(I would just like to reinforce the fact that, Mary's humor is difficult for me, but I love at least trying to write it… I, myself am a very quiet, soft spoken person- I try and save my sarcasm for this fic No, really! I hope it's coming out all right. Please Enjoy, I don't think I'll be making Mary bleed anymore to those of you concerned… this is the last time, I half- heartedly promise ;) Comments are always appreciated!)

"I'm not sure if I mentioned this Mary, but it being so recent after major surgery, we recommend most women try and hold off from any sort of physical activity until they've fully healed." The doctor scolded half-heartedly at she re stapled the staple that Mary had managed to blow in her feeble attempt to be sexy. The doctor rubbed at her tired eyes, trying her best to not make eye contact with her patient. Of course Mary, now in somewhat of a bad mood, being tired and embarrassed, took this as an opportunity to spread her misery,

"Yeah. I'll keep that in mind…. So what's the problem doc, first time one of your patients has ever popped a stable trying to go down on their fiancée?" she questioned, even stronger sarcasm than usual dripping from her tone.

Marshall stood in the corner, in his undershirt, red with embarrassment,

"She wasn't really 'going down' on me per say…"

"You're not helping doofus." She raised her hand, halting him from speaking anymore.

"I- errr- I think while I'm here I'll go see how your son is doing…" she placed a new, snowy white bandage on to Mary's newly stapled, swollen incision area, tore the tight pink gloves from her tiny hands and disposed of them on the way out of the room.

"Way to make that uncomfortable! Seriously Mary?" Marshall whispered exasperated.

"What? I can't get any reaction from you anymore, I have to resort to people with PHD's you brought this on yourself."

"Now Stan's gonna have to grab you another T-Shirt before you can see the baby again!"

"Why? I have no shame; I'll walk down the hall topless if that's what I have to do! Just think, it would technically be community service, all of the pregnant broads would see me and out of fear that their bodies would look like mine after birth, they'd drop their kid on the spot! And if I'm lucky, a few will be so preoccupied with jealousy their kids will just fall out! That would be a win for everyone!" She joked, her teeth showing from her facetious smile.

"I think you need to sleep." Marshall concluded, sitting back down in his spot on the chair.

She looked at him, unintentionally her eyes widened in apology and hurt when she realized he hadn't laid back down with her.

"I think I'll wait for her to come back with an update on Xander." She mumbled.

"Mary, I'll wait, you should really rest- you look pale, you lost some blood, close your eyes- sleep." Marshall attempted to convince her the way he had been doing lately.

"Marshall, even if I tried, there would be no possible way for me to sleep, I think you know that."

He grabbed her hand, grasping it gently and they waited…

Mary opened her eyes as the sun came up; she swallowed with her dry throat, and reached for water, moving too quickly she recoiled in dull pain, pulling her hand from Marshalls, she lifted her shirt- as long as there was no gaping wound, she assumed she had done no real damage.

The door opened, and with her tired eyes she squinted to see who it was, it certainly wasn't her mother, and if it had been she assumed it was too late to convincingly pretend to be asleep.

"Hello Mary, someone wants to say 'good morning' to you." The doctor cooed, reaching into the rolling carrier to pull out her son.

She looked around confused, and nudged Marshall with her arm…

"Does he look bigger?" she asked him before he had a chance to actually open his eyes.

"You've got a good eye, guess who weighs five pounds, four ounces today?" the woman replied, handing Mary's blue bundle to her.

"Marshall!" she nudged again,

"Mhhmmmm, what?"

"We have a visitor!" Mary said.

"Oh Mare, I'm sorry, I was doing my best to keep Ji- What's he doing out of the NICU?" Marshall asked surprised, his eyes finally opening.

"Your little guy here spent a whole night, and he breathed on his own the entire time. When we weighed him this morning he was just right…"

"Does that mean?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, you can go home, but there are a couple conditions- mostly for mom. Mary you have to keep off your feet as much as possible and I expect both of you to call me, or bring him in straight away if you sense anything funky going on!"

