I do not own Criminal Minds.

I apologize for the long delay with this story. I was stuck on where to go next and discovered I am ready for this story to come to a close. There will be one more chapter after this one.

Thank you Dragon Claymore, SpiderKateCriminalMind, and Miso Muchi for your reviews on the last chapter. I much appreciate it.

Warnings: Some angst, a bit of the supernatural (not really horror).


Reid took a seat on the couch across from the older profiler. He wrapped his arms about himself, finding it difficult to look Gideon in the eyes. After that stunt it would take some time to earn back Gideon's trust.

They sat in silence for a while. The absence of noise did not bother Jason for he used that time to survey the younger man. Reid hung his head, his long hairs concealing his eyes from view. While eyes were an important clue to reading another's feelings, the veteran profiler could sense Reid's thoughts from other means.

Spencer rubbed his arm and bit down on his lip. He hated the silence and wished Gideon would go ahead and say something just to alleviate the guilt.

"Spencer," Gideon said at last, noticing the increasing anxiety within the mentioned. Reid nodded his acknowledgment, still unable to meet Gideon's eyes. Jason sensed this and wanted to put aside any fears the boy might have housed. In a kind voice he added, "Please look at me."

Reid licked his bottom lip, the skin chilling his tongue. He hesitated for a second then replied, "I don't think I can."

Gideon lifted an eyebrow. He leaned forward in his chair and folded his hands. "Why is that?"

Reid shrugged, unsure why he could not reveal the truth. It was not as though Gideon would not be able to read his feelings and figure him out. The older man knew him as if he had been there to raise him from infancy.

"You think I'm disappointed in you?" Gideon asked.

"Aren't you?" Spencer asked. He found the courage to look up into Gideon's weathered eyes. Within those orbs he only saw concern.

The instant Spencer met his gaze, Jason gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm not disappointed in you," Gideon replied. "While I'm sure you'll agree in hindsight that running away was not the best choice of action, I can understand why."

"You're not angry?" Reid asked. He straightened his posture and held both arms in his lap. He was more than certain that Gideon would be furious for worrying him and he had every right to be.

"I don't agree with what you did," the older man replied. "But I'm not going to lecture you." I'm not your father, he added in his head.

Reid leaned his head against the couch cushion. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you." he said. He paused for a few seconds then added, "But sometimes it's hard for me to accept. I'm not used to people making my decisions for me."

Gideon nodded and said, "I understand. I shouldn't have pushed it without consulting you first."

"I don't feel comfortable visiting a psychiatrist," Spencer replied. "I feel…watched, it's unnerving." He bit his lip then added, "I don't like whatever she could be thinking about me." Spencer thought of his mother and was too afraid of ending up like her. He knew the likelihood of it happening.

Jason sighed. Though he felt deep down that speaking with a therapist would help Spencer in the long run, he knew that forcing him would result in another flaring of tempers and perhaps even a broken trust.

"Alright," Gideon said. "I strongly recommend that you seek counseling whenever you feel you need it. But you don't have to go if you don't want to." He placed a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "In return you have to promise me to talk to someone: me, a professional, someone on the team, someone from the meetings, just somebody if you ever start craving."

Spencer smiled and gave a small nod. "I promise," he said.

"Good," Gideon replied. He knelt down in front of Spencer. "Let me see your arms."

Reid sighed but understood Gideon's reasoning. The amount time he was away along with the fact that he had been housed by a fellow user not an hour ago was clear cause for worry. Spencer removed his jacket and pulled up his sleeves past his elbows. Jason put on his glasses then scrutinized every inch of Reid's skin. Upon finding no new track marks or bruising he gave the younger man a clap on the shoulder then stood.

Spencer mirrored Gideon's movement and immediately crossed his arms. He shut his eyes at the memory of the last time he shot up. It had been a week, but he still cringed at the memory of the sharp pain when the needle penetrated the skin. He could still recall the pressure of the syringe against his body. It made him sick to his stomach each time he gave into the drug all while knowing every reason he should stop. Sometimes he had felt as if his hands were working against his brain. However each time the victims' faces vanished from his conscious, it weakened the voices of protest.

That was in the past. As Reid had heard at many of the meeting that week, he could not go on thinking of the past, he had to push forward. He had someone beside him that he could trust and would not stop until he had kicked the addiction entirely. Throughout the week Gideon had reminded him of one fact: he was on his side.

Gideon could see that something bothered Reid, but guessing by the younger man's body language he was not willing to speak of it anytime soon. It had been a long day for the both of them and now that Spencer had returned safely with the drug nowhere in his system was enough for Jason at the moment.

"Maybe we should call it a night," Gideon suggested. Reid nodded his approval of the statement. After all that had happened he was more than ready for a little shut eye.


That night sleep came to Spencer without much resistant. Behind his lids the genius found himself walking along a rocky path beneath the shade of the oak trees. It was nearing dawn and the recent dew clung to his khaki pants. The air was still a bit chilly and the waking sun was trying its best to peek through the clouds.

In his hands Reid held a bouquet of blue forget-me-nots with a few white carnations mixed in. The nerves bounced about and his heart was racing faster than he would have preferred. Still, there was no use in putting off the visit any longer.

At long last he reached the steel fence. Though the area was not open to visitors for another half hour Spencer pushed against the entrance gate to hear it slightly creek and allow him access. With the flowers clutched tightly against his chest, the brunette made his way past the shining stones. All moss and leaves had been cleared from the older ones, flowers adorning each memorial.

