Gone
By Inzane
Disclaimer: Okay, anyone that thinks I own anything relating to Dark Angel should go and have their head examined.
Summary: How much abuse can a guy take before he snaps? Events in Hello, Goodbye take a different turn. AU from that point.
A/N: Liberties with the medical stuff. If any of you are in the medical profession, just roll your eyes and read on, 'kay? (I'd spend more time on research, but hey, I don't get paid for this.)
Warning: Do I even have to warn you about the language at this point? The muse has a potty mouth, all right?
Chapter 9: Alone at Last
Original Cindy frowned and shook her head. "I don't like it."
She had come back to the apartment, after waiting almost an hour to make sure she wasn't walking into a war zone, to find Logan packing, his face stony and his eyes looking anywhere but at Max. When she looked at Max, she saw her friend eyeing her with an apprehensive look on her face. Max had waited for Logan to leave the apartment, then sat down on the couch and explained her plan.
There wasn't yelling and accusations this time, for which Max was eternally grateful, but OC was not happy. That much was sure.
Max grabbed her friend's upper arms and gave her a beseeching look. "Please, Cin, don't fight me on this. I got enough of that from Logan."
A little line dug its way between OC's brows at the comparison to Logan, but she had to admit that she was just as worried as the older man. They had different reasons, but they both shared the same fear.
OC believed in Max, believed that what she was doing was the right thing, but she didn't want her friend to do it on her own. It wasn't the physical threat Alec presented that concerned her the most, but the mental one. Alec had had eight months to bury himself, hiding his real self so deep within that he was barely recognizable as the man they had once known. It was not going to be an easy road getting him back. Men were confusing enough without having to deal with one that had gone off the deep end. On top of that, Max had eight months of guilt to deal with, and OC was afraid that Alec would use that against her. Despite all of the trouble he used to get into, she knew that Alec was not stupid. Careless, yes, but not stupid.
"Not fighting you, boo, jus' don't see why you gotta do this all by yo'self."
Max pulled her hands back and ran one through her hair, over the back of her head, and then down to rub the back of her neck. "I can't risk a repeat of what happened in the van, Cindy. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you." She paused for a moment, and then met OC's gaze with a piercing stare. "And it'll be easier for me to concentrate on what I gotta do if I don't have you and Logan to worry about."
OC let her head fall forward, defeated. She slowly breathed in and out, then tilted her head back up at an angle to look at Max.
"How am I s'posed to have your back if I'm a thousand miles away?" she asked, one final plea in her voice.
Max gave her a weak, but fond, smile. "I'll feel better knowing that you're safe."
"Aiight," OC said with a sigh.
Max reached forward and squeezed Original Cindy's hand, then leaned toward her a bit. "Do me a favor?" she asked softly. When OC nodded, she passed a folded up note into her hand. "Can you get this to Joshua? I hadn't planned on being gone this long and… " Max took a deep breath, then let it out in a huff. "I'm hoping he can smooth things over for me with Mole and the rest of the crew at TC. I never meant to leave 'em hanging… but... this is too important."
"Of coarse, boo. Been a while since I seen doggy-dog, anyhow."
Max's smile widened. "Give him a big hug from me, 'kay?"
OC's smile mirrored Max's. "Sure thing."
For a moment, there was an awkward silence between them. Neither girl knew how to say goodbye. After a moment, Original Cindy sniffed, and Max could tell she was trying to hold back tears.
"Oh, God, please don't start that."
OC nodded several times quickly, but she was blinking fast in an attempt not to cry and then there was another sniffle, and suddenly she lunged forward and grabbed Max in a fierce hug.
Max found herself blinking back her own tears. Original Cindy had always been her rock, the person that kept her grounded, that kept her real. Now that she was sending OC away, she felt like she was cutting herself adrift.
"I'll miss you," Max said, and she hated that there was a little quaver in her voice. It made her feel weak, and the last thing she could afford to be right now was weak.
At this, OC gave her one last hard squeeze, then pulled back, looking at Max. She reached up to wipe away the single tear that had escaped, then gave Max a crooked smile.
