I do not own The Hunger Games.
Waiting for Spring
Katniss awoke to the sight of emergency crews cleaning up outside the bakery, the carnage long over. Drops of water glistened on the charred shell of bakery in the early morning light. Peeta's car door was open and rested against the curb and he was arguing with a young man in a police uniform who was gesturing to the bakery and obviously holding Peeta back from going inside.
Katniss rubbed her hands over her face to wake herself up. By the time she was out of the car, Haymitch had his hand on Peeta's arm and was guiding him away from what had once been the front entrance. Haymitch smelled of smoke. Stubble was even more apparent than usual and his bloodshot eyes spoke of more than alcohol. It was obvious that he had been on the scene for some time.
"Haymitch. I've got nothing to say to you." Peeta jerked his arm away and stumbled in the opposite direction. He stopped a few hundred feet away and bent over, face crumbling in grief.
Haymitch stalled Katniss from following. "Let him go for a minute. He needs to think."
"Think? He's been thinking for six hours! Haymitch, what happened?"
"John Mellark lost his shit. He took everything out of the bank, went to a game looking for a big score, and got in over his head. They found him here and shot him. How's the boy?"
"How do you think he is?" She paused as she watched Peeta sob. "Who did this?"
Haymitch looked at her. "Who do you think did this?"
Katniss shook her head. "We've got to do something."
Haymitch grabbed her arm. "No. No we don't. I told you once, sweetheart, that you don't mess with these people. This is exactly what happens when you do." He motioned to the burnt bakery.
-o-
Haymitch found Peeta hiding out behind the church hall, taking a break from all of the condolences and well wishes. It seemed that everyone in town had wanted to tell him a story about his dad and although it made him feel good, it also made him want to cry. Peeta was tired of crying. He was tired of eyes that were red and dry from too many tears in too short a time. Eyes that hurt every time he blinked, reminding him with the itching and burning of all that was lost to him.
"How're you holding up?" Haymitch asked. He was greeted by a stony silence. "Lovely service. Your speech was very moving." He was rewarded by a look from Peeta so he sat down on the bench beside him.
"I'm just glad there was enough of him to bury." Peeta voice was bitter, wobbling on the last word before he clamped his jaw tight and wrestled for control.
Haymitch nodded in agreement. "He was a good man. He loved you very much." Again, silence greeted the statement. He sighed heavily. "Look, this isn't easy, I get that. But Katniss has been worried sick about you. You won't return her calls or texts and you won't let her help you. You're shutting her out."
Peeta gripped the edge of the bench tightly, jaw clenching and unclenching. "Help? She wanted to help me? How about before he died, Haymitch? Did she want to help all of those nights when I was with her instead of looking out for him?!"
Haymitch casually took a flask from the inside pocket of his sport coat. Taking a sip from it, he considered the man in front of him. "Boy, that is bullshit and you know it. You were young and in love. You still are. You wanted a life of your own, not trailing around after your old man. Besides, he wouldn't have wanted you hovering over him. And what makes you think it would have helped?"
Peeta rounded on him, blue eyes colder than a glacier and hotter than the sun. "Who do you think you are, Haymitch? You think you know me? Or my dad? This is your fault too. If you and Katniss hadn't bailed him out, if I had gotten him out of here the first time, he would still be alive. He would still…be…alive." Peeta sucked in deep breaths, trying not to weep. "And if you hadn't bought the bakery, he wouldn't have had that money, Haymitch. He wouldn't have gambled that night."
Haymitch took another drink and considered his words carefully. "You have no idea what he would have done. Have you ever felt the high of a streak? Felt like you could take on the world and were invincible and no one would ever be able to beat you? No? I didn't think so. It's a compulsion. Think of the thing you can't live without… can't even breathe without doing every day. It's like that. It's so strong that not even a threat to every single person you love is stronger than it. Can you even imagine that? Can you?"
Peeta shook his head and said quietly. "I just know that I can't imagine life without him. I keep picturing him, alone, in the bakery, not even realizing that I could hear him in those last moments of his life. What was going through his head? I want to make those bastards pay for what they did. They took him, Haymitch. They stole him from me."
