To understand other you should get behind their eyes and walk down their spines- Rob Mckuen

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. –George Bernard Shaw

The electric chair was invented by a dentist!

I made a mistake in the last chapter. The white haired man is supposed to be blonde haired. Oops, I am super sorry about that

I screamed but I was not sure if the sound left my mouth. The whole world was silent. Loki made no movement, yet the flames crackled towards his face at a speed that reached miles unrecognizable. The sickly flame rippled in blue hues that scampered toward a purple finish. A disgusting type of beautiful that people can not decide if they want it framed or disposed.

Everything sped up. I did not know which happened first: the flame hitting Loki or my second scream. A scream that resounded off the walls of an alley I would never come near again after this day. If I survived. There was a flicker of resent, for myself, as I realized my shaking knees and silent screams were not for Loki. I was scared for myself; scared that if these Phoenixes turned around and realized that I was with Loki, they would come after me. I was scared that I would get hurt, even as I watched Loki reach a new temperature every second.

Something snapped—my sanity or some sort of new realization—and the flames extinguished. The Mohawk guy stood there with an attitude on his face. He locked his jaw and turned around to me.

I was stricken by his gleaming coal eyes. They were familiar and, upon closer inspection, I realized that Mohawk man was very, very familiar. His name escaped me, though, and I could not find any memory that involved a man with such a Mohawk. It did not seem to matter because Mohawk man seemed to know me. He stepped towards me, one foot, right, left, right. Each step brought along a slow unfolding of his alae. The majestic wings made me shrink in size as the Mohawk man stopped just a mere few feet away.

Although it was probably very wrong, I had to admit, the man's alae were much prettier than an average Phoenix Court resident's. Some part of my mind theorized that it had to do with the black tint and another part knew that the black tint was nothing near normal. Good or bad, this difference kept drawing my eye.

As the blonde-haired man moved beside his partner, a small upward curve of his mouth appeared. He would be considered attractive, the most attractive one here, except for a thin scar above his right eye angling diagonally up his forehead. Some girls might find that hot but I took one look at Loki and decided that I never wanted anything hot again. I was good with staying cool and cold.

There was a small—800,000,000 miles long—urge that was telling me to back up. Slowly, as if I was dealing with a bear or rabid moose, my foot tentatively moved back and connected with another leg. A small yelp rung through the alley and I wished it had not come from my mouth. I peered over my shoulder, noticing the hooded Phoenix from before. My path out of the alley was blocked.

My eyes went to Loki again. Every muscle of my body prayed that he would wake up. That his eyes would flutter open. I could not bear to look at him for too long but I forced a few more seconds. Blue welts were slowly rising onto his skin, but it was as if I could see them growing. Purple edged out from the bottom of the welts, looking like a rock on top of mutated grass.

I could bear to look no longer. Within the last moment of my glimpse, I had seen Loki's chest rise. It was slow. Barely there. The smallest movement a human could ever possibly make. It did not mean anyone was getting out alive, yet it had given me hope.

Out of my peripheral vision, I saw the blonde move. I spun around, meeting his eyes just in time to see ignis tumbling from the black markings etched on his hands. It barely grazed the ground before it erupted, sending a wave of black light over the entire alley.

My body contracted, feeling the sting of the blackness. Frostbite seemed to dance on my skin. The air around me thinned, sending less oxygen into my lungs with each gasp. There was nowhere for me to go, but I was calm. My body screamed out for the air it could not get, yet I stayed relaxed. A part of my brain, most likely half asleep, knew this was wrong. It fought against the calmness and my head begun to pound like a drum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Pound. Bum. Hit. Pound. Something unintelligible slipped out of my mouth.

Then, it was gone. My legs folded beneath me as I slumped to the ground. Every piece of my body trembled as my chest heaved and panted for breath. The calmness dissipated. I screamed internally for air, more air.

Mere seconds passed before I raised my head.

I almost wished I had not.

A bird, no smaller than two horses, perched itself in front of me. Sunlight bounced off of its black feathers and brought out their tinge of yellow and green. Red feathers adorned the top of its head and directed attention to a set of gold eyes that could only belong to a predator.

I scrambled to my feet, frantically trying to regain balance while never taking my eyes of the bird, if you could call it that. Extreme predator, black killing machine, anything of that sort could be the best title.

The golden eyes followed me as I slowly eased my way into a straight position. I took notice of the curving black beak the predator wore. The end of it was a sharp point, long enough to impale a man. Or me and Loki.