"Girlfriend, you are so gonna owe a sista for making her drive all the way back to Seattle with Logan. Don't know how OC is gonna take all the sad eyes and the sighing and the hand-wringing."
Max rolled her eyes. "Come on, he's not that bad." When OC just stared at her, look clearly saying, Please, Max shrugged sheepishly. "Okay, I owe you."
"Big time. You best come back home 'fore long so Original Cindy can collect."
Max held out a fist, which OC bumped with her own. "Deal."
After seeing off Logan and Original Cindy, Max had checked on Alec several times, waiting for the sedative to wear off. Now that she was alone with him, she found herself overcome with nerves. It wasn't fear, but a strange uneasiness that she couldn't quite identify. She'd been alone with Alec before, doing runs with him, pulling jobs with him, getting stuck in a closet with him... but this was different. This time, she wasn't hiding behind misplaced hatred. She no longer had that buffer between them. The emotion that had replaced the hatred was complicated, and she just wasn't sure how to deal with it.
She was staring out the small, dirty window in the living room, contemplating the change in her feelings toward Alec, when she heard the soft rustle of sheets in the bedroom. He was stirring.
Max walked over to the bedroom and stopped at the threshold, leaning against the doorframe with hands in her pockets and her feet crossed at the ankles. While he was still not quite awake yet, she took a moment just to look at him. The stubble on his face had darkened, and his hair, though currently falling to the side while in his prone position, was still too long in front. It bothered her. She longed for the way he used to look--bright eyes and devilish smirk and handsome almost to the point of being pretty. Now, he just looked dangerous.
When his eyes slowly opened and he blinked lazily at her, she found she had to clear her throat lightly before she was able to speak.
"Guess it's just the two of us."
She could see Alec's vision un-focus, as he tuned out all other senses but his hearing, trying to verify Max's claim. Apparently, what he heard--or more like what he did not hear--satisfied him that Max was telling the truth. His eyes focused again, and he pinned Max with his hazel-eyed stare.
"Alone at last," he muttered, his tone deadpan and accompanied by an eye roll.
Max smiled, turning an ear toward him as if she was trying to hear him better. "Was that sarcasm I just heard? Was that smart-Alec-y sarcasm?"
Alec looked away, the wall to his right suddenly very interesting. "Fuck you," he growled, but she could hear the defensiveness in his tone. Must've gotten too close to my Alec for comfort. Good.
"No thanks," Max replied flippantly. "Not into bondage. And God knows where you been lately," she added, wrinkling her nose in distaste.
After she'd said it, she was startled by her own words. Her inner voice berated her: What the fuck, are you flirting with him now?! Don't be such a dumbass, Max! You can't afford to complicate things. You better lockdown whatever this thing is you got for him, 'cause this is not the fuckin' time!
Alec apparently couldn't believe she had said it either, because he was looking at her again, this time as if she had suddenly grown a second head or sprouted tentacles. Then her bondage remark reminded him of his predicament, and he looked up to see shiny new handcuffs now securing him to the iron railing of the bed. Max had dug up a couple of lead pipes from the building's basement, and had reinforced the bed's railing with them, using and entire roll of heavy duty duct tape to wrap the pipes to the railing that was securing Alec. No way could he break that, even with his full transgenic strength.
Then he looked back down, and noticed that his clothing was changed. The torn jeans were gone, and he now wore a simple black t-shirt and gray sweatpants. It may have been wishful thinking, but Max thought he might have blushed.
"I beg to differ," Alec commented flatly, rattling the handcuffs to prove his point about bondage. He gave his new clothing a pointed look, then looked back up at her. "It's obvious you've taken liberties."
Now it was Max's turn to blush. She took a couple of steps into the room and busied herself with straightening the medical supplies on the dresser, unable to bring herself to look at him.
"Even as messed up as you are, Alec, you still have a high opinion of yourself. I guess your ego's hardwired."
She still hadn't turned around, so she didn't see the myriad of emotions that crossed his face. She didn't see him squeeze his eyes shut hard so he could focus on the fierce internal battle being waged.