"That's a line you don't want to cross, believe me. Do you want to end up the same way as your dad? You cannot go head to head with these people." Haymitch noticed Katniss rounding the corner to where they were seated. More importantly, he noticed the way that Peeta's eyes lingered longingly on her face even as his hands clenched as he followed her approach as well. "Do you want to take her down with you? At least think of her."
Peeta's eyes narrowed and his voice rose so that it carried to her, wiping the tentative smile off her face. "Think of her, Haymitch? Think of her? It seems all I've been doing is thinking of her. If we hadn't gotten back together, if I hadn't been thinking with my dick instead of my head, if we hadn't run away that night, he would still be here."
Katniss stopped in front of Peeta. "What did you just say?"
Peeta did not even have the grace to look sheepish. He stood in front of her, hands clenching and unclenching, breathing hard. His eyes were steely as they confronted her. "You heard me."
She looked at Haymitch then back at Peeta, saying in a low voice full of emotion. "You're just upset. You don't mean it."
Peeta shook his head. "No, Katniss, I mean it. I shouldn't have been in that car with you. I shouldn't have been with you at all. It was all a mistake."
They stared at each other, angry blue clashing with hurt gray eyes. Finally, Katniss laid a hand on his arm but he shrugged her off angrily.
Haymitch glared at the younger man. "Stop this right now. She saved your fucking life. First on the mountain, then in that car. I think you need to cool off for a while, so Katniss and I are going to head back to the lodge. Before you make any rash decisions about your next steps, remember that people care about you. You may have a death wish right now, but someday you may snap out of this. The pain never goes away completely, but it will hurt less over time. Come on, sweetheart. Let's give Peeta some time and space to reflect."
Haymitch was already turning away, already focused on the drive home and a drink when Katniss turned back to Peeta. "No, Haymitch. I'm not leaving him. Peeta, do you have something to say to me?" She squared her jaw as if bracing for a blow but remained steady and unafraid.
Peeta colored slightly, fists still clenching. "This is your fault. Yours. Haymitch told you to shake your ass to get me in that car. And you did. And it worked. I was so weak, letting you lure me away from him. If I hadn't been so distracted by the thought of getting my dick wet…"
The crack of her hand against his face was as loud as a bullet and her voice vibrated with fury. "Don't you ever, ever, talk about us like that. Don't you dare. I know you're upset but I don't even know who you are right now. "She took a deep breath and repeated it more slowly, "I don't even know who you are. But when the Peeta that I love comes back, you tell him that I'll be waiting."
-o—
"Katniss, darling, might I have a word?" Effie Trinkett stood at the door to the lodge. Her hair was impossibly well coiffed, her make-up impeccable. The hand she held out to Katniss ended in red nails painted with tiny pink hearts that exactly matched her pantsuit and lipstick. Katniss had never actually seen Effie on skis. She thought, not for the first time, that Effie was the most unlikely ski patrol leader on the planet. "Come with me dear." Her grip on Katniss's arm guided her to a sunny table on the lodge's patio. Effie settled into her patio chair with a sigh. "It's been so long since we've talked, just us two. I think we can agree that Haymitch does get in the way of good girl bonding time."
Katniss shivered at the idea of girl bonding time with Effie. She wasn't exactly sure what that would entail, but it sounded painful. She made some non-committal noise that must have sounded to Effie like assent.
"Now, I've noticed that you're not wearing your engagement ring." Effie motioned to Katniss's left hand, which sat on the table. Katniss hastily moved it to her lap. Effie laughed. "Katniss, dear, there's nothing to hide. I understand your young man has been giving you absolute fits lately. But a beautiful diamond is a terrible thing to waste. You didn't do something foolish like give it back, did you?"
Katniss shook her head. Her voice, when she answered was thick. "No. I just…I put it away." She did not add that she hadn't even seen Peeta since the funeral so the opportunity to give it back had not materialized.
Effie's blue eyes sparkled like the jewels dangling from her earrings. "Ah. You're not giving up on him, are you?"
"Effie, this is really personal…"
Effie cut her off. "Have you ever wondered why I am on this Godforsaken mountain?" When Katniss's eyebrows crashed together, Effie trilled a laugh. "Of course you have. It's perfectly alright to admit. Why would I be here and not in Boston or New York? Especially putting all this effort into looking like this when not a soul appreciates it? Yet here I am, year after year. It truly boggles the mind, does it not?"
