Hiya peoples.! So sorry for my lack of updating, I've been busy and writers block wasn't exactly helping. I do promise to upload a few more chapter in the next few days if I get reviews! So enjoy(: Thank you.

-Breeze

Chapter 9: Let's pretend you never existed.

Hate was a funny thing because you couldn't hate someone unless you've loved them first. It was an emotion that fed off of passion.

You hated that person but you could never stop thinking about.

Jess, realized that, as he sat in the hospital flipping through television channels while trying to drown out Luke's snoring. He realized miserably that hate was a lot like love.

So much, that it was hard to decipher which was which.

Rory was having trouble sleeping. She hadn't talked to her mom and Luke in a day. She had no idea how Jess was doing. She was a burden on the people who had taken her in.

She couldn't sleep. She tried not to think. She was done with thinking. Because she realized everything is somehow linked to him.

If she thought about a book, she would wonder if he's read it. She would think about a band, and her next thought was she should recommend their music to him. Even her mother led back to him.

It was insane. The whole thing was insane.

Paris was counting each time she heard Rory open the front door to the apartment, and then come back minutes after; the number was four.

Four times, that Rory had decided to leave and go back to Stars Hallow and then realize she didn't have the guts and come back to the safe haven of Paris' home.

If she had left, Paris wouldn't have stopped her. Actually, she'd probably get up and drive Rory to the train station herself. Making sure she got there safe.

Paris would have taken her, because that's what a friend does. But the other side would have made her stay until she figured out all her problems, telling her the cold hard truth and sympathizing with her when she needed it; because that's what a best friend does.

…...

"Hello?" Paris said picking up the phone on the third ring. She had been making coffee for Rory, who was still sleeping.

"Hi Paris," said a very disoriented Lorelai. She sounded like she hadn't slept in days, and she probably hadn't slept in days.

"Hello Lorelai," Paris said briefly filling up two cups of coffee, Rory should be waking up soon.

"How's everything with Doyle?" Lorelai said trying to accomplish small talk before the best of her blurted out what she really called for.

"Great," Paris knew what Lorelai wanted.

"That's great, just…great," Lorelai responded, not particularly witty thing morning.

"Mhmm," Paris mumbled, picking up Doyle's coffee cup and putting it into the sink. She had to go to work in an hour, Rory better wake up soon.

"Paris, as much as I like talking to you I actually called for a reason," she said.

"I assumed as much," Paris said taking on her daily chores as she wondered just how much Lorelai knew about Rory's recent departure.

"I was, um, wondering if you've heard from Rory," she said quietly.

Paris froze. She didn't know? Rory hadn't told her mother where she was going?

Paris recovered quickly, so quickly that Lorelai never expected she was lying, "not in a few weeks, why?"

Lorelai paused, she was certain that Paris would know. But then again, she was certain that Rory would have told her.

"Because," Lorelai said. Still not believing the words she was going to say, "Because she's gone."

"Gone?" she asked, after a second as if pondering this new bit of information. She felt like she would win an award with the act she was pulling.

"Yeah, something happened with Jess. And she just disappeared. I called everybody, no one's heard from her."

"Well Lorelai, I hate to say it but I haven't heard from her either."

There was moment of silence on the other line. "Okay, thanks Paris. Call me if you hear anything."

"Of course," she said before hanging up. She went quietly to Rory's room and wrote on a paper that she was going to work.

Then she took a moment too look at Rory's sleeping form; wondering, if she made the right choice by not telling Lorelai.

…..

He hated the way her blue eyes shined whenever she laughed. He hated what she did to him when she laughed. He hated how she could look and be so innocent and yet break him so easily. He hated that she had the same interests as him; that she liked to read, liked the same music, liked to trash movies. He hated that she was so hard to forget.

He hated all the things he loved about her.

He grabbed a pin on the table next to him and the notebook in his bag that Matt and Chris had brought from Truncheon.

He made two columns. One for pros and one for con, he wrote all the things he had mentioned earlier along with a lot of others. He mentioned the way that she gives him everything she has and then just takes it away, like he's lost air to breathe. He mentioned that the list he was making he's gotten from her.

But at the very end of each list were the most important bullets.

He hated and loved more than anything was the fact that he loved he; forever, indefinitely and unconditionally. He crumpled the paper in his hands and threw it across the room, wanting to pull out his hair. Because no matter how many cons there were, they didn't even begin to compare to the pros.

He was wondering just how long he'd have to deal with this insanity.

He's watched people move on. Matt's done it a hell of enough times. He wondered miserably, angry at the world, why he couldn't do it. Why it wasn't as simple enough as just forgetting about her.

He didn't even have to have her. He just wanted to forget her.