Alec could feel that unwanted part of himself, so much closer to the surface now, straining to break through. Straining to make a smart-ass comment, like I guess you being a bitch must be hardwired. Straining to call her Maxie. To tell her that he would never hurt her. To beg for forgiveness.
He started to panic. He couldn't deal with that part of himself. That part of himself was supposed to be gone. He couldn't be that person anymore. Not ever again.
But, just as it seemed that part of him would escape its bonds, a shooting pain went through his right eye--phantom pain brought on by a surge of memories that were flashing frantically through his mind. Pictures of toothless corpses. Words like DUTY and MISSION and OBEDIENCE that were flashed on a screen. Electroshock and cat scans and men in white lab coats and endless questions and lasers, fuckin' lasers, drilling into your brain until you couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't be anything except what they wanted you to be…
His eyes shot open, and the momentary fire in them leached out until they became flat and lifeless. But Max never noticed, hadn't been able to face him, so, when he finally spoke to her, his response was directed at her back.
"When I get out of these cuffs, you are dead."
Max's hands froze, and her back stiffened. His voice was causal, as if he had said nothing more important than a comment about the weather. He was just stating a fact.
It hurt, the way he had calmly threatened her life, as if she didn't mean anything to him. She knew that he would be difficult, but she hadn't really been able to prepare herself for the true extent of it. She should have known that, when all else failed him, he would use words as a weapon.
She couldn't let him rattle her. That was exactly what he wanted, and she wouldn't let him win. She schooled her face to a look of weary amusement, burying any sign of hurt, then turned to face him.
"Bet you say that to all the girls."
"No," he said, his voice going down an octave as he slowly shook his head from side to side, his eyes locked on hers. "Just you."
"Well," Max said, crossing the room and plopping down on the bed next to him with a bounce, "don't I feel special." In reality, she felt like she was ready to jump out of her skin. He was so fucking creepy when his voice got like that.
His eyes narrowed slightly at her blasé comeback. "Don't kid yourself. You're not special. Your death won't affect me. You don't mean anything to me."
Max felt her chest constrict at his words. It seemed like he could read her mind, knew exactly the words that would hurt her the most. She was unable, this time, to mask her feelings, and the hurt shown in her eyes.
"Well, that's just too bad, Alec," she said quietly, sliding off the bed and standing to stare down at him. "'cause you mean something to me."
For a moment, Alec became a statue. He didn't blink, didn't breath, didn't do anything. He just stared back, motionless. She couldn't take that empty stare anymore, so she turned her back on him and headed for the bedroom door. At the threshold, she turned slightly and called back to him.
"I'll get you something to eat."
She didn't wait for a response, but fled the room. She didn't go to the kitchen, which was newly stocked with groceries she'd had delivered after Cindy and Logan left. Logan had insisted on leaving her his cell phone, in case of emergencies, and she'd put it to good use. Instead, she headed for the bathroom. She moved into the room and closed the door behind her--which probably was a mistake, she should keep an eye on him at all times--but she needed something to separate herself from him right now.
She sat down hard on the closed toilet lid, her legs shaky and unable to support her any longer. She wrapped her arms around herself and stared off into space as her heart pounded in her chest and her breaths came fast. Then, with a sharp indrawn breath, she buried her face in her hands. She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself.
Come on! Come on! You've only been alone with him for an hour and you're already freaking out! You can't let him do this to you. Don't play into his hands. That's exactly what he wants you to do!
She pushed her hands up and buried them in her hair. She took one last cleansing breath, then stood. She turned to look at herself in the mirror, bracing her hands on either side of the sink. She looked herself in the eye.
You can do this, Max, she thought. You're not gonna lose him. Failure is not an option.
She gave her reflection a brisk nod, then squared her shoulders and prepared herself to do battle.
Once she left the room, Alec remained frozen for about a half a minute. Her words kept echoing in his brain… you mean something to me. His heart stuttered to a stop, and it was as if the world ceased to rotate.
You mean something to me.
When his heart started again, it beat frantically. His vision flashed dark and light, and at first, he couldn't make sense of it until he realized he was blinking rapidly. He shut his eyes and kept them shut, then focused on slowing his heart rate. Max's voice was replaced by the other, and a new mantra began repeating in his head.
