Author's Note: I had a lot of fun working on this chapter, especially the bit with Sirius. As always, a few notes before you read. One, I'm sorry that I don't show the Jily wedding. I almost did, but I think everyone probably has their own ideas of how that goes and I decided it leave that alone instead of conflicting with someone else's headcanon. Sorry. But there's some good stuff on the proposal and the pre-wedding preparation, so hopefully you guys will be satisfied. Secondly, I have a feeling some people may take issues with what happens with Peter in this chapter. My reasoning behind it is this: I don't think his eventual betrayal would have come out of nowhere. I think there would've been little cracks along the way that his friends dismissed because they trusted him. This is the beginning of that downward spiral into fear. You'll see more of that as the story progresses. And Lily handles it the way she does because she knows Peter and she knows that he gets scared and didn't mean anything by it. That fact that she was friends with Snape for so long even while he was going dark shows that she can definitely turn a blind eye to her friends, much like James. So that's why she reacts the way she does. As for the bit with Sirius, he and Lily are my broTP. I absolutely love them having a sibling relationship, and that really shines through in this chapter. So if that's not really your thing, hopefully you'll put up with it anyway. Enjoy!
1979
It was early in February when James and Lily got engaged. Unbeknownst to them, the other three Marauders had already been betting for months about exactly how the engagement was going to happen. Remus thought James would take painstaking care to create an elaborate plan for the perfect romantic proposal. Peter's money was on James staring at Lily one evening and the phrase just slipping out and James just deciding to go with it because he really did mean it. Sirius was betting Lily would be the one to ask James. In the end, it was actually Peter who ended up being the closest. The proposal did slip out of James' mouth with absolutely no forethought whatsoever. But it did not happen on one of the many nights in his parents' den where James pretended to read the paper to hide the fact that he was actually watching Lily read a book in front of the fireplace. Instead, the words came flying out while James and Lily were fighting off a pack of Death Eaters.
They had known from the beginning that the raid was going to be a trap. The intel had been far too clean and too many sources had backed it up. It was as if the Death Eaters had wanted them to know. (As it turned out, that was exactly what they had wanted.) So the Order had gone in prepared. What should have been a patrol for just the Longbottoms had quickly grown to include James and Lily, Edgar Bones, Sirius, Marlene, the Prewett brothers, and Emmeline Vance. (Alastor Moody had tried to bully his way onto the team as well, but Dumbledore insisted that he needed a bit longer to get used to his prosthetic leg.) The ten of them Apparated to the site all together, fully prepared for a fight. And so it was that the Death Eaters, and not the Order, were the ones taken by surprise.
That wasn't to say that the Death Eaters didn't put up a good fight. They did. And they quickly called for reinforcements, so it didn't take long for the Order to be outnumbered. But they were not to be deterred. They fought bravely on, wands waving this way and that as they countered spells and fired off their own. At first they merely held their ground. Then they gradually began to push back.
Somewhere amid the chaos, James and Lily ended up back to back, as they usually did in such situations. The year and a half of dueling practice at Hogwarts was finally paying off. They knew each other playbooks by heart, which meant they very rarely needed to consult one another while they fought. They instinctively knew each other's coming reactions and responded accordingly. It was like a finely choreographed dance. They whirled and spun in perfect tandem, sending spells in all directions. They were like a magical hurricane sweeping through the Death Eaters. Despite the danger, there was something terribly exhilarating about all of it. Lily was actually laughing above the din as one of her trickier spells struck home. The knowledge that she could still find it in her to laugh even in the middle of a war was what finally caused the final piece to click into place in James' mind.
"Will you marry me?" he yelled over the sound of a fiery explosion.
"What?!" Lily cried. She was so shocked that she nearly missed the brief window to counter a curse that was flying at her head. Thankfully, her mental reflexes were sharp enough to save her life.
"I said, 'Will you marry me?'" James repeated as he stunned one Death Eater and knocked out another in the same motion.
"You're asking me this now?!" Lily shouted, risking a glance over her shoulder. They both shifted positions and flawlessly countered curses that had been coming for the other.
"No time like the present!" James called back.
"Do you actually mean it?" Lily yelled as she sent a Death Eater flying backwards and out of sight. "You're not just saying it in the moment?"
She and James quickly dealt with the two remaining Death Eaters in their vicinity. That won them a temporary respite, and they used it to turn and face each other.
"I mean it," James said honestly. "I'm in love with you, Lily. Completely, hopelessly, and eternally in love with you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
He stooped down to pull up a piece of grass, which he twisted into a loop. A second later he had it transfigured into a simple silver ring. He then got down on one knee, completely oblivious to the magical duels still raging a short distance away, and looked up at Lily.
"Will you marry me, Lily Evans, and make me the happiest man alive?" James asked sincerely.
Lily opened her mouth to respond, but something caught her eye. She quickly leveled her wand and fired a spell over James' shoulder, blasting a Death Eater who had been trying to approach them. James looked over his shoulder and whistled.
"I love you," he said, looking back up at Lily with a grin.
"I know," Lily said with a grin of her own.
"So?" James asked nervously. "Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will, you idiot," Lily laughed.
James leaped to his feet with a victorious cry, and moved forward to kiss her. Lily held up her hand against his chest to stop him.
"I have one condition though," she said sternly.
"Anything," James told her.
"You better get me a proper engagement ring," Lily said. "And it better have a proper diamond."
"I'll buy you the biggest diamond I can find," James said with an excited smile. "I'll buy you all the diamonds in the world."
"I don't need that many," Lily said, her mouth quirking upward. "But a small one would be nice."
"I think I can do that," James said.
