AN: Thanks for your comments, you guys rocks! Ok, this chapter is unbetaed, as soon as my beta sends me the revised version I will change it. V

Revised version

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Oh God Helena, my eyes filled with tears that I barely managed to contain, I said I'm sorry and leave you sitting at the table, you watch me leave but don't stand, as if doing so the rest of the patrons would find out that I am breaking up with you. I know we kept our voices low so no one could hear, but even so, you still feel panic that someone will find out. I'm sorry Wade, I'm sorry for not realizing sooner that I was making the biggest error of my life by accepting to marry you.

Fortunately, we came in separate cars since my Humvee is designed to my specifications and I had told you that we wouldn't be spending the night due to work. The online top muffins business I have with Helena, but if you only knew the truth.

As soon as I arrived at the tower, I see Dinah watching TV and I tell her that I've broken off my engagement to Wade. She can't believe it; she stares at me as if I were crazy, she tells me I love him, how could I do that, and I just cut her off. That's the way things are, period. I tell her I can't afford the luxury of distractions and she stares incredulously as if I were downgrading Helena to something bothersome. If she only knew that Helena was my guiding light and that without her I am lost. I have neglected New Gotham's security, concentrating my energies in finding her, but I can't do that anymore, I'm Oracle and I have to act as such.

The night before I had spoken to Dick to ask him to help with Dinah's training, he would be in New Gotham on Monday I informed her and then headed to Delphi. I removed the cover, which I knew Dinah had put on because she thought that Wade would be returning to the tower with me, but that wouldn't be occurring again so there would never be a need to hide who we really were.

Dick arrived on Monday as he had promised, the first thing he did was ask me about Helena's whereabouts. On Thursday when I had spoken with him, I hadn't given him any details; I only asked him if he would come to New Gotham for a few months to continue with Dinah's training. When he asked me for Helena, I felt a huge knot in my throat and the words sticking and my eyes filling with tears which I refused to let fall. I was not going to cry, crying meant accepting that I had lost her and I refused to let it get to me until I found her. However, on Monday Dick would not let the subject drop until he knew what had happened.

Even though Dick and Helena barely maintained a civilized relationship, they did so because of me. Helena had always been a bit jealous of my connection with Dick, even when she was a child when she had seen him stop by to pick me up after gym class; I noticed the distaste that she felt for him. With the passing of time and his continued presence in my life after the attack that left me paralyzed, Helena got even more resentful with him, always trying to provoke him and drive him crazy. I couldn't understand why she resented him so much. Sometimes I would ask myself if perhaps she resented the fact that Dick was Bruce adopted son and that he had gotten the attention that she never had. Nevertheless, that wasn't Dick's fault and the ironic thing was that their lives resembled each other. Both had lost their parents due to Batman's enemies, even if the Grayson's didn't have any connection with him at the time, they had been gunned down by the Killer Moth in a gala in front of Bruce Wayne and this incident was what helped Bruce decide to take on young Dick under his wing.

So it was no surprise for me that Dick wanted to know what had happened between us for Helena to leave. It surprised me that he would immediately associate her disappearance with me, as if there was nothing else that could have caused it except for a fight between us.

"Why do you immediately assume that I am the reason for her leaving?" I asked with controlled anger, looking at him furiously.

Dick had the decency to blush when she confronted him with his assumption, but that did not stop him from believing it.

"Forgive me Barbara, but Helena has always been a bit overprotective of you, she was your shadow since she was a kid, the fact that you fight all the time isn't new. Helena is a very independent young woman and full of rage, but with you, she's different, you are her weak spot. If someone wants to drive her crazy, they only have to target you. Therefore, I ask you once again what happened for her to leave yo...leave New Gotham.

I realized when he corrected himself that he was going to say leave you but he corrected himself. What was going on? Dinah had assumed the same thing as well; even Alfred had been shocked that Helena had left. She left? ...But caring for you is her utmost priority!

What did they think was going on between Helena and I? What made them assume that she wouldn't leave… me, why they couldn't believe it?

"Tell me why did you fight this time?" He insisted.

"Because of her lack of concentration she got hurt three different times these last few weeks. This could have been prevented if she had only concentrated more. I don't know what was going on with her lately but her mind wasn't on her duties. Our work is dangerous enough without adding distractions, it's a sure bet it will result in them killing you." I explained in my best teacher voice.

"I see, but it's not the first time that Helena is distracted, right? I recall that when I was younger she was very playful, too sure of herself and her abilities to pay much attention to those trivialities as she called them. If I remember correctly, it seemed as if she looked for fights or confrontations just to let out her rage. Something that drove you crazy, but with time she matured and she stopped being that daredevil.

"It wasn't only her lack of concentration, she was distracted during the last few weeks, coinciding with her wounds, she seemed to be elsewhere, too engrossed in herself. She stopped coming to the tower and if she did, she'd lock herself in her room or watched TV without saying a word for hours. Later she stopped coming altogether for the briefings, she would give her report to me by comm set, or she would just cut off communications. However, the main point is that she was being wounded for her lack of concentration and her careless attitude. That was an indication that something was bothering her, almost as if she didn't want to do what she was doing anymore. I don't know." I ruffled my hair and took off my glasses to pinch the bridge of my nose, my head was starting to hurt, actually, since she had left I had a permanent headache.

