some cash from her purse fully expecting the delivery guy, and shocked when she opened it to find Elliot standing there instead. "El…" she gasped. "What're you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you," he smiled, glancing at the money in her hand. "Were you expecting someone else?"

"Uhm…yeah…Chinese food," she gave a sheepish grin, suddenly very aware of how much weight she'd put on since she last saw him. "I had to skip dinner earlier," she lied and she wasn't even sure why.

Elliot nodded, knowingly. "You look good. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," she insisted. "What about you? Are you healing?" The last time she'd seen him was the day he'd been released from the hospital and that was just a week after the shooting.

"I was cleared to go back to work last week," he said, motioning toward the door. "Do you think I could come in?" he asked.

"Oh…of course," she stepped back and let him inside. "I'm sorry. I was just surprised. I expected a random stranger with food, not you. Come in…" she walked over to the sofa. "Sit down." She sat down, grabbing her blanket and pulling it around her, as they heard the next knock. "Oh…" she sighed, but he stood up quickly.

"I got it," he said, walking to the door.

"My money is on the counter," she called after him, but she noticed him grab money from his wallet and hand it to the delivery person as he thanked him. He brought the bag over and handed it to her, "My treat," he said. "Gotta keep that little one happy and healthy, right?"

Olivia bit her lip, opening the bag, "You want some? There's plenty," she said, pulling the takeout containers from the bag and sitting them on the coffee table. "I bought extra…for lunch tomorrow…"

Elliot nodded, "It's okay," he smiled. "You don't have to make excuses. You're pregnant. Eat what you want. It's a perk."

She shook her head, "My doctor thinks I'm too fat. I'm already bigger than Rollins, and she's a month ahead of me," she looked at the containers of food calling her name. "Please…eat this with me so I don't feel so guilty."

"You're not too fat," he said, picking up the chop sticks and digging into one of the containers. "Doctors have to say things like that…so you won't want to sue him after the baby's born and you weigh 250 pounds."

"250 pounds?" Olivia gasped, dropping her own chop sticks on the table. "How big do you think I am?"

Elliot sat his food down next to hers and smiled gently, "I was just teasing. I'm sorry." Mentally kicking himself for the joke. He'd been around pregnant women enough to know better. "You need to eat…for your health the baby's. It's okay…"

She shook her head, "I ate dinner with Noah," she admitted. "I just…had this craving…and then I went overboard with the ordering…" she sighed. "I am gonna end up really fat, aren't I?"

"You're gonna end up with a beautiful, healthy baby," he promised. "And that's all that matters."

"You're right," she said, picking up the food and taking another bite. "The baby is the most important thing."

"Have you found out if it's a boy or a girl?" he asked.

Olivia thought back to her last appointment when she'd been asked if she wanted to know the sex of her baby. She'd said yes immediately, but once she knew the answer, everything felt so much more real…so much more frightening. This little person was a part of her, a part of Brian…and it was a person, not just a bump that made her clothes feel tight. She decided then and there to keep the gender to herself for the time being. She didn't want anyone else to know right now, and she enjoyed her special bond with the baby. "Uhm…I do," she admitted. "But I don't want to share yet. It just feels like something special between me and the baby…I'm sorry…"

"It's completely okay," he smiled. "I'm glad you know. You can think of names…get things ready…"

"Yeah," she nodded. "The baby is healthy though. That's the important thing. A perfectly healthy baby."

"Good," he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. "Liv…the reason I'm here…"

"Oh right," she sat her food back on the table. "Why are you here? You said you wanted to see me…was there a reason? I thought you just wanted to visit."

"Of course I wanted to visit with you," he said. "But there's a little more. When I went back to work, I was going through some of the evidence from Brian's case…and I found this…" he held up a cell phone, the screen covered with shattered cracks. "They found his phone with some of Tucker's things. We assumed there wasn't much on it since we'd done the tracking and turned up nothing, but I decided to charge it and take a look, and I found something I thought you should see."

"What?" she asked, her face turning pale with worry.

He held the phone out to her. "I found this text. It was saved as a draft, so I know he never sent it. I think maybe he was writing it when they shot him…or maybe before and he wanted to reword it. I don't know, but it's for you and you need to read it. The screen is in bad shape, but you can still see it…read it."

Her hand shook as she took the phone from him. She looked at the screen and chills went up her spine as she thought about reading Brian's last words to her. For the past two months she'd wanted closure, and in her heart she knew she'd never get that, even now. She closed her eyes, not sure she could face what he had to say to her in the last moments before his death, when he didn't know what evil was in store for him…and knowing this was the last thing he'd ever say to her made it even harder. She'd never have another chance to know what his lasts thoughts of her were about, and she wasn't sure she was ready now. "I don't think I can read this," she sputtered, trying to force Elliot to take the phone back but he wouldn't. "El…I don't want to do this right now."

