A/N: cause there's always more for this crack!bonfire~
and yes, guest, yes... Weiss, love you babe, but you had no idea what you were getting into :D
ENJOY!
The inner thoughts of Ruby Rose
When she first met Weiss her thoughts were something like this:
-Heaven just called, they're missing an angel…-
What came out of her mouth was something more like this:
"I'M-SORRY?!" as she slowly panicked and the rest of the scene played out accordingly, with the two of them blowing up.
As Weiss was leaving and Ruby's silver eyes watched her fluffy white skirt sashay away, her thoughts continued as thus:
-Weird angry white girl, you just made an explosive impression… in my pants… which I'm not wearing any…-
With a sigh she looked down in defeat, and fell back into her crater.
When they met in the forest:
-There IS a god, and he's on my side!-
Which effectively came out as some manner of long, "Yaaaaaaaaay!" when Weiss grabbed her by her cloak and dragged her off.
After their tumultuous fight with the Beowulves Ruby was too distracted, partly because people didn't normally talk to her, at all, except for her sister, dad and uncle though he more grunted something drunk to her occasionally and pointed out things to kill. The other reason was her hands were sweaty and she was afraid to drop Crescent Rose.
-First rule of Uncle Qrow's training, DON'T DROP YOUR SCYTHE… second rule of Uncle Qrow's training, ESPECIALLY IF ITS BECAUSE OF SOMEONE SUSPICIOUSLY HOT DRESSED IN WHITE! Honestly never got that rule before, but now it makes sense!-
Whatever Weiss said she ended up practically screaming and turning around walking off into the forest frustrated.
-Third rule of Uncle Qrow's training, you will tap that! … PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE! TAP THAT!-
Ruby ended up making some groan of frustration and cut down a tree, there was nothing in Uncle Qrow's training that said be nice to the foliage.
Most of Ruby's interactions following their initiation were riddled with unspoken pick-up lines and longing gazes. Due to her semblance her brain had a tendency to work various times faster than a normal person's, this gave her the appearance of an ADHD crack child hyped up on about three tons of sugar, surprisingly this was actually slower than Nora Valkyrie's brain, provided Nora stuck her finger in a light socket. So every time Ruby saw her partner she was already three pick-up lines and hitting on observations in before either girl got a single pleasantry out.
Thankfully she'd learned years ago from, oddly, her Uncle Qrow to keep her mouth shut. Yang was the punny one in the family, following their dad, and Ruby's brain was just too fast for anyone to process or her mouth to keep up with. So the easy answer was to just not say anything and keep her progressively lewd thoughts to herself. She was 15 for Monty's sake, with a drunk Uncle that liked to take her out into the woods to kill things. Did her dad or sister SERIOUSLY think Uncle Qrow didn't blab to her about his sexual conquests or something? Those scraps were what fed her starving adolescent brain! And the violence!
Though she supposed she could see where the confusion came in. When her brain said something like:
-Hey there snowflake, if I told you 'you have a sexy body', would you hold it against me?-
It came out of her mouth like this:
"WEEIIIISSS!" with added arm flailing for effect.
It got so bad that she literally couldn't get the words out, even if she wanted to. Apparently all her years of 'keeping quiet' about her progressively perverted thoughts made it impossible for her to eloquently speak.
She tried to get help from her sister, who didn't help at all though that was probably because she opened the door and saw Blake and Sun run into their bathroom. She was a speedster, literally nothing was too fast for her to catch. Yang was thankfully still sitting on Blake's bed, appearing dumbfounded and Ruby just stashed that information away for later and possible sisterly blackmail.
Unfortunately, it appeared her words were too jumbled to get out properly, even to her sister, who just blankly stared at her until giving her some of the weirdest advice she'd ever gotten, especially from Yang.
"You are gayer than a double rainbow over San Franciso… go get your princess!"
To which her brain responded:
-Like how you have a monkey and a cat trapped in our bathroom for some watersports later?-
But it only came out as a few very confused squeaks.
What followed was a failed attempt at interaction with her partner that equated to something like her flailing at the Schnee heiress at full speed, knocking her over, possibly groping but too fast for the heiress to notice, and then getting up, red as her cloak, squealing again and running off. From what she heard later Weiss walked in on the threesome that consisted of her sister, teammate, and sexy abs from Haven, and according to Nora much yelling was had.
