Chapter 9

After taking a hot shower to clean off the dust and sweat from his sparring with Ikkaku, Shuuhei meandered into the kitchen trying to calm his unruly hair. Ururu glanced up from mixing some kind of black jelly and smiled at him. Shuuhei smiled back, and wondered vaguely what the substance was but knew it was better not to ask. This was Urahara's shop after all.

"Good evening Ururu-chan," Shuuhei said politely.

"Evening Hisagi-san." Her voice was quiet. "Would you like some tea? I just made a fresh pot."

Always up for tea, Shuuhei nodded. "That would be wonderful, thank you. What time is it?"

Ururu stood and got a clean cup. "It's about eleven."

Shuuhei peeked into the next room. "Where is everyone?" he asked.

Ururu handed him the steaming cup, and sat back down to resume her mixing. "It's Hitsugaya Taichou's patrol. He took Matsumoto-san, Kira-san and Ishida-san with him. Um, Madarame-san and Yumichika-san went to bed, Urahara-san is in the storage room with Tessai and Jinta-kun and I believe everyone else went home…" She seemed like she was about to say more, but quickly closed her mouth. Her stirring became more aggressive.

Shuuhei noticed and frowned slightly. "Where is Abarai?"

Ururu visibly tensed. Her stirring stopped completely, and she seemed to cave in on herself.

"You don't feel it?" she whispered.

Shuuhei was beginning to worry. "Feel what?"

Ururu looked at him with sad eyes. "Abarai-san… He's in his room… He hasn't come out all day, and the air around him…" she trailed off and her eyes dropped to the floor.

Shuuhei turned and looked down the hall reaching out with his reiatsu. Careful tendrils of energy sought out Renji's essence; searched the atmosphere where Shuuhei felt his friends' spirit. Renji was doing a damn good job of closing himself off.

Alarms went off in Shuuhei's head; Renji had immersed himself in a black cloud of angry reiatsu. He had pulled it over himself like a thick blanket, and now Shuuhei couldn't reach him. He tried to caress the darkness he had found, lightly touching and prodding the separation between him and his friend.

He almost dropped his cup as a powerful burst of Renji's energy slapped him away. Shuuhei was physically knocked back, and his back slammed into the fridge.

"Oh gods…" he breathed.

"See?" Ururu whispered, "There's something wrong… but no one can get close enough to him."

Shuuhei set down his cup and started down the hall.

"No! Wait! Hisagi-san!" Ururu cried after him."What if he-"

"He won't," Shuuhei said reassuringly over his shoulder. "Don't worry Ururu-chan."

The slender girl stared after him, her eyes shining with tears. "Please help him, Hisagi-san."

X x X x X x X

Shuuhei knocked softly before sliding the door open.

"Abarai?" he whispered.

It was dark inside Renji's room, but he could see the red head's outline sitting in the corner. He was slumped against the wall, arms resting on his knees. His head was down and the parts of his face not covered by thick locks of hair were shrouded in darkness. He wore only a pair of jeans and held a large sake bottle between his knees. Shuuhei glanced around the room and counted several other bottles. He hoped they weren't all empty.

"Abarai," Shuuhei repeated as he slid the door shut behind him. "Ururu-chan says you've been in here all day. What's going on?"

Renji didn't raise his head, didn't make any indication he had even heard Shuuhei. He just raised the bottle and took another long drink.

Gods, what the hell happened? Shuuhei thought as he took a few slow steps into the room.

"Whadda ya want, Hisagi?" Renji slurred.

Shuuhei rubbed the back of his neck. "I came to see if you were alright."

Renji snorted. "I'm fucking fantastic thank you."

"Abarai, how much have you had to drink?"

Renji chuckled and tipped the bottle back. "A lot." He said before downing another swallow.

Shuuhei took a few more steps forward and slid his hands into his pockets. "Maybe you should stop now… get some sleep."

"Maybe you should leave me the fuck alone," Renji snapped. His words were slow and thick, but the bite was hard.

Shuuhei flinched inwardly but didn't let the sting of Renji's words show on his face.