He leaned forward again, and this time Lily let their lips touch. When they finally pulled apart, it was to the sound of clapping. The members of the Order had neutralized the last remaining Death Eaters, and now they were all watching James and Lily.
"Did you two just get engaged?" Marlene gaped.
In answer, James slipped the transfigured ring onto Lily's hand and held it up. A wave of smiles and laughter washed over the other eight Order members.
"Well, it's about bloody time," Sirius said. Lily had never seen him smile as wide as he was in that moment. The rest of the Order members chuckled in agreement.
"There's going to be another wedding," Emmeline cried happily.
"Congratulations to both of you," Alice said warmly.
She moved forward and wrapped Lily in a tight hug. The others followed her lead, and suddenly Lily and James were enveloped in a cloud of hugs and handshakes and congratulations. Everyone was smiling and laughing. And then Sirius' voice suddenly rose above the cheerful hubbub.
"Oh, bloody hell," he swore.
The noise died down considerably as nine faces turned to look at him in confusion.
"I owe Peter five Galleons," he explained in an irritable tone.
The sound of the resulting laughter carried off into the night, and in that one moment, all was right with the world.
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I'm getting married today.
No matter how long Lily stared at herself in the mirror, it just didn't seem real. The white dress she wore should have been a dead giveaway. It was a simple strapless one covered in a light beadwork pattern. The hem just barely touched her white flats, meaning it wouldn't drag on the ground. It was Alice's wedding dress, and she had insisted that Lily use it since they were about the same size. Marlene had helped Lily curl the ends of her hair so it turned to ringlets as it fell past her bare shoulders. The veil clipped to the back of Lily's head had come from Mrs. Potter. Since she had no daughters of her own to pass it too, she had been thrilled for Lily to wear it. A small line of tiny pink flowers covered the front of the metal clip, making it invisible. Lily had also put on a necklace from her mother, a heart made of red crystal hanging on a chain of tiny silver links. She looked every inch a bride. But it still felt so surreal.
Lily glanced out the window across the room while she tried to wrap her brain around it. Her bedroom at the Potter house overlooked the backyard, and from this distance, she could see some of the guests being seated in the chairs outside. Golden ribbon ran along the backs of the chairs, tying each row together and providing a place from which to hang the small white bouquets adorning the back of each chair. The reception would be held in the little-used ballroom downstairs. There had been some thought about setting up a large tent outside, but with the war going on, James and Lily had opted for a smaller and quieter wedding. Attendance would be fairly low by wizard standards. All of the Order had been invited, although a few of them would be unable to attend for security results. A small handful of old school friends had also been invited, including Mary MacDonald, along with a few Hogwarts professors. But that was the end of the guest list. James had no other family besides his parents, and Petunia had flatly declined Lily's invitation. (The arrival of that particular letter had led to Lily and Sirius laying on Lily's bed eating Muggle ice-cream and rehashing their sibling issues until the wee hours of the morning.) The wound still stung a bit, especially today. But Lily refused to let it spoil her wedding.
A tentative knock sounded from the door behind her.
"Come in," Lily called over her shoulder.
Peter and Frank had been given the job of keeping James away from her room, so she highly doubted it was him. Her instinct was proved correct when Remus stepped into the room. His hair was carefully combed to one side, and he had on a tidy black suit and a red tie with a small white rose pinned to his breast pocket. He let out a low whistle when he saw Lily standing there.
"Wow, Lils," he said as he walked up behind her. "You look amazing."
"You clean up pretty nice yourself," Lily told him.
"They're almost ready outside," Remus said, sticking his hands in the pockets of his trousers. "Sirius and Marlene are getting everyone seated. Oh, and he wants me to remind you again that he gets the father-daughter dance."
"How could I forget?" Lily said with a chuckle.
Not having her parents there on her wedding day was hard. It had already led to more than a few rounds of crying in front of Sirius and Alice. But Lily had been blown away at how her friends had rallied to fill the void. Alice and Mrs. Potter had given her the dress and veil respectively, and they and Marlene had been quick to help out in any other way Lily needed. Sirius and Remus had both asked Lily if she would let them take on the duties of the father of the bride. Remus would walk her down the aisle, and Sirius would be her partner for the father-daughter dance. (The tradition was actually a strictly Muggle one, but Lily had admitted to James that not having that moment with her father would be one of the hardest parts of the wedding for her. So naturally, James and Sirius had made it happen.)
Lily took one last look at herself in the long mirror before turning to face Remus.
"Sometimes I think Sirius is more excited about this than James and I," she said.
"He's certainly into it," Remus agreed with a smile.
"Into it?" Lily asked drily. "He practically took it over!"
Indeed, Sirius had all but planned the wedding himself. He had begun work on the ceremony the very night James proposed. He and Lily had spent innumerable hours pouring over wedding ideas with occasional input from James. When Lily and James had decided to just get married at the Potter mansion, Sirius had thrown himself into decorating. He and Mrs. Potter had stayed up many a night making sure all the details were correct. Sirius had almost tried to plan Lily's bachelorette party as well, but finally he had consented to hand it over to Marlene. Instead, he had contented himself with planning James' bachelor party. (There had been an unspoken agreement among the others not to call it a stag party, which of course meant that Sirius responded by giving the entire event a deer theme.) Between all of that and rewriting his best man speech a hundred different times, Lily had no idea how Sirius even had any energy left. But somehow he did.
"I can't believe this is actually happening," Lily said, glancing down at her dress.
"Me neither," Remus said. "My little study buddy, all grown up and getting married."
He sniffed loudly for dramatic effect, which made Lily laugh and swat at his arm.
"You just want me out of here so you can take my room," she accused.