"You still haven't answered me Babs, what did you say?"

I blew out furiously and looked at him. "I told her that if she wasn't up to doing the work of a vigilante and its responsibilities, the responsibilities that these duties carry I would rather she didn't do it."

"In other words you degraded her and distrusted her capacity as a vigilante." Dick said in a tone that clearly imparted his surprise. I know that he knew me well enough to know the real intention behind my words, but he also knew Helena –at least Huntress façade- well enough to know what my distrust in Helena would do to her self-esteem. She was a person very sure of herself, arrogant and confident of her meta skills, unless I doubted her, in that case Helena would turn into an anxious child eager to please. I knew that Helena trusted me with her life, I knew that. Why she couldn't see that? Why did she leave?

"My intention was to make her pay attention to what she was doing and that the mistakes she was making could cost her… her life. I never imagined that she would leave the city."

"Are you sure she left?" He asked questioningly

"Of course I'm sure" I snapped, "there isn't anything that happens in New Gotham that I don't know, besides she emptied her apartment above the Dark Horse, she even took out money from Bruce's trust." I said as if just the mention of her father was reason enough to explain the magnitude of the situation.

"Yes, she definitely left. Helena would never dare touch the money Bruce left unless she had to and only once and never again." He stated matter of fact.

"I know", I answered under my breath; I lowered my eyes starring at my hands. Suddenly I felt pathetic, drained.

"Helena will return" Said Dick with confidence. "Once she calms down she'll be back. She probably left to show you, you need her."

When Dick said that, I thought about Helena's actions until then had only demonstrated one thing, she was determined to disappear, she hadn't taken anything that would associate her to Huntress nor even Helena Kyle for that matter. She hadn't taken any of the air or land transportation options available in the City. Everything seemed to indicate by the way she left that Helena wanted to assure herself that there was no trace of her. If she had wanted Barbara to find her, for her to beg her to return she would have left all kinds of clues that would lead her to Helena's whereabouts, but on the contrary Helena had taken every precaution so that wouldn't happen any time soon.

"It's only been two weeks, maybe she was really stressed, it can happen Barbara. She's 25. It's completely reasonable that she should be having an identity crisis and need to reevaluate some things. She'll come back you'll see." Dick said optimistically. There was something in his expression that left me uncomfortable, almost as if he knew something that I didn't, God! Was it bothering me? Dinah sometimes surprised me with that same look, Alfred too, that look that said they knew something, something that I should know but that I was too blind to see for myself.

"I hope that's true Dick, Dinah misses her, she left without telling her goodbye." I said

"I know she'll return." Dick insisted and I wanted to believe it, I needed to for my own sanity.

Dick took over the physical and field training of Dinah with the care and concentration required to mold the young woman. However, I couldn't help but notice that Dinah couldn't seem to help but make comparisons between his methods and Helena's. Dick was more cautious, more observant of the situation before acting while Helena was more aggressive, impatient, and impulsive. The difference between them was very simple, Helena was half-metahuman and Dick wasn't. Dick's abilities and strengths were products of hard training and study of the criminal mind, his work as a detective at Bludhaven showed it. Helena for the contrary was the perfect combination of two strong humans. Helena could be Selena's daughter in every sense of the word but whether she liked it or not, she was also a Wayne from head to toe. Moreover, that was precisely what frightened Barbara the most, Helena was after all, Catwoman and Batman's daughter.

One afternoon that my nerves were on edge and I felt as if I was about to explode, I asked Dick to accompany me to the gym to train, even if my mobility was limited because of the wheelchair I had had to learn how to defend myself sitting in it. My upper body was very strong, not only did I use it to move my whole body, but my chair as well and I made sure I kept in shape. The leg press was designed so that I could lift and lower my legs by electric impulses but also allowed weights to be used depending on the resistance that was applied. Not only did I do physical therapy to maintain my muscle tone, but I also trained daily for an hour with different weights to make my legs toned as well like the rest of my body. I was determined to walk again one way or another sometime in the future and to accomplish that I needed my legs to be in top condition to be able to hold up my body without problems, especially after so long tied to my chair.

"I don't want you to restrain yourself Dick, you are here to help me train, not to baby me, got it?" I told him, glaring at him coldly.

"Whatever you say Babs" he answered with an amused stare balancing the escrima sticks between his hands.

I know I was burning with rage, pain, anger, sadness, my entire being was clamoring what I no longer had, something that I didn't know I needed until I had lost it. I had spent many sleepless nights thinking about Helena, nothing else seemed of importance, I was like an autobot performing my daily routines. I was just an empty husk after her departure, barely alive; my heart was lost in silence. I had lost hope that perhaps after a time she would write or call or something to let us know she was fine, but more than two and a half months had passed and we still had not heard anything from her.