"Abarai," he said carefully. "What happened?"

"None of your goddamn business… Why're you so fucking nosy?"

Shuuhei sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "'Cause I'm your friend."

"Right," Renji growled. "More like you wanna get in my pants."

Shuuhei moved quickly, closing the space between himself and the red head. He snatched the bottle and set it on the nearby table.

"You're done. Now. Come on." Shuuhei grabbed Renji by the arms and pulled him to his feet. The red head's legs didn't seem to be working properly, so Shuuhei put his arm around his friend's waist and practically carried him toward the futon.

"Fuck Hisagi, I'm fine…" Renji tried to push away, but only managed to get his feet tangled, sending himself and Shuuhei crashing to the floor.

Shuuhei 'humph'ed as his back hit the wood and he tried to untangle his arm from beneath Renji's body.

"Goddamnit Abarai!" Shuuhei hissed. "Get off my arm!"

Renji rolled off his arm, but only managed to pin the thinner shinigami's chest with his own. Shuuhei cursed and started to thrash, but Renji, even when he was drunk, was very strong.

"Stop kicking me, asshole," Renji growled.

Shuuhei stopped moving when he realized what a compromising position he was in. Renji had both of his arms pinned above his head. Not to mention Renji had straddled him - oh gods- and his hips were pressed hard against his own.

"Abarai, I-" Shuuhei choked. "What are you-"

"This is what you want, isn't it?" Renji lowered his head and nipped at Shuuhei's neck. "This is what you've been trying to get this whole time right?"

"I…no…" Shuuhei fought the urge to moan at the sensation of teeth against his skin. "I mean… yeah but… not like this."

Renji's mouth moved up to his jaw. "Like what then? You wanna be on top?" The red head sunk his teeth into the flesh below Shuuhei's chin.

Shuuhei hissed. "No! That's not what I meant."

Renji moved further up and ran his tongue over Shuuhei's bottom lip. "What do you want, Shuuhei?"

Shuuhei shuddered and let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He closed his eyes and Renji closed the distance between them.

Renji tasted strongly of alcohol but it didn't fully mask the sweetness that had been plaguing Shuuhei's thoughts the past few days. He lost himself in the red head's hot mouth, his tongue dancing over the other's in a fierce battle of dominance; a battle of possession. For one powerful moment, Shuuhei let his need, his burning desire that had been locked so tightly inside himself for so long, spill out into the kiss. Renji released his arms, and he wove both of his hands into Renji's hair, letting the silken tresses slide through his fingers. He fisted a large handful at the base of Renji's skull, and in response the read head moaned and rolled his hips. Shuuhei saw stars and threw his head back. He felt Renji smile into his collar as he rolled his hips again, grinding into Shuuhei's growing erection.

"Oh fuck…" Shuuhei's breath was ragged. "Fuck..."

Renji lifted Shuuhei's shirt and breathed a hot trail down the pale skin of his chest. "Tell me Shuuhei…" he whispered. "What do you want?"

Shuuhei kneaded Renji's shoulders as he whispered, "I… I want…"

Oh shit, what am I doing!?

Shuuhei's eyes snapped open and he gripped the muscular shoulders tightly. Every fiber in his body screamed in protest, but he somehow summoned the willpower to push Renji away. When the red head resisted, he hooked his foot into Renji's shoulder and shoved him off.

"Ah! Fuck Shuuhei!" Renji barked in protest as he fell back.

Shuuhei stood quickly and leaned against the wall. He pulled at the fabric of his jeans, trying to adjust the painful bulge between his thighs.

"Abar… Renji, no," he panted. "We can't."

Renji sat on the floor, looking at him under heavy lids.

"Why not?" he rasped, his voice husky.

Shuuhei tried to control his breathing. He stared at the ceiling and tried not to picture the bronze skin of Renji's shoulders underneath his fingers; the muscles rippling beneath his palms.

"I can't… can't do this right now…" Slow, slow deep breaths."Not while you're like this."

Renji was suddenly in front of him. He slammed both hands against the wall on either side of Shuuhei's head.