Emotions are the enemy. Emotions are the enemy. Emotions are the enemy.
He slowly twisted his wrists in the handcuffs, then reached up and felt the reinforced railing, searching for a weakness. There was none, and in his drug-induced, weakened state, there would be no escape.
She was dangerous. He needed to get out, to get away from her. She already caused so many of the barriers he'd erected to crumble, bringing that other part of himself so much closer to the surface. He couldn't allow that.
Later, he would take action. But for now, he needed to protect himself. He took a deep breath in, then, as he let it out slowly, he let everything slip away. He slid further and further until he could no longer see the pock-marked ceiling, could no longer feel the cuffs around his wrists or the bed beneath him, could no longer hear Max in the other room.
He let himself drift, completely cut off from the world around him.
After gearing herself up for another confrontation with Alec, the rest of the day turned out to be anticlimactic. She took a grilled cheese sandwich in to Alec, and the sandwich was only slightly blackened on one side, but hey, she did the best she could in her distracted state. She tried to get him to prop himself up a bit so he could eat, but he ignored her. He stared steadfastly at the ceiling, refusing to even acknowledge her presence.
He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't drink. He hardly even blinked. After their earlier conversation, this one-eighty in his demeanor made her grind her teeth in frustration. She'd thought she'd made some headway--well, before the whole threatening her life thing--and now this! How the hell was she going to help him if he kept throwing her for a loop?
She sat on the end of the bed, with the plate resting on the mattress in front of her, and exaggeratedly munched on the sandwich she'd made him, glaring at the uncooperative asshole the entire time, but he still would not look at her.
The next day, the silence continued. She talked to him for a while, but soon tired of his lack of response. She went into the living room, plopped down on the couch, and sulked for a while. After she got bored with the sulking, she turned on the TV, turning the sound up out of spite, hoping to irritate him into a reaction.
Nothing worked. She still couldn't get him to eat or drink anything, and his refusal was really starting to piss her off. By dinner time, she was starting to worry, which pissed her off even more. How long could he keep this shit up?
Around ten that evening, she stormed into the room, stopping next to the bed, and put her hands on her hips as she glared down at him.
"If you think this little act of yours is gonna get me to let you loose or quit giving you those happy little shots, you can think again, mister! And as for your fucking hunger strike, I'll find a way to feed you intravenously if I have to! You goddamn stubborn sonofabitch!"
When he didn't respond, she let loose a frustrated scream, then spun on her heel to leave the room. She had only taken two angry steps away from him when his voice stopped her in her tracks.
"When are you going to let me loose?"
Max stood still for a second, then turned to face him, her jaw set in anger. "When you start acting like the real you."
"THIS IS THE REAL ME!" The words exploded angrily from his mouth, and he gave his restraints a hard jerk to accentuate his words. "You're the only one here pretending to be something you're not!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Max asked, suddenly on the defensive.
Alec's face, so slack and motionless over the past twenty-four hours, was now animated with terrible anger. "YOU! You keep fighting your instincts, living in denial. We are what they made us, Max. We are genetically engineered killing machines. That is our reality. Just accept it!"
"We are not what they made us to be, Alec! You used to know that! What the hell made you buy into their bullshit, after all this time?" Max spat back.
"You did," Alec replied coldly.
Max's breath caught in her throat. Alec's voice, not the cold, hard voice that spoke to her now, but one of hushed disbelief, echoed in her memory.
You really think I could murder somebody in cold blood?
The memory of her own voice mocked her.
Yes, Alec, I think you could.
Max had to shake her head to clear the unwanted memory. "No. It's not just about that. You can't convince me that what I said would have caused all this. Not by itself. You are too strong a person for that to have been all there was to it."
Alec shook his head slightly. "You'd like to believe that, wouldn't you? Place the blame somewhere else. But you and I both know the real truth."
"Yes, we do. We both know that this has something to do with what happened to you at Manticore. What did they do to you?"
"Manticore. That's rich. Why don't you look in the fucking mirror, Max, because right now, you are Manticore. You're the one keeping me against my will, drugging me to make me comply. You. Not them."
