He stood over the tombstone, his feet planted in the ground and his eyes cast downwards. All around him the snow trailed on and on, the sweet grey of the skies covering him like a soft blanket. He wanted nothing more than to lie down and be next to her, and cradle himself in her arms, even if that meant touching her skeleton.
He'd still find a way to make everything about his idea loving.
The soft grey turned more into deep dark stars, and the night passed on him, the moon shining her face upon his sullen cheeks and making him realize that he had been out in the cold for hours. He pulled his coat around him more, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
What if the doctor had a point? What if I'm losing it? Do I have to go about my days forevermore condemned to this pain?
He bent down softly, the snow crunching under his weight and his hands moving quickly to scrape off some snow that buried her name. His purple eyes softened as he gazed at her name, her voice calling to him in his head.
Kai.
Kai.
He could feel his heart twist in pain, his hands shaking and eventually his body falling upon his knees. He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath and gazing back up towards the sky, where he found a single falcon making its way towards the lonely city in the distance.
The graveyard was out of city boundaries, up a little from the last café and right on until the creepy road took you into a thicket of trees that didn't seem to end. Kai visited this place very often.
The hill looked over upon the city, and as Kai set his sights on the city he realized that no matter which way he looked at life, things would go as they always would. People would come and go, the sun would set, the moon would rise, and he knew that these things could not be stopped.
Time was moving farther and farther away from him, and he felt as if he owed the world something. He owed the world the sense of living, the sounds of his voice and thoughts; the only things he shared with her were all that he ever knew. He owed the world this.
From the corner of his eye he spotted a small figure crouched down in the snow, much like him. He turned his head and let his mouth hang agape as he realized who sat in the snow.
She was hunched over in a red coat, her two little stick up hairs waving in the silent breeze that ran through the night. Her coat was wrapped around her tightly, but even with that she was still shivering and sobbing. He could tell that she wasn't dressed properly for the weather, and as he stood up she didn't seem to hear him.
I know you.
Slowly his feet found themselves moving, and he was soon upon her, his hand coming out of his pocket to hover in the air over her head quietly before being pocketed again.
Touching was not his thing.
"Hey."
She jumped at his voice, clearly startled. Turning around her rose eyes met his and she breathed out, standing up almost too quickly. She was wearing her blue skirt and her leggings like always, but had an orange sweater to cover her. Kai could see her coat was too light for the temperature.
"What're you doing out here?" he asked.
She stared at him for a moment before putting a hand to her mouth and blowing, trying to warm her fingers. Kai watched her carefully, taking in her actions. She smiled a little at him and sighed, turned her head away from him slightly.
"You remember me?"
"You're Mathilda right? Mathilda Alster." He replied, looking down at her. "I remember seeing you a long time ago… you were once part of that whole Beyblade thing right? Back then… when we were kids…"
"What did we know…" she murmured, chuckling to herself. "We just had fun back then… but now…" she turned to the tombstone she had been facing and her shoulders sunk, Kai coming closer to her.
"What are you doing here?"
Mathilda did not answer right away, but merely kept her eyes upon the tombstone. Kai sensed that she was getting a little anxious.
"Mathilda… Go home. You look exhausted."
Her small head shook and she turned back to him, Kai's eyes widening at the sight of her tiny tears.
"I'll go later… I just… want more time here."
He pursed his lips, taking his right hand out of his pocket and flexing his fingers.
"You know… it's not good for women to be out late at night."
"What were you doing there Kai?" she asked, her hands upon a cup of warm chocolate. Kai sipped at his coffee and averted her eyes, not speaking.
The lights of the café were bright and people were still coming in and out. He had been in a place like this before, although where he didn't want to remember. His mind played enough games with him.
Mathilda turned her head as well to the outside, watching the snow fall down lightly and cover the ground in a small amount of beautiful white.
"My guess is that you lost someone too."
Kai did not respond to her again, but instead his eyes met her face, as she was still gazing out the window.
Normally she's happy and upbeat… at least that's how I remember her. I haven't seen her in years… but that's how she was.
"You know it's funny… you talk to people and you see things… and you experience the feeling of love you thought you'd never get… and when those things come… they're the most wonderful memories you have…"
She has his attention now, Kai turning his head fully to see her still gazing out the window. The chocolate was getting cold.
"When those people are removed from your life… you have to remember them. You have to remember everything they ever did for you… every heartbreak, every argument…"
She smiled sadly now, her voice nothing more than a whisper.
"Every kiss… every touch… every gaze they gave you… every time he said he loved you… every time he bought home some sweets… every time he made you promise to always be good and loving… every time he praised you… for saying something right…"
She feels like I do…
Her fingers wound around the cup again and she felt along the rim of the cup, taking another sip and now staring at Kai rather sadly. Kai could feel his heart twisting, but could not tell what the true emotion was.