"What can I say?" Remus said with a shrug. "You have the best view. And the window seat." He glanced down at his shiny shoes as his smile faded. "Actually, I've been thinking about getting my own place. I know the Potters don't mind, but it would just be weird living in James' house without him."
"How are you gonna pay for that?" Lily asked in concern. Remus shrugged.
"I'll figure something out," he said without looking up. "I could probably keep a job for a few months as long as I was careful. I know a guy in London who works for a company that transports magical creatures. It's kinda dangerous, but the pay's good. I might give it a try."
"Remus, you're too smart to be wasting your talents on something like that," Lily said kindly.
"Well, there's not really too many employment opportunities for werewolves," Remus said.
"James keeps telling you he's more than willing to support you," Lily reminded him.
"I know," Remus said. "But I want to at least try and support myself first." He looked up at Lily and forced a smile onto his face. "Enough of that. This is your day, Lils. You're about to get married! You should be excited."
"I am," Lily admitted with a smile. Her eyes widened a bit as a thought struck her. "I'm getting married to James Potter. Merlin, that's a sentence I never thought I'd say."
"You and the arrogant toerag," Remus said lightly. "Who would've thought?"
"Not me, that's for sure," Lily said drily.
Remus smiled, but the expression faded as he reached up to rub the back of his neck the way he always did when he got nervous.
"Listen, Lils," he said, suddenly serious. "Before we go down, there's something I want to say. I know your parents aren't here, and I can only imagine how hard that is for you. But if they were here, I know they'd be so proud of you. And your dad would probably say something to you about how much you've grown up because apparently that's what dads do at weddings. And obviously I'm not your dad. But I have known you for a few years, and we have sort of grown up together, so I figured I'd give it a try. So here goes."
Remus cleared his throat and rubbed his hands together as he gathered his thoughts. Lily could feel her eyes welling up before he even started.
"Before I went to Hogwarts," Remus began, "I had never had a real friend. And my first day there I met the boys, and eventually they became my mates. But before I really got to know them, there was this little redheaded girl who sat down at my table one day and said that we should be friends. You were my first real friend, Lily. And no matter how close I am with James and the others, you will always have a special place in my heart. Over the last few years, I've watched you grow from a brave little firecracker into an ever braver woman. There's no doubt in anyone's mind that you are a smart and talented witch, but more importantly, you are good. You are one of the kindest people I have ever met. You see the best in people even when they can't see it in themselves. You saw the person in me where most would only see the beast. You went out of your way to befriend a lonely little boy, and then you stuck by him when you learned what he was. And it wasn't just a one-time thing. That's just the kind of person you are. You stand up for your friends, and you fight for those who can't fight for themselves."
Remus trailed off and shook his head. Through her blurring vision, Lily thought she could see tears brimming in his eyes as well.
"James may be my best friend," he said on a choked voice, "but you, Lily Evans, are my hero. You are an absolutely incredible young woman. More so than I could ever say. I am so deeply honored to be your friend. And I can't wait to see where this next stage of your life takes you because wherever that is, it's going to be amazing."
He cleared his throat before reaching out and taking Lily's hands in his own.
"I wish you and James all the very best," he said sincerely. "You deserve it."
Lily couldn't take it anymore. She pulled her hands away from Remus only to step forward and throw her arms tightly around his neck. Remus hugged her back just as fiercely.
"Thank you," Lily choked as a handful of tears fell to land on Remus' suit jacket.
"No," Remus told her. "Thank you."
A knock on the door caused them both to pull apart.
"Come in!" Lily called as she wiped her watery eyes.
The door opened slightly, and Alice leaned around it.
"It's time to head down," she said with a smile. "James is already at the front, so there's no chance of him seeing you until you walk out."
"You would not believe what they had to do to keep him out of here," Marlene's voice added. She stepped around the door into the room, and her forehead wrinkled at the sight of Lily's red eyes. "Are you crying? You're about to get married, woman! Pull it together! Slughorn's already weepy enough for the both of you, and this party hasn't even started yet."
Lily laughed and wiped her eyes against just for good measure.
"He's really crying?" Remus asked in disbelief.
"Hasn't put his handkerchief away since he got here," Marlene said drily. "He keeps carrying on about how wonderful Lily is and how fast she grew up. And McGonagall's so proud I think she might explode. She's even happier than when we won the House Cup. You and James did a real number on her."
"Impeccable grades and constant detentions will do that," Alice said with a smile.
"The point is that there's a lot of people down there who care about you, and they're here to see you get married," Marlene told Lily. "So take a breath, and let's give the people what they want."
Lily did as she was told, inhaling deeply and then exhaling through her nose in the same manner.
"Ready?" Alice asked.
"Is anyone ever actually ready to get married?" Lily asked drily.
"Speaking from experience, no," Alice said with a chuckle. "But that's half the fun."
"If you're too nervous, we can always just call it off," Remus teased.
"Not on your life," Lily told him. She squared her shoulders and raised her chin as an excited smile played across her lips. Then she said to Alice, "I suppose I'm ready as I'll ever be."
"Good enough for me," Alice told her.
"Awesome," Marlene said. "See you downstairs."
She flashed Lily a grin before heading back out onto the landing. Alice followed suit, closing the door behind her. Remus held out his arm to Lily.
"Shall we?" he asked.
Lily looped her arm through his and placed her hand on his upper arm.
"Lead the way," she said.
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Lily opened her eyes to the wooden beams of a ceiling. That wasn't right. Her bedroom ceiling at home was painted white. She frowned as she tried to remember where she was. She was definitely in a bed. She could feel a mattress and soft blankets. But where was she? And how in Merlin's name had she gotten here?