Loki. In the rush, I had momentarily forgotten about him. A quick onceover showed me that Loki had gotten to his knees. Another glance at his face made me fight to keep looking over. An eye was not visible underneath a dark swelling patch; the whole rest of his face was a peeling black; and he did not have a right ear. I had a second to be puzzled. There was no blood by where the ear should be. No real spot at all. It was as if it had just disappeared. His eyes met mine once and a single understanding passed between the two of us.

Survive first, everything else later.

Blonde haired man flapped his alae once. A small flash of wind rushed towards my face. I shivered, still haven't recovered from the black killing machine's appearance. The blonde man wasted no time and hopped onto his bird before raising an eyebrow. "Are you just going to watch? Honestly, slow motion. Call out your own. I am ready for action."

Call out your own?

I fumbled for something to say, "What are—"

"Careful, Sting," Mohawk man cut in, "no harming the girl, or yourself."

"Mah," The blonde man, Sting, shrugged it off. A dark glint reflected off of his eyes. "They just said no killing her, right? I can just rough her up a little."

"You have no boundaries."

"That's correct," the hooded figure came from behind me and stood near Mohawk man. "Eliminate the boy, that's all we need to do. Dealing with the girl is for another day."

Mohawk man nodded his confirmation.

"Fine," Sting gave in, but I saw the reluctance in his body. He wanted to seriously hurt me. Then, I registered it. Sting was going to kill Loki. I was worrying about myself and Sting was going to kill Loki! My body locked up but Sting finished talking. "I will make it quick, the guy is half dead anyway. There's no fun in an already won battle."

What do I do? What do I do? My head whipped back and forth searching for something, anything, to help me out. The corner of my eyes caught Loki raising himself onto a shaky pair of feet. A corner of my head registered the missing ear, and then his right shoulder seems to be missing some of its top. I tried to puzzle it out until my mind recalled something Sting said.

Call out your own. Call my own what? I racked my brain for an answer. If I could have only seen what Sting had done to call out that predator, maybe I could figure out what I was supposed to do. A few mental slaps lead to small, physical ones to the forehead. Whatever I could do to remember, I was trying it.

Upon Stings command, the killing machine beat its wings with one swift blow. A flurry of alley garbage and cold air hit my face, dazing me momentarily. My train of thought evaporated as my teeth began to chatter. It was hopeless. There was nothing I could do to save myself or Loki, who had gotten blow back to his knees.

Rage churned in the pit of my stomach. I was infuriated, yet again, at myself.

Something clicked. Something set off a light in my brain. My mind went over the last thought and I pieced it together. Rage. Rage was the sign for a Phoenix Court Familiar; that killing machine had to be a mutated Familiar.

Tossing aside thoughts of how that was just not possible, I braced my feet, digging my heels into the ground. Sting brought his bird into the air and it held the telltale signs of a nose diving attack. A killing blow. I had to act now.

Time slowed for the second time and I forced myself to calm down; to pull the ignis from my soul and bring it to my index finger. Thoughts of the thrum of my ignis, the crackle of its power surging into my fingertips, raced through my head. Giddiness followed and I used the feeling to strengthen my body. Taking my finger, I created Rage. It formed on my hand as a black picture faster than I could recall.

Shining ignis leapt from the mark and the sizzling ball sprung onto the pavement. There was a pause, and I worried that something had gone wrong, before the crackling continued. My tongue could taste the flames that flickered in the air. As the ball grew in size, my nose could smell the burning. It was not a stench, more like an air freshener on too high. Sting and his Familiar must have noticed the smell as well because one look to the sky showed the beast leveling out from a sky dive. I could not make out Sting's face but I had the overwhelming feeling that he was smiling.

Back on the ground, my Familiar convulsed. There was a small pulsing from the ball as it slowly unfurled. Nothing could drag my eyes away. A head was visible, complete with eyes of allegiance and a beak ready to be used. The body came soon after, accompanied by legs that scratched the ground with gleaming claws. There was no way that the claws of any beast should be so sharp and so welcoming at the same time.

A flame shot out from its back, molding its way into alae. The span of them was larger than me but the feathers seemed to radiate warmth. I was drawn closer, mechanically. There was a small upturn of my lips that slowly grew into a wide grin. It invigorated my blood. My veins were alive with power. The muscles in my body were ready for something, anything at all.

The Familiar let out a cry, one of power. It met my eyes. Red and orange seemed to dance behind those orbs, teasing the looker into a trance. That look told me exactly what to do. With no questions, I bobbed my head. Everything just started to make a lot of sense.

I took up a small running start and catapulted myself on top of the bird. It let out another cry and I joined in. The pure energy rushing through my veins could be held back. A beat of the alae, and then more in succession, brought us off the ground. We ascended quickly, a warm breeze attacking my face. All it did was release the laughter bubbling in my stomach.

