Disclaimer: Stephenie Myers owns Twilight and all of the characters. But this story and plot is mine.
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Chapter 9: James
"That was him. That was really him. I can't believe that he had the nerve to show up here like that after all these years. How could he do that to you? You have enough to deal with because of the funeral. Doesn't he know how he hurt you?" James threw his arms up in the air at what I could only guess was exasperation. "Of course he doesn't. He hasn't seen you in fifteen fucking years."
James has been going on like this since he drove me to my place from the funeral home. After my confrontation with Edward he has been more upset than I have ever seen him before. He was upsetting me, but in a way it was giving me a good distraction. As long as he was ranting and raving, I didn't have to think about Charlotte.
Confrontation is how I describe my short interaction with Edward, because that is what it felt like. Almost like a battle to me. My insides were warring with each other. My mind was telling me to run away, far far away, while my heart was telling me that this is what I had been waiting for all of these years.
When James walked me away from Edward, I could feel that small tug that I had always felt around Edward, that ebb and flow that seemed to link us together. It was something that I was sure had only affected me all those years ago when I was younger. Something that connected me to him in some deep elemental way. I had honestly thought it was gone.
But it wasn't the connection that was gone, it was only Edward. He was so far away that I couldn't feel that tug anymore. Now that he was close again, I could feel it tugging at me just as strong as before. The further James took me away from Edward, the more my body seemed to protest the distance.
And I hated myself for it. I hated the way he made me feel even after all this time. I still loved him. God help me, I still loved him.
As soon as he called my name, hearing his voice again after so long, feelings I had long since buried came to the surface. I had tried so hard to forget him. Years later after he had left and I never heard from him again, I tucked away my memories of him, hoping over time that they would fade. Obviously they never did. Occasionally, something would trigger a memory of him, causing a break in my shield that I had tried so hard to meticulously build around me. When that happened, I spiraled down into a depression that would take months to come out of.
Looking at him this close after all these years, he didn't look that much different from when he was younger. His face no longer held that youthful look that I had once spent hours admiring. Instead his features were refined, showing off his chiseled jaw and a slightly crooked nose that had made him so much more beautiful to me. His hair had not changed, still bed head wild with that shocking bronze color.
When I looked into his eyes, that stunning deep green that had changed depending on his moods was still the same. The sad lost look was no longer prevalent. Instead his eyes were clear, no longer riddled by the heartbreaking emotions that once ruled his life or the drugs he used to escape.
In one word, he was breathtaking.
It was hard enough looking at him, especially since he was so close, but when he tried to touch me, I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. Before he could, I had to stop him. On top of everything else, there was no way I could handle him touching me, comforting me.
What few words we exchanged were brief, but the intensity of what little was said left me reeling. He was here. He was trying to apologize. He wanted to let me know he was sorry about Charlotte. It was all too much.
When James came along and drew me into his embrace, the enormity of Edward being there crashed down every little defense I was holding onto. Never before had I allowed myself to be so easily comforted like this by James, but at that moment I needed a lifeline because I was holding on by a thread. And it was about to snap.
James noticed immediately that I was not myself. He knew me well enough to know that I had always kept my emotions in check. The fact that I was shaking and holding on to him for dear life only confirmed his suspicions.
After holding me for a moment, I regained enough composure to face Edward. When I turned to him, I couldn't keep my eyes from showing all the emotions that I was feeling. The look in his eyes let me know he could see it all causing silent tears to trail down my cheeks.
James turned to see what I was looking at questioning who Edward was. The moment Edward said his name; I could almost feel the anger that was beginning to simmer in James. I knew that if I didn't say something things would escalate to more than I could handle. James knew everything about Edward. Not only had Charlotte told him why I was so reserved in my emotions, he had caught me at a weak moment and I had explained even more to him. James hated Edward. For more than one reason. Not only for how he had thrown my heart away so easily, but also because I guarded that same heart and never let anyone close.
After stopping what I knew would be an explosion of major proportions in a place that was meant for sanctuary, I agreed to talk with Edward. It was done in a moment of weakness that I couldn't really regret, because deep down I wanted to hear what he had to say. I knew that the repercussions would be worse than not knowing.
Thankfully James kept me from falling out and walked me outside so that I could get some fresh air. He knew that was exactly what I needed. He was good for me in so many ways. But James was never him. No one could ever take the place of Edward.
We went back inside so I could finish what I felt like was my duty to Charlotte's parents. Mr. and Mrs. Peters seemed calm enough considering that their only child had just died from a drug overdose. But in a way, I think deep down they expected it like me. They knew that because of the way she lived her life it would only be a matter of time.
When my parents came in to pay their respects, I could sense that my mother was nervous about something. My first guess was she knew about Edward. There was only one way Edward could have gotten my phone number, and that was from my mother, because I knew there was no way in hell that my father would have ever given my phone number to Edward. To this day I know he still resented Edward for everything that happened. I couldn't blame him because I felt the same way.