Max felt the sharp stab of guilt. He was right. What she was doing was no better than what Manticore had done to them. She steeled herself against the painful truth. She was doing this to help him. She had to save him from himself. Had to get him off of this self-destructive path before he got himself killed. If she had to use methods she despised, become the thing she had hated all of her life, then so be it.
"Don't try to guilt trip me, Alec. I'm doing this for your own good." Her hands reached up of their own accord and pulled at her hair in frustration. "I care about you, all right? Maybe if you get that through your thick skull, you'll realize I'm trying to help you."
Alec huffed in disdain. "Who said I needed your help?"
"I did!" Max replied, slamming her fist against her chest. "I gotta step up since--in typical male fashion--you are too stupid to realize it yourself! I know that the real Alec is in there, somewhere. Just like I know that this all leads back to Manticore somehow."
"What the fuck do you know about it!" Alec yelled, straining against his cuffs once more. "You don't know anything! You weren't there! You were still a fucking kid when you got out. That bit of time you did when they caught you again was nothing! You don't know about the things they could do to you. The... horrible... things. The torture and the brainwashing and motherfuckin' Psy Ops..."
His voice broke, and he trailed off. He swallowed hard, and then turned his head left to right as his arms strained, trying to ward off the memories, his face full of torment.
Then he exploded.
"LET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!"
He yanked hard against the cuffs, again and again. The drugs in his system were wearing off, but, thankfully, the cuffs held. But the action caused the skin of his wrists to split and bleed.
Max surged forward, grabbing Alec's forearms to try to get him under control. "Stop, Alec. You're hurting yourself. Stop it!"
"LET ME GO, YOU FUCKING CUNT!"
"Alec, stop!" Max yelled, starting to panic. When she couldn't stop his frantic attempts, she scrambled off the bed, her hair flying, and crashed into the dresser. She grabbed a dose of sedative, but struggled to get it into the syringe as her hands were shaking. She finally slammed it home, then turned and launched herself at him.
She threw herself on top on him, jostled as he bucked and fought against her. After what seemed like forever, she managed to find bare skin and depressed the plunger. At the sound of the hiss, he fought even harder, his wrists now bleeding freely, and his voice now hoarse from the litany of profanity he yelled at her. She tried to control his movements the best she could until the sedative took affect.
Finally, his movements slowed and his voice became weaker, but she didn't let go of him. As the drugs took affect and the fight left him, she saw her Alec shine through his eyes; this time, the sedative seemed to completely remove the barriers that kept him hidden. Once again, there was that plea. The plea for her to end it, to put him out of his misery.
"Please, Maxie..." he begged, his voice a whisper.
Max's eyes brimmed with tears at the use of the nickname that used to irritate the hell out of her, and her chin quivered as she spoke. "Don't ask me to do that."
"Please..." he said again, his eyes drilling into hers.
"I can't!" Max sobbed, and her fingers dug into his arms as she held on tight.
His final plea was silent, but it was the hardest to bear. He looked at her with those piercing hazel-green eyes, and she felt like she would drown in his anguish. Then, mercifully, his eyelids became too heavy and closed, and his head lolled to the side as he sank into oblivion.
Max's whole body shook with emotion. She stared down at him, blinking furiously. There was a soft plop as the first tear fell, landing on Alec's chest, creating a small dark circle on his t-shirt. That one tear caused the dam to break, and Max let out a choked sob, then collapsed on top of him.
Head resting on his chest, her sobs continued until she was spent, and Alec's shirt was wet with her tears. She was weak from the emotional outburst, and only had the strength to roll off him, sliding down his side until she hit the mattress. She knew she should go out to the couch to sleep, but she couldn't bring herself to move any further. She let her head rest on his chest as she stared at the opposite wall for a while, forcing her mind to remain blissfully blank. She needed just a little reprieve from the emotional roller coaster she'd been riding since she'd come to California. She closed her reddened, puffy eyes, curled up into a ball next to Alec, and joined him in oblivion.
