Disclaimer: Naruto is a Shonen Jump publication written by Masashi Kishimoto. I am neither Shonen Jump nor Masashi Kishimoto. If that doesn't say it all, I pity you for your lack of perceptive prowess, and strongly advise that you not pursue the way of the ninja.

~V~

- Chapter Nine -
"Two Bells, One Book"

~V~

Hinata slept more soundly than she'd expected to that night. It was as though all of her previous worries about the morning's upcoming test had been dispelled. And it wasn't exactly a mystery how: Naruto hadn't given either Hinata nor Sasuke so much as an inch of legroom to obsess over the test. The night had been spent eating, talking, and laughing. Sasuke had mostly just eaten, but Hinata had known the Uchiha prodigy long enough to tell that he'd enjoyed the atmosphere.

There was something about Naruto that made it nearly impossible for Hinata's anxiety to take hold while she was around him. It was as though the boy radiated and aura of contagious self-confidence. Even when the conversation had shifted to Kakashi's final exam, this sense that failure wasn't even in the cards had persisted. They would pass this test and they would pass it so hard and so fast that the test would get whiplash trying to keep up with how hard and fast they'd passed it. Or so Naruto had said. Sasuke and Hinata were fine with just passing it at all, thank you very much.

Even so, Hinata couldn't help but be nervous when her alarm clock woke her up on the morning of the test. Rolling out of bed, she sleepily reached over to her bedside table. Her hands found her Leaf headband, and she clutched the forehead protector to her chest like a talisman. She thought of everything she had done to get this far, of everything that Naruto had taught her, and she willed the anxiety to the back of her mind.

When she donned her hitai-ate, she was looking into the full-body mirror across from her bed with a smile. Then her smile faded into something more serene as her eyes slid down her own fully-clothed reflection, which at the moment, lacked her customary hooded jacket.

For some odd reason, she felt good about that, as well. Nevertheless, force of habit had her clad in a beige jacket when she slid the door of her room closed, and left the Cadet Branch's wing of the Hyuga Compound. Hinata had always been a modest girl, she was just less self-conscious about it now.

Her grandfather would still be sleeping at this hour, but several attendants were shuffling about their morning tasks as Hinata made her way toward the central courtyard garden. Each wore either a headband or a snug wrap of bandages around their forehead. Hinata's smile fell as passed Ibuki Hyuga, but she snatched it back up and pushed the thoughts of her clan's claustrophobic restrictions to the same corner of her mind that housed her forgotten anxiety.

Hinata had never wanted to be a ninja in the first place, you see, but for a member of the Hyuga Clan's Cadet Branch, there were but two viable paths in life: one either lived their life within the walls of the Hyuga Clan Compound as a servant and guardian, or one enlisted as a shinobi of the Hidden Leaf Village. Most chose this second path. The larger of two cages was still a bit roomier than its counterpart, after all. Hinata had halfheartedly chosen to enroll at the Academy in spite of her grandfather's insistence that she lacked the necessary talent—or, perhaps, because of it—but for the better part of her Academy "career," she had done nothing but prove her grandfather right. This had continued until the day when Naruto had reach out to her. Even then, the struggle to change herself had felt like a hopeless one at first.

But she had changed in the end, hadn't she? Neji's proclamation that she was fool to think she could alter what fate had chosen for her, it had rung hollow after—

Hinata gave a start as the object of her thoughts came into view. Her cousin, Neji Hyuga, sat cross-legged with his eyes closed, his straight back almost but not quite up against the side of a tree. His long, brown hair was slung over his right shoulder at that moment, and as always he was clad in the traditional Hyuga robes. His forehead lay bare, marking his status as a member of the clan's main household.

Hinata felt like slapping herself for forgetting their sainted heir's morning meditation—of course he'd be out here now. Had she remembered, she'd have bypassed the gardens entirely.

