Zilo: Your excuse, please…
Chizi: (grumbles) I was busy…
Zilo: That's a terrible excuse!
Chizi: I'll make up for it by thanking everyone. Thanks to KingofHeartless'09, Midnayuki, kasuki101, Mimitalind, darkshadowgirl666, MOeMoE KaGAmi, Tigrette, and Salamander Hat for reviewing.
Zilo: But we do that every time…
Chizi: Well this time it's special because we've passed the 100-review mark.
Zilo: That's true! Hooray! So now, here's the next chapter!
9: Hit And Run
In which Joey and Cassie take a trip
Ricky and I exchanged a glance and worn smiles. "Why don't you take Cassie upstairs, and if the urge hits you to conk out, just stay up there," I said to him.
"Are you sure you can handle everything without, y'know, exploding all over everything?"
"Yes, boss," I said sarcastically. "Just go on."
So Ricky got Cassie out from under the table and took her upstairs while I took out my cell to order pizza and prepared not to explode all over everything.
I'd say I did pretty well.
To be honest, I was kind of relieved to have everything out in the open now. I was never really comfortable with lying and hiding things from Ed and Al, and those other guys too. It was easier this way.
"Ah, this thing you call pizza is indeed quite interesting!" Ling said, sounding like he'd witnessed the miracle of childbirth. He put yet another slice on his plate and grabbed a couple more breadsticks for good measure.
"Save some for the rest of us," I warned him, putting a few slices in a plastic container. I wanted to save some for Ricky and Cassie, who had both passed out on their beds and still hadn't woken up. I figured I'd let them sleep through the night; it was already almost eight in the evening.
"Look at this, Brother," I heard Al say behind me. He and Ed were hunched over the laptop, Ed absentmindedly chewing on his own slice of pizza. I'd saved the chainletter in a document and turned off the wi-fi before handing it over to them, figuring they could do the least amount of damage that way.
"Huh, that's something," Ed said, sounding vaguely interested.
"What's up, guys?" I asked, turning to face them at the kitchen table.
The brothers both looked up at me. "There's a program on here just for card games?" Al asked me.
I smothered a snort as I came around the table to view the screen. "Oh, yeah, that comes standard on most computers. I thought you guys were brainstorming over the chainletter?"
"Well, we were, but…we got distracted," Al said, sounding a little embarrassed.
Ed seemed to have gotten the hang of the wireless mouse easily, and he maneuvered it around the current Solitaire game with one hand, his half-eaten slice of pizza in the other.
"Meh," I said with a shrug. "Take all the time you want, long as you don't break anything. I'm the one who's safely where she belongs."
Ed shot me a look. I raised my eyebrows at him with a smile as I put the container of pizza into the fridge. Passing by the kitchen's entrance, I paused and poked my head into the living room to check on Lust and Envy.
They were sitting on the couch, talking quietly to each other. Envy looked sulky, but as soon as my head appeared, he straightened up and glared at me. "What do you want?" he wanted to know.
"Nothing. Just making sure you're still here and not off maiming somebody," I said.
"We spared your precious peet-zah man, didn't we?" Envy snorted, leaning back against the couch.
"We want to talk to you," Lust said.
I blinked in surprise. "Uh, okay," I said, coming into the living room and standing in front of the couch. "What's up?"
"How long is this going to take?" Lust asked.
I blinked.
"It doesn't sound like any of you are trying all that hard to fix this," Envy clarified, his eyes narrowed at me.
I rolled my eyes. Yes, I'd grown comfortable enough around the Homunculi to roll my eyes at them. "Guys, we're doing the best we can, okay? The Elrics are on it. Just relax already."
"'Relax'? That's very easy for you to say. If all the things you said are true, we're stuck in this place until you get it together," Envy said.
"We don't want to sit around waiting for you to decide to send us back," Lust added.
"Well, that's all you can do. We've got this under control," I said.
Envy stood up, nose to nose with me. It was funny—when he had been menacing me and Ricky yesterday, he'd seemed so tall and intimidating, but it was a surprise to realize he was only a little taller than I was. "I want results. Something had better happen by tomorrow, or this little truce of yours is dead," he hissed right in my face.
My fists clenched. Instead of being scared, I was slightly pissed. To me, his threat equaled him trying to do something to my brother and sister, and I wouldn't let that happen. "You do anything to violate the truce, and your ass can stay right here. I'll even call the cops for you."
