Her door flew open and Bo Dennis in her, no one ever taught me the art of knocking ways, came almost running into Tamsin's house.

The blond frowned, she had sent the text to the brunette less than ten minutes ago.

"How the fuck is it that at your you still not understand the concept of knocking? It's honestly not that complicated."

Bo didn't even seem to have understood a word she'd said, she just stood there, panting, "what did she say, tell me exactly what she said."

"A party?" It was a question and a statement, one that had been uttered in a tone of voice Tamsin had never heard from Lauren.

"Yeah. She- she wants to talk- and-"

"She wants to talk." Disbelief. Her voice was full of disbelief.

"And sort things out."

Tamsin wanted this conversation to be over. Yesterday. She had never in her life thought that she would ever feel her heart break as many times as it had been breaking lately.

Like it was breaking at that moment.

Lauren let out a humorless laugh,"you're joking, right?"

Joking? Seriously?

Her heart was being torn in two in a way that she'd never wish on anyone, not even her worst enemy, and Lauren thought she was joking?

The unfairness of life surprised the fuck out of her sometimes.

She refrained from saying anything. Chances were if she opened her mouth at that moment something bitchy will spill and and she wasn't going to be bitchy to Lauren.

Anyone but her.

"Is-" Lauren had that shiny quality in her eyes that always came about when she figured something out, "Is that the reason why you pushed me away?"

Sometimes Tamsin forgot that there was reason Lauren had managed to get into college at sixteen.

The girl was ridiculously smart.

"What, no, of course-"

"Don't insult my intelligence Tamsin. Please."

She sighed.

How and when had her life become so freakishly complicated?

"Were you lying?" Lauren asked in a soft hurt voice when it was clear Tamsin wasn't going to say anything.

"I-"

"When you told me you didn't like me like that. When you made me feel like I'd just gone and violated you. We're you lying to me?"

Panick. That's what that question and the tone of voice it was asked in brought out in Tamsin.

Pure Panick.

"Lauren it's not-"

"Yes or no Tamsin. Yes or no will do just fine."

She was going to completely lose her. Whatever little she had of Lauren Lewis she was going to lose if the word yes came out of her mouth.

"Don't make me answer that." She begged softly.

"I guess I have my answer."

No, no no. God no.

"Don't do that." She shook her head. It felt like someone was squeezing her heart, and had been doing so for such a long time Tamsin didn't even recall how it felt to not have it squeezed.

"Don't do what,Tamsin? Feel hurt that you lied to my face. That you intentionally did things that you knew would hurt me!?"

"You can't really think that." She whispered. Hurt.

"Why Tamsin, why shouldn't I when we both know it's true." She sounded like she was on the verge of crying. "Is it the reason you didn't come to dinner? Because of Bo? Because you're here for her and her needs come first?"

"Lauren that's-" she could feel her throat closing and her eyes stinging.

Fuck it, she was not going to cry!

"Don't lie to me!"

"I like you, okay! I like you in that way and in all other sorts of way a person can like another person."

"And that's such a bad thing you had to lie to me and tell me you didn't?"

"Of course not! God, Lauren. You're the most amazing person I have ever met in my life."

"Then what-"

"Bo gave me a chance." She said cutting the other blond off, "she was the first person in the world to do so. My own mother didn't even think I deserved one. And I-I don't want to repay that by completely shitting her over. I just, I don't want to be one of those ungrateful bitches that go through life screwing other people over. I don't want to be my mother. " God she was exhausted of feeling her world spin out of control and not having a say in it. "I'm not asking you to forgive her Lauren. I'm not even asking you to go to the party if you don't want to. I'm just telling you that Bo is having a party and she wants you to go. What you do with the information is up to you." She finished softly. Feeling completely drained.

"I'll go."

"What?"

"I'll go to the party."

Tamsin felt what was left of her heart breaking.

"She said she'll come to the party." Tamsin said, pretending to be concentrating on her laptop.

Bo arched a brow, "that's all?"

"That's all."

...

She could do it.

She could sit and watch as Bo tried dress after dress in order to find the perfect thing to wear to her party(which surprisingly,was going to take place that weekend. Short notice and all) Just as long as someone kept filling her glass with vodka.

"What about this one?"

It was a blue strapless dress. Blue was Lauren's favorite color.

It reminds me of the sea,my mom loved the sea.

She was never going to lie under covers that smelled of vanilla and honey and something solely Lauren and hear her whisper tiny details about herself ever again.

"She'll like it."

Bo bit her lip, "you really think so? I want to look perfect. I want everything to be perfect. This is my chance to start winning her back. I can't mess up."

Seriously, did she have some sort of stomach bug? I couldn't be normal to get this sick in the stomach this many times.

She took a bigger than neccesary gulp of her drink. It burnt as t slid down her throat. She welcomed the sting. Honestly at this point she welcomed anything that wasn't hurt, pain, self loathe and utter devastation.

"What's your plan anyway?" She asked to change the subject.

Bo tilted her head to the side, regarding herself critically, "what plan?"

"What will you say to her?" She scoffed, "you're not going to wing it are you?"

"It's called speaking from the heart, Tamsin."

Tamsin let it go. What did she know about speaking hearts. Her's was too busy breaking at all hours of the day to do much else.


Bo was out of her mind with nerves.

Tamsin had bailed on her, she had just sent a text that said she was busy and coudn't come.

Bo was a littlee dissapointed. Tamsin had been acting odd for a while now and Bo knew somewhere in her mind, if she just searched hard enough, she'd figure out why.

She just didn't want to.

Their relationship was a bit unconventional, and sometimes the blond pissed the hell out of her but as things stood Tamsin was her friend. And Bo knew if she figured out the cause behind Tamsin's odd behaviour they wouldn't be friends anymore.