" Really?" Mary looked up, from the baby, "Cause' I hear the condescending doctor talk for 'We can go' but I don't know if I can believe it."

"Believe it, we'll get you some receiving blankets, and a few diapers to go home with, a few bottles of formula and we can let you go." She smiled her hands in her coat pockets, "I'll give you some alone time, this might be a little hard to process right now- but I assure you, even if it start out bumpy, it will get better." And she walked away, and for the first time they were truly alone with their son.

"Didn't it already start off bumpy?" Mary asked.

"I'll call Stan to see if he can give us a ride home.." Marshall turned around and dialed the number.

Mary opened the door to her house, Marshall followed with the baby carrier he had to walk to the store to get, and a hand me down diaper bag from the hospital nursery. She slowly made her way into her house, looking around she sighed,

"This may be the first time my house is actually empty whe-

"SURPRISE!" Brandi, Jinx and Stan yelled out.

"Oh noooo." Mary groaned turning away from the blue balloons and packages on the table near her couch.

"Wow, Stan, did you have anything to do with this?" Marshall asked, a little annoyance in his tone. All he wanted was some actual alone time with his fiancée and their baby, was that too much to ask? To actually feel like a little family?

"No, especially if Mary's ticked.." he answered, grinning nervously.

"Then I suggest you join Jinx and Brandi across the room, out of her striking distance." Marshall whispered, setting the baby down on the couch.

Mary stood there, annoyance rendering her speechless.

"We just figured, you had no baby shower, you would need a few things.."

"Mom, Squish, I really appreciate the whole-

"Hey Mary?" Stan interrupted.

"What Stan?" Mary turned, agitated.

"Is that an engagement ring on your finger?"

"No sh-

"AH- Not in front of Xander!" Marshall teased, covering his son's tiny ears with his index and middle fingers.

"Congratulations, I'm assuming Marshall's the lucky guy…" Stan continued.

"No Stan, me and some male nurse hit it off- he thinks scars are sexy and it just so happens thanks to this little guy, now I got two of em'!"

Marshall cringed, remembering the evening she got shot, knowing that was one of the scars she was referring to, that would be something he would never forgive himself for, and when he thought about it, maybe the whole delivery ordeal could have been avoided if had taken better care of her.

Stan stood a little dumbfounded, scratching his bald head.

"Yes Stan- It's Marshall." Mary sighed, disappointed that her sarcasm hadn't been on par lately.

"I'm glad you finally came around Mr. Mann!" Stan grinned, patting Marshall on the back.

Xander began to whimper and Jinx, faster than a speeding bullet reached for the baby quicker than Mary could have possibly reacted,

"Come here Xanderrr, grammaaa's gotchya!" Jinx cooed with a big smile.

"Gee Mare, your mom's a natural.." Marshall whispered as the baby quieted down in his future mother in laws arms.

"Yeah, well she has a lot of time to make up for, after all she was passed out for most of Brandi's infancy.." She replied, sighing as she sat down on the couch next to the empty baby carrier.

Marshall took a seat next to her, watching her expressions change while she watched her mother with their newborn.

Mary took a big bite of cake, and immediately spit it out on her napkin,

"What's that smell?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.

"It's him." Brandi pointed at the sleeping baby in her mother's arms, Jinx apparently forgetting her giddiness of being a grandmother immediately handed the snoozing child over to Mary.

"Oh Jesus, that's freakin lethal." She commented her arms outstretched so the baby was as far from her face as her arms allowed, she scooted off of the couch onto her feet, "Marshall, grab the diaper bag and meet me in my bedroom, Brandi, don't let anyone touch my cake! Here it goes, this is gonna be my life, baby poop and leaking boobs- Oh the joys of motherhood." She murmured under her breath as she walked away.

She set the baby down on her bed, pinching her nose as she removed the onesie. It seemed like an eternity as she stared at the baby, for Mary Shannon, running into a room full of armed drug dealers was no problem, but removing a smelly, poop covered diaper of the butt of her own baby was causing a serious moral dilemma.