Shit! What the fuck?! He's so drunk! How'd he move so fast!?

"Yes, you can," Renji panted, and to emphasize his point, he ground his hips into Shuuhei's again. He rubbed the hard mass of his cock against Shuuhei's own aching member. "You definitely can."

Shuuhei's mouth was dry. How did this turn out so wrong? He had wanted this for what seemed like an eternity, and now it was happening. Renji was begging with his body. Shuuhei felt the other's hand leave the wall and grip his hip. The red head continued his agonizing grinding and Shuuhei shivered as teeth raked the skin of his jaw.

No, don't take advantage of him like this, you'll ruin everything!

Shuuhei was about to protest again, but Renji moved the hand from his hip to slide underneath his shirt. His warm hands trailed up the skin of Shuuhei's chest, stopping to flick a nipple. His breath was almost burning in Shuuhei's ear. "You said you'd be there for me… if I needed anything…" he whispered.

Shuuhei could only gasp as words failed him. Renji's touch was like fire, and it was slowly consuming his sanity. He closed his eyes, and breathed hard through his teeth.

"Shuuhei…" Renji whispered as hot breath caressed the soft skin below Shuuhei's ear.

Oh gods… I love how he says my name…

"I want this… I need this…" Renji's other hand left the wall and fumbled with the button on Shuuhei's jeans. He placed wet kisses all down the pale skin of Shuuhei's neck, stopping to bite the flesh where neck and shoulder meet. The hand that undid his pants slipped inside, underneath the denim to trace scalding fingers down quivering flesh.

Shuuhei was horrified to hear he was whimpering. The sound coming from his own lips was that of a common Rukongai street whore. He almost felt ashamed, but he couldn't help it; Renji had very talented hands.

Those hands closed around Shuuhei's cock, and slowly pumped. Once. Twice. His thumb circled the thick head and dipped into the wet slit.

So fucking good…

"See?" Renji whispered into Shuuhei's chest. "You need this too."

Stop… stop him! The voice cried again, but Shuuhei was concentrating too hard on standing. His hands were searching for purchase on the wooden wall behind him, and it was all he could do to not thrust into Renji's palm.

"Renji…" he moaned, lowering his head. He kept his eyes closed, but could feel the red head's breath on his face.

"Fuck me..." Renji whispered against his lips.

Shuuhei's eyes snapped open to meet Renji's dark gaze. He tried to form words but he had forgotten how to speak. A broken "Hmm?" was all he could produce.

"I said… fuck me." Renji licked his bottom lip, and his hands kept their slow ministrations. "I want you to fuck me so hard it hurts."

Shuuhei almost passed out. That was simultaneously the dirtiest and sexiest thing he'd ever heard. Abarai Renji: the center of his every wet dream and sexual fantasy for the last half century, pleading with Shuuhei to throw him on the floor and fuck him senseless. How could he resist? How could he say no?

"Please, Shuuhei," Renji almost whimpered. "Make it hurt so bad I can forget about everything else but the pain." He moved his lips to whisper into Shuuhei's ear. "I want you inside me… now."

Shuuhei lost it. With an animalistic growl, he grabbed Renji's wrists in a grip hard enough to leave bruises. He whirled the red head around and slammed him into the wall. Renji cried out, but was silenced as Shuuhei attacked his mouth like a starving man. Shuuhei spread Renji's legs with his own and ground his hips hard into the heat between Renji's thighs.

"Mmm… yes…" Renji groaned into Shuuhei's mouth. "Don't stop."

Shuuhei kissed and bit and licked a trail down Renji's neck onto his chest. The tattooed skin was impossibly hot; he felt that when he pulled away his hands would be charred black, not to mention his lips and tongue.

This is stupid… this is SO stupid…

Renji managed to unzip Shuuhei's hoodie and push it off his shoulders. Next came the shirt and Shuuhei straightened, lifting his arms over his head to allow Renji to take it off. Immediately he was back to trailing kisses down Renji's stomach. He unbuttoned Renji's jeans, and lowered himself to his knees.

