Epilogue
"How does he always find him?" asked Ben, tossing her the cold can of soda as he sat down on the sand.
"Something to do with echo-location," she threw back.
Out in the bay, Lucas swam with Li-Li, having the time of their lives, circled by the grey dorsal fin of a dolphin. All around them, the children and the holiday-makers could be heard squealing in delight, that they had been blessed by the arrival of such a special animal to their beach.
Both youngsters were clearly revelling in the attention that they and their delphine friend were receiving.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"They have a bond, I'll give you that."
"She's great, isn't she?" he said, looking fondly out at Li-Li.
"So is Lucas, for that matter."
Ben fell silent as though he was thinking carefully about what to say next. She didn't get annoyed when he said, "you know, I didn't think baby-sitting was your scene, but Lucas hasn't shut up about how cool he thinks you are since we got back."
"Oh," she said, unconvinced.
"Hasn't put you off having babies for good, has it?"
"It's not babies that's the problem. It's when they get to be teenagers... Such hard work. How was your week?"
"Oh, you know. Same as usual."
"No sea monsters then?" She felt the mischief tug at the corners of her mouth.
"No." He dragged out the syllable, rising to the bait. "Doctor Young's experiment was a complete success, but I think El-Fordo is going to find himself in the principal's office over leaving the boat."
"I think I'll wait until I've read the report," she said, sensing that he was about to launch into one of his rants. The sun was high and her shoulders were beginning to sting a little. She raised herself up on her elbows and reached for the sunscreen in her tote, offering it in his direction. "Would you…"
He took it and began to anoint her tender, white trapezius without a second thought.
"Mmm, that's nice," she said as he lifted the cotton straps of her sun-dress to get better coverage. "Your hands are soft. Why are your hands so soft?"
"I work in an office, remember. Okay, it's an office that's two thousand feet below sea level, but it's still a desk job. If you like, I can callous them up a bit for you, make 'em a bit more manly. You like it a bit rough, don't you?"
"Oh, shut up - " she threw an empty can backwards but missed him. He carried on massaging the cream in, moving her hair of the way.
"It's like basting a chicken," he said playfully as he finished up.
"Oh, you just had to go and spoil the moment, didn't you - "
"Moment? What moment? We were having a moment? I thought I was just preventing you shrivelling up like the wicked witch of the East."
She turned on him, preparing for the ritual tickling, the play fight, then she would finish up exhausted and happy in his arms, but of course it never came. They just stared at each other. Oh, yeah, that's right, she reminded herself. It's not like that. He smiled a smile he reserved just for her, and if he knew what she was thinking, he didn't let on.
"What are you doing tonight?" he said resuming his position in his dent in the sand.
"I don't know yet. Probably call my Mom." She felt the back of her neck, checking that he hadn't missed a spot, but really trying to understand the way his touch made her feel. She tried to appear satisfied that he'd done a good job.
"I have a proposition for you. How about you, me and a bottle of tequila; it'll be like old times."
She let out a long sigh. "Ben, it'll never be like old times."
"We'll make new times."
"I can't, remember?" she said tapping her temple. "It slows down my synapses."
"OK, then. I'll drink, you talk."
"The only reason you're hanging out with me is you can't get a date."
"I can get a date. I just don't want to get a date."
"You don't want to get a date?"
"Why would I want to get a date, when I have one of the most dazzling conversationalists in the world sitting right next to me?"
"You'll probably never get a date. Your powers of persuasion are wearing off with age."
"Less of the age. What about that blonde friend of yours? She likes me. What's she called? Goose?"
"Lark."
"I knew it was some kind of bird."
"And she doesn't like you; she tolerates you. There's a fine line."
"'Tolerates' easily develops into 'interested'."
"You're delusional and she still prefers women, so don't even bother."
"I could be a woman."
"Yes, I know, we talked about this - "
"I'd make a great woman - "
"Ben - "
"I can pretty much do anything a woman can - "
"Ben, I know - "
"There's one in the eye for sexism."
She began to laugh. "Yeah, I know, backwards and in high-heels, just like spring break - "
"See, there's hope for me yet, so you may as well give up."
And they laughed together, just like old times. For a moment she forgot who they were and what had happened to them to make them dislike each other for a while. "Oh, I missed you," she said without thinking, "I mean this, I missed this."
Ben recovered his breath at these sobering words. His gaze seemed to last forever. Don't say it, she thought to him as loudly as she could, don't say what you want to say and ruin this, because we'd just end up back at square one again. It doesn't work; you and me.
Fortunately, any possible exchange was cut short by Lucas and Li-Li appearing and standing over them, blocking out the sun and dripping.
"What'cha talkin' 'bout?" asked Lucas.
They ignored him and continued to stare at each other. She saw the fleeting smile of regret flicker over Ben's face and then it was gone.
"Can we get ice-cream now?" asked Li-Li.
"Sure, honey," said Ben, squinting into the light, "but why are you asking me?"
"Because then it'll be you that gets in trouble with my mom, and not me."
"Good point," said Lucas.
"They learn so quickly nowadays," Ben said sideways to Katie.
"Go on, get out of here, both of you, and don't make yourselves sick," she said to the kids.
They promptly skipped down the beach, not even bothering to dry off.
"You'd think with all the brain cells flying around the place, there'd be some more intellectual pursuit than stuffing their faces with dairy products." Ben gathered up their empty soda cans and arranged them in a group, not quite sure whether he should seek out a trash receptacle or wait 'til later.
"Ben," Katie said after a few minutes silence.
"Yes."
"There's something that's been bothering me for a while."