"Don't try to threaten me, little girl. In case you haven't noticed, I'm back to full strength. Your threats don't hold quite the same amount of force," Envy said.
"Full life bar or not, you still wouldn't make it two days out there, trust me," I shot back.
"Huh," Envy sneered, but he didn't have a comeback. Unless he was saving his zingers for later, and by "zingers" I mean "murdering the Jones children in their sleep." I reminded myself that I really shouldn't antagonize them, even if they had agreed to the truce, and tried a friendlier tone. "Look, we want you back where you belong as much as you do. We'll have this fixed soon, I promise."
Envy sighed and flopped back down on the couch. I eyed Lust, but she was looking around the living room in what seemed like an absent manner. "So…anything else?" I asked.
Neither of them responded. Envy just glared at the ceiling, and Lust seemed to be lost in thought. "Okay, then. Nighty night." I left the living room and returned to the kitchen, where I was met with more scrutinizing stares.
"What?" I demanded.
"Do they really not scare you?" Ed wanted to know.
"Hell no," I said out loud while nodding furiously.
Ed blinked, then he actually smiled. Al tilted his head. Ling was savoring a slice of pizza, but still watching me.
"So," I went on, changing the subject, "who wants to sleep in the living room with the Homunculi?"
Considering the state things were in, I still slept pretty well. Halfway through the night I was partially woken up by Cassie climbing into my bed. I just shifted to give her more room, and let her snuggle up to me before I fell asleep again. She tended to come into my room on nights when she either had a bad dream or was scared, and Mom wasn't home.
I was surprisingly at ease. I knew the Homunculi probably wouldn't sleep, so I had asked Al to keep an eye on them. I figured he could wake Ed or just tackle them himself if they tried anything. There weren't any skirmish-y noises throughout the night, or at least none loud enough to wake me up.
Stupid me, I had thought that I'd finally gotten things under control. I watched enough anime, so I should have realized that things are never that easy, and there's always a twist to shake things up. Who knew real life followed anime rules?
I woke up about eight AM. Cassie was still asleep, snuggled under my arm. At some point our joint efforts had kicked off my comforter and knocked it across the room. I carefully climbed out of bed so as not to disturb her, picked up the comforter, and tucked it around her.
After a shower and hair-washing I seriously deserved, I threw on a blue and black-striped shirt and a denim skirt that shows off my awesome knees, pulled my wet hair into a tight ponytail, and, after checking on Ricky and confirming he was still snoring away in his bed, headed downstairs to assess the situation.
The first person I saw on reaching the ground floor was Lust. She sat at the kitchen table, slowly turning pages of the Fullmetal Alchemist manga. She glanced up briefly when I appeared, but of course she didn't greet me.
I turned right and went into the living room. Ed was sitting crosslegged on the air mattress, his coat in his lap, and he seemed to be either mending or pulling out a few loose threads. Al sat on the couch behind him. They both looked up when I appeared.
"Morning," I said. I scanned the room, quickly taking note of who was missing. "Where's Envy and Ling?"
"Good morning, Joey," Al said.
"Envy's in the basement," Ed added.
"The basement?" I repeated.
"I think he's looking for some other way to get back," Ed said, the sound of an eye-roll in his voice.
My brows raised. "Oh. Okay. Whatever. And Ling?"
"He's gone," Ed said, picking at a thread. He said it so casually that at first it didn't sink in.
"Wait, what?" I exclaimed when I finally realized. "What do you mean, gone? Why didn't—I thought I asked you to keep an eye out, Al!"
Al looked guilty. Yes, somehow armor looked guilty. "Well…you asked me to keep an eye on Lust and Envy, and I did," he protested.
Well, that was true. I hadn't specifically said anything about Ling. "Okay," I sighed, plopping down on the couch next to Al, on Ed's other side. "When did he leave? And did he say why or anything?"
"Of course not. He just kept wandering around examining stuff. What a weirdo," Ed commented.
"I think he left a little before dawn," Al said, still sounding guilty.
I rubbed my forehead. This really sucked. After a moment, I reached out and patted Al's shoulder. "Thanks for looking out anyhow," I said, wanting to let him know I didn't blame him for Ling being a pain in my ass.
Al nodded. "Are you going to take the van out and look for him?" he asked.
"Nope," I said.
Ed finally looked up from his coat to give me a surprised look. "Really?" he said.
