There was no answer when Gibbs knocked on the door. He glanced at his watch - it was 4am. Tony was probably fast asleep. Or he was over at some girl's place. But Gibbs needed to see him. He found the key Tony had given him – he made sure to have a key for each member of his team - and opened the door. The flat was in darkness, and he bumped into a table when he reached the living room. The noise failed to bring anyone running, and Gibbs' anxiety notched up a level. He made his way to the bedroom, the door was open, and Tony was lying on the bed, curled up into a fetal position, his back to the doorway, and to Gibbs. He was breathing - Gibbs could see the movement and just stood and watched for a while, before moving further into the room, wanting to see his agent's face. There was a pill bottle lying on its side on the bedside table, the lid lying on the floor, and Gibbs paused to pick it up. It was empty. He peered at the label in the gloom, but was unable to make out the words - he walked over to the window, and held it up to the light filtering in through the gap in the curtains. Temazapam, sleeping pills. An empty bottle of sleeping pills. Gibbs' heart rate shot up, and he pulled the curtains open, rushing over to the bed. He grabbed hold of Tony's shoulders and shook him, calling his name. After what seemed an age Tony's eyes opened and Gibbs felt a shot of relief. "Tony, are you with me?" he asked urgently. "Wha? Yeah Boss, what is it?" Tony blinked, looking at his boss in confusion. "Gibbs? What are you doing here?" He frowned. "Has something happened?" Gibbs sank down to sit on the bed, feeling drained. "I thought… I saw the pill bottle, and I…" he paused, not knowing how to explain himself. "You thought I'd overdosed?" Tony looked at him incredulously. "Boss, I took one pill - the last one, that's all. I've been having trouble sleeping recently." He shook his head, and Gibbs felt his own head start to swim. "Boss, what are you doing here? Is something wrong - has something happened?"
Gibbs didn't know what to say. He looked at Tony, and saw concern etched in the younger man's face, and knew he was going to have to explain himself. "Nothing's wrong Tony. I just, I needed to check you were ok." "Why were you worried about me? Why would you think I would try and kill myself?" Tony clearly didn't understand, and Gibbs took a deep breath, and let it out in a long sigh. "A couple of nights ago I had a dream. You killed yourself - jumped off a balcony while I watched." Tony frowned, but didn't interrupt. "I was unnerved by it – it seemed so real. I spent that whole day at work watching you, making sure you were ok, alive, not about to go leaping off any buildings." Tony nodded, a glimmer of understanding appearing in his eyes. "After you left, I fell asleep at my desk, and had another dream - that you'd gassed yourself in your car in the parking garage. Then later that night after I got home I dreamt" he paused, closing his eyes as the vivid image of Tony in the red bathwater popped into his head. "I dreamt you had cut your wrists open in the bath. And then I dreamt that you slit your own throat. And then just now I dreamt you shot yourself in the head." Gibbs drew a deep breath. "I just had to see you, I had to see for myself that you were alive. So I came here, and you didn't answer the door. I let myself in, and I watched you sleeping. And then I saw the pill bottle, and I guess I panicked." Gibbs fell silent, exhausted at having spilled so much of himself out, at admitting to someone how he felt.
Tony sat, clearly stunned at the revelations. "At least now I know why you were watching me so closely at work" he said quietly. "Gibbs, I'm ok. I'm not planning on knocking myself off." Gibbs nodded, then looked up at his friend. "Why were you taking sleeping pills?" he frowned. "I told you, I've been having trouble sleeping." Tony became more defensive. "Ok, Gibbs, I've been a bit depressed lately, not been sleeping too well. But I'm not about to kill myself."
Gibbs looked him in the eye. "You tried to once Tony."