When she saw Weiss again the heiress was angrily stomping by, her brain's first reaction was:
-Hey there Snowflake, you have a problem, I'm sure the Red Death can snuff it out in a few short strokes!-
Only for Weiss to angrily grab her by her hood and drag her away, as her mouth finally got out a, "YAAAAAYYY!"
At least Weiss didn't seem angry at her for her crashing into her anymore.
Things got progressively more awkward after that impromptu strip contest, of course started because of Yang, like most things in Ruby's life.
While the others were arguing over who was the 'hottest' and 'sexiest' in the school and clothing got progressively less and less, Ruby's mind was going a mile a minute refuting their claims and stating her observations of the white clad girl next to her.
This didn't come out so much in words as her body just finally reacting and glomping the Schnee heiress while the others were distracted. Her thoughts were as follows:
-Funny meeting you here, nothing says dangerous like a room full of people and my sister on the other side of this table, but for you, babe, I would walk through ice and fire just to see a glimpse of that perfect skin under this tight, frilly, skirt…-
They spent the next five minutes awkwardly staring at one another until Yang grabbed her hood and pulled her out from under the table, telling Ruby to stop being so clumsy.
"YYYYAAAAANNNNNNGGGG!" the sisters then proceeded to get into a fight that eventually brought down the cafeteria. They all got detention and had to put it back together as Professor Goodwitch and Professor Ozpin mysteriously disappeared for a bit.
-Stupid adults…- her brain complained as she zipped around putting bricks in their proper place.
The next few years got progressively worse.
As Yang and Blake weren't subtle, AT ALL, about their relationship, and Sun when he was around. Weiss and Ruby happened to walk in on them more than once. She also noticed Blake's porn collection got progressively larger and in reality she was the first to notice the faunus had a side business of providing porn for the ENTIRE SCHOOL… not just their friends, EVERYONE, teachers included.
Part of her liked that these 'intrusions' generally resulted in Weiss freaking out and dragging her off somewhere, far away, and generally secluded. If she weren't as smart as she was, Ruby could almost convince herself they were dates.
-But dates aren't prompted by your sister having kinky sex with her girlfriend, boyfriend or both in your dorm room!-
Also Weiss was generally wound tight and seemed more and more inclined to yelling out random things and with Ruby's inability to get her actual thoughts out, well, they had a number of amusing conversations. She could say that Weiss' rant about sex was probably the third best and second most informative she'd ever had, her Uncle Qrow's was funnier and Blake's was better in both departments. The faunus had LITERAL walls on the subject, and in various, and gruesome, levels of detail.
Blake knew her product, and she knew it well.
Either way that didn't help Ruby at ALL when dealing with Weiss, as all the extra time with her meant a mile-long back-up of pick-up lines and fantasies about the white-clad girl that there honestly was not enough journals in the world to fill by the time they were done with whatever today's excursion was.
Combine that with Ruby's growing depression that her partner would never see her in a romantic, or at least sexual, light started to really wear on the poor girl.
She honestly got to the point that she needed a moment away from her Team, as they were all in some way related to her problems: Yang being Yang, Blake's infinite wealth of porn, and Weiss… being perfect. So she did the only sensible thing she could do, she went across the hall to seek her fellow leader's advice.
What she found was Nora, Ren and Pyrrha, because apparently Jaune was in detention for being behind on some paper and Oobleck was forcing him to write out five more.
For once Ruby's mouth and brain agreed, "I will take whatever I can get at this point…"
She was whisked away into the confines of NPR and learned some very interesting things about age laws that encouraged her a lot more than anything to do with Blake's books. Apparently, as the team closest to the cacophony of crazy that was Team RWBY, Team JNPR got front row seats to the madness, surprising immunity to it, and allowed them to 'watch' from a relative safe distance.
Pyrrha was the one to suggest Weiss probably had no idea about same-sex relationships as the Schnees were a very sheltered and traditional sort, also something about magic science and cloning but she got pushed aside by Nora when Ruby asked for more on that. Nora suggested that Weiss was stupid and blind, so weirded out by Yang's shenanigans that her brain couldn't process what was right in front of her and thus needed time to properly adjust. Ren gave the simplest advice:
"The day you turn 18, is the day Weiss Schnee will jump your bones…"
There was just something weird about Ren saying that all sagely with a cup of tea to his lips and the others nodding in agreement, but it gave her the most hope.