He suddenly stopped as his eyes met with that name that had haunted so many of his thoughts. Engraved on the stone in large letters read: Michelle Mathias.

Spencer knelt down before the headstone and ran his hand over the carved stone. It was cold to the touch and still somewhat damp. He bowed his head. So many years had passed since he last offered a prayer. For Michelle he managed a moment of silence to allow whatever higher power the late teenager believed in to listen to the sorrow his heart cried for her.

One so young robbed of her life because some sick individual found it entertaining to see women scream. Daniel Fuller was the one who murdered her not him. For too long he had been blaming himself for an outcome he had no control over. Gideon's words resounded in his head when he attempted to offer him the same spoken comfort.

"I've been waiting for you," a voice chimed.

Spencer glanced up to see a teenage girl sitting before him. Her raven hair hung behind her ears and she was dressed in a blue dress with a full skirt and a white shirt beneath the thin straps. She tilted her head to the side and gave him a half smile.

The man who usually had a mouthful of words to spill to anyone who was willing to listen found himself speechless. He was a man of facts and statistics and here sat someone who defied all scientific logic.

"You've been sad," Michelle said taking Reid's hand in her own. Reid glanced down to realize he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt. Michelle's cold fingertip traced the ghosts of previous track marks. "You've been hurting yourself because of me."

Spencer pulled his arm from her grip. "No," he answered, shaking his head. "I've been…hurting myself because of the pain." He stared down at his lap. "Of the failure. All the lives that didn't need to be lost." He clamped his hands into his now sweating hairs. "If only I had noticed sooner."

"Do you think anyone blames you?" Michelle asked as she gripped Reid's wrists and pulled his hands away from his face. Her pale eyes displayed pure sympathy. "You did the best you could. Because of you and your friends that man can't hurt anyone else ever again."

The air gradually became warmer as the sun began to rise. He stared into the pale orbs that sincerely pleaded for him to listen.

"Please don't let me be a cause for your pain anymore," Michelle begged. "You did nothing wrong."

Reid's hands clamped around his arms. "I want to stop," he confessed, feeling kind of silly for having this conversation with the deceased. "Sometimes I'm afraid I can't."

Michelle collected the flowers Spencer brought for her. "You can get through this. Those who love you will always be there to support you." She leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. Her lips felt like ice crystals. "I'll always be rooting for you."

With those words she vanished. The clouds collected blocking the sunlight. The remaining rays tried their best to fight for survival, but the gray proved its strength for the moment. Reid ran a hand over the patch of skin that the first needle had penetrated.

Spencer stilled at the sound of approaching footsteps. From the silhouette of the shadow he knew who hovered over his shoulder.

"I haven't been able to forget you," Reid said as he slowly stood and turned. He looked into the youthful face of his past tormenter. Tobias wore that same heavy coat and his innocent eyes stared at the man he had connected with that night.

"I tried to help you," Tobias said. The amount of sorrow in his eyes told the profiler that the other young man spoke the truth. "It made it better."

Reid shook his head. "No…you only made me worse."

"But it makes everything better," Tobias retorted. He sounded almost as if he continued to repeat that flawed logic it may turn into truth.

"I know you wanted to help," Reid said in a soft voice. "But I can't. I can't let it control me." He turned his back on the previous unsub. "I won't let you or that drug control me anymore."

Tobias dropped the vial and needle to the soil below. He turned with a heavy heart and began to walk away. Every once in a while he would check over his shoulder to see that Spencer refused to move. He stood strong with a fierce glimmer in his eyes.

Never again.


The rays broke through the overcast and seeped through the window panes. Spencer squinted his eyes, raising his hand to shield his face. His eyes slowly adjusted and he sat, peeling the blankets from his body. The memory of last night's events returned.

After freshening up Spencer joined Gideon in the kitchen. Being it was Sunday there was no meeting. Gideon decided that since Reid had managed a week free from narcotics he deserved to be treated with a single cup of coffee. Spencer was too eager to accept the warm beverage.

"I'm glad to see you're in a good mood this morning," Gideon stated.

Reid smiled. "I came to a few conclusions over sleep," he replied.

Gideon lifted an eyebrow cluing Reid to share.

Gideon sat down at the table. "I'm ready to quit for sure." His hands cupped the mug. "When you first brought me out here I had doubts if I could really quit, or if I was just fooling myself."

"And now?" Gideon asked.

Spencer smiled in reply. "I won't give up. I won't let this drug destroy me anymore."

"I'm glad to hear that," Jason said. He took a large gulp of coffee.

"Thanks," Reid said after a moment of silence. Before Gideon had a chance to speak Reid clarified. "For helping me. For not abandoning me. It's not been easy for you this past week and...well thanks."

It was Gideon's turn to smile. "You are like a son to me, Spencer. I'll always be here when you need me."

Spencer nodded at the sentiment and returned his attention to the coffee. Nothing else needed to be spoken. It would be a difficult and possible long road, but he would remove the curse dilaudid had over him. He would be the victor.


Thus ends chapter nine. I hope you all enjoyed. Only one more to go!

That bit with the dream sequence was kind of a last minute edit of an attempt to piece together the first and last scene without sounding redundant or cliche, but after writing it I really liked it and thought it worked well and decided to keep it in the final draft. Besides, after all the moments of horror with dreams of Michelle in this story, I thought it would be nice for her and Reid to have a moment to talk things over. Anyway, please let me know your opinions on it. Is it working or is it just an epic fail?

Thanks for reading. Have a great day, everyone!