"Thank goodness you're awake," a familiar voice said.
Lily turned her head to the right to find Alice sitting beside her bed. Behind her chair was a small nightstand with a candleholder on top. A window in the far wall was letting in the tiniest hint of sunlight. It must be very early morning. There was a door across the room, and a plain wooden wardrobe stood beside it. Otherwise the room was empty.
"Where am I?" Lily asked. She tried to push herself into a sitting position, but the gesture made her entire body ache. She quickly slumped back against the pillow.
"Try not to move," Alice said quickly, her hand touching Lily's shoulder in warning. "You were hurt pretty badly. We brought you back to Frank and I's place so we could be sure you were alright."
"What happened?" Lily asked. Her brow furrowed as she tried to remember. "I remember something about a raid…"
"Things went south," Alice told her grimly. "I think they were expecting us. Us being you, me, Frank, James, and Peter. We all had to split up and make our own escapes."
"I remember that bit," Lily said. Her brow furrowed as she tried to remember the rest. "Peter and I were together. We were running, and then there were Death Eaters, and…"
Pain. Every single cell in her body screaming in bone-breaking, earth-shattering, mind-rending agony. The kind of pain that made a person lose their mind. Lily's body tensed at the memory, and suddenly she couldn't breathe. Just thinking about it hurt.
"Lily?" Alice asked worriedly as Lily started to hyperventilate. She took tight hold of Lily's hand in her own. Lily jumped at the touch, but it was enough to bring her back to the present.
"It's alright," Alice soothed. Her free hand moved up to smooth Lily's hair away from her forehead. "It's over."
"What happened?" Lily asked in a small voice.
"Cruciatus Curse," Alice said quietly. "We're not really sure how long you were under it."
It was starting to come back now. Lily could remember the masks staring down at her through the haze of pain. And then there was the same cruel voice that had haunted her nightmares sixth year.
"Mulciber," Lily said. Just thinking about him made her jaw clench up. "He's the one who did it."
She could vaguely remember him taunting her. Calling her a Mudblood and telling her that her time had finally come. He had clearly meant to make it last a good while before finally killing her. The agony had just kept going until it felt as if that was all that had ever existed. And then James had been yelling for him to "Get away from my wife!" A spell had gone flying, and Mulciber had dropped from Lily's field of vision. She could vaguely remember James running to her side as Frank, Alice, and Peter fought off the remaining Death Eaters. She must've passed out after that.
"It'll be a good long while before he's capable of hurting anyone else," Alice said in a wry voice. "I'll be surprised if he even knows his own name after the number James did on him."
She gave Lily's hand a final squeeze before letting go and standing to her feet.
"I ran James and Peter out of here about an hour ago," she said. "They're probably driving Frank mad. They'll be glad to know you're awake."
She stepped across the small bedroom to the door. It opened and closed as she walked out, leaving Lily alone. Lily could feel her brow furrowing as she stared at the door. Something about Alice's words had struck her as odd. She had mentioned James and Peter both. Lily could remember running with Peter, and she could vaguely remember seeing him beside the others before she passed out. But in between there was nothing. Where had Peter been during that time?
The door reopened again, and then James was standing there grinning in the doorway.
"Thank goodness you're awake," he said in relief. "I was so worried."
He crossed the room and leaned over the bed, pressing a loving kiss to Lily's forehead. Then he sank down in the chair beside her.
"How are you feeling?" he asked as he took her hand in his.
"A little sore," Lily admitted. "But otherwise I think I'm fine."
A creaking floorboard caused both Lily and James to look up. Peter was standing in the doorway. He looked nervous as he stood there wringing his hands almost as if he was afraid to come in. His eyes met Lily's, and she had the strangest feeling he was trying to apologize for something.
And then Lily remembered. She had seen that same expression on his face just before Mulciber cursed her. The memory hit her like a bucket of ice water. Her wand had been knocked away, and while she was staring down the Death Eater, she had seen Peter over his shoulder. They had made eye contact for a second that seemed to last an eternity. But rather than coming to Lily's aid, that same apologetic look had entered Peter's eyes. And then he had Disapparated just as Mulciber yelled "Crucio!"
"There he is," James said warmly. "The man of the hour! Get over here!"
Peter hesitated before shuffling forward. He stopped at the foot of Lily's bed, his shoulders still slumped as though he were waiting for the executioner's ax to fall against his neck.
"Peter's the reason we got there when we did," James said, turning his attention to Lily. "He tried to get to you after Mulciber cursed you, but there were too many Death Eaters. So he Apparated to the rendezvous and told us you were in trouble. We figured something had happened, but we were going to give you some time to sort it out. If Peter hadn't come when he did, we might have waited too long. Mulciber probably would've killed you before we got there. Peter saved your life."
"I left her there alone," Peter said in shame.
"You went for help," James corrected. "If you had stayed and fought, you probably would've both died. You going for help saved you both. You saved my wife, and I won't forget that."
It sounded so reasonable when James said it like that. Of course that was how it had happened. Peter had left her to get help. Only it felt like he had been gone far longer than the handful of minutes it would've taken to accomplish that. Maybe the torture was just messing with Lily's perception of time. But then Peter looked over at her with those same pleading eyes, and she knew better. No, James had it wrong. Peter hadn't gone for help. Not initially, anyway. He had been trying to save his own neck.
"I'm so glad you're safe," James told Lily sincerely. "I would've never forgiven myself if something had happened to you."
Lily's reply was cut off by the appearance of Alice in the doorway.
"Alright, boys," she said kindly. "Lily's been through a lot. Let her get some rest."
James leaned forward to kiss Lily's forehead one more time.
