Some deep, fluff, feels and ice cream!
They beam down in the late afternoon onto a sandy stretch of the beach. The lowering sun sparkles on the sea, casting a golden glow on everything, rocks and sand and foam. Kirk blinks in the light and the sun catches in his eyes which catch at Spock's heart, making him blink himself. He is aware on a somewhat distant level that the place is beautiful but it is eclipsed almost completely by the young man at his side. He was made for sunlight, this one, his eyes sparkling, hair and skin shining gold in the soft light and when he smiles Spock could hardly care where they were if only he could kiss him.
"Wow –" Kirk grins, stretching out his arms to feel the breeze and breathing deeply the scents of sand, salt, rock, water – "Is outside always this good?" So long gone, so long in the hospital – he has almost forgotten. Spock feels a little star struck watching him – you are the sun I orbit, the air I breathe – and all he manages to say is –
"Not often."
Kirk squints at him in the sunlight, trying to determine whether he is happy or sad, something he normally finds surprisingly easy to do. Then he squints past him distracted –
"Oh my god – ice cream!" he runs towards it like an excitable puppy; Spock follows.
Ten minutes later they walk back up the beach, Kirk enthusing about the amazingness of ice cream, Spock finding it frankly adorable and after all he cannot blame him after spending so long on a drip feed and then tasteless hospital food.
"Seriously Spock – it's too bad you don't eat ice cream 'cause this shit is the best!" he beams. Spock is slightly distracted by the smudge of chocolate on his lower lip.
"I have this – frozen alternative you recommended" he protests, indicating his fruit sorbet and licking it tentatively. He looks up to see Kirk watching him, with merriment dancing in his eyes. He laughs at Spock's concentrated expression –
"You're like a cat with a bowl of milk" he chuckles.
"It is – not disagreeable" States Spock.
"Is that the Vulcan for really yummy?" Kirk grins, and then not waiting for a reply – "Oh my god food is amazing! Also was the sky always this blue?"
Spock looks at him affectionately, not sure if he is required to answer the rattle of Kirk's thoughts –
"I'm going too fast aren't I?" Kirk sighs, not unhappily – "It's just everything's so – so here and – so am I"
"I understand, Jim" Spock says simply, and he does.
They walk down towards the sea where Kirk takes off his shoes to wiggle his toes in the sand. Spock's heart hurts with how much he loves him, so many things he wants to say – thought I might never see you again let alone see you so very alive. You are more alive than anyone I have ever known, please never leave me again – But Kirk is enjoying all the basic sensations of life so much it would be rude to interrupt that with serious thoughts right now. He looks down at his toes in a contemplating manner.
"I don't think –" he starts, musing and sounding halfway serious – "I like my feet" he finishes, and they walk on, Kirk skirting the edge of the waves, playing with them almost –
"If you could change any body part what would it be?" he asks, randomly curious.
"It is illogical to want to change something superficial merely for the sake of appearance" he replies like the perfect Vulcan.
"Yeah, but ignoring that, I'd have nicer feet, you?"
"Captain, there is nothing wrong with your feet – my eyes then."
Kirk stops and turns to look Spock in the face, his forehead scrunching up in that adorable frown –
"Why on earth?" he splutters, taking hold of Spock's hand impulsively so as not to have to say out loud –
You have beautiful eyes! And because he is mentally as well as verbally incontinent he continues – I love your eyes! I am afraid to look at them too much I'm afraid I might love you too much, I –
"Jim?" Spock starts, wondering if he heard right.
"Spock?"
"What?"
"What – what?"
"What did you say?"
"Huh?"
"You indicated –" Spock's heart is racing, at the concept – you never said before –
"Oh I –" Yes, my whole life I never said that to anyone, I laughed if they said it to me – but suddenly it is so very simple –
"Yes, I love you."
How did this take me so long? I thought you knew – those eyes so wide, so human in surprise – you didn't know! I'm such an idiot! How could I have been scared of this? –
And Spock feels like he might stop breathing, like this is surely one of those recurring dreams – I never thought I'd really hear you say – he squeezes Kirk's hand to assure himself that it is real, tries to speak, fails, tries again –
"Jim –" He says, trying to say it all in just that one word and Kirk steps in towards him, taking his other hand and he is thinking never change your eyes, I could live there forever, I look into them and think I might see my future- and Spock takes his arms to pull him close and mend that ache in his heart forever, curling a tender, possessive hand around the back of his neck as their lips crash together like the waves and he tastes of air and salt and life and they have never kissed so fiercely and so completely, Kirk grasping at him desperately and Spock touching him everywhere he can reach, basking in the feel and closeness of him – only pulling back eventually to breathe –
"Jim – please –" he is not sure he has ever said please to any human and meant it and he hopes that Kirk knows what he means – that he needs him too badly to better form words. Kirk just reaches, grasping and needing –
"Spock touch me, never stop touching me –"
They kiss again and it has been so long, far too long since they have touched like this – if they ever have touched quite like this – Spock is hard as hell and can feel kirk just as hard against him and he knows completely now what it is to be alive again. Being alive is to want, to need, to enjoy, to hurt, to feel and this is what he wants now and always. It is more than just lust this time and they both know it, knowing too that it always was.
Spock pulls back, breathing heavily, struggling to keep himself together. Kirk whimpers –
"Spock please don't stop, I'll die if you stop –"
"No" Spock snarls, fiercely, that red throb of pain – "You will not die. You will never die, never leave me like that again – Jim –"
"Spock –"
"Let me meld with you. Completely. Let me hold you so close in my mind that nothing can ever break it again. I cannot lose you – I cannot –"
"You're asking me to –" Kirk has a sudden, ridiculous urge to say "Marry you". But it would be trite, trivial – this is so much more. He barely knows why he asks he has no intention of saying no, indeed they both know it is not even an option, that the bond has already begun to form, it started as soon as Kirk re- awoke, their minds grasping urgently for each other in those first few moments –
"Be mine –" Spock clarifies – "Mine only. I have been and always shall be yours."
He sees the shine in Kirk's eyes and it occurs to him for probably the first time that the human might not break his heart after all.
"Yes" Kirk says simply. Spock can still hardly believe it., Kirk can tell, and he says it again – "Yes – yours – " he looks around them – "Not here though"
"Agreed"
"We so need to find this beech house."
He wishes he could phrase this differently in his head but still finds himself thinking – because this is like my first time and I want it to be special – and a tiny little thought no-one else could ever have heard – do you think there's any chance I might deserve special?
Spock takes his face in one hand so tenderly that Kirk shivers; it hurts Spock deeply to feel how little he really thinks himself worth –
"Jim –" he says gently – "You deserve everything."
_x_
I'm sorry about how soppy this started to get! In the next chapter: SEX! And bonding – finally!