My mother hugged me tightly waiting a long time before she let me go. It was probably the most physical contact we had had in a long time. She repeated over and over how sorry she was for everything. Deep down, I knew that it had to do with more than just Charlotte. It was everything. And if she did give Edward my number, I wasn't going to dwell on it now. It would add just more weight on me and I was drowning already.
Once everyone left, the funeral director went over the schedule for tomorrow with Charlotte's parents. Afterwards, James drove me home while my father followed in my car. He had insisted that he drive me home because he knew how upset I was because of Edward and Charlotte. My father wholeheartedly agreed with James.
Over the years, my father and James had formed some kind of bond with each other. My father, before retiring from the police force, had worked with James on some cases together. James was a prosecutor for the District Attorney's office and he was the golden boy in my father's eyes.
It was just my terrible luck that I didn't feel the same about him. But I haven't been able to love anyone else other than Edward. Besides that, I was not James's first choice. It was like what had happened so many years before. Boy meets girl. Girl draws boy into her web. But this time, boy escapes her web before he is poisoned.
After I graduated from high school, I wanted to distance myself as far as I could from all the memories that my life so far had held for me. Everywhere I looked reminded me of Edward. My home, school, the neighborhood that I had grown up in, where I had spent more time with him than anyone else, all held memories for me that I wanted to forget.
Even though my father hated Edward for all the things that had happened and never spoke of him again, my mother understood the way I felt and tried to get me talk to her, trying her best to comfort me. But I just couldn't let her though. It was too painful to dwell on or allow her get close. Too much had happened.
Once I made my decision to go off to college, I felt no regrets about leaving. I knew that I would return home once I graduated, but for the time being, I needed so badly to distance myself from anything that reminded me of Edward.
After my first semester, Charlotte showed up. It didn't bother me that she had followed me. She was the only person who I allowed to stay close and be part of my life. I can't explain why Charlotte never made me feel the way everything else did about Edward. She was as big a part of my life at that time as Edward was, and maybe that was why I didn't pus her away. She was my last link.
It was hysterical the way Charlotte announced why she decided to come. "The only way I'm going to experience college life, is to go with you. There's no way in fucking hell you will ever find me in a classroom, but you sure as hell will find me at some of those frat parties."
One of the things I loved about Charlotte was her humor. She could make me laugh like no other when she was in the mood. With her mood swings sometimes I wondered if she was bipolar. She could go from happy to angry in a matter of seconds. I wasn't sure if it was from the drugs or just her that she could swing from high to low so easily. But when she was funny, she was funny.
For the first couple of years, I lived in the dorms, while Charlotte actually got a job and rented a room from one of the girls she worked with. They both worked the late shift at a small diner close to the college. The girls name was Tanya and the similarities between the two didn't escape me. They both liked to party, working the afternoon and night shifts because they weren't morning people. Staying up all night partying would do that to you.
I didn't see Charlotte everyday, or even every week. Sometimes it would be a month before I would ever lay eyes on her. Engulfing myself in my studies, I didn't make time for anything else. Even my roommate had commented on me missing out on what could be the best years of my life. I wasn't interested in the party life though. I had witnessed more than my fair share of partying and didn't care to relive any of it. Besides that, Charlotte partied enough for both of us.
Charlotte flitted in and out of my life just like a butterfly. It was strange the first time I watched the movie the Butterfly Effect, I cried not only because of what happened in the movie, but when I learned what the theory of the term meant, it hit me hard realizing how true it was. If Charlotte hadn't come into my life, how would things be different? What if Edward had made different choices than the ones he had made? How would things be different? Would I be able to have a normal relationship with James? Or would I possibly have been able to have one with Edward? Sometimes the what if's would drive me insane.
One night, while trying to pull an all-nighter studying for one of my final exams, I walked into the diner where Charlotte worked to get some coffee. Sometimes I would do this to escape the dorm and get a caffeine fix. Charlotte would set me up at a table running interference for me if anyone tried to approach my table.
There was a guy who was sitting at the counter, drinking a cup of coffee, trying to read a text book. Although he seemed to be engrossed in the book he held, every once in a while, I would catch him watching Charlotte's every move. It wasn't the first time that I had seen him around campus or here. Something told me that he had fallen under Charlotte's spell.
After seeing Charlotte and I interact, he came over to talk to me and introduce himself. Charlotte tried to get him to go away, but I told her to let him stay. There was something in his eyes, a softness that I wasn't used to from anyone else besides my parents that lead me to believe he was a good guy. And he was.
