Chapter 4
Lame
House was so incredibly bored that he was starting to go down to the bar every night to play music with the guys. He and Philly were barely speaking except on a professional level. She had provided him with a schedule to do laundry and take a shower which he promptly threw in the trash. He showed up at odd times to do laundry, walking in on her once in just her t-shirt and panties. He wiggled his eyebrows and smiled in appreciation. She threw a book at him and ran into her bedroom.
Things remained strained between them. Their relationship started to interfere with Philly's routine. She usually went down to the bar when she was lonely, but now that Greg House was always down there, she rarely went. She needed some company, badly.
House found the clinic to be more interesting than the one at PPTH. People showed up with diseases which were rare in the United States. He also found himself doing a lot of emergency-like procedures, broken bones, bites of all kind, cuts, concussions, people who fainted and just about anything that popped up overnight that required attention.He wasn't sure why he wasn't bored with the clinic, but it might have been the colorful tales the locals had for him. He was always excited when one of them wanted to trade his services for something. He had received a live chicken, a knitted lap throw, hickory nuts, baked cakes and enough quart jars of vegetables to feed an army. Philly charged $5.00 a visit plus $10 per prescription, but she accepted things as barter too. She had tried to make the clinic free, but found people didn't trust getting something for free. When she began charging, the clinic became much more popular.
Philly was getting antsy. She desperately needed some company and entertainment. It was with great trepidation that she decided one evening to venture down to Jed's for a meal and some music. When she left, she noticed that House's car was already gone. It meant only one thing, he was already at the bar. She drove into the dirt parking lot and could see House had made Gus put up a handicap parking sign right by the front door. It was the law, but no one in the area had ever said anything to Gus.
Philly walked in and the entire place turned to look at her. People nodded at her or waved to acknowledge her presence. The place was exceptionally crowded for a Friday night. Philly couldn't see an open table or booth so she sat at the bar. Gus made her a Margarita without even asking.
Mitzy came up to her side, "You want somethin' to eat Doc?"
"Yeah, bring me a Chef salad."
Mitzy smiled and patted, "You got it."
"What's going on Gus? Why is it so busy?"
Gus stood behind the bar, drying some bar glasses. "Doc House and the boys. Whenever the locals hear that he's gonna play, they show up. I don't think they can get over the idea that there's a doc that plays that good."
Philly was surprised, wondering what it was that drew the crowd in. "Well, it must be good for business."
"Sure is."
"I see he talked you into the handicap sign."
Gus chuckled, "Seems the least I could do. I don't pay him to play, but he plays for us and when he does, my profits go way up."
House was sitting with Jodi and Tiny, drinking a beer. He got up and came over to the bar to buy another round. He deliberately came up in between Philly and the empty stool next to her.
"Three PBR's Gus." House looked down at Philly who was pretending to look anywhere but in his direction. "You have mascara on."
Philly turned to face him, "Yeah and you have a beard. Any other pithy observations you'd like to make?"
"You need to get laid."
Philly's mouth dropped open in shock and anger. She closed it and thought about a retort. She gave up. "He should be coming through soon."
"Thank God. Maybe you'll be tolerable for a few weeks."
"Go F#ck yourself."
He grabbed the three PBR's. "You know, if you get tired of waiting for his Big Rig, I'll let you ride mine. I've even got a great tongue for a fifth wheel to latch onto."
She pointed at his table, "Get."
He smiled all the way to his seat. A few minutes later they went to the stage and picked up their instruments. House sat at the piano to play the first few songs. The three men started out with some old country western songs and ended the first set with some honky tonk. The balance of piano, banjo and guitar was perfect. Tiny had a great voice and was in rare form. Greg had the musicians laughing at something although he wasn't sharing his humor with the audience.
Every time Philly got ready to leave they would start a song she liked and she'd end up staying. After the second set, a young man, red hair and lots of freckles, not more than 5' 7", showed up at the bar with a large box.
House was at the bar getting the free drinks Gus gave them while they played. Philly looked over at the young man, "Hey, Virgil. How ya been?"