Her steps sped up even as she made each one just a little bit lighter, in the hopes that he would overlook her presence. There previous disagreement was long behind them, but even so, Hinata wanted to keep as much distance between her and her cousin as possible. Apparently it was not to happen this day, however, as Neji's eyes snapped open before she had taken more than five paces.

His gaze was chill and condescending as his eyes fell on Hinata, who froze at the look.

Reflexively, Hinata turned toward her cousin. "Good morning, Neji-sama," she said with a bow of her head.

She pushed back another wave of anxiety as she felt his eyes slide upward, and she realized he was staring at her forehead protector. She endured his gaze for a long moment before he said, "Where are you off to?" It sounded more like a command than a question.

"I am to meet my Jonin commander at the practice field by seven o' clock, Neji-sama," Hinata answered dutifully. "I have agreed to meet my teammates for breakfast before training. Is there something I may do for you, my cousin?"

Neji gazed back steadily, then said: "Your teammates. Who are they?"

I don't see why it's any of your business, cousin, Hinata thought, but without allowing the sentiment to show, she answered: "They are Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha, Neji-sama."

"The Uzumaki boy again," Neji said, just a little bit scathingly. "Take care that you don't grow too attached to him, Hinata."

Something flickered in Hinata's eyes before she could catch it and hide it. Neji, taking note of this, closed his eyes again.

"You may go," he said. His face was impassive as a statue's... but Hinata, as she turned to continue her walk to the Leaf Cafeteria, could almost have sworn she'd detected a hint of satisfaction in his voice. Was she imagining it? For some reason, she hoped she was.

~V~

It was ten fifty-six, going on eleven o'clock. It had been three hours—three hours—since the Team Seven Genin had arrived at their designated training ground: a wide open flatland surrounded by dense forest and a small lake. Three thick, man-high punching posts stood in a neat line off to the side of the training field, across from which stood a flagpole and a sizable memorial stone bearing the names of ninja who had fallen in the line of duty. The three had regarded the stone with puzzled curiosity when they'd arrived; none could quite fathom the logic behind placing such a memorial on a practice field. They could only surmise that the monument predated the training field itself.

Naruto had long since put away his book, and now lay reclining on the grass with his arms behind his head. Sasuke stood with his hands in his pockets, and Hinata sat next to Naruto. Each either had a hefty supply backpack on the ground next to them, or in the case of Hinata, wore it on her back (reclining against it as she sat). All three were once more zoned right on out of the cosmos: dead to the world in all but the literal sense.

And then came Kakashi, strolling on up as if nothing happened. When Hinata stood up, saying, "Guys, he's here!" Naruto had simply turned his head to look at the incoming teacher without comment. Sasuke was just being Sasuke: acting all cool and stoic, as per the usual.

"By your watch, then," Naruto stated as the man strode into earshot.

"Sorry I'm late, guys," Kakashi said unabashedly. "A black cat crossed my path, so I had to take the long way."

"Taking a detour through the Land of Ogres for good measure, I take it?" Naruto quipped. With a motion like a full-body whip-crack, the red-haired Genin flung himself straight into a standing position.

"I may have taken a wrong turn or two," admitted Kakashi.

"Or three. Or four. Or five... hundred," Naruto said flatly. "Admit it, sensei, you rolled right over in bed and went back to sleep, didn't you?"

"Here's how we're going to do this," Kakashi said, verbally sidestepping the accusation. He walked over to the nearby punching posts and set down his supply bag. From it, he extracted a large, ungainly alarm clock.

"I've set this to ring at noon," he said, placing the clock on the middle post. He flicked the switch on the back, setting the massive bells on its sides to jangle at the appointed time. "You have until then to complete your assignment, which is..."

He put a hand into his supply satchel and rummaged a bit. The three Genin heard a faint jingle as he extracted—

"...to take these bells from me," Kakashi finished, holding out two ordinary, tiny, round cat-bells from strings in his hand. "You need only one bell apiece—"

"There are three of us, sensei," Naruto pointed out before Hinata could stutter out a question to the same effect.

