- Chapter 9: Forced Reboot -
When a random fit made Mario smack himself in the face with his own hand, it was readily apparent that his time to catch a few winks had reached an end. How long had he been out? Shrugging, he rolled over to jump into his shoes and go ask Princess Toadstool if there were any plumbing jobs lined up-
And came face-to-face with a peeved Wendus Oran.
Faster than lightning, all of his recent exploits barged through his mind and brought him up to speed. He was on the RedPearl, far from his tiny hut in the rolling hills of the Mushroom Kingdom, and had spent the night sleeping next to the most ruthless Space Hunter in the Fungalactic Federation. The look on her face said she had no love for the idea.
"Now listen-"
"I'm going to give you exactly three words, human," she said, examining the claws on her left hand in a would-be casual manner. "Tell me what transpired. Tell me how I woke up with you in my bunk."
"I need four."
There was a pronounced twitch. "Okay, I'll bite. What can you tell me in four words that will save you from an impromptu vasectomy?"
Gulping, he yanked at the neckline of his shirt before whispering, "You made me stay."
"I made- I made you stay? I don't think so, fleshbag, no way in Helios!" When he didn't respond, only raising his eyebrows expectantly, she grunted, "Fine, you can have more than four words now, but this had better be well worth my time or so help me-"
"You were, uh... I d-don't know, it was like you were hopped up on drugs or something," he began, realizing with some alarm that they were both still in the bed; she hadn't moved from the spot, waiting for him to awaken so she could ambush him with the evidence. She really was a hunter, wasn't she? "You sleepwalked into my room and woke me up, calling me Toadam, and then Mommy and Daddy, and then you-"
"I did not," she breathed in disbelief. "Stop making shiitake up; I never even called my father that."
"But you did!"
"Okay, whatever, it's beside the point," she snapped. "And then?"
"Then I tried to tuck you in again, but you were, uh, all clingy. You got some mighty strong muscles in that tail of yours, you know that?" When a death glare was her only response, he wilted further and went on. "So I figured I might as well lie down if you weren't going to let me go back to my own quarters. I swear, that's the whole story. Newsworthy, huh?"
Wendus did not move – or even blink – for several seconds as she debated the validity of his little narrative. Then she turned away with a weary sigh and ran a hand through her blond tresses. "I believe you. I've heard... not that I've been pierced directly by one before, but I've heard the venom that flows through the tusks of Goomboids has psychotropic effects. Ethologically, it's to disorient prey in case they escape, to keep them bumbling around and confused so they can easily be recaptured."
"Thanks for the science lesson, Dr. Beakman."
Even the sneer she shot him was half-hearted. "Apparently it's true. I don't remember any of what you described. I must have done things, said things to you that... I would appreciate you not repeating. Not that I can truly keep you from doing so, but, uh... I..."
"Listen," Mario said, her awkwardness making him feel awkward as well, "don't flip out. I mean, so what if you kinda spilled more than you meant? It wasn't your fault – and it's not my fault for hearing any of it, so let's keep that part in mind, too! And, uh, well... let's just forget the whole thing ever happened, okay?"
"I woke up with my head on your shoulder." There, for the first time, he saw actual embarrassment – not just regret or anger or annoyance. Clearing her throat, she drew her knees up to her chin self-consciously and whispered, "I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused."
"You saved my life, too," he reminded her. "We're even stevens now, or something."
"No," she whispered. When he didn't speak again – but didn't move, either – she eventually went on, "No, I owe you my life. The rescue on Delfebes? Borne out of convenience; you were already there, I didn't have to go out of my way. Just as easy to throw you a bone as not. But you deliberately crippled your chances of escaping the base with your life just to drag my fat out of the fire. No matter how many times I told you I was beyond saving, you didn't give up on me. Stupid, and foolhardy, but you didn't give up."