"Hey doc. I'm purty good. No complaints."
House looked at the kid, "What's in the box?"
Just as he asked, Gus showed up and looked inside of it, "I'll give you $5.00 a jar."
The young redhead nodded and Gus went to the cash register, took out $30.00 and handed it to Virgil. House went over to the box and looked inside, pulling out one of the quart jars to look at it. It contained a clear liquid.
House looked at Gus, "Is this what I think it is?"
Gus nodded.
House smiled, "I'll take a jar."
Philly snapped her head around, her eyes big as saucers, "Dr. House, that's White Lightning, about 180 proof. That'll take the roof off your mouth. I suggest you leave that for the locals."
House shook his head in disapproval. "I'm a big boy. I've been drinking longer than you've had tits."
Tiny and Jodi came up to the bar to get their drinks, they were thirsty. They noticed the tension between the two docs.
She turned slightly to face him, "Yeah, well you drink that and there's no tellin' who or what you'll end up in bed with."
"I'll take my chances. The worse that could happen is that I'd end up with you."
Gus, Jodi and Tiny watched as Doc Mac shook her head and looked at each of them.
House looked back at Gus, "I'll take a jar."
Gus refused to budge, looking at Doc Mac for approval. He wasn't going to let House have it unless she said yes. She shrugged her shoulders and nodded. At least the clinic wasn't opened that Saturday.
"$10." Gus said.
"$10? You just bought those for $5!"
"And I sell them for ten bucks. Take it or leave it." Gus gave House a steely gaze that said it all.
House sneered, but took out his wallet, handed Gus the $10 and grabbed a jar. He took off the lid as Gus and Philly glanced in horror at one another. House took a big swig, sputtering and coughing as the liquid burned down his gullet.
He could barely get it out, "Jees..." Tears were streaming down his face which was now flushed.
Philly chuckled and shook her head. Gus watched House's face contort.
"Whewww..." House was now hunched over slightly. He pulled himself up, looking at Philly and Gus as he did. Not wanting to give them the benefit of being right, he took another swig and walked over to his table with the jar.
Gus looked at Philly, "He's not going to make it through another set. Can you drive him home?"
"Where's Zeke?" She asked.
Gus looked around. "Over in the corner. You're not going to introduce the doc to Doris are ya?"
"I think it's about time they were acquainted, don't you?"
Gus chortled, "You remember that Zeke loves Doris, no matter how many beds she ends up in."
Philly smiled and went over to see Zeke. They talked for a few minutes as the band began to play. She watched as House took another drink from the jar, realizing it wasn't going to be long before they'd have to put their plan into action, his piano playing was already getting a little bit erratic.
Saturday morning, Philly bundled up in her jacket and hat, then carried her breakfast and a book out to the front porch. After breakfast, she sat back and read, barely able to keep her mind on what she was reading. Around 8:30 am she dialed the phone number of the studio. She could hear the muffled ring of the phone from where she was sitting. After a few rings, just enough to wake him, she hung up. It didn't take long.
It sounded like a man who had just been attacked by a grizzly. Philly leaned forward, fixing her gaze on the front door. She heard a loud scuffle, some masculine screams and then the door opened. Doris quickly made an appearance out the front door. Philly went down to collect her.
House could hear the phone through the cotton gauze that was apparently his head. He kept trying to come up to answer it, only to be pushed down by the hammer that was striking against his brain. His mouth was dry and raw from the burning of the alcohol that he had poured down his throat last night. He finally managed to open his eyes and looked for the phone. He felt something wet on his naked thigh. He reached down, felt the rubbery item and pulled it up. It appeared to be a used rubber.
Damn, I had sex? I had sex with someone last night?
It was only then that he felt the bed move and knew he had company. The cover was up and over his companion. The phone had stopped ringing. House turned his attention away from answering the phone to discovering who he had gone home with.
Did I have sex with Philly? After all these weeks of playing her, did I screw her and not remember? Who did I screw?