"Oh! You can count. That's a helpful skill for a ninja to have," Kakashi congratulated. "Yes, there are three of you. And two bells. You only need one bell... apiece."

"Again, sensei," Naruto deadpanned, "there are three of us. Why only two bells?"

Kakashi continued as if Naruto had not said a word: "If any one of you fails, that one will go without lunch." He pointed to the punching posts. "Instead, you will be tied to one of those posts, and you will watch while I eat my lunch in front of you."

"Oh," Naruto said. "Well, then." He grinned at Hinata. "Is that my cue to say, 'I told you so?'"

Kakashi blinked as Hinata fidgeted with her fingers, the look on her face a mix of sheepish and relieved. Sasuke had smirked, then returned to his usual stoic self.

Not exactly the 'Oh, THAT'S why he told us not to eat breakfast!' response I usually get, Kakashi thought.

"Since there are only two bells, one of you is definitely headed for the post," Kakashi said seriously. "And whoever that person is will be the first to fail. At least one of you—" he looked to each student in turn, watching their reactions as the realization set in, "—is headed back to school... and disgrace."

These reactions weren't the ones he usually got, either. Hinata's was the most dramatic of the bunch: she let out a sharp gasp, and looked to both of her friends. She appeared as though she'd been sucker-punched in the gut. Sasuke's expression simply got darker than it had already been. Naruto opened his mouth, closed it again, scrunched up his eyebrows, and said:

"...Why the fuck would you bother putting us in teams like this, and then go and pull a stunt like that?"

"Beg pardon?" Kakashi said lightly. "A stunt like what?"

"Playing us against each other, setting up this kind of 'every man for himself' kind of test?" Naruto was losing his composure for the first time since Kakashi had met him: he looked to be fighting the urge to yell in Kakashi's face. "If you want to test our individual skills, you can do that one by one, can't you?"

Sharp as a tack, this one.

"I... could," Kakashi said airily. "But this is the way I do things." His eyes narrowed slightly. "This is the way I do things," he said again, "and my word is law. Remember that."

"Well, fuck that noise," he heard Naruto mutter as the three Genin made their way to the punching posts to discard their backpacks... except Hinata, who kept hers on her back.

Never known a Hyuga to go so heavy on ninja gear before... Kakashi thought. A clan maverick, perhaps?

The three moved to stand a good distance down the training field from their sensei, fifteen feet or more. They started muttering to each other in hushed, hurried tones as they went about this. Kakashi watched this exchange in mild wonderment, wishing he were close enough to hear what they were saying. Hinata's look of distress changed to an affronted expression, and she stole a glance back at Kakashi. Sasuke said something with a quizzical look on his face, but Naruto waved him off.

"The clock is still ticking," Kakashi reminded them in a loud voice. The three turned strained, determined faces on their sensei. Kakashi held up the bells one more time. "When I say 'start,' the exercise shall commence. You may use any and all ninja arts or tools in your possession, including shuriken and Gentle Fist attacks. If you don't come at me with the intent to kill, you'll never be able to take the bells." He tossed the bells up into the air, deftly catching them and, in the same motion, fastening the strings to the left side of his belt.

"And... start."

At the signal, the three Genin zipped off in separate directions, taking refuge in the surrounding woodlands.

~V~

Well, they started out in separate directions, but that is what those in the business would call "bullshitting the enemy."

This, Naruto had insisted on as they muttered amongst themselves just prior to the starting signal:

"...Alright, guys, here's the game plan," Naruto said. "He's expecting us to break off and make individual grabs for the bells, yeah? So when he says go, we all split up and go every which way. Hinata!"

"Y-yes, Naruto-kun?"

"Use your Byakugan to track the two of us down. Find whichever one of us is closer to you, and then lead him to the other. We'll regroup in the forest and figure out a plan of attack then."

Hinata stole a glance at Kakashi, her troubled expression hardening into something more like an insulted one.