"Come on, it's not like I-"
"I've been treating you like excrement," she bit out angrily, staring down at and through the bedclothes. "Ever since I first met you, not once did I willingly adopt even a semblance of civility. True, you can be a pain in the tail almost without even trying, but… but obviously you're not such a bad egg if you're willing to get yourself killed saving somebody whose death is almost guaranteed. How do I… I mean, how does anybody start to make up for-"
"There were perks," he began recklessly, not sure why he was doing what he was doing since he had been thoroughly enjoying her apology and listening to her brain reorganize itself into not hating his guts. Perhaps that was it; it was such an unusual display from the ornery woman that it felt wrong and dirty. Besides, he had never been the type of guy to let somebody gush over his achievements or favors.
"Yeah?" The look on her face was still as hollow as before.
"Your, uh, 'morph balls' are softer than they look." A tiny twitch of her eyelid encouraged him, so he pressed his luck even further. "Plus, let's not forget that I got away with calling you 'Wendy' over and over for an entire night. And when you climbed into bed with me, whoo doggies-"
"Enough!" she barked. "Get out of my bunk before I kick you out!"
The hindclaw pressing gently against his back threatened to send him to the floor before he was ready, so he hopped to his feet and yelped, "Okay, okay, I'm goin'! Geez…"
"Damn right you are." And Mario suddenly found himself at a point where he somehow understood Wendus Oran even less than he had previously, because as she stood he felt lips brush his cheek – softly, almost like the whisper of a ghost – before she strode to the door. "I wonder if I have any messages…"
Dazedly, Mario rejoined her in the cockpit about five minutes later, when his head stopped whirling around on its shoulders. He wasn't sure if he should be nauseated or thrilled to death, so he settled on feeling loopy for a while.
"Of course," she was grumbling. "Just my luck."
"What-" he coughed to keep his voice from squeaking, then said, "What is it?"
"Only the cushiest gig in the universe: escorting Johanna McCannon from her moon home to the Annual Arts Festival on Masquarden Two. Babysit a rich brat with a golden throat for two hours, keep any rabid fans from beating her up or tearing her dress off, and net yourself enough to take a month-long vacation."
"Who?"
"Johanna McCannon." At his blank look, she raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Unanimously voted the hottest, most eligible bachelorette in all of Rosetta by every e-zine across the web, even beating out your beloved Peachpittine and superstar actress Suzuka Valentine? She wrote that hit song 'Heartbreak Norfair' that's been saturated across every streaming radio station in the galaxy for six weeks straight? Wow, glance at a news feed once in a while."
"Sorry for not being up on all the hip culture of a parallel dimension," he shot at her, face growing warmer - even though it was still warm from the brief show of gratitude the icy warrioress had sprung on him moments before. "I've been a little busy trying to keep both you and myself alive!"
"Should have known I'd be entrenched in some dirty assignment like this one when a cakewalk is posted – and even if I abandoned my search for Birdley here and now, it's already been snapped up. Jenosa gets all the good jobs…"
Mario nodded as if he understood what in God's name she was talking about. "Right. So, in all the hubbub I forgot to ask… how are you feeling?"
Wendus blinked as if she had forgotten he was there, then nodded, averting her eyes. "Better than I expected to by a long shot. Every damn rib feels bruised, that's for sure, but... it could have been the end. I'm not that blind."
"You sure? You don't need a follow-up?"
"Mm." She passed one claw over the ragged hole in her zero-suit, and Mario was startled to realize she had no navel in the midst of those scaly rock-hard abs. Then he felt a flash of chagrin toward himself that he had expected to see one on a reptilian body in the first place; weren't they born from eggs? "This age we live in… I have no scar, not even a blemish. Medkits with miracles in them on every spaceworthy vessel."
"Wendus… are you okay upstairs?" When outraged eyes snapped up to him, he backtracked. "I m-mean, not that I'm saying you went schizo, but that… well, you went through a heck of a lot last night. You sure it's wise to keep gunning for that giant purple freak?"
Eyes now defrosting, she leaned against the bulkhead and folded her arms over her chest. "Not that I don't understand why you would ask me that, but no, I have to do this. No one else will, and it needs to be done one way or another. However…"
"However?"
A slow smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. "If… if you happened to have a few more food items from the market on Mushroombus, I wouldn't say 'no' to a quick meal before we head out. Have to keep our strength up, anyway, don't we?"