"Really. Unlike the Homunculi, Ling doesn't consider human-killing a sport. Since he's not a threat to the public, if he wants to be a moron and go running around in a world he's entirely unprepared to deal with, more power to him. He'll probably get arrested again," I snorted.
"Again?" the brothers said in unison.
I paused, not missing the significant glance they exchanged. "What do you mean 'again'?" Ed asked me.
"Nothing. You'll find out on your own," I said.
"Is there something else you're not telling us?" Ed wanted to know, his brows lowering.
"No, jeez," I sighed.
Cassie's voice floated down to me from the stairs, calling my name. I hopped off the couch and went to the bottom step, looking up. Cassie stood at the top, still in her pink nightgown, sort of clutching the banister at the top. "What's up, Cassie?" I asked.
"Are they all still here?" she asked me, sounding a little nervous.
I gave her an apologetic smile. "Yeah, they are. Do you wanna stay at Natasha's for a little bit, until they're gone?"
She shook her head. "My art class," she said to me.
I blinked about twenty times before I got it. "Oh, shi—shkabob. The art class." Cassie had been enrolled in a community art class once a week for about two months, and, lucky me, today was that day.
"I don't have to go," Cassie said, her arms tightening around the banister.
"No, no, I'll take you. You need a break anyway. Get dressed and we'll go." I started up the steps.
Ding-dong.
I froze. Cassie froze. Ed and Al probably froze. I think Lust even paused in turning a page of the manga.
Time stood still. At least until whoever was at the door rang the bell again.
"Is that—" Ed started to say.
"SHHHH!" I hissed, whirling and rushing back down the stairs and into the living room. "Ed, Al, into the kitchen!"
"But—" Al began.
"VOICES-DOWN!" I whisper-shouted, my arms flailing in shooing motions.
Although they gave me weird looks, Ed and Al complied and went into the kitchen. Cassie only came down the stairs at that point, gluing herself to Al's side as I went to the door.
I stood on my toes and peered through the peephole. A familiar eye peered through the other side, warped by the glass. He always did this. I rolled my eyes, even as I felt a smile on my face, and pulled open the door.
"Ike, I can't see who it is when you do that," I told him, resting my arm on the doorknob.
"But I'm the only one who does that, so you know it's me." My best friend Eisenhower Tak, known by all his friends and foes as Ike, gave me his usual grin.
"But what if some crazy stalker guy who looks like you shows up and does that, and I open the door and get stabbed in the face?" I replied as usual.
"Wear a helmet when you open the door," Ike replied as usual.
"Dude!" I said with a laugh.
"So what's up? I thought you were coming over for movie night last night," Ike went on, making a move as if to come inside.
I put my back on the doorjamb, effectively blocking his path. "Yeah, uh, something came up," I hedged.
"'Something'? Like what?" Ike asked me, pausing in confusion.
"There was…a relative's here. Aunt Jay. And…she's got a horrible contagious disease. So—so nobody else can come in. We're quarantined," I hastily lied.
Ike blinked for a second or two, then laughed. "That's a new one. Have you been practicing your stand-up?" he teased me.
"I'm serious!" I insisted, pulling the door closer so I was packed in the gap. "She's here, and crazy contagious, and I'm not even supposed to be talking to you. You should go home and fortify yourself with drugs and orange juice and NyQuil. Now."
Ike's smile started to slip. "Are you…serious, Joey?"
"Yes. Dead serious," I said.
He blinked a few times. "Um…all right…" he said.
"Sorry," I said sincerely. "I'll call you when we're well though."
"Sure," he sort of mumbled, heading backwards down the sidewalk.
I quickly pulled myself back into the house and shut the door firmly, making a mental note to call and apologize to Ike after this whole mess was over. It didn't even occur to me that I'd practically told him to go home and kill himself on medicine he didn't need.
I was being watched by every available face from the kitchen. Envy and Ricky had even showed up to stare at me. "Oh, jeez! One, shut up, and two, I'd like to see you punks do better!" I snapped.
"Are we gonna have to fake sick now?" Ricky asked.
"No! Ike probably won't be back for a little bit. We'll be fine," I said.
"But my art class," Cassie reminded me.
"We'll go out the back door."
"Wait, hold on. You're taking Cassie to her art class? In the middle of all this?" Ricky exclaimed, waving his hand to indicate the FMA characters.
"Yes, Ricky, I think some normalcy will do us all some good," I said firmly.
Ricky snorted in a manner which indicated his slight disagreement with my idea but his respect for my role as the older sister. "And who's gonna watch over them, huh?"
