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Forever Mine - Chapter 9

It was time for second period, Government class, and I wasn't looking forward to it. I had been stewing over the awkward thoughts I had gotten from Christian, and I still couldn't figure out the puzzle. What did he mean by it not mattering anymore? Honestly, it was very disconcerting that he thought I didn't want to see him. I knew that I wanted him to think that, but it wasn't true, and now knowing that he actually did think it tore my heart in two. I loved seeing him and the way his sandy blonde hair flopped with ease over the brim of his glasses and shaded his green eyes. There wasn't a moment that went by when I didn't wish that I could see him.

I was sitting in my usual place in Government class and pretending to write in my notebook when Christian stumbled in and quickly took his seat beside me. He was thinking about the assignment he had just received in his Computers class, which was of no concern to me. I really wanted to know more about something that would give away his earlier ramblings, but he wasn't thinking about anything that gave it away. Suddenly I felt my equilibrium shift and I started to tilt. I was so focused on listening to his thoughts that I didn't even notice I had begun to lean to my right, in his direction. The bell rang out a shrill cry and startled me so hard I almost fell out of my seat and onto Christian. I looked up at him to find him staring back at me with a curious expression on his face. He didn't say anything, and though his thoughts briefly flickered to a wondering question about me, he didn't give me a second thought and went on about his business.

"Today is the day everyone has been waiting for, starting our group projects," the teacher broke into my reflections.

My head jerked up and I couldn't believe it. What day was it? There was no way that the group projects were here already. I could have sworn they were next week. This project was going to be assigned partners, and I had planned on playing hooky from the entire thing so I wouldn't have to deal with being paired with anyone. I guess I had used up all of my Get-Out-of-Jail-Free-Cards in the past 10 days and there certainly was no way I was going to be able to get out of this one. I looked around the class from student to student and wondered who I would be partnered with.

The teacher started calling out names in pairs of two. "Cadence!" he called finally. My worrying stopped momentarily as my fake breath caught in my throat. I looked up at the teacher waiting for his response. It seemed like forever before he continued to say, "Your partner will be Christian."

Oh no! No, no, no, no, no! This could be the demise of everything that I've worked for. Slowly I turned to look at Christian and couldn't help but feel a pang where my heart sat in my chest. It would have stopped if it was still beating, but I didn't want him to see that. In a sense, I was happy to be paired with him, but I knew deep down that this was going to be bad. The shock on his face was priceless and for once I can honestly say that he had no internal dialogue. It took everything I had in me not to smile at him as his cheeks turned that rosy red they always did. It had been a long time since I had been near him and those rosy cheeks, and the monster inside of me roared a harried cry and I, accidentally I must say, crushed a metal bar on the side of my desk. Hopefully no one had seen that. There was something there in his thoughts finally that I wished I hadn't picked up on, but I did and it brought up the corners of my mouth into a smile after all. He really did want to work with me, even though his heart ached. Wait, what? Underneath it all, I came to realize that it wasn't me his heart was aching for, but for someone else. He worried about what they would think about him working with the supposed best looking girl in all of Forks High. Someone else? Yes, there was someone else. I mean, come on, I had only been gone for 10 days and there was already someone else? Christian didn't think about the details and so I didn't know who this someone was and how this had happened. My heart began to pang and I wanted to rip it out of my chest, because it felt like it was already being wrenched from my body as it was.

As I was pondering this dilemma, everyone had already begun to move around the room and partners shoved their desks together. Since Christian and I already sat next to each other, neither one of us needed to move, and honestly there was a wide birth around us as other class mates made a noticeable effort to sit away from us. That was ridiculous.

Christian and I discussed what we would do for our Government project, well actually he talked and I gave one worded answers. Those single words were the only thing I could get out since my face was so tight with horror and outrage. The incessant non-stop of his thoughts and my worries were beginning to get to me and I wondered what Alice would say to me now. Nothing has changed, her voiced played over and over again in my mind. Now I wondered if she still saw that.

I stopped and thought for a moment. Christian did still want to work with me, that thought alone eased my tension slightly. Still, I couldn't help but think that he was worried about what this new person in his life would think. So Christian still had feelings for me, however our last conversation must have made him try to move on. That was the only thing I could think of when Christian's voice broke into my logic.

"Huh?" I responded.