Renji closed his eyes, and leaned his head against the wall. He grabbed fistfuls of Shuuhei's hair, and moaned in ecstasy. This is what he needed; this touch, this contact. His loneliness had dug itself so deep into his soul, he felt almost hollow. It was like he had a fucking hole in his chest just like the damn monsters he fought every day. But Shuuhei's touch seemed to burrow into that emptiness and fill it back up. Renji knew it wouldn't last; tomorrow he would go back to feeling the same as before, but right now… Gods he just wanted that emptiness gone, even if it was just for a little while…

"Gods… don't stop," Renji whispered.

Shuuhei unzipped Renji's pants, kneading the hot flesh through the fabric. He kissed the coarse hairs below Renji's belly button, and slowly started to pull the jeans down.

Renji was lost; his head whirled out of control. The combination of severe anguish, mixed with high stress and an insane amount of alcohol had been hitting him hard. Now the added sensation of Shuuhei's deliciously sinful tongue was bringing him closer and closer to passing out completely. The room was spinning and he was having trouble staying on his feet. But it felt so… so good.

As he felt his pants being pulled down, he groaned again and pulled tighter on the hair between his fingers. "Don't… stop… fuck…." He felt the tongue in the hairs below his belly button. In his delirious state, he whispered before he could stop himself.

"Don't stop… Ichigo."

Shuuhei pushed away and was on his feet in an instant. His fist connected with Renji's jaw, harder than he had ever hit anyone before in his entire life.

Renji crashed to the floor, half on and half off the futon. He laid there, breath coming in harsh gasps; wide eyes staring at the ceiling. Oh my fucking… did I say that? Did I really fucking say that?!!

Shuuhei gritted his teeth and slammed his fists into the wall. He was shaking fiercely and his breath was coming in shuttering gasps. Leaning his forehead against the cool wood, he squeezed his eyes shut to fight back what felt suspiciously like tears.

Slowly, he choked out. "You bastard…"

The two stayed that way in silence for several minutes, trying to calm their breathing; getting themselves under control. Shuuhei finally pushed off the wall, and grabbed his shirt off the floor. Tugging it on, he made his way to the door, but stopped before he opened it.

Calm down, he took a deep breath. You came to help him, and now you're leaving him worse off than when you got here…

He spared a quick glance at Renji, and felt his heart tear itself in two.

Renji had turned to his side, and curled up in a fetal position. He lay staring at the floor, his face blank and his eyes emotionless and empty. Shuuhei had seen eyes like that before. He had seen them in the mirror looking back at him after his Captain left him years ago. Alone. Totally and utterly alone. Abandoned. Ashamed.

Shuuhei turned to the door, his emotions in turmoil. He was still furious, but he didn't have the heart to leave Renji looking like that.

No one should ever be that alone…

Slowly, he turned and made his way back to the futon. He sat down beside Renji and scrubbed his face with his hands.

If Renji had been at the brink of despair before, he had finally taken the plunge over the edge. He lay there feeling cold, void. There were no more tears to cry, no more emotions strong enough to feel anymore. He had selfishly taken the trust and love from his friend, only to turn around and slap him in the face. Several minutes passed in silence before Renji quietly whispered, "I wish I was dead…"

Shuuhei looked at his back and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't say that."

Renji shuttered, and pulled himself into a tighter ball.

"I'm so sorry, Shuuhei," Renji whimpered.

Shuuhei leaned over to look at Renji face. "You should be… but I forgive you."

Renji closed his eyes and pressed his face into the futon. "I'm so fucked up."

"Yes, you are." Shuuhei replied. He gently pulled strands of hair out of Renji's face.

This time the silence was less tense and more comforting. Shuuhei caressed Renji's hair and watched as one quiet tear slipped out from under dark lashes. It ran down tan skin onto a perfect nose, and dripped softly onto calloused fingers.

Shuuhei sat back. "Renji," he coaxed gently. "Come here."

Renji sat up obediently but didn't look at Shuuhei; he just stared at his hands in his lap.

Shuuhei reached out and cupped Renji's face with his hand. As Renji closed his eyes, Shuuhei wiped the wetness from his cheek and gently placed a kiss on his friends' temple.