"So you're saying we all work to get the bells together?" Sasuke muttered. "But then, which of us will actually get the bells? One of us is down for a failing grade no matter what..."

Hinata opened her mouth just a little, hesitantly—and as a matter of fact, she was about to offer to give up her claim on a bell to the others—but she never got past the first word of the offer. Naruto had waved Sasuke off with a hand and a look of irritation.

"No time for that now. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

Kakashi called over to them: "The clock is still ticking," he warned. The three Genin turned as one to regard him, their faces set. For several long moments the two parties—one elite ninja and three determined trainees—stood on the practice field, staring each other down, as if the encounter were a scene in some cheesy cowboy flick...

"And... start!"

Off they went, in three separate directions. And as instructed, Hinata activated her Byakugan and surveyed the area.

~V~

"The basis of all shinobi arts is to become invisible... eradicate yourself..." Kakashi murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked around at the now-deserted practice field. There was not a trace of his three students to be seen.

Sighing, he said, "Well, they have the 'hiding' part down well enough..."

If he'd wanted, he could have tracked them down easily enough—chakra-charged his sense of smell and picked them off one by one—but that would be counterproductive. Time was against them, and if things ran true to form, his would-be hunters would make their own clumsy plays on him soon enough. Deciding to kick back and wait for his opponents to make the first move, the masked Jonin slipped a lazy hand into his supply pack and extracted his copy of Icha Icha Paradise, opening to the dog-eared page and picking up where he'd left off.

~V~

Sasuke Uchiha lay prostrate in the foliage, peeking out at Kakashi Hatake from the older man's blind side. The masked Jonin had turned several pages in that bright orange book of his by the time the barely-perceptible sound of stalking ninja met Sasuke's ears. Turning a wary eye in the direction of the disturbance, Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief as Naruto and Hinata slid into view, each slinking into position on either side of him.

The three lay flat, looking out on their objective.

"Well," Naruto said, "we've agreed that we'll be putting our heads together on this one. The real question is: what the hell are we gonna do now?"

"Is he off-guard, or... just pretending?" Hinata asked.

"Who can say?" Sasuke murmured. "He looks and acts like a total joke, but it could be just that: an act. And it doesn't look like he's going to be making a move until we make ours." The Uchiha bit his thumbnail, silent for a moment, before he spoke up again. "Naruto, you're the only one of us who's fought an experienced ninja before. Do you have any ideas at all on how we should do this?"

Naruto clicked his tongue. "That was a completely different story," he said. "For one thing, I had advance warning, an idea of what I was up against, and the element of surprise on my side. I had plenty of time to set him up and knock him down." He turned shrewd eyes on his companions: "We have less than one hour to outwit a ninja who is both higher in rank than Mizuki, and a complete unknown."

Naruto turned back toward Kakashi, who was shaking slightly with what looked to be the giggles. Giggles?

Naruto stared for several long moments.

"Lemme think," he said, and lapsed into silence.

Sasuke and Hinata waited. After about a minute and a half, Naruto spoke up again:

"Hey, Hina-chan? What's that book he's reading?"

"Let me see..." she whispered. Her Byakugan's nearly-invisible pupils shifted focus, and... "O-oh..." she squeaked. "Oh... my."

"Well?" Sasuke grunted.

"I-it's... um..."

She fidgeted uncomfortably.

"It's, um, what?" said Naruto.

"U-um... please don't make me say it," Hinata squeaked. The two boys both turned to look at her with raised eyebrows, and found she was blushing.

"Hina-chan," muttered Naruto softly. "It's important."

"U-um... it's..."

But the rest was an unintelligible mumble.

"Come again?" Naruto said.

"Th-that wasn't funny, Naruto-kun!" Hinata snapped, her cheeks reddening all the more.

"What wasn't funny? Just tell me the damn title already, I couldn't hear you."