Mario's smile echoed hers. "Let's see what we can scrounge up."
-o-o-o-o-
Over a light breakfast – or lunch, depending on what planetary rotations you were using to mark the passage of time – Mario mentioned Chancellor Peachpittine's communications. Wendus expressed more surprise at how attached the head of the Senate seemed to be to some intergalactic drifter – even though Mario kept the tail end of their communication to himself. No need for her to know he was of the opinion that Peachpittine might be "overly fond" of him, especially since he expected her to laugh in his face at the very idea.
"It worries me."
"Everything worries you," he scoffed, and she made a mocking face at him as she poured herself more of that mildly-sweet drink of hers. "Okay, okay, tell me what's got your goat."
"The supreme chancellor seems to have this weird fixation on you, as if she thinks there's something she can get from you." Her lip curled. "Let's assume it's not something that'll send me to the latrine for a few hours. What is it? Does she think you might be able to lead her to your dimension?"
"I wish," he grumbled. "If I actually had a way back home, I wouldn't care one bit if Peachpittine came along for the ride. It'd be a pretty reasonable price tag."
Wendus sighed as she picked at her salad. Aside from the usual crumbled feta and lightly-sweet dressing, it also had both strips of peppered steak and sparse amounts of prosciutto mixed in with the greens, and though she had turned up her nose at the notion of a "froofy salad" at first she had quickly changed her mind after tasting it. "That's what troubles me: why? Why would she even want to? Here, she's a well-respected leader who commands entire fleets of ships, who has everything she could possibly want. There, she would be a nobody, like you."
"You have got to stop flattering me like this," he said sarcastically. "I might get the idea you have a crush on me."
"You know what I meant; a nobody like you are in this universe. In your universe, or at least the one you most recently inhabited, you're a hero." Then she frowned. "Something's been bothering me about you being here, too; we already have a Dr. Marius, and since you told me his brother looks like your brother, and I look like this evil reprobate sweetheart of yours, I should think it's safe to say everybody here has a doppelganger in your world."
Mario grimaced. "With you so far."
"Shouldn't it… okay, so I'm a pretty substandard theorist, but shouldn't your presence here create some kind of imbalance? There are two Marios here now, and no Marios there. That has to screw with something."
Shrugging, he buttered another roll. "Don't look at me, I got no clue."
"Hmm…"
They were largely silent while finishing their meal. Afterward, they both enjoyed a quick shower and change, then donned their Power-Up Suits… only to see that a few repairs were in order.
"This will slow us down," Wendus lamented, poking into her own stomach through the gaping hole in her armor. "Okay, off with the metal, let's get to work."
"I didn't even know we had a blacksmith room in this bucket," Mario said as they doffed their helmets.
"I can have this 'bucket' synthesize replacement parts from a scan of the remainder. To be candid with you, I'd say less than thirty percent of my suit is original after all these years of blasting and tail-kicking."
While waiting for the computer to run its "fix this broken crap" program, Mario and Wendus found themselves sitting around on top of the ship, unsure of what else they might be doing. It was pure foolishness to go any further than that without heavy artillery and defenses, but on the other hand, they were feeling listless. She had been sitting in the lotus position for the past several minutes with her eyes closed while he watched idly, wondering what might be running through her head.
Therefore, despite her peaceful state, eventually Mario turned to her and said, "Say, Wendus…" Waiting for her to answer proved pointless, so he went on, "What do you remember? From last night."
"Oh, I don't know… not much."
"Just wondering."
Thoughtfully, she drew one knee up under her chin but left the other one dangling over the edge of her ship. "Well… it all seems like dreams now, but yes, you were there briefly. And my parents. Lots of pretty, pretty lights and flying bananas… typical dream fare."
"Maybe we should be siphoning off Goomboid venom and selling it on the streets; sounds like it packs a real punch."
A reserved chuckle. "Careful you don't say that too loud or someone will probably do just that. Everybody's out to grab some commercial or political gain from anything they can exploit. That's why my parents were killed in the first place; power plays. It was easy to kill them, and all so those bastards could gain a foothold in their colony. A springboard to the rest of the solar system."