After sleeping for an hour or so, curled up next to Alec, she awoke to the slow rise and fall of his chest beneath her head. For a while, she stayed there, listening to the steady thump of his heart. When the haze of sleep cleared from her brain, she jerked and pushed herself off him, uncomfortable with the familiarity of the position.
She had to stop this, had to keep her emotional distance. She couldn't concentrate on him if her own feelings kept getting in the way. But it seemed like the more she tried to push them aside, the stronger they became. She couldn't afford to fall for him. Not now.
Oh, God, is that what I'm doing?
She pushed that thought aside. She would deal with that later, when this whole thing was over and Alec was recognizable once more as the man she had known. When she sat up fully, she put a hand to her head as it swam from the sudden motion. It was then she realized that she hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon. Normally, that wouldn't have been a problem--their bodies had been designed to handle deprivation--but the lack of food, combined with the emotional stress, was taking its toll. God only knew what it was doing to Alec. She had no idea when he last ate.
She dragged herself off the bed and shuffled into the kitchen. She filled a pan with water--there was no coffee pot, but she'd found a supply of pots and pans in the cupboards--and set it to boil. When it was done, she poured it into a cup and spooned in some instant coffee.
She took her cup and sat down at the table. She didn't blink, but stared blankly at the cup. After a while, she took a few feeble sips, but it didn't help lift her current malaise. She pushed the cup away from her, then let her head fall until it rested on her arms, which she had folded on the table.
She sat for a while like that, drowning in her own misery. She felt like she could have stayed that way forever, if the voice of reason, sounding mysteriously like her best friend, hadn't chimed in to kick her out of her funk.
Look at yo' sad self, wallowin' in self pity. What you got that compares to what yo' boy going through? That boy's lost himself, that's what, an' you sitting there drowning your sorrows in bad caffeine? Shame on you. Why don't you get off yo' ass and quit feeling sorry for yo'self. This ain't about you, girl. It's about him.
Max sat up and ran a hand over her gritty, bloodshot eyes. "Right," she muttered to herself, then forced herself up out of the chair and began to root through the cabinet where she had put all of the food for something to eat. She settled on some chocolate cupcakes--the ultimate midnight snack--and began to munch on them thoughtfully. As she ate, she worked on thinking of a new game plan for dealing with Alec. Her face split into a devious smile as she thought of something that just might get him to at least deal with her.
She tossed the wrapper in the trash, then moved back into the bedroom. Alec's wrists were a mess from his explosion. The skin was torn, and blood trailed down his arms. She could see the darkening red circles around his wrists that would be sure to turn purple by tomorrow. She looked down and checked her watch, seeing that it had been less than two hours since she'd knocked him out. Plenty of time to clean his wrists up and get him re-secured before he woke up.
As she turned to the dresser to gather what she would need, she found herself humming a little tune. It was a song she'd heard at Crash, the last time she had been there. Now that she had a new plan to deal with Alec, her dark mood had lifted. She was actually looking forward to when he woke up again.
The next morning, she put her plan into play. It was brilliant, really, in its utter simplicity.
She ignored him.
She got up, got a shower, made herself breakfast, watched TV. Not once did she go into the bedroom. She heard the squeak of the bedsprings, and she knew that he was awake, but not once did she acknowledge his presence. Prior to this, she had practically spent every waking moment with him. Now, she acted as if he did not exist. She didn't know if it would work, but she didn't have any better ideas.
At first, she was afraid it wasn't working. He was utterly silent in that room. But then, sometime around ten o'clock, she heard him sigh. She smiled and gleefully turned the TV up louder.
At lunch time, she paid the landlord's kid, who seemed eager to make a buck, to pick up some Chinese. The door to the bedroom remained open, and she was sure that the fragrant smells from the food wafted into the room. She was barely able to stop herself from laughing when she heard his stomach growl.
Around two-thirty, he called her name. "Max." He called softly at first, then louder when she didn't answer. "Max!"
She sat on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs to keep herself from going to him. She wanted so much to go in there, but she had to hold out. She couldn't let him know that she would give in so easily. It was time for him to play her game.