"Oh God, why do I not like the sound of that?" Nevertheless, he leaned over and grasped her hand tightly. It wasn't a romantic kind of hand holding, it was just that she seemed to need it and he was always a very physical person. She obviously didn't find it uncomfortable or weird because she didn't tear her hand away…
She took a deep breath and said it quickly, so as not to bottle out. "Is - Ben, is Li-Li yours?"
She thought for a moment that he was going to get angry, fly off the handle, or something, but he didn't; he just searched her face for a moment, holding her hand tightly. She wasn't sure what he was looking for. Then he smiled, a combination of incredulity and… what was that? Yes, she was sure it was pity.
"What the hell? Why would you think that?"
"I'm sorry - " she began.
But he stopped her;
"That is the weirdest question - "
"Which you haven't answered. Please… just tell me the truth."
"No," he said, very seriously, "she's not my daughter. I wish she was, but the truth is; I promised Rick I'd keep an eye on them. That is why I always go back. God, did you think I was screwing Candy, like, sixteen years ago?"
"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't th - "
"Jesus, Katie," he let go of her hand and rubbed his eyes in disbelief, "I was nineteen when I first came here."
"Are you saying it's not plausible? It was a fair question. The way you are with her, I - "
"Why would you think that? What is this, deal with all your excess baggage on the beach day? What has gotten into you?" He looked her very bravely in the eye. "What… what happened in Hilo?"
"Same as usual," she said, looking down.
"Someone kill a puppy? You haven't been yourself since - "
"Just drop it."
"Katie, I know you well enough to tell when something's seriously wrong."
"Then you should know me well enough to know what happens if you push me," she said, raising one eyebrow in threat.
"Come on. You can trust me, I'm your friend. I was your friend before I was – well, anything else, I - "
Flawed Glass. Looking, but not really seeing. Okay, then… "I fell out with Graeme."
"Ah, well. Am I allowed to say, 'I told you so'?"
"Don't rub it in."
"When I said you'd find Mr Right, I didn't mean you should go for Mr Always Right."
"Alright, alright... I've learned my lesson and it was a hard one. Please don't - "
"Seriously. What happened?"
"Graeme… I… He proposed to me."
Ben choked on his fresh can of coke. "He did what?"
"Well, it wasn't exactly a proposal, it wasn't like that. He… Actually I think he was having a psychotic break."
"Of course he'd have to be psychotic to propose to you - "
"Don't. It's not funny."
"I'm deadly serious. I don't feel like joking at all now. It has a lot to do with the fact you just spoiled my day off by asking me straight up if I'm secretly Li-Li's dad."
Oh, God how it made her cringe when he said it like that. "Yeah, I know, and I said I was sorry - "
"But it got you thinking about us," he confirmed to himself, "and what went wrong."
"Uh, yeah," she said awkwardly, apologetically. "And I hate that he ever came between us, I - "
"It's Okay, I think I'm over it by now, considering what - "
"No, that's not what I mean. Oh, God, I'm making a right hash up of this." She laughed humourlessly. "I was never any good at this stuff."
"What are you trying to say?"
"What I'm trying to say is… Back then I was only interested in him because he was older and I thought wiser. But I was looking for approval in the wrong place."
"Wow, all that therapy has really paid off."
She ignored that. "And I couldn't see the wood for the trees. You were always there for me. You're one of the good guys, Ben, I was glad you were there and I… I'm glad you're here."
He smiled. "It's my pleasure. I guess we all need someone to understand what we've been through. Pleb week, Doctor Chen's all-nighters, that kind of thing."
"And I really am sorry about that little outburst. When I look at her I can see she's Rick's child, I don't know what came over me."
"Yeah, well, it's an easy mistake to make. Luckily, I'm not the type to hold a grudge. I think we can still go about or daily lives and still look each other in the eye. But seriously, Candy?"
"What? What is wrong with Candy?"
"Uh, nothing. But she's a little old for me, she has a shaky grasp of the English language at best and she tries to force-feed me spam."
"Okay, well, maybe I should try to set you up with someone a little more suitable."
"Great, my ex-wife playing matchmaker, that's all I need. Are all your friends as uptight as you? Oh, wait, you'd only set me up with people you hate… Or what about - "
"I said not Lark. You'd never survive her. She'd break your heart."
"And that of course, is the worst thing that could possibly happen. I think not. See," he said, picking up the paperback he had been reading before Katie made him get the Coke, "this is exactly the kind of thing we should be discussing over tacos and tequila. Maybe not the whole illegitimate children thing. You need to give me fair warning next time. 'Cause that was just… You nearly gave me a heart attack."
"You're not going to tell anyone any of this are you? Because everyone still thinks I'm a full metal bitch with no heart and that I hate you."
"Of course not. Your secret is safe with me. We can't have anyone thinking you're all human and vulnerable and God forbid, need a little reassurance now and then." He gave her hand another squeeze.
"Thanks."
"Christ, we are fucked up, aren't we? Don't you just love it?"
"What do we do now?"
"What, you mean, now that we've got all that off our chests? I suppose we just get on with our lives, go back to normal."
Katie watched him and the easy way he just went back to the status quo. She knew then that everything would be alright between them and whatever it was that they had, wasn't that easily shaken and he wouldn't hold it against her. In fact, she thought he'd found the whole thing rather amusing. Time to change the record. Move on. "Okay. But lay off the biological clock jokes."
"Would I?"
"Yes, you would. Remember what happened last time?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to alarm you."
"Watch it mister." She narrowed her eyes, only really pretending to be annoyed. She was reluctant to admit it, but his teasing was kinda comforting. It made everything normal again.
"You're ticked-off, aren't you?"
"Stop it."
"Am I winding you up?"
"I swear, one more joke and..."
"You know I've got a clock named after me, right?"
"And which one is that?" she played along.
"Big Ben."
"If you don't stop right now, you're going to be Little Ben -"
The End