"I am sorry," he said with more seriousness than he normally used in a year's time. "I don't envy your life at all, it… God."
"Thought we already decided to shelve the sympathy," she said with a wry grin. "Back when I tried to thank you for making sure I didn't bite my own tongue last night. It's something only Toadam-"
When she cut herself off, tense and perfectly immobile, he lowered his voice in the hopes his question would seem less forward that way. "Who was he to you?"
"He was none of your business, that's who he was."
Mario nodded, absentmindedly taking his red cap out of his pocket and shaking it out; the wrinkles would take months to get out when – if– he got back to his own world. "You said he's the only one who gets to call you 'Wendy'. Must have been pretty high up in your pecking order."
She glanced at him nervously, as if caught in a lie. No, much worse – as if caught in a truth. "Maybe so. That's… beside the point now. I'm not on their payroll anymore, am I?"
"Their? The cops?" A flicker of understanding blazed through his brain. "You also mentioned a Commander Malkovich last night."
"You don't seem to be bright enough to quit while you're ahead," she said with a bemused – and slightly ominous – smile. One that brought a premature end to their conversation.
Soon thereafter, they were back in their robotic sleeves and trekking across the surface of Mallow IV again, kicking at ruins and casting about for any signs of intelligent life. Mario thought with giddy glee that he had just spent an entire night snuggled up against King Koopa's spawn. Definitely something to write home about… if he had any way of sending a message through dimensional barriers.
As they ducked through a tunnel, he idly watched Wendus's tin-plated tail undulate and wondered if Bowser really had been her father in this reality, too. Maybe he had a different name, like she did, but was he the same red-haired tyrant? Or was his personality drastically different like almost every friend he'd been re-introduced to since tripping that rift into Never-Never Land? It really was the stuff of Sir Barrie; the children's father turned out to be the same actor as Captain Hook, and so on; two sides of the same coin. Maybe the Bowser Koopa of Rosetta had been a little crazy and laughed a gravelly laugh, but had been a decent guy instead of a villain. Or maybe he had been a completely different person altogether, like Wendus.
"Whoa…"
"Yeah," Wendus agreed as they gazed at the giant, twisted metal object presently jutting out of the body of water. "Whoa."
It took Mario a few moments for it to register, and Wendus was already wading into the water when he hissed, "It's the frigate, isn't it? The Ostreon."
"It is."
"We're not really gonna swim down there," he laughed.
"We're not?" she asked, clearly almost out of patience with him (as always). "Why, pray tell, wouldn't we?"
"Because it's underwater. We're wearing giant iron lungs, which means we'll sink like giant rocks in a giant fish tank, never to rise again."
"Engage your gravity protocol," she sighed impatiently. "If the Power-Up Suit had an instruction manual, I'd chuck it straight at your face."
In they went. Again he marveled at how different she was from her Kingdom counterpart. Both carried perpetual bad attitudes, but they bloomed upward from different soil; Wendy was bratty and spoiled and demanded everything be served to her on a silver platter, whereas Wendus simply didn't have the time to deal with small annoyances and tried to dispatch them as quickly as possible. The bite of caustic wit tended to accomplish that goal expediently.
And – dare he say it, even in the safety of his own mind? There was some kind of terrible beauty to this version of the Koopaling. At first glance, he always saw the face of a Koopa and his instinct was to run away, closely followed by the instinct to attack her before she had the chance. However, looking closer revealed that it was only because he'd trained himself to recognize her as an enemy; the face itself was in no way frightening. In fact, it held this silent, severe attractiveness that he admired. She wasn't "cute" exactly, but she was noble. She would probably crucify him if she ever heard him say as much, though, so he didn't.
Mario was determinedly keeping his mind away from dwelling on her thank-you kiss when he felt something thud into his helmet. "Ow- AAIGH!"
"Hush," she said as she helped push the debris away from him. "It's just a dead Space Plumber, it can't hurt you now."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Heart still in his throat, he snapped, "Why are we in here, anyway? What's the point?"