Katniss's nod was not really necessary. It was obvious that Effie was on a roll.
"I too had a young man once. He made me mad with passion and longing. He challenged me at every turn .My parents did not approve at all." Effie laughed at the memory. "They kept telling me that he was a bad influence and that I could do better. They were worried about my reputation, my education, my future. Everything but my heart and soul. So foolish of them, don't you think? He wanted to make his own way or perhaps prove to my family that he could provide or be worthy of me and he fell into a spot or two of trouble. Big trouble. Much like Peeta's father. The difference is that my young man won. He won big. And he kept winning until some very bad people took notice that he was wrecking their well-laid plans. He tried to protect me by breaking up with me – so stubborn, he was – but I would have none of it. If you ask him, he will tell you that he fought those bad men with all he had. I stood by him even when he didn't want it and even when he pushed me away. Especially at those times, I found ways to let him know that I was with him. We women have to be stronger than the men in our lives, especially when they believe they know what's best, don't you agree? He will say that I bailed him out of a bad situation. I disagree. I think I just helped him to see that there was something worth living for and that we could be happy and full of joy as long as we were together. And now we run this lodge together."
Katniss just stared at the older woman. Was she talking about Haymitch?
"Oh, dear. Don't look so shocked. Haymitch was a hot commodity when he was your Peeta's age. My point is that you have the power to show Peeta that joy, true joy, comes from overcoming adversity together. Don't you give up on him just because he is pushing you away, no matter how much you want to. Making a life together means you can count on each other to be there, always." There was an awkward pause where Effie obviously thought Katniss would chime in with something. "Well, I'm sure I've given you some things to think about."
Katniss surprised herself by croaking out, "But it wasn't enough, Effie. Everything I did. All the sacrifices that I made for him. All the times I was there for him. It wasn't enough."
"I can see how you might see it that way. You did sacrifice and mobilize quite a lot of resources for him. However, dear, don't forget how much time and energy and faith he put into it as well; he chose you over his family – his own blood – almost the whole way."
"Almost." Katniss said bitterly.
"Ah. Are you going down the path of every love story has an unhappy ending eventually? Because that's Haymitch's line, not yours. Yes, it can certainly feel that way. Let me ask: why do you stay on the mountain, Katniss?"
Katniss thought for a moment, unsure of how to put what she felt into words. "I guess…because it's beautiful here. It changes all the time. I'm never bored."
Effie's eyes flashed as she nodded in understanding. "Yes. Long relationships are like that too. They have subtle changes much more often than really big ones." She saw the confusion on Katniss's face. "My point, dear, is that your Peeta is alive and drawing breath, as are you. Don't give up on the promise of spring just because there is a late season snowstorm. Spring still comes in its time. We just need to be patient and wait for it." Effie reached over and patted Katniss's arm. "Now, would you like to go get a manicure, my treat?"
"No…Thanks. You've given me a lot to think about." Katniss paused and then looked back with pained disbelief at Effie. "You and Haymitch? Really? But you're never even together."
Effie's laugh tinkled across the space. "I could see how that would be confusing. Our relationship is as much about the spaces between us as it is about the times we are together. Haymitch needs to be wild on the mountain some days just as much as I need structure: we strike a balance that works for us. Don't let anyone decide what your relationship should be. Only you can do that. Besides, absence makes the heart – and other things – grow fonder." Effie gave Katniss a wink.
To her credit, Katniss's shudder was only barely visible.
-o—
"Boy, I know you're in there." Haymitch heard a sudden bang and then swearing. "Come on, answer the door or I'll just yell what I have to say from out here."
The door opened a crack and a frazzled blue eye met Haymitch's gray ones. "I don't have anything to say to you."
Haymitch pushed inside the house. "I know you think I'm a prick. And you may not have anything to say to me, but I have something to say to you." Haymitch took a look around the immaculately clean house. The morning dishes in the sink and a drop cloth in the living room underneath an easel and canvas were the only evidence that Peeta lived there at all.