"Liv…please…read it," he reached out and put his hand gently on the swell of her stomach, even though he knew he had no right to, and he smiled at the warm patch of skin showing at the bottom of her too-small tank top. "Read it for your child," he said. "For his child, Liv. He deserves to say good-bye."

She raised the phone and looked at it, trying to decipher the words through the cracked glass, and her eyes blurred with tears.

Babe, I'm sorry I had to get off the phone earlier. I wanted to talk more but I know I'm on the verge of solving this and I just want to finish things and get home. I hope you're feeling better. I've been thinking, you've been getting sick off and on for a while. I know you said you're not, but maybe you should take a pregnancy test. Just in case. I know I was a jerk before, but I promise you I won't be that way this time. I mean, having a baby isn't the worst thing that could happen to us. It might be good. It would be good. A little piece of each of us. I guess I'm saying if you're pregnant and you haven't told me because you're scared, well just tell me okay. I love you. I always have and I will love our baby. Heck, I already do and it might not even exist. God I sound ridiculous. If you're really not pregnant, I'm sorry for dragging all this out again, but if you are…just call me okay. I love you.

She looked up from the phone, tears streaming down her cheeks, "He knew?" she asked and Elliot nodded. "I didn't even know…and he knew." She cried. "He wanted her, Elliot. He loved her."

"Her?" Elliot asked with a slight grin.

Olivia's eyes widened at the realization that she'd just revealed her secret, "Yeah…it's a girl…and she's never going to know her daddy, but at least I can tell her he loved her, and it won't be a lie." She sobbed.

"He did love her…and he loved you," Elliot said softly. "I thought you needed to know that."He sighed, "And I guess this is how Tucker knew you were pregnant that night of the shooting. He probably read Cassidy's phone."

"Thank you," she reached out and hugged him tight, resting her head on his chest while he rubbed her back. When she pulled away, she looked at him "Do you have to go back tonight?" she asked. "Or do you want to sleep on my couch?"

He shrugged, "I can stay, if you don't mind."

She nodded, "I need to get to bed. I have an early meeting."

"Yeah, I heard you made Lieutenant. Congratulations," he smiled, standing to his feet and reaching out his hand to help her up.

She stood and looked him in the eye, "I thought it'd be great, but we're so short staffed and I'm pregnant, I have a pregnant detective…it's a mess."

"If you need someone," he offered. "I was thinking…I really miss New York and I could resign pretty easily, move back here…"

"I don't think that's a good idea," she admitted. "I know you mean well…but…"

"But what?" he asked. "It'll be good for us. I miss you and I know you miss me. We're partners."

"No," she shook her head. "We're not. Not anymore. We're not the same people, Elliot. You know that as well as I do."

"We are the same people," he argued. "Maybe we've been through a lot, but deep down…we're the same people we always were. We're friends…we need each other. I want to help you with the baby…with Noah. I don't want you to go through this alone."

"That's sweet," she said, forcing a sad smile. "But Elliot…I don't think we can just pick up where we left off. Too much has changed."

"Maybe we can't pick up where we left off," he agreed. "But we can start over. Please. Give me a chance. Let me be your friend again…and maybe we can work our way back to best friends."

"I don't know," she sighed, putting her hand to her stomach and grimacing a little.
Oh…"

"What's the matter?" he asked nervously. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I just keep getting these little weird gas bubbles. Kind of like rumbles in my stomach. Sometimes I think it's gas and other times it feels more like a weird muscle thing…like fluttering…I should ask the doctor…" she said, noticing the grin spreading across his face. "What?" she asked.

"Liv…flutters?" he asked. "It's not gas…it's the baby…she's moving…"

"What?" she asked. "You think…"

"You're what? Twenty-one weeks?" he nodded. "I'm positive. Your little girl is just saying hi to her mommy."

"Oh my God," she gasped. "How could I not know that?" she cried. "What kind of mother am I?"

"Liv, you're a good mom," he insisted. "It's your first pregnancy. Everything is new. You'll learn as you go along." He put his hand on top of hers as she rubbed the swell of her stomach. "I'm glad you can feel her. It's amazing. Just wait til she kicks so hard you can feel it from the outside. It'll happen soon."

"I don't know if I can do this," she cried. "I miss Brian. He would've been a great dad, once he got used to everything. He would've rubbed my feet and my back, and gone out in the middle of the night to get me ice cream. He would've helped me pick her name, and put together her little bassinet and…" she sobbed. "I don't know how to do this by myself."

He pulled her close and let her cry, "You are not by yourself," he promised.

More soon (sooner than last time, I hope)