Oy. I don't know how I feel about this one, you guys :( I might rewrite it; I'll let you all know if I do. I might, I might not. eh. I hope you like it anyways!


Chapter Nine.

After Peeta left I didn't know what to do. I attempted to walk back upstairs and crawl into bed so I could sleep away the rest of the day. I curled myself up on Peeta's side of the bed once again, feeling the heat that he left behind. I hugged his pillow to my chest and closed my eyes, still feeling his lips on mine. If I concentrated hard enough it was like he never left; he was still here, holding and kissing me. I hate myself for waiting so long and for pushing him away.

It had been a little over a year since we were all back in 12, and finally when I let my guard slip, Peeta's off to the Capitol. I don't know what this feeling is. I care about Peeta. I want him to be happy. I miss him more now than when he was hijacked, if that's possible. I want him- no, need him- to be better, even if it means my own death or destruction.

I want to kiss him forever and not have to think about anything else ever again. The only person I have ever loved was Prim, but I obviously wouldn't love Peeta in the same way, so I can't be sure just yet. All I know is that at this moment I need to have him back. I figure that by dinner his train will have arrived at the Capitol, and then he would call me. I now face the prospect of pre-occupying myself until then.

For a second I consider heading to the woods again, but I make it as far as the hallway when I see the t-shirt Peeta had worn to bed lying on the floor. I slide out of my nightgown and throw on a pair of my own sleep pants and Peeta's shirt. It's much too big for me, but I hold it close to my body and end up crying into my pillow until I finally fall into a shallow sleep.


I lurch awake when Buttercup jumps on the bed and begins to meow loudly in my ear. I throw my pillow at him as hard as I can; knowing that he probably just wants food. I'm so angry that I don't care. I look at the clock and realize that Peeta should be calling in about an hour. I slept more than I meant to.

I breathe deeply several times to calm my nerves. I slowly stand and decide that I should try to eat something. I make it to the kitchen, but I end up crying at the table because my house smells like bread. When my tears are all dried up I wait for the phone to ring. Every tick of the clock on the wall shakes my bones and I'm reminded of the Quarter Quell arena. I rip the thing from the wall and throw it into the closet of the downstairs guest room that I haven't set foot inside in years.

I'm just turning to walk out of the room when I hear the phone ring, so I practically run to pick it up.

"Peeta?"

"Katniss! Hey, I'm in the Capitol now. Dr. A got me a room in this little hotel for the time being."

I don't say anything, just happy with him talking. I finally know that he made it there alright.

"Katniss, are you there?"

"Ya, I'm here. Are you alright?"

"I could ask you the same question."

I pause again, leaning against the wall and pressing the phone into the side of my face.

"I really miss you Peeta."

I hear him sigh into the receiver and say quietly, "Me too. But I'm fine, Katniss. Don't worry about me. Dr. A just wants to readjust my medication. I promised I'd come back, remember?"

"Ya, I know."

Again, we both take a moment to remain silent and just listen to each other breathe. I wish more than anything that I could jump on a train and be with him in a matter of hours. After a moment Peeta speaks up, "So, you kissed me before I left. Real or not real?"

I smile into the phone, hoping he knows that I am. "I actually remember you kissing me." He laughs and I laugh back. It should make me feel better, but I'm just reminded that we're laughing at the same time but miles and miles away from each other.

"I like kissing you."

"Me too. Especially when there aren't any cameras around."

I smile after I say this, and then hear Peeta saying something to someone on his end.

"Katniss? Some other people have to use the phone. I'll call you again tomorrow."

My heart sinks in my chest. "OK." I wait for him to say something back, but the phone cuts off. All I hear him say is "I lo…"


The next two days go by like the first. I did manage to wonder into the woods a few times. My aim is getting better and I have less and less flashbacks when I aim at an animal. I've also gone over to Haymitch's house a few times, emptying his liquor when he's had too much and filling it up when he gets too sober.

He doesn't say anything about Peeta leaving, which I'm grateful for. I feed his geese when he forgets. Which is really, really often.

Peeta has only been able to call once more. The hotel only has one phone and high demand to use it. I think he even played the "star-crossed lovers" card, but that only got him a few minutes. I miss him more than anything, but I'm glad I am able to function.