"Do you think we should do our project on the branches of our Federal Government? Specifically the Judicial Branch," he started slowly and ended matter of fact-ly.

"Umm," I wasn't sure what to say next and kept looking between my text book and Christian for several seconds. "You want us to do our project on the Judicial Branch of our Federal Government?" it came out more as a question than I had intended.

Christian looked at me for a long moment as he wondered what was bothering me. "Yeah," he finally said as he continued to inspect my expression. "I kind of want to be a Lawyer some day, so I figured that looking more into the Judicial system would give me more insight into legal cases."

He must have seen some look in my face, because he quickly followed it up with, "What?"

I quickly looked away from him. "Nothing," I started. "I think that's really great! I don't mind if we choose the Judicial Branch." Looking up at him once more, I found him staring at me with a sort of wonder of his own.

I didn't have to ask him in order to find out what he was thinking. He was suddenly astonished with what I had said. She thinks it's great? Usually when I tell people I want to be a Lawyer they look at me as if I'm insane. A boy who's been held back and two years behind in school wants to be a Lawyer, it makes everyone laugh at me. This girl really is something else. I still don't understand why she's so nice one day, and then so caddy and rude the next.

Great, he found me to be caddy and rude. Me, caddy, who would have thought? I was anything but caddy, but I suppose he wouldn't know that, because he didn't know the reasons behind my words and actions. I didn't want to think about it.

Christian continued to talk about the project and even started outlining what we could write about until the bell rang. Not saying much I gathered my things and slowly got up from my seat. I couldn't help but glance at Christian once more. He was too busy gathering his own things to notice me looking at him. Things were going to get much more difficult for sure as this project went on, but I didn't want that to start today. I decided to leave it at that and head on over to my next class.

It of course wasn't long before I was finished in Geometry and made my way to lunch. There was no way I wanted to be bothered with food at a time like this. Deciding against my prop I headed straight outside to my lonely picnic bench. It wasn't raining outside, though I could clearly smell the fresh scent of a wet afternoon on the blowing breeze. Instead it was just a cloudy, grey afternoon with no sun in sight. Hell, it was the only reason I was sitting outside today anyway. To occupy myself, I pulled out a book we had been reading in English class. It was a compilation of poems. I liked reading it as it always soothed me to read the melodic rhythms and rhyming words.

I meet thy pensive, moonlight face;
Thy thrilling voice I hear;
And former hours and scenes retrace,
Too fleeting, and too dear!

Then sighs and tears flow fast and free,
Though none is nigh to share;
And life has nought beside for me
So sweet as this despair.

There are crush'd hearts that will not break;
And mine, methinks, is one;
Or thus I should not weep and wake,
And thou to slumber gone.

I little thought it thus could be
In days more sad and fair
That earth could have a place for me,
And thou no longer there.

Yet death cannot our hearts divide,
Or make thee less my own:
Twere sweeter sleeping at thy side
Than watching here alone.

Yet never, never can we part,
While Memory holds her reign:
Thine, thine is still this wither'd heart,
Till we shall meet again.

-Henry Francis Lyte

Great, another love poem of loss and heartache. I swear there was no way of getting from it all.

Now, I don't know why I looked up at that exact moment. Perhaps there was something that caught my eye in my periphery, or maybe it was some unspoken instinct. I like to think it could have been a healthy mix of the two, though it ended up shattering my heart and my desires. I looked up to find Christian hugging a perky blonde. My eyes widened ever so slightly, probably not visible to the human eye, but it was enough for any vampire to see.

As Christian pulled away I saw her face. She looked extremely familiar. I recognized her then as BeccaWestchester. She was a junior, head cheerleader and student council president. She even happened to be in my 4th period Art and 5th period Gym classes. Of course Christian was in Gym as well. Now, I knew for a fact that this had not been going on before I took my mini vacation. Becca was popular, everything Christian was not, and she never showed any interest in him. Why was she hugging him now all of a sudden?

They started to pull away from their awkwardly long embrace and I looked away and peered at them from the corner of my eyes so as not to look too suspicious. Suddenly I saw it. Becca looked at me with a weird smirk on her face. Was she trying to do this to spite me? I didn't even know the girl. I wanted to turn on my power and listen to what she was thinking when I realized that I couldn't even hear Christian. If I couldn't hear him then I was too far away to get any "reception" from Becca either. This was something I was going to have to figure out later.