My eyes trailed towards the ground. A piece of my body registered how high up we were but it was not a big deal. When healthy, I could fly this high on my own. With a partner, it was just so much more fun.

And a lot less lonely.

Another piece of my body told me that I should not be having fun. It was wrong that I enjoyed this so much. If I was trying to let go of my Phoenix Court nature, I should not be enjoying what I ran away from so desperately.

I cannot help it. This is amazing.

Sting and his beast glided closer to me and my own. They stopped a few feet away—the length of two enemies ready to battle. Nothing was going to stop the inevitable, so I tightened my legs around my Familiar and tensed. Waiting.

"So you actually learned something from your teacher?" Sting raised an eyebrow. His smile reached his eyes but it was not a joyous smile. The man was waiting for blood to be shed.

The words meant nothing to me. Sting saw this, and a chuckle met the air. "He's not going to be happy that you forgot him."

"No one is happy to be forgotten," I remarked, just to say something but my words were laced with impatience. My body screamed for Sting to just start something.

"True, that."

The air exploded into a sea of fireworks.

My senses were cut off.

My eyes saw colors and movement but I could not make any sense of it.

My nose smelled burning. The repulsive kind of burning, like flesh over a fire but I could not place it.

My tongue tasted ash. From where? I wanted to know.

My ears heard the crackle of flames.

Energy seemed to pulsate around my skin. Leaping and crackling over me as I struggled to regain sense. The Familiar was ascending towards the ground—I could feel it. My short time in the air was almost over before I could do anything. Before I knew it, cool cement was felt amidst the confusion in my head.

Nothing could convince my body to move. With everything jumbled up inside my head, it did not matter. I was useless. Helpless. People may have been talking, or I could have imagined it.

Then there was clarity. A mere few seconds. My eyes had found Loki but it would have been better to keep them shut. The entire right half of his body had faded away, as if it had completely disappeared. There was no sign of it anywhere. The left half would have been better off gone as well, for no body should be that purple and blue.

Loki's body was slowly being turned into nothingness. His whole being seemed to be fading away. It must be how true mages die, I concluded. They turn into nothingness, without even a body left behind.

Only for a moment, Loki's eyes met mine.

And then I had been thrown back into a haze of senselessness.

I was useless.

I woke up.

I was groggy, dizzy, and my body felt as if it had been hacked to pieces by a chainsaw.

But I was alive.

I recognized this fact with hazy acceptance. It had to be a miracle.

Everything screamed at me to stay where I was but I forced myself to sit up and wipe my eyes. Finally able to make sense of some things, I searched for Loki. I was sure that if he had woken up before me then Loki would stay close until I woke up. He would not abandon me.

There was a jolt in my brain.

I remembered what I saw.

It meant Loki was gone. Dead. He disappeared before my very eyes.

My heart felt flooded with emotions, too many to convey. Tears welled up in my eyes before trailing their way down my cheeks. My body trembled; all the pain and aching increasing tenfold.

It was so hard to wrap my head around. Loki should not—could not—have disappeared like that. It was too easy, too simple. This was all a joke. Loki was stronger than that. If I survived, surely he did too.

But I knew what my eyes saw. Loki was dead before the blast was even over.

So, I cried. I choked on my own tears and wallowed in sadness. My breathing became labored and ragged. Blurry colors and mildly-muted sounds were distant.

For how long this went on, was anyone's guess but I had slowly started to settle into a strange, numb state. In the back of my mind, I knew all the pain, physical and mental, was still attacking my body. Plaguing my soul. Yet I could not bring my mind to actually feel it. I ached with no hurt and heaved dry sobs into my hands with little enthusiasm. It was not long before I sat back and stared.

I stared at nothing.

Again, my mind was aware of all the entities around me. I knew I was sitting in an alley, all alone, with the reek of garbage stinging my nose. I knew there should have at least been the smell of a decaying body which, while disgusting, would have at least given me some sort of closure. I knew all of those things but I felt like a newborn babe. Clueless, useless, and a mess.

Then, something glittered.

Just barely, it reflected the light of the setting sun. It was a brief, golden flash that I thought I had imagined. The flash led my eyes to a gold key lying on the ground. From where I was, the key seemed to call out to me

Find me, it said. I am here.

It sounded strangely like Loki.

Through the ever present numb haze, I knew the key calling out to me, and sounding like Loki, was all just a delusion. A sad way for my mind to try and cope with reality. Instead of accepting the facts, I was trying to convince myself that Loki was still out there.