Haymitch studied the painting for a moment. Done in shades of black, red, and gray, it looked like a dark shadow cowering below two other, darker ones. Rage and fear were palpable, rolling off the thick dollops of paint on the canvas. "This is how you spend your time?" Haymitch gestured to the paint supplies.
"I do it when I can't sleep, which is pretty often. What can I do for you, Haymitch?" Peeta ran his hands through the stubble on his chin. Haymitch noticed that it looked as if he hadn't slept or showered in a couple of days.
"It's been months. Are you talking to someone?"
Peeta laughed, a dry, brittle sound. "No. Who would understand?"
"You can't just stay cooped up here forever."
"I can until the life insurance money runs out," was Peeta's angry response.
Haymitch squeezed the bridge of his nose. "I didn't come here to fight. I have a proposition for you."
Peeta's eyebrow shot to his hairline as Haymitch pulled an envelope out of his pocket. "What is it?"
Haymitch held it out. "Open it and see."
"This is the deed to the bakery." Peeta's look was one of incomprehension.
Haymitch nodded. "Yeah. I was going to give it to you as a wedding gift…take it."
Peeta's face twisted for a moment as if in pain. "I can't believe you actually bought it." He shook his head. "I can't take it. You own it fair and square."
Haymitch squeezed the bridge of his nose. "We both know that I have no idea how to run a bakery. I know even less about rebuilding one." He shrugged. "It's in your blood – I figured if anyone would want it, it would be you. How about partners? Fifty fifty, you work off the deed?" When Peeta remained silent, Haymitch asked, "Does that mean you're not sticking around?"
Peeta stared at the piece of paper in his hand and said distractedly, "I'm not sure yet. I contacted the prosecutor about the voicemail that we have of my dad…"
"Ah. Going up against the big boys?
"He has to pay, Haymitch." Peeta's eyes were clouded in pain.
"Well, you hold onto that. When you decide what should be done with it, you let me know." Haymitch walked past him.
"Wait. Haymitch, wait… what about Katniss?"
"What about her?"
"How…how is she?" Peeta swallowed hard.
"Come up the mountain and find out."
Peeta closed his eyes. "I can't. I was an ass at the funeral. She's got to hate me by now."
Haymitch dropped his eyes to the paper in Peeta's hands. "You help me out with the bakery, I'll help you with Katniss. Think about it."
-o—
Surprisingly, it was Katniss who made the first move. When she read about Peeta's testimony, she sent him a note that simply said, "Congratulations." He responded by sending her a pencil drawing of two people skiing down the mountain. She wasn't sure what it meant, but she hung it above her desk where she could see it every day. When she heard about the bakery being rebuilt, her note said, "Can't wait to try the new Mellark's." His response was a drawing of a cupcake. When he wrote "I miss you" on a Mellark's box filled with cupcakes the day the new bakery opened and sent it up the mountain, she finally texted him a picture of a smiley face drawn in frosting on her mirror. He sent her a painting of the cave that was so realistic that she almost cried when she opened it with a note that simply said, "I think of you every day." She thanked him by singing his favorite song on his voicemail.
And so it went for months – an exchange of notes and drawings that did not mend the gap in their hearts completely but got them talking. They grew together slowly and cautiously, careful with each other in a totally new way.
On the day that Snow was sentenced, Haymitch sent Katniss up the mountain to check on some of the trails to check for flooding and other summer weather damage. It was a brisk and cloudy fall day and Katniss made sure she wore a sweatshirt with her jeans. Her phone was safely in her pocket and she donned Effie's emergency backpack before she hopped on the ATV and rode to the top of the ridge.
"Haymitch, this is Katiss, over."
"Katniss, go ahead over."
"Lunatic Fringe looks fine, over."
"Check the Meadow, over." When Katniss did not respond, Haymitch said again, "Katniss, did you hear me? Check the Meadow, over."
"Haymitch, you suck, over." Haymitch had to be aware that she hadn't been there since Peeta's rescue the winter before.
"Just check it out and be quick about it, I think it's going to rain. Haymitch out."
Katniss grumbled and put the walkie talkie back in her pack before making her way over to the clearing. She was filled with trepidation as she approached the Meadow and what she thought of as "their" cave. She did not want to confront the place that she had, perhaps, built up to be a place of fairytales.