"Oh," Hinata said. "O-oh, right. It's... er... it's..." She gulped, then muttered: "Icha... Icha... P-Paradise..."

Naruto blinked. Sasuke turned his eyes back to their sensei, whose giggles had subsided, with his lip curled in distaste.

"Hn... the man has absolutely no shame..."

"Alright, then, Hina-chan," Naruto said cautiously. "I'm going to need you to do something for me that you're probably going to feel uncomfortable with. Bear with me, alright? If my idea is going to work, this is essential."

"U-um... okay... what do you... want me to do?"

"Can you focus your Byakugan enough to read whatever page he's on?"

"W-wh—" Hinata began to protest, but Sasuke's hand clamped over her mouth.

"Trust me, Hina-chan!" Naruto said, raising a hand to placate the girl. "I need you to read out... whatever it is that's on the page he's reading. Look, if I tell you what I have in mind, will you help me out with this?"

Hinata fidgeted once more, then stilled herself and nodded.

"That's my girl!" Naruto said. "Right, then. Here's how it's gonna go down..."

~V~

To say that Hinata was embarrassed would have been the understatement of the decade.

In fact, you could say that during Kakashi's bell-test, the young Hyuga girl reached a plateau of mortification that even she had never imagined possible before, and which she would never again even come close to for the remainder of her days. Fortunately, the urgency of the situation—a pinch of determination and a teaspoon of adrenaline, one could say—helped just enough in her efforts to keep that infernal whiteness at bay. For a full thirty seconds, the girl lay flat on her belly, face in her hands, with only one thought on her mind:

Don't faint don't faint I must not faint GET IT TOGETHER HINATA DO NOT FAINT.

Gods above, her cheeks had never felt so hot! In those moments, she felt like she would never be able to look Naruto square in the eye again.

But could you blame her? She had just read an extremely graphic passage from a smutty novel. A passage of highly kinky sex between two women and one man. Out loud. To her crush. (To. Her. CRUSH.)

Don't faint... don't faint... don't faint—

"Don't faint, please," Naruto said. "We kind of need you conscious for this plan to work, you know."

"Y-yeah..." squeaked Hinata. The shroud of whiteness subsided. Oh, gods, that was too close. Too... close...

"Alright, now," Naruto said. "I need to get in close to kick things off. Sasuke, when I go for his arm and leg—"

"Right," Sasuke said.

"And Hinata, you keep hidden and keep those Hyuga eyes peeled until it's time for our little shuriken trick."

"Yes," Hinata said (relieved to find she'd gotten rid of her stutter).

"Alright, then, I'm off!"

And Naruto was off.

~V~

Kakashi turned another page. He was two paragraphs in when a pair of shuriken flew from the brush at his blind side. Although his left eye was covered, he could hear the shuriken well enough to do something about it, so with one swing of his arm he caught them perfectly. His fingers slipped right on through the holes in the middle, and their deadly spin wound down harmlessly in his hand as he finished the paragraph and then looked up.

"So your blind spot isn't a blind spot?" Naruto said casually as he stepped out of the brush. "I guess you wouldn't have lasted long in the ninja world without adapting to that kind of handicap, would you?"

"Nope," Kakashi said, rolling an eye to look up from his book. "Wouldn't have lasted long if I'd walked out of hiding to converse with the enemy, either."

"I'm not here to 'converse,'" Naruto said, cracking his knuckles.

"A head-on assault is wasted here," Kakashi sighed, and turned back to his book.

"Won't know that 'til I try, will I?"

Maybe he's not as sharp as I thought? Kakashi mused.

Naruto sprinted straight at Kakashi and threw a punch, which Kakashi caught easily, without looking up from his book. Naruto then launched several punches and kicks in rapid succession, all of which were blocked with no apparent effort at all.

A sweeping kick: Kakashi hopped it, without looking up from his book.

A knee to the gut: Kakashi's caught it with his own, without looking up from his book.