"You know, it helps if you take the diaper off of the child when attempting to change it." Marshall teased setting the diaper bag down next to his partner.

"Ha-ha, very funny Doofus, now help me get this rank poop sac off of the baby so I can get back to my cake!" Mary whined, ripping the Velcro from the child's tiny waist-

"Oh my God!" Marshall covered his face with the sleeve of his shirt, "Here take the wipes!" he exclaimed, chucking the box at her. As Mary began wildly ripping wipe after wipe from the box, Stan began to laugh from the doorway,

"I have a good joke for ya, how many Marshal's does it take to change a diaper?" he asked, a smug grin spreading across his face,

"Oh I don't know, I'm thinking three!" Mary answered tossing the bow of wipes over her shoulder at Stan who caught them out of surprise.

"What do you want me to do with these?" he asked innocently, disappointment clear in his tone, of course Mary would find a way to deflect his punch line to her advantage.

"Hand me one if I tell you too genius." Mary yelled over her shoulder, her face twisted in disgust as she wiped gently, but randomly at her sons bottom.

"I think you got it all." Marshall commented after several wipes and grossed out groans later. He handed Mary the clean diaper and she fumbled with it for a few seconds before finding her way around it and getting it onto her son,

"Perfect." She said lifting him and cradling her son.

Before she turned around, Stan closed the door.

"Now you two, it's been a tough week without you around, but I want you to take off the time you need to adjust. It's kinda lonely without my dream team, but eh? A baby, a ring! I can't be happier." Stan opened his arms, but realized the look of absolute disinterest in both of their faces and began groping in his jacket pocket for something.

"Stan I got to get back in there, there's cake with my name on it, and Brandi and Jinx are gonna think something funky's goin on in here, if you know what I mean- Yuck, I just grossed myself out, I promised myself I'd never do that again!" She groaned, adjusting Xander in her arms.

"I know, you'll get back to your cake, even though I have no idea how you plan on eating after that nasty mess you just cleaned up, last week you couldn't smell coffee without gagging, no this week you're playing in poo- anyway, I got this, you know as a little somethin' for the baby, I thought you two would get a kick out of it." Stan said, his cheeks turning red with pride as he handed over the thing he had been searching for to Marshall.

"Stan, this is really cute." His inspector replied, smiling at the newborn onesy, reading 'U.S Marshal in Training'

Even Mary cracked a smile.

"I figured I'd give it to you here and I'd be on my way, seeing as Delia's prolly tearin her hair out down at the office. You two take care of that little guy; give me a call if you need something."

He waved goodbye and then left without another word,

Marshall and Mary made their way back to the living room, and the baby began to fuss,

"How did it go?" Jinx asked, sticking a video camera in her daughter's face,

"How do ya think? It looked like a scary World War two movie, except instead of blood, there was crap -and lots of it! Get that camera away from me, where did you even get that thing anyway?"

"I bought it yesterday, I'm not missing anything, every monumental moment will be recorded Mary! I expect you to carry this with you at all times!"

"Since when did first disastrous diaper change become a monumental moment in a child's life?" Mary asked sarcastically.

"Oh shush." Jinx said closing the cam corder.

The baby began to fuss, and Mary looked around frantically,

"Let me see him." Brandi said reaching for him.

"No! I just need his bottle, he's hungry!" Mary declared shoving a giant chunk of her piece of cake in her mouth.

Marshall handed Mary a bottle of pre made formula, and she quickly placed the bottle in Xander's grimacing mouth,

"There you go buddy." She cooed as he began to slurp at the bottle, now content.

She looked down at him, swallowing the last bit of cake, also content, but not because she was full, but because after eight months and one week of worrying about who was going to take her baby to raise it better than her, she realized maybe this whole mom thing wasn't so bad, after all if she could tell when he was hungry, maybe she did have that motherly instinct she had thought she'd never have. She pulled the half empty bottle from her son's mouth and placed him over her shoulder, patting him gently on the back, somewhere between sure of herself and insecure she felt something warm running down her back.

She closed her eyes,

"Marshall?"

"What?"

"I think he just puked in my hair."