…Except it was. Chinese lanterns in jewel colors lent a fanciful glow despite the gray gloom. Brightly colored satin cushions were strewn about and a thick quilt carpeted the grass. Candles ringed the area and a picnic was laid out invitingly on glass plates. Champagne bubbled effervescently in flutes. The mystery of the transformation was solved when she spied another ATV with Okemo Lodge markings. Haymitch.
But when she noticed Peeta standing next to the cave entrance trying to gauge her reaction, she found it impossible to think of Haymitch or anything but him. She drank in the sight of him after so many months, memorizing his white button down collar shirt to his shoes and then relearning his face. She smiled at him as relief flooded his features. He motioned to the cushions and helped her to sit down.
"Hi." Katniss said, blushing like the shy sixteen year old who was always unsure how to act around a gorgeous and popular Peeta Mellark. She wanted to cry, to laugh, to hit him for staying away for so long. Instead, she dropped her eyes to the plate in front of her.
"Hi, yourself."
Katniss looked up at Peeta from under her eyelashes. "This is amazing. This must have taken awhile to put all of this together."
Peeta nodded. "It did, but I wanted it to be perfect for you."
Katniss thought back to all of those times when Peeta had said he wanted things to be perfect. She used to respond that it didn't matter. It clearly did matter to him and in that moment, looking at what he had wrought in such a special place, his effort made her heart sing. She was suddenly so glad that he had tried again…
And it was perfect. She didn't look at what he served, she was too fixated on him. Despite that, she was sure that it was delicious. His eyes flashed and sparkled as he spoke of testifying at the trial and how Snow turned out to be a small-time guy with little reach outside the boundaries of Ludlow, Vermont. The prosecutor thought that Snow would be away for quite some time and would not be bothering them again.
It made Katniss's heart swell, the way he used the word "us".
Peeta talked about the bakery – the rebuilding effort and working with Haymitch. Katniss was not aware that Haymitch had bought the bakery, so the partnership came as a surprise. She told him that she was proud of him for making a fresh start. For being brave and having new ideas. He grinned at her when she said it.
By the time dinner was finished, Katniss was gazing at Peeta with a contented glow on her face. Peeta crossed the quilt and looked at her intently, as if he wanted to say something or kiss her. She sincerely hoped it was the latter.
"Katniss," Peeta said, then paused and frowned. A second later, Katniss felt the first cold, fat raindrop, then another quickly followed. They sat blinking at one another, then grabbed whatever they could carry and made for the cave as if they shared one single mind. Peeta made a second, then a third trip, finally grabbing Effie's emergency pack and carrying it with an armful of candles.
Katniss looked at him – hair plastered to his head, water dripping off of his nose – and burst out laughing.
Peeta scowled. "You think this is funny? I wanted everything to be perfect."
Katniss crossed to him, still chuckling. "Don't you see, Peeta? This is perfect." She kissed him gently and pulled back slightly to gauge his reaction. Was it ok for her to want him like this? Their lips crashed together but his hands were gentle as he caressed her cheeks and neck. Katniss's hands fumbled with his shirt, fighting with buttons that were wet enough that they did not cooperate. Peeta grasped her hands, stopping their movement and Katniss broke the kiss.
"No, Katniss, This needs to be about you." He pulled the sweatshirt over her head, throwing it on top of the picnic hamper. He slowly popped each shirt button free, peeling the damp material away from her skin. Leaning over, he warmed her with his breath and kissed a trail to the next button until he could tug it off of her. She shivered, leaning back against the rocks behind her and feeling them cut into her hands as she gripped.
"Please kiss me." She asked. She had missed his mouth on hers and needed validation that this was really happening. That he was real.
Peeta leaned in and stroked his tongue across her bottom lip. She arched deeper into his mouth, not interested in short and teasing touches. His hands gripped her shoulders, then palmed her breasts through her bra.
Peeta's breathing was heavy when the kiss broke. "Let me lay you down on those cushions. We have all the time in the world, Katniss. Let's not rush this."
Katniss popped the button and zipper on her jeans. Taking one of his hands in hers, she guided him under the material of her underwear, showing him what she wanted. She arched her neck back against the rocks "No. Please, like this." She gasped. "We can…we can take our time…next time."