"Hey!" This time, there was a small hint of urgency in his voice, and her brow wrinkled with puzzlement. It was quickly replaced by mirth at his next words. "Goddammit, Max, I need to take a piss! Max!!"
Max remained on the couch. She heard his frustrated growl, followed by a small hiss of pain when he jangled his cuffs, causing the metal to press against his abused wrists. There was a long pause, followed by a deep indrawn breath.
"I'm not gonna beg!"
Max stood her ground. It might be petty to use an overfull bladder against him, but at this junction, she was ready to stoop to new lows. Anything to get some sort of cooperation from him.
But Alec was stubborn. He fell silent after she didn't respond to his request. An hour passed, then two. She heard him start to shift around uncomfortably on the bed. She bet herself that he would only last another half hour before he cracked.
She was wrong. He lasted an hour and a half.
When he called her name at six o'clock, with resignation in his voice, she turned off the TV and got up from the couch. She slowly walked to the bedroom door, then leaned against the doorframe. She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at him, maintaining her silence.
He rolled his eyes, then sighed heavily. "What do you want from me?"
He was afraid she would ask for something that he was unable to give, but he was surprised when she answered simply, "I want you to eat."
His eyebrows shot up. "Is that all?"
Max gave him an assessing look before replying, "For now."
Alec closed his eyes in thought, weighing giving in to her simple demand against the possibility of pissing himself if he didn't get some relief soon. The decision was simple.
"Fine," he sighed.
Max was unable to keep her hope from shining through on her face. "You'll eat? We have a deal?"
He narrowed his eyes and huffed, "Yes."
Max smiled. "Good. I'll get us some pizza."
Max turned in the door, ready to go out and place the call, when Alec's frantic voice stopped her.
"Max!"
Max turned, brows wrinkled in question. "Huh?"
Alec looked chagrined that he actually had to remind her. "Pee?"
Max winced. "Oh. Right. Sorry."
They had been alone together for six days. Six days, and the only headway that Max had made was to get Alec to eat. He wouldn't talk to her about anything other than his most basic needs. Bodily functions were handled with clinical detachment on both sides.
She stopped giving him the sedative to knock him out, except when she changed his clothes, but she still gave him the powerful muscle relaxer, which stole his strength so he couldn't break free. Still, she worried about giving him even that, afraid that she was harming him somehow. There hadn't been any more explosions since he'd frantically tried to break free that one night, but she knew she would be a fool if she let him loose before they had resolved anything.
She still didn't know what had happened back at Manticore, but she now had a strong suspicion that it had something to do with Psy Ops. But he wouldn't talk about it. Every time she tried to broach the topic, he withdrew into himself. She was so afraid that he would hide there like he did before, that she immediately dropped it.
She timed her sleep and her showers around the shots she gave him to keep him relaxed, making sure that she would be there to keep an eye on him when the drug started to wear off. Not only because she was afraid he might get loose, but because she was afraid he would hurt himself again.
She didn't know what to do. They weren't making any progress. She had no idea how to take that next step. All she knew was that they couldn't go on like this forever.
Her muscles began to feel the strain of the constant stress, which was compounded by sleeping on that joke of a couch. She'd tried the chair once, and was amazed to find that it was actually worse than the couch. She figured she'd be sleeping on the floor before long.
It was late. Sometime around three in the morning. She was tired--even shark DNA had its limits--but she couldn't sleep. Her body ached. Her neck and shoulder muscles seemed to be tied up in knots. She needed some way to relieve the tension, or she would never be able to sleep. Back home, she used to take a bath when she felt like this. Hmmm... a bath.
She got up and went to the bedroom door. Alec slept peacefully. The stubble on his chin had become a full beard. That, combined with the long, ragged bangs, gave him a decidedly rakish look. But she longed for the way he used to look. His hair hid too much of him from her, and she itched to get rid of it.
She walked softly into the room, over to the dresser with the medical supplies. She selected a dose of muscle relaxer, then quietly administered it to him. He was sleeping, but she needed to make sure he stayed that way. She needed some time for herself. Just a little time to relax. There wasn't anything wrong with that, was there?