Pyrrha just laughed, saying it'd take at least a week afterwards to really happen. They made absolutely no attempt to hide the fact they were betting on when she'd get her snow princess.
Ruby didn't honestly care; this gave her a deadline for fixing this stupid talking issue.
So the day of Ruby's 18th birthday came and went and she got increasingly frustrated as nothing happened. Yang seemed happy for some reason, and Blake thankfully gave her more delivery jobs for her business to distract her. Weiss had been unusually quiet, calm and reserved, as if absolutely nothing changed because of her birthday. At least Blake was treating her like an adult now, giving her one of her private ultra-porn books and made sure to add that Yang was not to know that came from her in any way.
She was bored watching as Yang messed around with a piece of string, her thoughts immediately going to those books Blake had about certain kinds of knots and the best ways to apply them to her partner. Mercifully the door opened and Weiss looked about ready to crush someone's hopes and dreams.
-Yes mistress! Please!- were her immediate thoughts, along with her mentally deciding Weiss was not made to wear black, if such a thing ever occurred, she'd need white leather and lots of it!
Instead her partner seemed to call out her sister and give her some odd assurances with possibly the most psychotic smirk Ruby had ever seen on the older woman.
-Hot…- to which her mouth fully agreed once the Schnee heiress closed the door. Weiss confident and ready to kill was definitely in her top 10 expressions on the cold heiress.
She quickly lost interest in the string when something obviously was going on outside their dorm room door. When Weiss came back in she was practically gloating, her look even more vicious and triumphant and Ruby couldn't see anything on the other side of the door as Weiss turned around to close it, mentioning something about something she wanted to show her… that was under Blake's bed…
-There's only two things under Blake's bed, her personal stash of ultra-porn and 'the bag'… YES!- her mind squealed as her expression got very dazed and red.
When Weiss moved confidently to Blake's bed, bending down to shamelessly give Ruby a view of her backside and skirt, her mind continued in triumph. -YES!-
There was some thunderous explosion outside, muffled by Weiss' glyph and Ruby barely noticed or cared as Weiss started pulling out 'the bag' and her brain seemed to finally click.
"Is it hot in here, or is that just you Princess…"
When Weiss' brain finally registered what just came out of Ruby's mouth she didn't believe it.
"I've seen a lot of things fall my way, but certainly never an angel before…"
Weiss dropped the strap for the bag and slowly turned around.
"You've got some pretty eyes, I wonder what they'd look like closed and underneath me…"
The Schnee heiress stood up straight, twitched slightly and stared at her partner.
Ruby's grin just seemed to spread as she stood up too, smiling down at Weiss and so happy she gained a few inches since they met. "You're looking a little pink there Weiss, I think you need a little more red on you…"
There was some manner of squeak from the white toned girl as Ruby leaned in a bit closer… and she could just FEEL her face get redder!
"… or maybe it's from all the running around you've been doing in my mind, but don't worry, I know the perfect warm-ups to keep you nice and limber…"
Weiss' brain was officially shutting down.
Ruby actually had to reach out and grab her partner around the waist, to prevent her from falling, but that suited her just fine, "Already feeling weak in the knees? Don't worry, by the end of tonight, I'll make you tremble…"
Weiss was now shaking as she latched onto the only stable thing in the room, Ruby, "What-the-hell…" she had plans, marvelous, glorious plans! And not one of them involved Ruby turning around and spouting a ton of pickup lines at her that she was ashamed to say were working!
The little speedster just grinned widely, "Oh, I've got a really simple way of answering that Snowflake, but I don't know if you're going to like it…"
"Ruby," Weiss growled and she fisted the slightly taller girl's red cloak.
Only to be completely thrown off as Ruby charged on ahead and kissed the living daylights out of her.
When Ruby pulled back, with the cockiest smirk that would put her sister's to shame, "… or absolutely love it!"
Weiss' only proper response was to shake with all her pent up energy as her brain tried to reboot and register what the fuck was going on!