I forced myself to get up. One leg at a time, I shifted my weight until I was on my feet. The pain pushed and shoved at my broken mind, attempting to take over my mind. The numb state fought back, hard, and my brain felt like a battle field. Pain radiated from the core of my body and stabbed at my flesh. I was dizzy and I squeezed my eyes shut tight before opening them again in one big pop.

I saw stars.

After staggering back a few steps, it took a moment for me to regain my fragile footing. It would have been much easier to just sit down. Lay and rest for a little bit longer. Maybe never get up.

My knees were a mix of a brown color of dried blood and the crimson red of flowing blood. Black from the bricks mixed in with my knees, as if I was part of the streets. They looked so horrible, my knees. If I still felt like I could feel, I would have thrown up. Eventually, when my knees healed, assuming they would, there would be scar tissue covering the whole thing. Most likely, my knees will be a little deformed. It will be a reminder, I told myself, of everything that happened today.

With an empty heart, I lumbered towards the key. Each step was catalogued in my brain robotically, which made me feel oddly disconnected from the world. It was as if a string that had attached me to the world was wearing away.

But I felt connected to the key. A connection that had felt like sickly-sweet honey and sour apples at the same time—some sort of neutral energy that felt like it was lying on both sides of the extremes.

After what seemed like years later, I reached the key. I had taken a moment to stare down at it, marveling and wondering at the same time. The key was scratched and bruised. The natural gold of it was worn, as if it was very old. I did not know how the key could reflect a light so bright if it was in such a sorry state. There was something on the handle of the key, but anything beyond the general shape and color was only going to lead to guessing games.

My body felt compelled to bend over and pick the key up. Summoning the last ounces of willpower, I did so, but not without a toll. The simple act of bending over brought everything rushing to my head, causing me to cry out and collapse.

The sudden motion had brought all of my pains back to the front of my mind.

I was torn.

No part of my body was without a mark.

I was bloody.

Everything was red.

I was broken.

I tried to thrash, but I was too tired. All I could do was grit my teeth, close my eyes, and curl into myself while I held onto the key as if it was a life line.

The pain took over.

…..

"The lass' eyes are openin'! Justa wee bit, I tell ya, but— She's awake now. Come 'ere Mavis. You should talk to 'er."

"That's okay, Riley. Thank-you for allowing me to use your home to take care of her."

"It's no problem for a pretty lass like ya and Lucy. Will the lass be okay?"

"Yes. We'll be out within a couple of minutes. We don't want to be a bother."

"Ya aren't a bother, Mavis. It's a good thang Lucy will be okay. That's all I care 'bout."

"Poor Lucy; this is only the beginning."

"Best let 'er get 'er rest now then, aye. Ya mages always got stuff and such goin' on. Why, if I was half as busy as one of youse, I'd just let the world fall ta pieces, I would. All that fightin' to stay alive is a pain in the arse. I'm happy to just sell the weapons for ya'll to stay kickin'."

"Lucy, go back to sleep now. You'll be back at Fairy Tail soon."

Fairy Tail? Oh… I hurt all over… Where is the key? My hand tightened on something cold, and I relaxed. Going back to sleep sounds very nice now.

I had not even wondered who Mavis was.

…..

I was back in the same room. The one that I had awoken in the first time I had been carried to Fairy Tail. (I was starting to see a pattern here…) It smelled disgustingly metallic, like too much dried blood. That may have been my fault though.

Erza stood at the foot of the bed, a bandage rapped around her head. Gray and Wendy were beside my bed, slightly banged up, staring at me intently while my head pounded more violently than a drum.

"Wha?" I gurgled out. My throat was scratchy and stiff. "Water?"

Wendy nodded and briskly left the room, returning only seconds later with a glass I chugged down in seconds. The cool water was a welcoming relief. To my throat, at least. The rest of my body was a field of needles and thorns.

All of us stood there for a moment, staring. I would have called it awkward but that did not seem like the right word. A weird mix of worry, awkward, and wonder floated through the air and resided on my friends' faces. I moved to speak, attempting to say anything that would have broken through that annoying mix of emotions but Erza beat me to it.

"Where's Loki?" Erza was quiet, but she had a sort of worried type of anger around her that did not need to be inferred.

The question had hung in the air for a second as I digested it.

Dark emotions swarmed my heart as momentary panic enveloped my brain. I struggled for a response. Should I lie? What do I say? Loki is dead, I am so sorry. It is my entire fault because I ran away from the Phoenix Court and I cannot do mage magic. I am useless. I miss him. I am so sorry.