"I'll be downstairs if you need anything," he told her.
He released her hand and got to his feet, giving her a warm smile. Then he headed for the door. Peter flashed Lily that same apologetic look and shuffled after him.
"Peter," Lily called. Peter stiffened visibly before slowly turning around. Lily looked past him at James and Alice both waiting in the doorway. "Could you two give us a minute?"
James nodded and stepped out into the hallway. Alice followed suit, closing the door behind her. Peter's eyes flitted longingly toward the closed door as he began to wring his hands.
"Come here," Lily said.
Peter hesitated before shuffling across the floor and sitting down in the very edge of the chair beside her bed. His hands were shaking.
"What really happened?" Lily asked quietly.
"I don't know what you mean," Peter squeaked. He was looking everywhere but at Lily.
"I know you came and got the others," Lily said in a low voice. "But that should've taken… What? A few minutes? You were gone a lot longer than that. So what happened?"
Peter finally looked up, and his posture reminded Lily of a weak eggshell about to crack.
"I panicked," he whispered. And then it all came out in a rush. "I was terrified. I always am. But I thought I'd be okay because I was with you. And then they disarmed you, and there were so many of them, and I just…" He shook his head in disgust, and something wet glinted in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Lily! It's my fault. I just left you there with them."
He trailed off as his voice became too strained. He put his head in his hands, and Lily could see his shoulders trembling.
"Hey," she said gently. She reached out and wrapped her hand around Peter's wrist. "I'm okay."
"You could've died, Lily," Peter said, lifting his head. "You could've lost your mind under that curse! That would've been on me. I never would've forgiven myself!"
"But I didn't," Lily assured him. "I'm okay."
"How can you even look at me?" Peter asked. "I just left you there."
"And then you came back with help," Lily pointed out.
"Fifteen minutes later!" Peter exploded angrily. "Fifteen minutes of pacing a filthy, stinking barn trying to figure out what to do. Fifteen minutes that you were being tortured!"
"And normally I'd be very cross," Lily said. "But you came back for me in the end. Better late than never, right?"
Peter sat quietly for a moment, his forehead wrinkled as it always was when he was troubled.
"I didn't tell James any of that about trying to save you," he finally said. "He just assumed it all."
"You're his friend," Lily said with a shrug. "He likes to assume the best about his friends."
"What are you gonna tell him?" Peter asked softly.
Now it was Lily's turn to think. Peter watched her with wide, fearful eyes as she considered it.
"I don't think we need to tell him anything," Lily said after a moment. "He knows you Disapparated and that you showed up to get help. What happened in the middle doesn't matter."
"Lily, I left you," Peter said strongly.
"And then you came back," Lily repeated. She stroked his wrist with her thumb in an effort to calm him. "So you wobbled. You got it straight in the end. That's what matters."
Peter just shook his head as his gaze fell to the floor.
"I abandoned my friend to torture," he said in disgust. "I'm a bloody coward."
"You listen to me, Peter Pettigrew," Lily said firmly. "You are not a coward. Cowards keep running, and they don't look back. But you did. And you didn't just look, you actually came back. You faced what you were running from. That's not cowardly. That's brave."
"I was so scared," Peter whispered.
"So what?" Lily said with a shrug. "Everyone gets scared sometimes. Only idiots don't get scared. Getting scared in battle is perfectly normal. I get scared sometimes too."
"Really?" Peter asked in a small voice.
"Really," Lily confirmed. "Being brave doesn't mean you don't get scared. It means you don't let the fear control you. It means you face your fear and you act even though you're terrified. And that's what you did. And maybe it took you a little longer than it could've, but you still faced it in the end. You're not a coward, Peter. You're a Gryffindor."
There were tears welling in Peter's eyes by the time she finished speaking.
"Does that mean you forgive me?" he asked in a voice so quiet Lily nearly missed it.
"There's not anything to forgive," Lily told him with a smile.
Peter let out a breath that sounded like it had been held for far too long. The sharp worry lines smoothed out of his face, and his shoulders finally relaxed as if a giant weight had been lifted.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Well, you did sort of save my life, so how about we just call it square, yeah?" Lily said. She gave his wrist a final squeeze before letting go and settling further into her pillow. "You should probably go before Alice drags you out of here by your ear."
The barest ghost of a smile touched Peter's lips. He pushed himself to his feet, but paused to look back down at Lily.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
"Well, everything sort of aches, and I may not sleep much for the next week," Lily admitted. "But yeah, I'm okay."
"I'm really glad," Peter said sincerely.
"You and me both," Lily said drily. "Now get out of here."
Peter turned on his heel and walked across the wooden floor to the door. He quietly eased it open, turned back for one final look at Lily, and then slipped out into the hall, closing the door behind him. The small bedroom was left in silence.
Lily shifted her weight a bit to get more comfortable on the mattress. It was surprisingly soft. There was still a dull ache throughout her whole body, but it was nothing she couldn't handle. Besides, the one upside to getting hurt was that everyone would let her sleep as much as she wanted for a while.
She let her eyes drift closed, determined to try and capitalize on that particular opportunity.
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It was the middle of November the first time that James got truly hurt. He'd been injured before, of course, but it had mostly been simple hexes and small bruises. Things a person tended to bounce back from pretty quickly. The worst had been when he nearly lost his arm shortly after the wedding. But even that had been fixable with a spell and some time. To be fair, most of the injuries he sustained this time were also set on their way to mending with magic. He would need a few days of bed rest for the magic to do its work, and then he would probably be back to normal. But that knowledge did little to ease Lily's worry.