Peeta should be back tomorrow night, and until then I promise myself that I will try to shoot some sort of animal. It's too dark at the moment, so I put on some cotton shorts and Peeta's t-shirt before I go to bed. I throw Buttercup the scraps from my dinner to make him stop his awful meowing and head upstairs. When I'm halfway up I hear the door open and panic imediently sets in.

I quietly tip toe up the rest of the stair case and crab the knife I keep in my dresser. I hear the door close, then heavy footsteps walking across the living room and the kitchen. I would know those footsteps anywhere.

I drop the knife and practically run down the stairs, no time to be confused that Peeta is home early, and see him set down his bag on the couch. He turns toward me and smiles, and I jump into his arms.

"Damn you Peeta! You didn't tell me!" I say, my voice muffled by his chest. He's holding me so tight that I can barley breath, and a few inches off the floor. He sets me down and I pull back to look at him, but don't have much time because he crashes his lips to mine. I happily return the favor, and I can feel Peeta smile into the kiss. I'm overwhelmed (which has been happening a lot lately), and pull away when I feel myself start to cry.

"Don't ever leave me again, Peeta!" I say, almost angry. I'm so glad he knows me enough to know I don't have any hard feelings that will last.

"I don't plan on it."

He leans close to me again, and I can feel his breath on my face. I stare up at him, re-counting his freckles to make sure none of them have disappeared while he was gone. He softly kisses me again, his lips lingering on mine. When he pulls away he says, in such a way that I almost believe him, "You're so beautiful Katniss."

I roll my eyes and give him a playful shove, and it's now that he notices I'm wearing his shirt. He smiles again.

"So, is this new?"

I blush, something I'm sure I've never done, and try to respond.

"Ya, well, um…"

Peeta laughs and kisses my forehead. "I think it's cute."

He searches my eyes, and the smile is replaced by a different sort of look. I feel him gently tug on my braid. He leans his forehead against mine and takes a deep breath. He says my name, like a whisper. "Katniss..."

I kiss him again, slowly. I want to memorize how his lips feel on mine. He holds me to him tightly, his hands on my waist. His face feels coarse, telling me that he hasn't shaved since he left. When we pull apart, still close, I whisper,

"Let's go upstairs, Peeta."

He nods, and we go to my bedroom. I put the knife back in the drawer before he can see, then turn around and smile at him. He steps forward, slowly and almost cautiously. His hands find the edge of my (or his, actually) t-shirt and he runs the hem through his fingers. I reach to him and lean against his shoulder. After a moment he says,

"Did you only kiss me because I was leaving?"

I look up at him, at the boy with the bread. I shake my head, then turn and crawl into bed. He follows me after kicking his shoes off. I turn to him, curl into his chest like always, and fall asleep quicker than I ever have. Before I do, Peeta settles his hand into the curve of my waist and pulls me close to him. He asks me,

"Real or not real?"

I know, without asking, that he means us. Right now, is this real? I kiss his cheek and whisper,

"Real. This will always be real."


I'm going to take this time to thank all of the people that have reviewed and favorited this story, especially a select few.

Giorgia:

Ciao Caro! I'm also Italian! Only by blood, I live in the states :( Thank you so much for the wonderful review! It really means a lot to me that you like the story so much. Writing in the first person as well as trying to capture the essence of the characters was pretty scary for me, so reviews like this make me feel awesome. Feel free to talk to me anytime, we could trade language skills! :D

VannaMa'Kayla:

Oh, don't cry! Well, I guess if you cry then that means I'm doing my job :p I promise I'll try to update as fast as I can. I absolutely love Peeta and his relationship with Katniss, I feel like it's meant to be, you know? I know that Gale is important to the story, but him and Katniss just don't belong together. Actually, if all goes as planned, Gale will be making an appearance in the near future ;D

Pernille:

Oh my God. Really? But I've read so many good ones! Thank you so, so much for saying that. I just really love you.

Anon:

You got the kisses! Haha, more will follow. Trust me. No smut, however. I just can't write that stuff :p Some other things will happen in regards to their relationship, insert drama and romance and wonderful things!

CafeAime:

Thanks! Really, this means a lot. People like you keep me writing! 3

**And to everyone else who I didn't get to, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Really, each and every one of you means so much to me. Peace and love!