She boiled water to add to the bath, knowing that the apartment's pathetic excuse for water heater would never produce enough hot water. Well, at least it had a hot water heater. A half an hour later, she sank down into the tub, her hair wrapped in a knot at the top of her head. An actual whimper escaped her lips as the hot water hit her skin. She sank down as far as she could, until her shoulders sank beneath the water. She let out a contented sigh, then let her eyes slip shut.
Max's eyes flew open as she awoke with a jerk. She bolted upright in the tub, sending water splashing everywhere. Her senses were on high alert, trying to figure out what woke her. She focused on the sounds around her. There was no sound from the apartment, but her transgenic hearing could pick up the sound of the next door neighbor. Sounded like he was stumbling around, drunk. He probably had just gotten in and slammed his door.
She was alarmed that she had been careless enough to fall asleep in the tub. There was something about being naked that made you feel completely vulnerable. Her heart pounded for a moment, until she noticed that the water was still luke warm. She let out the breath that she had been holding and relaxed. She must've only been out for fifteen, twenty minutes, tops. Not long enough to be concerned.
She thought about sinking back into the water, but it just wasn't hot enough to be relaxing anymore. Might as well get out.
She stepped out of the tub onto the towel she had put on the floor as a bathmat. She grabbed another towel and began drying herself. She kept her movements slow and easy. The tension in her neck and shoulders had drained, and she wanted to keep it that way. She put on a soft, snug gray t-shirt and fresh underwear, then spent five minutes brushing out her hair. As the brush smoothed her dark locks, she thought about Alec's hair again. Maybe she would suggest a little trim when he woke up, and a shave while they were at it.
Max finished brushing her hair and set the brush down on the side of the sink. She turned to grab her sweatpants, but found that she had left them in the other room. She frowned. How could she have forgotten to grab them? Stupid! She was starting to get careless. Not that forgetting her sweatpants was a life or death issue, but it was a sign of a beginning problem. The mental strain must be getting her. She would have to be more careful.
She stepped out of the bathroom into the darkness of the living room. Too late, she caught the flash of motion out of the corner of her eye.
Before her eyes could process what was happening, she felt a strong hand grasp her around the throat, and then she was flying backwards. She let out a yelp as her back crashed into the wall beside the bathroom door, and her head smacked into the wall behind her. His face appeared out of the darkness, looming over her. His eyes burned in hazel fire behind his long bangs, and a low growl rumbled from his throat.
Her hands automatically rose up to grab his wrist. Her hand skimmed across the cuff, which still circled his wrist, the other end dangling. The dangling end was still closed--he hadn't picked it somehow. Her eyes flicked down, and she saw his left hand hanging uselessly at his side, broken.
Alec had broken his own hand to break free.
She tried to pull him off her, but his grip was like iron. Christ, how can his grip be like iron? I drugged him less than an hour ago. He should be a puddle on the fucking floor. It couldn't have worn off that fast… And that was when she realized it. How could I have been so stupid!
She should have alternated drugs. The effectiveness of any drug decreases over time. Alec's transgenic metabolism had shortened this process dramatically. The shots she had been giving him for the past day or two probably had had little to no affect on him, but he had played along. Pretending. Biding his time.
"Ale…ccuugghh."
She had tried to call out his name, but his hand had constricted painfully against her throat, cutting the word off before she could finish it.
He had moved his body in close to hers, pressing his weight against her so that she was unable to user her legs against him. Her eyes were wide as she stared up into his face. Her mind flashed back to the moment she had confronted him at the fight club, when he had pressed her against the wall and leaned into her. Then she was back to the present, and Alec was looking at her with pure hatred in his eyes, and his teeth were bared in a feral smile.
"You bitch," he growled, and the sound of his voice reverberated through her entire body. "I should snap your fucking neck."
Somebody help me through this nightmare. I can't control myself.
Somebody wake me from this nightmare. I can't escape this hell.
"Animal I Have Become" Three Days Grace
A/N: The muse had cliffhanger withdrawal. Sorry 'bout that.
Oh, and still don't own "Animal I Have Become" by Three Days Grace. Just think it totally rocks. It's kind of become Dark Alec's unofficial theme song.