"Hold on a second! We're not little kids, we don't need babysitting," Ed protested.
"It'll be fine. Walking Cassie down and coming back will only take like a half hour. You can handle them until then, they're all truced up, remember?" I assured him.
"Wait, what? You're leaving me in charge?" Ricky exclaimed, sounding a little panicked.
"Of course. You're a teenager. Besides, this whole mess is your fault in the first place," was my reasoning.
"But—but—oh, all right," Ricky sighed. He scratched the back of his neck absently, pulling down the collar of his shirt. The bruises on his neck were starting to change into those sickly-looking colors that indicate healing, which relieved me.
"Like I said, a half hour. That's all it'll be," I said.
"So we have to stay here?" Al asked, sounding a little disappointed.
"Yeah. Sorry, guys. You know it's best if you lay low until we can get you back. It's just a short trip, so you won't be missing anything," I assured him.
Envy made a noise in his throat, and I shot him a look. "Just don't forget that we're honoring this truce for our own interests, not because we're so interested in following your orders," Lust put in.
"Oh, I remember, all right," I said grimly. "I'll be back soon."
To tell the truth, I'd insisted on taking Cassie to her art class because I needed to time for myself as well. Some fresh air would probably keep me from exploding all over everyone in the house. And after scaring Ike away with such a stupid story, I figured I needed time to recover my wits.
Cassie, cute as a button in a pink-flowered shirt under a denim jumper and pink high tops, seemed to enjoy getting outside as well. She didn't even complain when I insisted she hold my hand through all the crosswalks. It just generally seemed like a great day: blue sky, puffy clouds, shining sun, singing birds.
"Today is really pretty," Cassie said, summing up the day quite well.
"It is, isn't it?" I agreed. We smiled at each other. She looked like a little curly-haired angel, with sunlight making her hair more red than brown. In fact, the sun started to intensify the color, making it brighter and more vivid. I blinked, then realized it wasn't just her hair—Cassie's entire form was brighter, as if someone had turned the color meter all the way up on their TV.
Cassie's smile faltered also, changing to a confused expression, as her eyes moved from my face. I turned to see what had caught her eye, even as we kept walking, her hand in mine.
For a second, I thought I was dreaming. We had been on the last corner before the library where the art class was, about to cross the crosswalk, right? That's why we'd been holding hands. But suddenly, the street had changed entirely. It was a road paved with cobblestones, it looked like. Unfamiliar buildings rose on either side. Unfamiliar people passed us, some pausing to look at us curiously.
I stopped walking. Cassie stopped too, clenching my hand in both of hers and moving closer to my side. "Joey?" she said, sounding nervous. I wasn't hallucinating, or at least I wasn't the only one.
It was alien, but somehow very oddly familiar. My head turned back and forth, trying to place it. I froze when two men walked by. They weren't looking at me or anything, but their uniforms suddenly made it clear. I'd recognize that stupid blue thing anywhere.
"Oh my God," I whispered. How had we been warped to the FMA universe? Had Ricky started tampering with the laptop the second I walked out the door? If so, I was going to kill him for about the eleventh time.
One of the state military officers finally noticed my stare and slowed. "Miss?" he said. "Are you all right?"
"I—I—" I wasn't really sure.
And then it was gone. Suddenly, the FMA universe had vanished, and I was back in the crosswalk where we had just been, with three notable differences—Cassie's horrified scream, the blare of a car horn, and the screeching of brakes. All I could register was a huge shape rushing towards us, and all I could think to do was shove Cassie away as hard as I could, to get her clear.
Then, predictable darkness.
I could hear my mom. She didn't sound worried at all—in fact, she was very calm, and her voice had that warm, encouraging tone she used whenever she thought I could rise to a challenge. "You can do this, Joey. You've always been my perfect girl. I know you can. All you have to do is use the skills you've got."
"But this is so confusing," I said, or thought I said. It's hard to tell when you're talking in a dream.
"You're ready for this. I believe in you, Joey. Show me that fire," Mom said.
Yep, that fire. My crazy temper. Somehow Mom never seemed to reprimand me enough for it. She'd always just joke about how redheads were supposed to have fiery tempers.
"How is getting angry going to wake me up from being mowed down by a car?" I thought-asked.
Mom just laughed. But for a moment, I thought I saw a flash of worry.
"Joey! Joey! Oh my God, Joey!"
"What do we do?"
"Is there a hospital nearby?"