So she chose to let sleeping dogs lie.

Besides, she couldn't go into that tonight. Not when Lauren Lewis was going to be here, talking to her, giving her a chance to make things better after she'd let them go to shit so bad.

This was her chance and no one was going to mess it up for her.

Not Tamsin and whatever it was she was hiding.

Not Dyson and the fact that he was pissed beyond belief that Bo had cancelled their trip for an out of nowhere party.

Not even her parents and their controlling, self serving ways.

Absolutely no one was going to ruin this for her.

She looked around, her eyes trying to make sure everyting was perfect and her mind trying to keep her away from checking what time it was.

Tamsin had said Lauren had said she'll be here.

And if there's one thing Bo is certain of, is that Lauren Lewis always keeps her word.

"It's only one week, Bo." Lauren said as she double checked her things for the trip she was taking with her father.

"That's a whole seven days," Bo said with a pout, "what I'm I supposed to do without you for a whole seven days?" She honestly sounded like she was going to cry.

Lauren sighed and sat next to her on the bed,"do you want me to stay?" She asked softly.

Bo took her hand and started playing with the blond's fingers.

It was a little nervous habbit of hers.

Lauren found it adorable.

"Yes." She said quietly, "but I want you to go too. You love everything science and you get to spend time with your dad. I'm just going to miss you so bad."

"I'll miss you too." She watched as the brunette laced their fingers, "but I'll call you, every single day."

"Promise?" She asked innocently.

Lauren squeezed her hand softly, promise."

And she did call, every single night.

And everytime they had to say goodbye Bo would find something new to talk about so they could stay on the phone for a while longer.

She smiled at the memory, God what wouldn't she give to go back if only for a minute.

She would do so many things differently.

"Hello Bo," a voice said from behind her.

She felt her mouth go dry and her heartbeat increase.

She turned around,"Lauren,Hi."

...

She didn't know what she had been expecting.

She'd dreamed of this moment so many times that all the ways that she had ever hoped it will go were all just jumbled up in her head into one big mess,

What she did know though, is she hadn't been expecting Lauren to just greet her then walk up the stairs.

That part had come as a complete shock to her.

"Uh, thanks...thanks for coming Lauren. It means a lot to me."

Shit.

Why the hell was she nervous!

She had planned this for days, she didn't need nerves messing everything up for her.

"You wanted me here Bo. Well here I am. Say what you wanted to say."

Bo fiddled with her fingers.

Fuck it she was making a mess out of her one and probably only chance at ever working things out.

"I- I am so sorry Lauren. I know I've said that to you more than enough times but it needs to be said again. I am so sorry for everything, I probably will be for the rest of my life."

"Sorry isn't enough anymore Bo. Not after everything that happened between us."

"I know that," Bo took a step towards the blond, "I do. But I needed to make a firdt step and you knowing that I feel so bad for everything that happened and that I am willing to do anything to make it better was that step for me."

"Bo,I know you're sorry and I forgive you." She said in that soft way of hers and Bo's heart completely soared.

She was getting it, she was getting another chance to fight for the only person on earth who had ever made her feel happy and loved.

"But I can't be with you, not after everything that's happened."

Bo's face went blank, her eyes glassed up, she shook her head, "you don't mean that."

"Yes I do, Bo."

"No you don't," she was standing in front of the blond now, her eyes pleading, "it's us, remember? Bo and Lauren, Lauren and Bo. Perfect and meant to be. You-you said that. Remember? You said that."

"Bo-"

"Please. I'll do anything Lauren. Anything. Just take me back. Please."She was openly begging now and she couldn't even begin to care.

Not when this was on the line.

Lauren shook her head, her eyes getting glassy too, "there isn't a thing you can do Bo," she took a step back, "not this time."

"I'm not going to stop trying you know. I'm never going to stop."

Lauren looked at her with sad brown eyes, shrugged like there was nothing else she could do and left.

And that's when the sobs racked Bo's body.


She had done the right thing.

It had been the right thing to do.

Bo loved Lauren and if she could only get her act together, she would be able to give the blonde everything she deserved.

And if there's one person on earth who deserved everything, it was Lauren Lewis.

Sweet, funny,caring,ridiculously gorgeous,effortlessly sexy, Lauren Lewis.

"She makes the most amazing pancakes." She breathed out and smiled.

God she was going to miss her so bad.

So so bad.

She didn't think Bo was going to let her anywhere near the blond again and even if she did, Tamsin wasn't going to do that to her heart.

Seeing Lauren everyday and knowing what she had given up was going to break the pices that were already broken.

But then not seeing her at all,well that would probably kill her.

"Fuck!"

She threw the bottle she'd been holding across the room.

How the fuck had she let her life get so god damned complicated over one girl?

One perfect girl but one girl nonetheless.

And worst of all, if were ever to do it all over again, she wouldn't do anything different. Not if it meant she didn't get to see that smile or sit on her bed and watch her concenrate on one scientific show or the other or even hear her nerd out about mathematical formulas. She would take all the heart break twenty times over if it meant she got to expirience what it felt like to be wrapped up in something so completely Lauren that it made you forget that your life is fucked up.

Even if for just a moment.

She placed her face in her palms and her elbows on her knees; as if she wasn't fucked up enough as it was, now she'd gone and turned into a massochist.

Her train of thought was cut short when she heard her door fly open and a livid Bo Dennis walked in, looking like she had been crying for hours.

Tamsin stood up, "what are you-"

She didn't even see the slap coming.

She just felt a sharp sting on her face and heard it echo in the house.

"What the fuck,Bo!"