We talked for a long time that night. James told me he had just started his first year of law school and was overwhelmed by how much studying that had to be done. He talked about his friends, where he was from, about his high school years. It was so different being around a guy who wasn't fried out of his mind or drunk, who could actually talk for a long period of time without spacing out. His speech was articulate letting me know that he made the right choice of becoming a lawyer. I could also tell that he was very smart.
He never mentioned Charlotte, but I could tell that we watched her with a keen interest. After a while, he confessed that he had met her at a frat party and since then couldn't keep his mind off of her. Disappointment washed over me that this nice guy would fall for Charlotte.
For the next couple of months, I would see him at the diner trying to talk to Charlotte. She never gave him the time of day, constantly blowing him off. Charlotte's taste for men ran on the dark dangerous side instead of the nice good guys.
During that time, we became friends which in all honestly surprised me. Over time I learned to trust James. He was kind and good for me in a big way. Somehow he found a way around my defenses and made me believe that it was actually possible to have someone close that wouldn't hurt you.
We bonded in a way that I didn't think was possible. First it started out as a friendship that I never thought would be probable with the opposite sex. Then he spent over a year trying to convince me to go out on a date with me. He was never pushy or got angry even after I had turned him down more times than I could count.
"You're worth the wait Bella. If I have to wait for another year before you agree to go out with me, I'll wait." James had told me more than once.
When he finally broke through and I agreed to go out with him on a real date with dinner, movies and flowers, I had never seen anyone happier, which caused me to be happy too. From then on he courted me just like how it was done in another era.
The first time that we shared a kiss, I cried. The emotions of the kiss flooded me with memories from the one and only time I had kissed another boy. After that, I slowly stepped back from James. I was so afraid that what was happening with him would cause me to be hurt again. I couldn't let that happen.
James never gave up. When his pleading turned to begging and my dorm room was filled with so many flowers that my roommate began to complain, I once again agreed to go out with him.
But I never gave all of myself to him. Even though he knew more about me than any other person besides Charlotte, I guarded my heart like I had always done. I would never give my heart away again. To anyone.
"Bella, did you hear me?" James asked, stroking his fingers gently across my cheek, bringing me out of my thoughts.
Blinking my eyes at him, I cleared my throat before shaking my head. "No. I'm sorry James."
"No, I'm the one who is sorry. I don't mean to upset you. The last thing you need to hear is me ranting and raving." James got down on his knees in front of me, taking my hands in his. "I don't like seeing you hurt. I know how bad he hurt you. Then on top of that, everything you've had to worry with over Charlotte. He shouldn't be here Bella. You deserve some peace after all these years. Not more heartache."
"If I can just get through the funeral, I am going to take some time for myself." My heart constricted at the thought of Charlotte's funeral and Edward's sudden reappearance. There was no way a vacation would help how I felt right now. It would be just like Edward, running away from my problems.
"Once this is over, I'm going to take you somewhere, just us. Maybe the beach or the mountains, whatever sounds good to you." James tucked a stray hair behind my ear.
"Mmm. That sounds nice."
For a moment, I thought James looked nervous, something that didn't happen very often. If anything, James was confident and always in control. "I have to ask you something." He hesitated, definitely not like James. "We're you serious when you agreed to talk with Edward?"
There was no sense in trying to lie to James. The fact that I was a terrible liar and he could read me like a book didn't work in my favor. Biting my lip, I nodded.
"Why Bella? Why would you do that to yourself? Nothing good can come from it. What could he have to say that could change what he did to you?" If James only knew that the same question had run through my mind, over and over again.
"I know your right James. But for years I lived with what happened to Edward that night, his overdose, the fact he never contacted me again. Talking to him might help me come to peace with that part of my life. Maybe I will be able to move on and not worry about the past anymore. Does that make sense?"
"Yea, I think it does. I just hope that it helps you instead of hurting you more."
"I know you just want what's best for me. I don't know if this is it, but I have to try." Have wasn't the term, compelled described it better, but I don't think James would appreciate that.
"If this is what you want, I will support you anyway I can." Only I knew what it cost James to say that.
"I wish I could be there for you tomorrow. This hearing can't be rescheduled again. If we try, the judge might throw the case out. We can't let that happen." James was sincere in wanting to be there to support me. He had always done his best to be strong for me when I needed it.
"You don't let those bad guys get away. I'll be fine." I lied pasting a smile on my face.
James stood up, gripping my shoulders, pulling me up with him. He wrapped me in his arms holding me close. "As soon as I get out of court, I'll be there. I promise."
"Thank you."
After James left, I sat back down staring out the window. Clouds were rolling in covering the stars that were twinkling in the dark night sky. It was going to rain, I just knew it. The thought of having to bury Charlotte in the rain was almost as unbearable as burying her in the sunshine.
A/N: Please review. Let me know what you think. I felt it was best to end this chapter here. The funeral will be next.
Please forgive my mistakes, I don't have a beta. My kids are on spring break, so I'll update as soon as I can.