The sight of the Prewett brothers carrying James into the house would be forever burned into her mind. He had been almost unrecognizable beneath all the blood. His breath had been coming in shallow wheezes, and he had been clinging to consciousness by a thread. He had looked like his whole body had been sent through a blender. It had taken Lily half the night hunched over his body with her wand while the twins paced the floor before she was finally certain that she had gotten to every bloody gash and broken bone. Some of his internal organs had needed help as well to ease the vicious bruising. But finally everything had been patched up. James had been fast asleep under a sleeping spell by that point, his breathing finally even. The Prewett brothers had moved him upstairs to his bed so he could sleep in peace. They had offered to stay until he woke up, but Lily had assured them that she could handle it from there. After they finally left, she had spent the rest of the night sitting on the bed stroking James' hair and trying to memorize every line of his face while he slept. He was going to be fine in time. In fact, he would probably be cracking jokes by morning. But just then, all Lily could think of was his bloodied face and how close she had come to losing him.
The image was still fresh in her mind the next morning as she brewed a pot of coffee. Continual late nights with the Order had gotten them all completely addicted to the stuff, thanks to Marlene. And after how little Lily had slept that night, she needed some extra energy. Not for the first time, she found herself wondering if this wasn't too dangerous. Maybe they should get out while they still could. They could run away. It was a big world, after all. There had to be someplace they could hide. Live in a little cottage tucked away in the middle of nowhere. Raise a family away from all of this insanity. Only they couldn't, not really. Lily knew that in her heart. She and James weren't the running sort. They would never be able to live with themselves if they did. They had to stay and see this through. They had to keep fighting, keep doing everything they could to stop Voldemort. No matter what it cost them. Lily knew that. But that didn't stop her from having the occasional moment of weakness.
The sound of an approaching motorcycle caused Lily to look up from the mug she had just filled. The noise stopped abruptly outside the house, only to be followed by a knock at the door a moment later. Then the door swung open and Sirius appeared. He had developed a habit of just letting himself in.
"Morning, Ginger," he said, smiling at Lily as he closed the door. Lily could feel a small smile of her own forming in spite of the night's events.
"You do know you're supposed to knock and then wait to be let in, right?" she asked drily.
"What's the fun in that?" Sirius asked with that maddening grin of his.
He unwrapped his lumpy red and gold scarf, one of Lily's few clumsy attempts at knitting, from around his neck and hung it on the hook by the door. Then he crossed the wooden floor through the large space that had been divided into a living room and dining room. Lily stepped out around the counter, setting her coffee down on it as she did so. Sirius promptly scooped her up in a tight hug. Lily rested her cheek against his cool leather jacket as the familiar combination of cologne and motorcycle fumes washed over her. Her arms came up against his back, and her fingers instinctively curled around the leather. A stuttering exhale left her lips as her eyes began to burn. As usual, Sirius sensed her tension. His arms adjusted their grip from an overly tight greeting to something more protective.
"I heard about James," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"
Lily squeezed her eyes shut briefly as she forced herself to nod.
"I'm fine," she said in a remarkably steady voice. "It just scared me is all."
Sirius gave her shoulders a comforting squeeze before allowing her to pull away.
"How's James?" he asked.
"I think he'll be okay," Lily said. She opened one of the cabinets and pulled down Sirius' favorite mug. "He was hurt pretty badly, but most of it was pretty easy to fix. It'll just take a few days for everything to finish healing. He's sleeping now."
She poured some coffee and handed the mug to Sirius, who took it with a grateful nod.
"Has he woken up yet?" he asked, blowing on the hot drink.
"He was awake for a few minutes this morning," Lily said as she closed her hands around her own warm mug. "He seemed okay. I gave him a potion to help him sleep. He'll probably wake up again in a few hours if you want to stay."
"I'll have to check my schedule," Sirius said with a grin. "You know how much I have to do."
Lily rolled her eyes. The fact was that Sirius practically lived at the Potter house. Remus and Peter both visited every now and then, but Sirius came by almost every day. And he usually stayed for several hours. Sometimes he even spent the night if only one of the Potters was needed on a mission. It had gotten to the point where Lily automatically set three places at the dinner table. Not that she minded. Sirius provided welcome entertainment. And he could be shockingly domestic when he wanted to be. Lily liked to wash the dishes by hand rather than with magic, and Sirius had fallen into the habit of drying while she washed. Sometimes he helped her cook too. He was actually a remarkably good cook, especially considering he hadn't done a lick of cooking before moving in with James' family. Besides, being in the kitchen gave him a chance to talk with Lily. He might be James' best friend, but Lily was as good as his sister. There were certainly times that the boys caused trouble and Lily wanted to crack their heads together, but there were just as many times that Sirius and Lily would drive James mad with their sassy conversations and incessant giggling. Because for every time that Sirius and James ganged up on Lily, there was always another where Sirius took Lily's side against James. He was like the perpetual third wheel in their marriage. And surprisingly enough, it actually worked.
"If you're gonna be hanging around, you can help me fold the laundry," Lily informed him. "I've washed my green jumper three times now, and I still can't get the smell out of it, thanks to you."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sirius said innocently. He took a drink from his mug, giving Lily his best puppy dog eyes over the top.
"I'm talking about that little stunt you and James pulled last week," Lily said drily. She was fully prepared to remind him of the particulars of said stunt, but then a familiar feeling hit her stomach. She groaned and set her mug on the counter. "Oh, Merlin. Not now!"
"Lily?" Sirius asked in concern.
Lily didn't have time to answer because she was already dashing to the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet before her stomach heaved up the contents of her meager breakfast. Thankfully, the throwing up didn't last long. Mostly because there wasn't much in Lily's stomach to heave. She had just flushed the toilet and had sat back on the tile floor with her knees to her chest and her back against the wall when Sirius entered the bathroom. Apparently she hadn't even managed to close the door properly during her mad dash in there.