"I'm not sure either," she sighed. "We hit a wall with the Research Core. I thought checking out the ship might help us, but with the whole thing water-logged…"
"Hey, it might still. You never know unless you go, right?"
A light chuckle carried over the airwaves. "You trying to console me, plumber? Soothe my wounded pride?"
"Sure; I'll soothe you all over if you got some body oils back at the ship."
"Right!" she laughed with something that closely resembled actual mirth. "I'd love to see you try that, flyboy. I really, really would."
"Wow, didn't realize you were in such dire need of a massage."
"Every Space Hunter is, but that's not what I meant and you know it. I'd have your arm fractured in five places before you even revved up your tapotement, Mr. Grabby Hands."
"Don't doubt it. Still, if you ever change your- WATCH YOURSELF!"
For once, Mario was the one to catch sight of danger before Wendus could; a trio of Space Plumbers equipped with aquatic gear were headed straight for them, looking anything but welcoming. Praying their otherworldly armaments would be equally effective underwater as on land, he fired, and was not disappointed – though the Ice Beam merely froze a large amount of water directly in front of the nozzle and sent it floating upward. He switched to missiles, and a few tense moments later they were once again alone in the briny deep.
"Fun," he panted.
"Barrels of it. Let's make ourselves scarce before more converge on a distress signal or something."
A few doors later and the pair found themselves poking around in the room where they had fought the mutated abomination when the ship was still operational. It did not bring back fond memories for either of them and the floating cadavers of Space Plumbers didn't help matters, so they quickly moved on.
"Damn," she bit out, slamming her fist against the panel. "Dead. This cargo lift will not be reaching the top floor anytime soon."
As they broke through the side and began to ascend the elevator shaft under their own power, Mario said, "I'm worried about something."
"I thought you were leaving all the worrying up to me."
"Ha. No, really – it's about this Birdley character."
Wendus let out a slightly less-amused gust. "Go on."
"You say you've fought him like, a jillion times, half-killed him or really killed him, and he keeps coming back. So… what's your plan when we do catch up with him?"
"Guess I don't have much of one."
"Why do I not find that reassuring?"
"Look," she snapped, "how about instead of bellyaching about my lack of foresight, you could try to come up with some strategies of your own? Don't you think that would be more productive?"
"Maybe," he hedged. Ahead of him, he saw her actually throw up her hands as if tossing him over her shoulder and out of sight. "Excuse me for asking, Your Worship."
"I don't need to be worshipped," she whispered, as if he'd meant anything by his off-hand nickname. "I just need to see that monster on a cold, gray slab with his innards turned into out-ards."
In the next room, they had to remove a couple of gun turrets from existence, which saved Mario from having to respond to her chilling remark. In complete silence, they crossed the containment unit and the following research hall, and it was after this that Mario broke down and apologized.
"No," she cut him off. "I have to stop doing that. For some stupid reason, you and I are locked into this mission for the long haul. We watch each other's backs. I'm still treating you like a rookie and that's way out of line; for a chubby little man who spends all his time fighting with flowers, you actually learned the ropes of the suit with startling agency."
"I don't much care for your phrasing," Mario said, not letting on how pleased he was by her words. "That makes it sound like the flowers were being attacked by me, when-"
"Save it for somebody who gives a flying fungus, willya? We're outside the ship, in case you hadn't noticed."
They were indeed. At some point they had gone through what used to be an airlock and come out on the other side, once again in another musty underground chamber. Luminescent moss grew all over an enormous tree in the center of it, jutting up from the lake that served as the Ostreon's final resting place. Without pause, Wendus began climbing.
"You coming or not?"
How could he argue with that? A few branches up, she said, "So… tell me a little more about your world."
"What's to tell?" he grunted. "This… this crazy mixed-up universe of yours is way more interesting than my little backwoods kingdom. We don't have… Cuisinarts that talk back and… interplanetary shuttle buses…"
"Not to somebody who's never lived in a backwoods kingdom. Holds a kind of comedic fascination." She cleared her throat. "You realize I'm only asking out of sheer boredom, right?"