"I guess you lost someone too Kai…" she murmured, now bowing her head down. "I'm sorry to have caused so much trouble… I should get going soon…"
Kai blinked as she put on her coat and threw out her cup, bowing to him fully now.
"Thank you for watching over me… my car isn't too far away… so I should be-"
"I'll take you home."
He stood up hastily and threw away his coffee, the person behind the counter cursing at him for not having drunk at least half of the beverage. Kai could care less however.
He pushed in his chair and walked towards the door, feeling Mathilda stand still behind him in confusion. He looked over his shoulder once and spoke.
"Come on, they're closing."
The door shut behind him, Mathilda putting down her bag on a nearby couch and taking her coat off. She turned on a few lights and ran into the kitchen of her apartment, flicking on the stove.
"Do you want something?"
"Tea."
Kai took a seat near the window, facing the outside. The moon was still high in the sky as the stars of the night glistened and danced in the moon's light. He sighed.
His gaze drifted after a few seconds however, as he was interested in her apartment. A clock here, a desk there, a TV set, and a small plant. He closed his eyes, remembering.
"Why do you want to take me home?"
"It's not safe for women to be out this late."
"Since when did you become such a gentleman?"
"…"
"I have my own car you know, I have to come back for it."
"So then call me."
Without a second thought he dug into his pocket and flicked out his phone, seeing the picture of his beloved on the main screen. His eyes dimmed as he immediately went to his contacts and saw a new name under the M category.
"Here you go. Sorry it took so long."
Kai looked up in time to see Mathilda place a cup of tea with sugar on a platter next to him, Kai taking the tea and drinking a bit.
"Why were you there Kai?"
His eyes met hers again, and as their eyes stared he could feel something nestling in his heart.
"I went to go see someone who was very close to me…"
"Was she your lover?"
Kai's eyes widened a bit, but Mathilda simply nodded her head, crossing her legs as she sat down on the chair that was across from him.
"I had a suspicion you were there for someone close to you. She was really pretty right? And talented? Had to be if she attracted you."
"She worked in my company… but then… we got involved…" Kai's words died as Mathilda's expression turned somber.
"I'm sorry… what happened?"
"It was snowing that night… he wasn't looking."
"I see."
They sat in silence again, the clocking ticking away slowly and Kai drinking his tea. Mathilda placed her hands upon her lap and finally breathed out.
"I was there for Miguel."
Kai's eyebrows furrowed, tilting his head.
"Miguel and I… got involved too…" she held her left arm with her hand, her body visibly trembling.
"We got involved… and he never told me… he had been fighting it for so long…"
Kai adjusted his seat as Mathilda shook harder for a few moments before speaking again.
"I said I didn't want to get involved… because then it meant commitment… and when you're in that deep…"
"Then it's hard to break out." He finished, leaning forward. The tea was done and he set the cup back down upon the platter, his head turning to the moon's light.
"She was gone almost instantly, I don't remember seeing her fight. She was just… gone."
"Who was she?" Mathilda asked slowly, her head down. "If you don't-"
"Julia."
Mathilda was visibly surprised, her mouth hung open.
"Julia? Oh my… oh my God…" she shook her head soundly, sighing heavily.
"So then… we both knew… who we both lost."
"Yeah." Kai scratched his shoulder and pocketed his phone, forgetting that he had the device out in the first place.
"It's been a while…" Mathilda began, her smile coming into her face. Kai pursed his lips and she smiled sadly now, cutely tilting her head.
"It's been a while since I really opened up to someone… it feels nice… to know that someone else… shares in my pain."
Kai did not speak, but stood up and nodded his head slightly, turning towards the door. He began to walk out when Mathilda followed him, speaking.
"Thank you again for driving me here… it got so late and I didn't realize-"
"Call me in the morning when you're ready to come back out."
She stopped behind him, Kai finally at the door. He could feel her gaze upon him and he opened the door slowly, one foot already outside. He paused before going out, breathing slightly.
"Thank you… Kai."
Her words melted into his heart and he turned around again, his coat flapping lazily in the outside wind.
You share my pain. You understand what it is to see someone in everything… to hear their last words… to really know… how lonely it is.
You understand.
His hand came up quickly and his fingers grazed through her hair, down to her chin and then more down to her neckline. She froze beneath his touch and Kai's eyes softened.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Kai turned from her now, taking his hand away and walking towards his car. He stopped before getting into his car however, his eyes tracing over her figure as she watched him. She was on the fifth floor balcony of her apartment complex leaning over the railing to the outside. Her pink hair was waving in the wind and snow littered her bare hands. Her eyes were stuck upon him.
Kai blinked twice, and let a snowflake drift onto his cheek.
This is all I'll ever know.