"Are you alright?" Sirius asked as he knelt beside her.
"I'm fine," Lily choked without looking at him. She didn't need this now. Not after last night. Her emotions were already running high, and if she looked at Sirius now, she was going to lose it.
"James said you'd been feeling ill," Sirius said. "I completely forgot to ask about it."
"That's why I wasn't with him on the patrol last night," Lily admitted. "He didn't want me going out like this."
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked. "I can go get a healer or some potion ingredients if you need."
"I'm not sick," Lily said wearily.
"You just threw up," Sirius pointed out. "And if it's been going on for a few days, then something has to be wrong."
"I'm not sick," Lily repeated.
"Lily, I admire you trying to be strong for James right now," Sirius told her. "But if you're ill-"
"I'm pregnant," Lily said flatly.
Never in all her life had she heard Sirius stop talking so quickly. He stared at her with wide eyes, his mouth still open in the shape of whatever phonetic sound had been about to leave it. The bathroom was so quiet a pin drop could have been heard. Lily couldn't even breathe as she awaited his response.
"Pregnant?" Sirius finally managed. Lily nodded. Sirius' mouth slowly pulled itself into a grin. Then a loud whoop escaped him. "Blimey! Pregnant!"
"Shhh!" Lily hissed. She grabbed his arm in an effort to shut him up. Sirius immediately fell silent as he remembered James sleeping upstairs.
"Right," he whispered. "Sorry. I just got a little excited. What did James say?"
Lily's hand on his arm dropped to the tile. She looked away, her gaze boring a hole in the cabinet beneath the sink. In her peripheral vision, she could see Sirius pull back a bit as realization set it.
"You haven't told him," he said quietly. It should have been a question, but it wasn't.
"I didn't know how," Lily said, her voice suddenly hoarse.
"How long have you known?" Sirius asked.
"A couple weeks," Lily whispered. Tears had begun welling in her eyes.
"A couple weeks?" Sirius echoed in surprise. "Lily, you have to tell him."
"I know that," Lily choked. "I was gonna do it last night. I had it all planned out. I was gonna tell him after he got back. But then they brought him home like that, and I just… I couldn't…"
She trailed off, unable to go on. Her crossed arms were resting atop her knees, and now Lily pressed her forehead against them to hide her face. Her shoulders began to shake as the tears she had been fighting finally broke loose. Sirius just stared at her for a second, completely taken aback by her reaction. Wasn't this kind of news supposed to make people happy?
It only took him a few seconds to pull himself together. He shrugged his arms out of his leather jacket and wrapped it around Lily's trembling shoulders. It was something he had first done when Lily cried herself to sleep on the couch the night after her parents died. Sirius had instinctively draped the jacket over her sleeping form, and she had come to breakfast the next morning wearing it like a security blanket. Ever since then, the jacket had become something of a thing between them. Whenever Lily was around it, she almost always ended up wearing it. Sometimes it was because she had somehow gotten the jacket away from Sirius and was flaunting the fact, and sometimes he just decided to put it around her shoulders in a brotherly gesture. It happened so often that Lily had begun referring to it as "our jacket." And while Sirius refused to acknowledge the fact, she certainly seemed to have joint custody.
Interestingly enough, Lily was the only person that Sirius would let wear his beloved jacket. Even James got hexed if he tried to put it on. But Lily was always something of a special case with Sirius. Their shared lack of parents and their continuing estrangement from their only siblings had bonded them in a way that they shared with no one else. In the months they had lived together at the Potter mansion, Lily had spent more than a few nights curled up on Sirius' bed in his jacket while they ate junk food and talked about their lives. It was a purely platonic occurrence, the sort of evening they should have been able to share with the siblings who now wanted nothing to do with them. So instead Lily and Sirius had shared their laughter, tears, and musings with each other. And over time, their friendship had begun to fill the void their siblings had left behind. Lily was the sister Sirius had never had, and he was the brother she had never known she wanted. They made a point of being there for one another. So when Lily began to cry, it was only natural for Sirius to drape his beloved leather jacket around her shoulders.
The familiar feeling of the jacket caused Lily to lift her head from her hands. A handful of tearstains shone brightly on her cheeks.
"I can't do this," she choked. "I can't bring a child into this."
She tugged the jacket tighter around her shoulders, and Sirius rested his hand against her back in the hope that the contact would provide some comfort.
"Of course you can," he said calmly. "People do it every day.
"We're fighting a war," Lily said, looking over at him with damp eyes. "A real wizarding war. Every day people are dying or disappearing or getting tortured. What sort of world is that for a child to grow up in? Last night James was nearly killed! We put ourselves in danger all the time! What if something happens to one of us? What if this child loses one or both of their parents to this war? What if we make our child an orphan before they're even old enough to walk?"
"First of all, the war's going to continue whether or not you have a kid," Sirius told her bluntly. "Yes, fighting this war is dangerous. But having a kid isn't a reason to stop doing that. In fact, I think it gives you something else to fight for – a better world for them. And secondly, the world's a madhouse even without a war. You and James could walk outside and get hit by a bus and die. But just because there's risk doesn't mean you shouldn't live."
Lily reached up and wiped her wet eyes with the heels of her hands.
"We're only nineteen," she said in a watery voice.
"And when the baby's born, you'll be twenty," Sirius said lightly. "A ripe and respectable age."
"It's not old enough to be parents," Lily insisted. "We won't have any idea what we're doing."