"I did."
"Tell me about the other me."
Mario felt genuine surprise at that. She had gone to great lengths to avoid ever asking about the Wendy from his world – he supposed because it was unsettling to think about there being more than one of her, another being that was running around with the same face. Now here she was initiating a conversation on the topic, eagerly anticipating whatever he might tell her. "Well-"
"Wait. Are you getting this, too?"
See it he did; words flashing across the inside of his visor as they trotted through the door at the top of the tree's branches. "'Radiation Ahead.' What does it mean?"
"It probably means… that."
They both leaned over either side of the earthen bridge and gazed at the glowing bluish rocks below them. Not only did they crackle with visible electricity, but the suit readout again stated how lethal the unknown compound below them was.
"Should we be going down this way?" Mario asked quietly, silently willing the flashing red letters on his visor to stop frightening him needlessly.
"We have to. It's the only way we can go."
"That's a crock. There are plenty of other ways we could go that would involve less hair loss and blood-vomiting."
Wendus sighed. "Yes, but we haven't fully explored this path yet. Our suits will provide us with some shielding from the radiation, don't sully your shorts."
"Some? Some shielding? What's the matter, did the full-shielding not come standard with this package, is it only available on the LX?"
Choosing not to answer him, Wendus tromped forward and blasted her way through another door, revealing an elevator. Gritting his teeth, Mario followed like a good little puppy and crossed his arms over his chestplate as they descended.
"Wow, looks like I got under your skin for once," Wendus chuckled.
"Shaddap, willya?"
"Listen..." She shifted restlessly as if someone had put itching powder in her boots. "Before we put the whole live-saving business on the last monorail to Quarksville, I wanted to thank you for... for something that I'd rather went without saying, but we live in a very dark, abysmal universe. Thank you for not, uh... taking advantage of my venom-addled state. You easily could have."
They were both quiet for several seconds, only the hum of the lift's motor filling the silence. Even behind the armor and helmet, it was obvious she was waiting for him to say something; perhaps reassure her that he'd never do something so unforgivable as that, but he didn't even want to keep thinking about that kind of thing happening to someone he considered a friend. Not for another second. Therefore, Mario coughed before whispering, "I... yeah. It's a pretty crappy universe where I come from, too, so... yeah."
"Brooklyn, or your current kingdom?"
"Brooklyn," he laughed. "King Koopa is the only perpetrator of vile crimes in Mushroom Land, and none of them are much worse than larceny and abduction. It's one of the many reasons me and Luigi stuck around after rescuing the Princess that first time. Mushroom Land may not be perfect, but it beats the terrible crime rate of New York City."
He could actually hear the grin in her next words. "A rustic paradise. Sounds like a nice place to forget all your troubles."
"Yeah, but... it's hanging on by a thread." With a sigh, he shrugged his shoulders as if ridding himself of a burden. "All it takes is Koopa getting his way and I bet everything would spiral out of control in no time. Right now all of his focus is on beating us, becoming the monarch by force, but once he's finished that long-term goal... where will he stop? Slave labor camps, casinos and brothels on every street corner?"
"Mm. Innocence lost is never something to celebrate."
"Still wanna know about the other you?"
"Not if she's related to this scumbag dictator of yours," Wendus sneered. "I think I'm probably better off swallowing my curiosity and living in ignorance."
As they trotted out of the elevator room and into the following tunnels, Mario had to reluctantly agree. What would he do if he ran into his un-heroic self here? He sincerely hoped he wouldn't be finding out.
*To Be Continued!*
NOTES: Hey guys! Am I doing better now with posting regularly? REVIEW! To the PTK guy, no it's not that Metroid... this story is set before Wendus (I mean Samus lol) befriends one, which was in the game boy game. But yeah pretty much every Metroid game is better than the first one, and I always liked Super Metroid best. I thought Prime made for a better storyline for this fic though, so yeah. ANYWAY, a surprise visitor drops in on Mallow IV when GOOMBOID PRIME continues!