It was that pain that drove my attack, I was furious, full of rage and pain; I attacked Dick with all the dexterity that I had developed over the years with the escrima sticks, hitting him viciously and with all my strength. My chair was equipped with a mechanism that permitted me to move in a full circle just with the movement of my torso, thus allowing me the full use of both hands to defend and attack. It was a new mechanism that I had developed to make myself more efficient in case I needed to counter attack or protect myself, and now was the perfect time to employ it.

After about fifteen minutes, I noticed Dick looking at me questioningly, as if he were asking himself questions that he wasn't sure he wanted the answers to.

"You know Babs? I don't understand why Helena's leaving bothers you so much. I mean, ok, she's your best friend, you've known her since she was a little girl, but…Don't you think it was about time to let her grow up? Maybe that's why she left? If she'd stayed, she'd always be under your shadow.

"You don't know anything." I said furiously as I swung to hit his legs, which he avoided by jumping as he in turn took a swing at me that I managed to intercept.

"Oh, come now Barbara, you act as if you'd lost the love of your life and not just a temperamental child that constantly drove you mad with her arrogance and irresponsibility". Dick knew he was playing with fire, but he felt that was the only way to get the redhead to come out of the funk she had been in, and that was to make her confront her own demons. He might be a man, but he wasn't stupid, it hadn't taken much to figure things out about the true reason behind Helena's departure.

He had always wondered what was between those two, the connection between them was much too deep to be just sisterly love like the one he, and Barbara had. Sure, they'd had a brief fling as teens but that had not been enough to say they were made for each other. They had been too alike and too independent to settle down. The truth was that their relationship had been more a case of raging hormones and adrenaline than love.

"You have know idea what you're talking about Dick," Barbara repeated between gritted teeth, she felt as if her whole being was about to explode, she wasn't sure if in tears or laughter at the absurdity of Dick's words.

"Don't I? For God's sake Barbara, I thought you were intelligent, but it's obvious that you have hidden your feelings too deeply that you can't see what's in front of you. You've been just be a shadow of yourself since she's been gone. What do you care if she's gone, she'll be back someday if she wants to. You have your own life, your life it's not her.

"Shut up!" Barbara screamed and hit him with such force that it took him by surprise and knocked him down.

"If I don't know what I'm talking about Barbara", Dick laughed from where he lay. "Tell me, why is her absence killing you?"

With those words, he got up and left Barbara panting from her efforts without looking back. He knew she had to be alone. Now it was just a question of waiting for her reaction. He hoped it was for the better and not for the worse. He hoped that instead of continuing to drown in the abysmal depression she was in, she would decide to come out of her shell and see herself for what she was. A woman suffering for the love she'd lost. He only had to add up the numbers to know the reason for why Helena was acting so strangely after the announcement of Barbara's pending wedding to Wade; and if Helena had left was because she was left no other choice.

He was just waiting for Barbara to open her eyes before it was too late, if Helena should one day decide to return it would be better for the redhead to know by then what her feelings were for Helena and maybe just maybe there might be a chance for them. He was convinced that no matter how many miles or how much time separated them, Helena was in love with Barbara and would be all her life. Nevertheless, the truth was not his to tell. The truth was obvious for everyone that knew them in more than just a casual manner except to them. If it weren't for the fact, the Helena was eight years younger than Barbara was and that she had been her guardian for two years none of this would be happening. He was convinced that one of the reasons why Barbara had hidden her true feelings for Helena for so many years had been because she considered it a lack of respect and would have felt as a cradle robber. Which of course was absolutely ridiculous from a logical point of view. It was certainly understandable when Helena was 16 or even 18, but once Helena turned 20 that shouldn't have caused Barbara any concern.

I didn't know what was going through my head after he left, I only felt that something inside me had broken into a million pieces. That wall that I had erected over the years to protect me from my feelings towards Helena came tumbling down leaving me alone and with a sense of unbearable loss. I felt my body shaking with deep sobs, tears for her, because I didn't have her by my side, for not being able to look her in the eyes and ask her forgiveness. To be able to tell her that she and only she is the one I love, that I didn't want to lose her, that she was my reason for being, for living.

I'm not sure how much time I was there; I only remember that when I finally found the strength to move I went to my room with an empty sensation in my gut. An emptiness that could only be filled by her presence, but at the same time with a resolution that I must live for her. I maintained a small glimmer of hope that one day, she would return to me and then nothing would stop me from telling her I loved her. It didn't matter if she didn't return my feelings; I only knew that I needed to tell her even if it was too late for me.

With this resolution in mind, I retook my life back with cautious enthusiasm, after all, she wasn't here now, and only her presence would make me happy again. One of the decisions that I made was to quit teaching, not that I didn't enjoy it, I loved it, but now my mind was not in it. If I was ever able to walk again I did want to get feeling back in my legs and during one of my conversations with Dick he informed me about a nanotech research program at Wayne Laboratory's that would restore and regenerate damaged nerves. As soon as the school year ended, I would join the group to work full time on the research.

I never stopped looking for Helena, I had the hope that she would continue being a vigilante and that somewhere news would surface of some unknown hero saving lives and fighting against crime, however, in the months that passed until now there was nothing on her, not a single word. She just vanished in thin air.

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