I cannot let her die.

I cannot kill her.

This has never happened before, I harm all the people I love, it is what makes me who I am. I cannot. I cannot let her die.

I have broken my own rules.

This is not supposed to be happening. If I let her be my weakness I will fall.

Yet I cannot imagine a world without her in it. If I killed her I'd never live a happy day again. No, finding her and then losing her, that would be too cruel.

But this is not who I am. I am not merciful.

I cannot let her live.

But I have to, I am a selfish man, my own needs are priority above all. I need her to be alive.

She is the one exception that I hoped I'd never find. In fact, I didn't believe this to be possible.

Oh, I am foolish, so foolish to let her live.

But I did, I always will.

She needs to be protected, she needs to be well. She cannot suffer like this.

I have never hated myself as much as I did today.

This is not even an option.

I let the boy win, that bloody little scoundrel, that teenager that thinks he can threaten me, Kill. Me.

I let him win.

Because of her.

Saved.

I am not in need of salvation. I am not in need of anything.

I am a monster. I relish in being a monster. I don't need her.

And yet I do and she is not even mine.

And I have destroyed every bit of progress I had made. Only to fail.

Only to let her live, despite myself.

I need to control my temper, if I harm her again I will not be able to take it.

This is the last thing I need. In this town. With these people. Ever.

I have burned this bridge, as I always do and now there is no way back.

She suffered because of me.

She was ready to die.

Twice.

I cannot lose her.