Peeta's brows furrowed. "You're so wet." His hands continued to move as she arched against him. "I've missed you so much." He moved his hand away, making her whimper but it was only to remove the rest of her clothing. He palmed her again as he licked a nipple and bit gently. "I need to make this last so that you know how sorry I am…"
She stilled next to him, reaching to understand through the haze of desire. "No, Peeta. There's nothing to forgive. We got through it. We're getting through it." She looked into his eyes, noting fear and pain and desire. "Don't stop." She whispered.
Peeta ran his hands down her body and grasped the swell of her hips. He dropped to his knees before her and ran a hand to the inside of her thigh, nudging her legs apart as he slid a finger inside of her. Her hands flexed on the rocks behind her as he moved her leg again, this time to rest on his shoulder. He slowly slid another finger inside of her and nuzzled her with his mouth. Katniss sobbed as he laved her with his tongue, refusing to speed up the pace despite the desperate movements of her hips. She found herself gripping his wet hair, grasping at his shoulders desperately in an attempt to gain relief. He suckled gently and moved his hands until his knuckles brushed against where his mouth was tracing hot and wet circles. He slowed the pace even more as she ground down onto him, gasping and crying for more.
He stood quickly and dropped his trousers, ripping a foil packet open before guiding her leg to rest on his hip. She was spread wide around him, flushed and aching when he slid slowly into her with a groan. She bit his shoulder as he adjusted her leg high around his waist, holding her backside so it would not rub against the rocks. He rocked into her again and again as she moaned and sighed and begged, scratching his chest with her nails in an attempt to bring him closer and faster. Finally, she rested her hands back on the rock ledge behind her.
Peeta sensed the change in her and lifted her against the rocks to thrust harder and deeper into her while she cried out his name. He let her wind down, then kissed her thoroughly, nuzzling the crook of her neck while he placed her feet back on the floor.
"But you didn't finish…" Katniss sounded confused.
Peeta smiled. "I wanted this to be about you. Besides…Didn't you say something about next time?"
They finally climbed into the emergency sleeping bag from the orange backpack after padding the floor with quilts and cushions. Neither bothered to get dressed, but Peeta did light some candles so he could see her as they talked. Katniss laughed as she cuddled against him, stroking where he nails had done the most damage.
"I should make Effie pack condoms in those emergency backpacks." She said thoughtfully.
Peeta laughed. "You're not insulted that I brought one along?"
She kissed his neck lingeringly. "No. I'm hoping you brought more than one or this may be the longest rainstorm of our lives."
She could feel the rumble of his laughter below her lips. "Actually, I brought the entire box. Just in case."
"It is always best to be prepared." Katniss quipped.
Peeta broke the silence a short while later. "I still need to apologize for treating you like crap. I can't tell you how sorry I am. It's like I was a totally different version of myself." He rolled over to face her. "But the Peeta that loves you is back. I'm back, Katniss. And I'm never going away again." He kissed her, lingering on her lips.
"Good. Because I'm never letting you go, you know that, right?"
"Mmm. I like the sound of that." It was quiet for a while longer as Katniss relearned the planes and hollows of his body with her mouth and hands. When she slid him inside of her, she watched his dear face in the candlelight, loving the way the light reflected off his eyelashes. Loving it more when he opened his eyes and met her gaze until the pleasure became too much and they each cried out.
Peeta laughed a breathless laugh afterward as his heartbeat returned to normal. "I should tell Haymitch we want to build a house right here."
Katniss joined him. When the laughter faded, she propped herself on an elbow and traced one of his eyebrows. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"
"I'm asking you to marry me. Even though it's still not perfect." Peeta frowned.
Katniss flopped her head on his chest. "If this is your idea of not perfect, perfect might kill me." She dropped a kiss on his chest. "But if you want to keep trying to get it just right, I suppose I'll allow it."
Peeta laughed tiredly. "I love you, you know. Thank you for waiting for me."
"That's what always means, Peeta. It means waiting and hoping for spring even through a snowstorm or a rainstorm like this." At his baffled look, she shook her head. "Never mind. I just mean that you're worth the wait. I love you too."
Fin.