"M-My cellphone! Oh man, oh man! Please! Melissa, please!"
Ricky only used my real name when he was super upset.
"Jo-e-y-y-y-y," Cassie half-said, half-sobbed.
"Al, here, take Cassie and—hey, stop panicking already! We just need to get her to the hospital!"
"We could put her out of her misery."
"Shut up, Envy! Why'd you even come?"
"Sounded like a good show."
I realized I was lying on the hard, uncomfortable ground, and that the people were all talking over me, their voices jumbling to the point where I could only pick out a sentence or two. I also realized my eyes were closed, and either the shock hadn't worn off or I'd landed safely in a pile of fluffy pillows, because I felt just fine. I snapped my eyes open before Ricky could have a heart attack.
"Ricky, calm the hell down!" were the first words out of my mouth.
Everyone stopped talking or yelling or sneering or whatever they were doing to stare at me for the second time that day. Except for Cassie, who continued to rain down tears and snot as she threw herself on my neck.
"God, if you act like this in every crisis you're going to end up even more useless," I went on, sitting up slowly as my brother stared at me, the residual terror on his face mixing with a stunned look.
"It's good to see being hit by a moving vehicle has made you so much sweeter," Envy commented from where he and Lust stood away from the circle of people all leaning over me.
"Well…are you okay?" Ricky asked me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I feel fine," I assured him, touching my head in several spots to confirm my claim. I felt completely aware, and still no pain had shown up.
"You sure?" Ed asked, watching me warily.
"Definitely. It's like nothing happened."
Cassie was starting to wind down and let go of my neck to stand up. "B-But that car hit you," she trembled.
"Cassie came running back to the house to tell us," Ricky added. Cassie nodded tearfully.
I looked around for the driver, but saw no one other than us. "So the guy just peeled off without making sure he hadn't committed manslaughter? Assh—tray," I recovered.
"Maybe you should check yourself into the nearest hospital, just to be safe," Al suggested.
I stood, all of them watching me warily, and flexed my limbs. "No, really, I'm fine, and I don't feel like paying any medical bills." I checked my watch to see how late we'd be for Cassie's art class, but the face was broken and one of the hands was missing. Dammit. "Why don't we just go back to the house," I suggested. Apparently God, fate, karma, the cosmos, and/or an asshole behind the wheel didn't want me leaving home.
Cassie didn't mention her art class.
"Ugh, back to the prison," Envy grumbled, voicing thoughts more similar to mine than I'd have liked.
"The rest of us have made it just fine outside that house, I don't see why we have to be trapped in it," Lust added.
"That's just the way it is, so can it," Ed shot back, looking irritable.
"I still think we should go to the hospital," Al said.
I ignored them all and focused on leading the way home. I couldn't believe I'd survived a hit-and-run without a scratch. In fact, I felt great, like I could run a marathon or climb a mountain or something. Did getting hit by cars release endorphins or something?
No, it wasn't over.
I led everyone up the driveway, no longer caring if the neighbors saw us, and mentally reminding myself again to put the middle bench back in the van. Cassie had held my hand the whole way home, and was unusually quiet and thoughtful-looking. Ricky had shared some small talk with Al, Ed had brooded, Lust had taken everything in on the way back, and Envy, to all appearances, had just sulked. At least they were still willing to do what I said. The precarious threat of leaving them stranded wouldn't hold forever, though, so I made another mental note to start working on the chain letter as soon as we got inside.
I pulled out my key and unlocked the front door, letting everyone in. I saw movement in the kitchen, and stiffened. "Hello?"
"Oh, welcome back!" Ling's voice said cheerfully.
Oh yay, he's returned, I thought with a hint of sarcasm. I went into the kitchen, Cassie still glued to my side. "Hey your highness, you finally came back, huh—"
And of course I choked. Because of course Ling was sitting at the kitchen table, dirty plates stacked around him, and of course Ike sat on Ling's right. And of course Roy Mustang sat on Ike's right, looking at me with some interest as I entered the kitchen.
Of course.
Of course.
"DAMMIT!" I bellowed, startling everyone behind me.
"Oh, hell!" Ed said about a second later.
"Oh no," said Lust.
"Oh great," Envy griped.
It's a sad day when your sentiments mirror two Homunculi's.
Zilo: Back to our cliffie roots!
Chizi: As usual.
Zilo: Thanks for seeing us through 100 reviews everyone! We'll see you next time, hopefully a little sooner!