"It'll be okay Renji," Shuuhei whispered, and kissed lower on his cheek. "I'm still here." Again on his nose, "I'm not going anywhere."

How could he still be here? Where did this unending well of patience and care come from? Did Shuuhei really care about him that much? Renji lifted his hand to cover his eyes and his lip quivered slightly. "I don't deserve you, Shuuhei."

"I don't care if you do or don't," Shuuhei answered. "I'm yours…"

Renji let out a shuddering breath as his heart broke anew, but in an entirely different way. Fresh tears spilled from beneath his palm. Shuuhei pulled him into a tight embrace and whispered comforting words as Renji silently sobbed into his neck. Finally, the red head's arms moved around Shuuhei's waist and embraced him back.

"Gods Shuuhei," Renji choked. "Shuuhei…"

Shuuhei held his friend tighter and buried his face in soft crimson. "Shhhh…"

"I wanna stop loving him so bad," Renji whispered.

"I know… I know..."

Shuuhei then moved up to lay on the futon, pulling Renji with him. The red head curled up in the warmth and security of Shuuhei's arms, resting his head in the crook of Shuuhei's shoulder. They lay there entwined together until Renji fell asleep, lulled by Shuuhei's gentle whispers of sweet promises, and kisses so soft they could have been the ghosts of hell butterflies grazing his skin.

Shuuhei stayed awake holding Renji until dawn. When the first rays of light began creeping in through the window, he carefully extricated himself from the red head, grabbed his hoodie and slipped out of the room. He silently grabbed his shoes and was heading for the door when he heard Urahara's voice behind him.

"Hisagi…"

Shuuhei stopped but didn't turn around. "Not now, Urahara-san."

"He should probably do it himself." Urahara moved up behind him.

"No," Shuuhei said. "He's never going to tell him. But he has to know… he's killing Renji."

Urahara sighed and backed away. "Good luck then..."

Shuuhei made his way down the street, anger slowly building up in his gut. This had gone on too long, and someone needed to kick somebody's ass.

When he stood in front of Orihime's apartment, his anger had escalated into a quiet fury, but Shuuhei was a master at keeping emotions in check. He folded his arms over his chest and took a deep breath.

Orihime answered the door. "Hisagi-san?" Her expression changed from confusion to worry very quickly. "Is everything okay?"

"No, Orihime-san, it's not," Shuuhei said calmly. "Tell Kurosaki to come out here please."

Her eyes widened and she disappeared.

Shuuhei waited outside patiently until he heard footsteps coming back. He turned to meet a bed tossed Ichigo as he flung open the door.

"Shuuhei, what's wrong?"

"Come outside with me, Kurosaki."

Ichigo frowned at him. "Why?"

Shuuhei moved within inches of the shorter man's face and used his fukutaichou voice.

"Now, Kurosaki."

Ichigo fell back a little; Shuuhei was very intimidating when he wanted to be.

"Um okay…" He grabbed a sweater hanging by the door, and pulled it on after shoving his feet into a pair of sneakers.

Orihime started to follow Ichigo outside, but Shuuhei put up a hand.

"Please go back inside, Orihime-san."

Orihime looked from Shuuhei to Ichigo with wide eyes. Ichigo nodded to her. "It's alright Inoue." She turned back, shutting the door behind her.

Shuuhei said nothing as he descended the steps and moved around to the side of the clinic.

Ichigo followed, but being Ichigo, couldn't contain his curiosity.

"Shuuhei, what the hell are-"

His words were cut off as Shuuhei punched him so hard, it would have killed him were he an ordinary human. He crashed to the ground, blood flying from his mouth and splattering the pavement.

Shuuhei stood silently, waiting for the younger man to recover.

"Ahhh," Ichigo spit. "What the fuck? What the FUCK Shuuhei!?" He stood holding his jaw. "Son of a bitch! What the hell was that for!?"

Shuuhei stood still, his reiatsu burning dangerously.

"What the hell did you do to Renji?!"

To be continued…