"So?" Sirius said with a shrug. "You didn't know how to fly a broom before Hogwarts, but you figured it out. You'll learn how to be a parent. And as I remember it, you and James always learned fast. Although you tended to learn a little faster, especially when it came to flying. Don't tell him I said that."
Lily chuckled a little in spite of herself. Sirius put his arm fully around her shoulders, tugging her towards him so her head rested against his shoulder.
"You two are gonna be great parents," he said confidently. "Any child of yours is going to be incredibly lucky because they're gonna be loved and cared for, and that's really all that matters."
Lily lifted her head to look up at Sirius.
"You're pretty smart sometimes," she told him.
"It's been known to happen," Sirius said with a modest shrug.
Lily slipped her arms into the sleeves of Sirius' jacket and then shifted her position so she was leaning her back against his chest. Sirius responded by slinging his arm across the front of her shoulders with his hand coming to rest on her left shoulder. Lily put her own hands on top of his arm to hold it in place. It was a familiar position, one they often ended up in on the couch in the evenings while they sassed James into a headache.
"I wonder what they'll be like?" Lily asked curiously, referring to her unborn child. Her voice was still a bit watery, but it sounded as if she was finished crying for the time being.
"Brilliant," Sirius offered. "Incredibly talented. A bit of a rapscallion, but with a heart of gold. Devilishly good looking." He let his head lean back against the bathroom well as something occurred to him. "What if they have James' hair but in your color? Can you imagine that crazy mop of ginger?"
"They'd look like that pack of nephews the Prewett boys have," Lily said with a grin.
"What do you think ol' McGonagall's gonna do when she finds out there's an Evans-Potter offspring headed her way?" Sirius asked.
"Retire probably," Lily laughed.
"Slughorn will be trying to recruit them the minute they get off the train," Sirius said lightly.
"So will their house Quidditch team," Lily added.
"Oh, it'll definitely be Gryffindor," Sirius said confidently. "James will disown them otherwise."
"No, he won't," Lily said. "They'll have him wrapped around their little finger."
"Now that I would love to see," Sirius admitted. "What about names? You know, Sirius is a very respectable name for a boy."
"Really," Lily said drily. She turned her head to look back at him. "And what if it's a girl?"
"There's always Elvendork," Sirius said without missing a beat. "It's unisex."
"I am not naming my child Elvendork Potter," Lily said with a chuckle. She resettled her head on Sirius' shoulder before saying with a perfectly straight face, "You know, Severus is quite a good name."
"You wouldn't," Sirius gasped, completely horrified. Lily looked up at him from the corner of her eye, and immediately burst out laughing. Sirius shook his head in amazement. "You are unbelievable."
"I'm sorry," Lily managed around her laughter. "I couldn't resist."
"Oh, yeah, that's really funny," Sirius said irritably. "Laugh it up, Ginger."
"I don't know what we'll name them," Lily said as her laughter died down. "We've got a while to figure it out." She looked down at Sirius' arm as she added quietly, "But first I have to tell James."
"He's gonna be over the moon," Sirius said honestly.
"You think so?" Lily asked in that same small voice.
"I know it," Sirius said firmly. "He loves kids, and he loves you. It's two of his favorite things in one. What's not to love?"
Lily nodded, and the forefinger of her right hand began tapping an idle pattern on Sirius' sleeve.
"Okay," she said quietly. "I'll tell him when he wakes up."
"Good," Sirius said with a firm nod. "Now if you don't mind, can we get off this floor? It's bloody uncomfortable."
Lily chuckled as she let go of his arm. Sirius pushed himself up off the tile, and then held out his hands to pull Lily up as well. When she was standing, she smiled up at him.
"Thanks for all that," she said sincerely.
"Any time," he said. He looked around the bathroom as his hands drifted to his pockets. "You think I could have that coffee now? And maybe a bite to eat? I'm starving."
"I'll warm the coffee back up," Lily said with a smile.
She patted Sirius on the shoulder as she stepped past him toward the kitchen.
"Not to be rude, but can I have my jacket back?" Sirius asked, turning so he was facing after her.
"Nope," Lily said strongly. She turned around with a smile on her face and crossed her arms as if daring him to try and get the jacket off of her. "You gave it to me, so that makes it my turn."
"You were in distress," Sirius protested. "And we don't have turns."
"Well, I think we should," Lily said.
"It's my jacket, Ginger," Sirius said, holding out his hand. "Give it back."
"Make me," Lily shot back.
"Oh, you're asking for it," Sirius said. He surged forward, clearly meaning to wrestle her to the ground and tickle the jacket away from him. But Lily immediately held up her pointer finger.
"Pregnant," she blurted out just as he reached her. Sirius staggered to a halt.
"I don't think I like this new development," he said with a frown.
"Yeah, you do," Lily said, smiling up at him. "You're gonna be doting all over me until this baby's born. And then you'll have a little niece or nephew to spoil."
"I suppose having a new innocent to corrupt could be fun," Sirius admitted grudgingly.
Lily stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Come on, Dog Boy," she told him, giving his cheek a pat. "I'll make you some bacon and eggs."
She headed for the kitchen, and Sirius trailed after her.
"Then can I have my jacket back?" he asked hopefully.
"Nope," Lily called over her shoulder. She made a point of happily popping the "p" sound.
"Bloody pregnant women," Sirius muttered.
Lily's ensuing laugh was so loud it was a wonder she didn't wake James.
Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter. If you did, please do me the courtesy of leaving a review to let me know. Even just a sentence or two would be amazing. The next chapter of this story will include the birth of baby Harry, as well as some really good conversations between Lily and each of his three Marauder uncles. Not much action, but a lot of feels. So come back on Wednesday for that. And as always, thanks for reading!
