+Chapter 9+
I knew what I had to do. Without Jay's threat, I knew I had to tell Adam. I thought of possible scenarios that could result after this conversation. The possible breakup, much as I didn't want it, seemed to be the most realistic outcome. I sat in the office while the show aired. I thought about Jeff, our friendship, and the kiss. I thought about Adam and how he'd made me feel alive like no one ever had before; and also about how I probably would lose him after our talk. My eyes were red, puffy, and tear stained as I thought about everything.
"Breee…" Adam's voice called as the office's door opened. I looked at him and attempted to cover up my face. "What's wrong?" he asked. Concern filled his voice as he walked towards me.
I shook my head and turned away from him. I didn't want to have this conversation. Everything I'd rehearsed in my head sounded completely wrong now. I felt his hand on my shoulder. I couldn't fight it anymore.
"I need to tell you something. I don't want you to look at me differently but I know you will…" I sobbed.
He looked at me unable to process a response.
I took a deep breath and looked at the floor.
"What is it, Bree?"
"I.. I.." my voice shuddered and cracked.
"Relax… just tell me." His voice soothed.
"I kissed Jeff."
He looked at me. His eyes looked so hurt. He took his hand from my knee and crossed his arms over his chest.
"I'm sorry! I don't know how or why it happened, but it did." I sobbed into my hands.
Adam was silent. It was uncomfortable and scared me.
"Adam?" I called. "Say something."
"There's nothing to say, Aubree. I always wondered if you ever would love me more than him."
His words were cold, and they stung me beyond any level of explanation. I felt the tears pouring down my cheeks.
"I love you! I don't love Jeff. I do, but not that type of love!" I screamed.
"I have to go. I'll see you later." He said brushing past me.
"What about me?" I sobbed.
"You will figure something out I'm sure." He said as he turned and left the office.
My head and chest felt like they could easily explode. I'd never felt a pain like this before in my life. I felt myself gasping for air. The hysterical crying made it damn near impossible. I couldn't wrap my head around what had happened. I made a mistake, I told the truth, and I got dumped. It wasn't something I hadn't prepared myself for, but I didn't want it to be the ultimate outcome. I placed my hands onto my chest and lowered myself to the floor of the office. I sobbed into my knees as I balled my body on the floor. I sobbed out loud, calling Adam's name knowing he wouldn't hear it. I was mad at myself for kissing Jeff, or even for letting him try. I'd betrayed Adam in the worst way. The anger filled my body as I thought about it more and more. I kicked the side of the filing cabinet as hard as I could.
"Bree?" said a Southern accent.
I looked up at Jeff. He looked horrible himself. He kneeled next to me and held my hand.
"Bree… talk to me."
"It's over." I sobbed into my free hand. "I told him about the kiss and he left."
"I'm sorry, Bree." He sounded sincere.
My eyes shot to his and I felt myself getting mad. "You are not!" I screamed as I rose from the floor. "This is what you wanted to happen!"
"I never wanted to see you get hurt!" he screamed. His eyes looked honest when he said that.
"This is your fault! Why did you kiss me?" I screamed pushing his body away from mine.
"Why did you kiss me BACK?" he screamed.
I wanted to argue that I hadn't, but I knew I had kissed him back and so did he.
Jeff attempted to grab my hand but I held them both close to my body. I didn't want him to console me. I didn't want him to act like he was upset about me being upset because I knew aside from my pain, this is the outcome he'd hoped for.
"Do you even understand that I love him?" I asked through my tears. "Did that ever matter to anyone?"
"I'm sorry that you're hurting…"
"I wasn't hurting up until today. You never liked Adam and me dating. You never liked him period but since he was with me, it was just something you hated. He made me feel alive and loved and all those things I never had!" I sobbed.
"I've loved you since we were kids…"
"But you acted like you didn't until I started dating someone you didn't like…" I snapped.
"I never realized the possibility of you being with someone else."
His words hurt me. I jumped off the floor and began gathering my things. He knew he'd said the wrong thing by my reaction.
"Bree.." he said trying to grasp my hand.
"Get off of me!" I screamed. "You've said enough! I wasn't good enough for anyone else so I was your safety! After you had all your fun being Jeff Hardy WWE pro wrestler and hooking up with whomever, there I was. Backup. Always there for you!" I screamed at him.
"I didn't mean it that way!" he injected trying to calm me down.
"Sure sounded that way." I said as I pulled my duffle bag onto my arm and left the office. I knew Jeff would follow me. I acted like he wasn't there and made my way out to the parking lot.
"Bree!"
I spun on my heels to face him. "Leave me alone!" My face was reddened; my tears were swollen and puffy.
"You can't drive like this. I'm worried."
I shrugged my shoulders and placed my bags into the backseat of the rental car. "Don't act concerned now."
I got into the car, and locked the doors to prevent any further interaction. I drove away leaving Jeff in the parking lot. I drove to the motel Adam and I were staying at and wondered if this day could be any worse. I called his cell phone, but got his voicemail. His car was in the parking lot as I arrived. I took a deep breath and walked up to the room. He was sitting on the bed, mindlessly watching some t.v. show when I walked into the room. His eyes shot to me and back to the show.
"I know you don't want to see me, I just came to get my things." I announced as I opened the dresser and began tossing my clothes into my duffle bag.
He watched me but said nothing. After I finished packing, I looked at him. "I am so sorry, and I love you but I know I've hurt you."
"Where are you going to go? Another hotel?" he asked softly.
I looked at him and shook my head. "I'm going home."
He looked at me. "It's a 4 hour drive."
"Yeah, better get on the road then." I said softly.
It was awkward and felt unnatural. I didn't like this distance. I waved to him as I walked towards the door. Secretly hoping he'd call me back, hug me, anything… but he didn't.