A backflipping donkey-kick: Kakashi twisted smoothly out of the way, without looking up from his book.

"Well," Naruto said, panting a bit as he hopped back to his feet. "I guess I've got a long way to go with the whole 'taijutsu' thing, huh? So, sensei, out of vain curiosity—you reading that book right now to taunt us, or do you just really love your smut?"

"Why, yes," Kakashi replied, turning a page.

"...I see what you did there," Naruto said, and then launched into motion.

Kakashi's eye snapped up from the book—He's moving faster than before! Suddenly, the red-haired boy spun around, swinging a sidelong fist at Kakashi's head even as he sent a light, low kick toward the Jonin's shins—from the righthand side... which happened to be the hand that presently held a certain little, orange book.

Kakashi caught the kick with one of his own as his left arm shot across to block the swinging punch... which twisted around halfway through and caught his arm. Naruto's left leg hooked itself behind Kakashi's, and for a brief moment the two ninja both stood on one foot each.

Before this exchange had even gotten to the point where either could react to the other's counter, six shuriken flew from the trees—two aimed at the space behind Kakashi, two aimed at his present position, and two aimed... at Naruto!

Wha—?

Kakashi registered his situation in an instant: Naruto had caught his arm and hindered his footing, and one of the other two kids, almost before Naruto had made the move at all, had aimed shuriken for the places directly behind and before Kakashi, as well as at the Jonin himself.

If Kakashi had been unencumbered, he could have either blocked or escaped in virtually direction, but without free movement and with both his hands occupied—well, he could have dropped the book, but that would have damaged it—Kakashi made the only choice that was a sure thing at the moment.

A burst of chakra through that one grounded foot, and he was up in the air like a rocket.

What Kakashi expected to happen was for Naruto, still clutching the Jonin's arm, to be thrown off-balance... but in the instant before Kakashi had leapt upward, Naruto had released both limbs and—

Deftly, between three fingers, Naruto snapped up from the air the two shuriken that Sasuke had sent his way—as planned—and with the briefest pause to consider the Jonin's speed of ascent, Naruto threw both stars directly upward.

Urk—

Putting these moves in context after the fact, Kakashi would understand the brilliance behind them: Naruto had pulled his punches, feigned signs of minor exertion, and lulled Kakashi into such a sense of security that he hadn't seen fit to even put his book away. And then Naruto, with at least twice the speed and power he'd displayed seconds before, had surprised Kakashi into allowing his arm and leg to be occupied. The shuriken, thrown by Sasuke, had been timed simultaneously with this attack, meaning the Uchiha had been expecting it, meaning it had been pre-meditated and agreed on beforehand by both of them.

The shuriken aimed at Naruto were intended to be thrown by Naruto. He had even accurately anticipated the direction of Kakashi's dodge.

At the time, though, Kakashi could only react: a violent twist of his body, and with his free hand, he caught one of the two shuriken before it could collide with his midsection. The other, aimed at the bells themselves, flew harmlessly into the sky as his waist twisted out of the way. In the same motion, Kakashi stashed Icha Icha Paradise away in his satchel.

As Kakashi descended, however, Sasuke Uchiha emerged from hiding, springing to the top of a nearby tree. The boy's hands flicked through a series of signs—

That technique is—it's beyond the capacity of any novice! His chakra shouldn't have developed enough to—

Sasuke sucked in a deep breath, held two fingers to his mouth, and blew hard through the gap between them:

Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!

A blazing inferno erupted from Sasuke's mouth and engulfed the masked Jonin before he could land.

~V~

Author's Note: Dun-dun... DUUUUUUUN! Spoiler alert: Kakashi is perfectly fine. More importantly, why would Naruto make Hinata read smut to him with her Byakugan? Just where is this plan going? Will they get the bells? And when is Hinata going to make her move?

Cliffhangers. Gotta love 'em. (By the way, Fox Sannin, UPDATE YOUR FRICKEN' STORY ALREADY. =3 )