He quietly and gingerly pulled the cover down off of his companion. As he did, her head flipped over and he found himself staring down the snout of a large pig. He didn't realize that he had screamed at first. Doris snorted back at him as he jumped out of the bed, knocking over the lamp on his way. Doris had now managed to raise herself up and was standing in the middle of the bed staring at House. Their eyes were locked in a stare-down battle. Her beady eyes showed him no mercy. House grabbed his cane, pushing on Doris's rump until she jumped off the bed. He opened the door and Doris, more than happily, ran out.
House could feel his heart racing. What the f#ck did I do last night? White lightning? I don't remember anything.
He looked at the wet rubber still laying in the bed and shuddered. He needed a shower, badly. He grabbed some shorts and his toiletry bag and took off. As he rushed out the door, he looked up the grade and saw Philly putting a rope around the pig.
She looked at him, her forehead wrinkled and eyes narrowed, "What were you doing with Doris?"
House turned a beet red.
"Oh my God, you're blushing. You didn't?" She stopped, stood up with her mouth dropped open, "Oh please tell me you didn't sleep with a pig?"
House said nothing, but swallowed hard.
"That's disgusting. Poor Doris. Well, I guess it's not the first pig you've rutted with." She pulled the pig and put her into the jeep, laughing as she drove Doris home to Zeke's. Doris was the family pet and she had her own little bed on the front porch, with a cover. The family tucked her in almost every night. She was used to sleeping with a blanket pulled up over her.
Zeke came out on the porch to collect Doris. "Well, how did it go?"
"He's worried. He's not quite sure what happened. He's really afraid that something happened between him and Doris. I'm sure it was the rubber and the hair conditioner I poured in it. It looks pretty convincing."
"Well, good old Doris, she's helped keep more boys off white lightening than any school program. Maybe the Doc will think twice about hitting the hooch.'
"Well, I took a few photos of him and Doris in bed together. I put a little gravy on his cheek and Doris went right for it. It's perfect." I handed Doris over to him. "Well thanks Zeke. I really appreciate letting me borrow her and helping me get him home last night."
"Sure, Doc. Anytime. Take care."
I drove back to the house and found a clean Greg stuffing his sheets and blankets in the washer. I stood by the door, leaning on the jamb watching him scramble as his hands shook. I had a feeling that between the liquor shakes, the probably pounding headache and the fear of getting a pig pregnant, he was in pretty back shape. He looked up and I smiled. An empty condom wrapper fell out of the blanket that he was trying to stuff in the washer. He saw it and looked up to see if I saw it fall out. He was bright red again. I almost put him out of his misery, but I still had great photos to rub his nose in, so I didn't say a word. I simply gave a look of disgust, shook my head and walked away.
I went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. House came out to the kitchen. "Do you have any more bleach?"
"Greg, just clean the linens in hot water and soap, you won't need bleach. Bleach would probably stain it. Want some coffee?"
He could barely look at me, "Yeah that would be nice."
I handed him a cup and watched as he sat down at the table. He looked up at me bravely, "Okay, what happened? What really happened?"
"I drove over. After the second set of songs, you bought some white lightening and although we warned you, you chugged it. After the third set you were acting like a slobbering drunk. I left and came home. I heard your car in the drive around 11:00 pm. Then I saw you this morning kick Doris out."
"Doris? Who does she belong to?"
"She belongs to Zeke, but she's kind of a slut. Been around the mountain quite a few times. You're not the first to be caught in bed with her."
"He sleeps with her?"
I had to laugh, Zeke's wife was absolutely gorgeous. He hardly needed to sleep with a pig for comfort. "He sleeps with his wife. You slept with Doris."
Greg winced. He went quiet, sipping his coffee, he gazed wistfully out the back door. "The leaves are so red. They'll soon be falling off. They'll all be gone in a few weeks."
He looked so sullen, I took pity on him. "Greg, how would you like a piece of blackberry pie? I picked the blackberries during the summer and made the pie this morning."
He seemed to perk up. "I like blackberry."
I gave him a kind, gentle, smile and cut him a piece of pie.