What would Erza say to me? What about Gray? Wendy? Natsu, The Master, and Cana when they found out?

Why couldn't you do anything?

Why'd you lie to us?

You better leave Fairy Tail!

The thoughts were merciless and infinitely horrible.

Tears leaked out of my eyes but it was no longer the barrage of water that I had shed before. Now, it was only leftovers. Only tears that had gotten left behind in the first round, escaping their place in my eyes so that I was left with quiet, dry sobs.

"Lucy, where is he?" Erza repeated her question. She whispered it and openly braced herself for the answer. Without hearing the answer, Erza knew. I could tell. She was looking for confirmation—she needed to hear it. Gray was the same, with a certain tense look in his eyes that made me look away. Wendy, though… Wendy looked so much more innocent. So open and unprepared. It took my despairing heart and twisted it until I felt like I could no longer breathe.

"He's dead," I choked out.

The three of them stared at me again, this time in disbelief.

Then Wendy started to cry. She leaned into Gray, who sat with a stone face and whose eyes watered but only shed a tear at a time. Erza stared away. I briefly saw the indescribable look on her face before she looked down, letting her red hair obscure her face like a shield from the world.

I had no more tears. I was left with empty despair and regret. If only I had been more helpful. Where had my thoughts gone during the battle? My knowledge of ignis could have done something. I could not think of what, but there must have been something.

Or I could have faced the fact that I was, indeed, useless. A Phoenix who was useless during battles and with ignis; a fake mage who had only used her magic once, with only decent results.

"What happened?" Gray asked, but his voice cracked near the end. I swallowed. I had hoped to avoid this question, possibly forever.

With a sniffle, I said, "We… The two of us here in a-a village…" My voice had broken and my throat had continued to kill. I had taken that as a chance to decide. Lie? Truth? Which one will go better? Which one can I bear to tell? "This group of people…m-mages… attacked us. They were s-strange… Strong, and could do r-really powerful things. They came out of nowhere, a platoon of them. L-Loki and I were so helpless. It was over so quickly… It was so horrible."

I had lied.

Erza's face was so broken, yet she wanted to know more, "Did they have wings?"

Wings? Alae. "Uh…n—yes. Yes, they did. They were black. Large."

"Where is his body?" That question had thrown me back. I did not think there was supposed to be a body. Was Loki not supposed to fade away as he did? It may have been a result of the strange ignis

"The magic….it was too much. Loki was…obliterated."

Erza could not take it anymore. She turned around and marched out of the room. In the silence of the room, I could barely make out the sounds of Erza's quiet sobs.

A single tear grazed my face but I had run out after that. I was no longer graced with numbness. Only the pains of reality and burdens of how I lied. Wendy wept openly, which sent more arrows into my already pierced heart. Gray was no longer shedding any tears. He simply sat there, rage on his face. It was just as horrible.

It went on.

We were quiet for a long while but then Gray shifted. The movement, however small, had drawn the attention of my lying mind. "We should tell everyone else. Erza wouldn't have, and they need to know," Gray said, his voice deep and crackled.

Guilt forced me to simply nod.

Natsu chose that moment to walk into the room, with a grin on his face that melted away when he said, "What's wrong with Erza? Hey…what's going on? Lucy, where's Loki? Why are you guys crying? Is something wrong? I can fix it, don't worry about it! …What am I fixing again?"

"Natsu," I struggled to say, "I need you to help me out of bed. I need to tell the guild something."

"Can't I just pass on the message? I don't think you're supposed to get up. There's still a lot of bandage on you."

My lips cracked and I whispered, "No, I need to tell them myself."

Wendy's sobs echoed in the background, muted slightly by Gray's chest.

Gray's clenched fist and angry silence pounded loudly to my ears.

Erza's muffled sobs assaulted me.

It broke my heart, yet made me stronger at the same time.

I had to do this.

Thanks to Azure Elvyner for being my beta for this chapter.

Thanks to Ookami ice for reviewing…twice!

To Ookami Ice- I totally forgot about the whole flashlights and plastic bags thing. It didn't even cross my mind when I made it up. I guess they're just so common now that it's hard to imagine them not being there. Your second review, the one where you threaten jokingly about getting violent unless I update, made me laugh. I'm glad you sent it. It gave me some motivation to deal with my computer today

A/N- This chapter would have gone up earlier except I recently started watching the anime Black Butler A.K.A. Kuroshitsuji. I also tried to register my video game character in Dragon Age 2, which I still haven't figured out how to do. I think I'll go play some Dragon Age now, while I wait for this story to be received by the public. Must I say, the public doesn't like to review this story.