Ruby did not seem disturbed at all, simply pushing her forehead to Weiss', "Already vibrating, guess I didn't need to get the batteries…"
"Just… Shut… Up!" was as good as Weiss could get as she used the remained of her sense to throw Ruby on her bed, following by straddling her.
Of course that cocky grin did not leave the red reaper, "Well there are plenty of other ways I can use my mouth," with a quick maneuver she had them flipped, causing Weiss to squeak, "And I plan on introducing you to every single one."
There was some intangible squeal from the ice queen as she grabbed Ruby's head and pulled her in for hard, hot kiss, pulling back just to growl at her, "Damnit, I'm the one that's supposed to be seducing you, dolt!"
"But Weiss!" Ruby cheerily squealed in that way that made her partner tremble, "I'm the one that's spent the last few years working for Blake and reading her literal library's worth of porn!" she nuzzled closer, licking her lips, "I've got a lot to show you…"
"Eep…" icy eyes constricted, not sure how to properly process any of what was just told to her.
"Good," Ruby tapped her nose adorably before getting up, pulling out 'the bag' like an expert, and thanks to her speed had everything out and ready to go, including a certain devious strap-on as she loomed over her prey, "Because I plan on having you against that wall," she pointed behind Weiss, "This bed," pointing to the one the white clad girl was on, "that desk," she pointed, at Yang's desk, "Then the counter in the bathroom," the door behind her, "and finally in the shower…"
Weiss just stared up at Ruby, twitched for a second as something in her brain finally clicked, "Fine," she grabbed the sides of her dress and pulled, not caring about the buttons or ripping it, she had more in the closet, and the look on Ruby's face was totally worth it, "So long as you're next!"
"YES!" was the last coherent thing either said for a while.
Sometime later, when the dread dragon Melvin disappeared for 'some reason', Yang rushed to her team's dorm room intent to save her innocent baby sister from whatever horror Weiss was enacting on her with their stuff!
Blake followed because she knew this was going to end badly.
JNPR just watched from down the hall, a relatively 'safe' distance, and expecting fireworks.
When Yang made her way to the door Blake was thankfully able to stop her from breaking it. Quickly reasoning that if Melvin disappeared, then the 'lock' Weiss had put on the door would be gone too, maybe. Yang, still red eyed and on fire, grabbed the handle, maybe crushing it a little, and threw open the door.
What the blonde brawler did NOT expect to find was her 'innocent, baby-sister' hip deep with a strap-on in an ice queen that was so thawed out she couldn't even register they were there, let alone keep up her glyphs.
Ruby though was perfectly aware, and for a striking second looked at the door with shock, blinked, and said the first thing that came to mind, "I can explain."
Yang promptly fainted.
Blake luckily was there to catch her. Her amber eyes were wide but quickly checked the room for anything essential missing. There was a bottle of lube and toy-cleaner on the table, everything seemed to be set out in proper order, and they hadn't even made it to the handcuffs yet. The black cat faunus gave her protégé an approving thumbs up and quickly exited the room, locking it like normal.
Yang made some incoherent noise as Blake dragged her down the hall, finding Team JNPR with questioning looks. The black cat faunus merely gave them a shrug before addressing Pyrrha, "Where's your jet?"
The Mystralian champion just smirked, "In Vale, have fun!" she waved as the B and Y of RWBY left.
Jaune just blinked as the two passed, turning to his girlfriend, "What?"
"Yang's going to need a distraction," the redhead sighed, pulling out her winnings from Ren and handed it over to Nora.
"HA!" the hyper ginger pointed, snatching her cash and whooping, "Told you!"
Jaune decided he just really didn't want to know.
A/N: Ruby truly learned from the best, her drunk uncle and her sister XD
i dunno why, but i can just totally see Ruby slinging pickup lines in her head all day and night, Yang got the bad Puns, Sun got the good sexy lines, Pyrrha got a jet and gets to win, Weiss got psychotic terror, and Blake got porn, so Ruby got the pickup lines XD and i imagine that between 15-18 she'd get AT LEAST 2 inches, which would be enough to beat Weiss, and she'd lord over her partner like nothing else XD
-wipes hands- that should suffice for some whiterose here~ :D
and since i don't have a direct one here, time to make up reasons for why Pyrrha is awesome and shouldn't be dead thing-joke: Number 56: donates to kitties :D
Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!
-Ikasury
