Fighting Desire
part 9

"Ya' know this ain't really your fight don't ya', bro'?" Raphael asked in a voice much softer than normal.

"This isn't something I can turn my back on. Hebi sent an assassin after us, remember? That makes it personal. He has to be stopped," Leo reminded him.

"So you're saying ya' need ta do this ta keep your own family safe?" Raph clarified.

"You are in my thoughts when I wake and remain in them until I sleep," Leo told him.

Raph reached across the foot that separated them, cupping Leo's cheek in one calloused hand.

"Then take him down, Leo," Raph said in a hoarse whisper. "You're the one ta do it; you're the best there is. I'd follow ya' into hell 'cause I know you'd get me out again. But ya' make sure ya' come back ta me, ya' hear what I'm saying? Ya' come back 'cause I can't survive without ya'."

"I will," Leo murmured, pressing his face into Raph's unusually tender touch. "I'll always come back to you."

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Raph woke with a start, his heart pounding in his chest. A frantic glance around confirmed he was in his room at the lair and completely alone.

His hand was still curled as it had been in the dream and he lifted it to his own face, the curve fitting his cheek almost perfectly.

Raph's breath hitched and he swallowed the low sob that threatened to escape. Moisture pricked the corners of his eyes and he blinked to force it away.

He knew from his dream that Leo was in grave danger; fighting for his life and the lives of many others. Trying to dissuade him from that course wasn't something Raph could have done no matter how hard he tried. He knew his brother almost better than anyone; Leo felt that his honor was at stake and that his cause was just.

Raph could also feel the doubt Leo sometimes had, not in his decisions, but in his abilities. It was that doubt that made him reach across from another world to seek Raphael's council. It was Raph who gave him purpose when he needed it, Raph who spurred Leo to be better.

Staring at his ceiling, Raph tried to quiet all of the feelings that touching Leo in the dream had stirred up.

Six weeks. His brother had been gone six weeks. In that time Raph had experienced aching need, raging desire, heartache, loneliness, resentment, guilt, and confusion.

The only thing that broke free to stand out from all of those raw emotions was that Raph needed for Leo to come home. Raph needed Leo to hear what he had to say; to hear Raph out as he confessed his love and his desires, because he was sick of hiding them from everyone.

Let whatever the fallout might be go ahead and happen, Raph didn't care anymore. The dream made him believe that Leo had left home because his own feelings were similar to Raph's and he was fighting them as much as any battle he might be engaged in on Usagi's world.

They weren't going to run away from those feelings anymore, Raph decided. None of his brothers.

Raph would hold his tongue and wait for Leo to return. Leo was the eldest; Leo was the leader. It was Leonardo's place to discover if Don and Mikey's strange behavior was because they too were experiencing the same kind of desires as Raph was having.

The same kind of desires as Leo's. Raph was sure of it. Fearless ran from nothing, but he would leave if he felt that by doing so he could find the answer to a difficult, life altering question.

Eyes wide and focused on nothing, Raph fought the urge to beg his Father to open a portal and let him go after Leo. It was not his place to do such a thing and Master Splinter wouldn't do it for him. Such a move would only raise questions as to Raph's motivations and those were answers Raph was only prepared to give to Leo.

His Leo. It had always been that way and it would always be that way. Knowing this, all that Raph could do now was to wait.

Wait and hope that Leo realized the truth and came home before something stepped in his path and stopped him. Something like the war he was engaged in fighting, or a samurai friend whose own intentions towards the blue banded turtle were questionable.

Raph's growl of frustration and need was swallowed by the darkness.

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Leo was fully alert when he woke, but the residual feelings from his dream still lingered.

Raph's touch in particular. Leo could almost feel the rough yet warm hand on his skin, passing along Raph's passion and his strength. Giving Leo exactly what he needed when he needed it.

His brother's appearance told Leo that it was time to change his approach to retaking Chibiko. Leo and his troops had effectively isolated the fortress city, cutting off all supplies and contact with the outside world.

They had been sitting on it for over a week; unable to get inside, they had been successful in stopping some of Hebi's men from escaping in their attempt to go for reinforcements.

Stopping them had required killing them, as none would surrender. Fighting to the death was apparently preferable to whatever fate Hebi would mete out if they were captured.

Leo realized now that his original plan to force them into giving up by starving them out was not going to work. He had hoped to spare innocent lives by avoiding a protracted battle, but it seemed that was now inevitable. The inhabitants of the city were starving along with Hebi's loyalists and since those men were willing to die, they wouldn't think twice about taking every living being within the walls of the city to the grave with them.

He had not simply played a waiting game either. While they stood guard against escape, they also scouted the area surrounding the city, and the walls of the city as well. His map makers had completed detailed, scaled drawings of every inch of Chibiko, using information from people who knew the inside of the city in order to provide Leo with a perfect diagram.

Some of the men in his company were skilled mountain climbers and he had instructed them to discover if there was an approach over the rocky face of the mountain that could be used as a way into the city. Numerous tries had yielded no safe passage in that respect.

Usagi was steadfast in his support of Leo's decision to go slow and so was Gen, although he complained periodically over the loss of his creature comforts. Many of the men in Leo's command had friends or family within the walled city and they appreciated their general's cautious approach.

Now it was time for caution to be pushed aside and a more bold plan of attack to be embraced. Leo had such a plan and he swiftly decided that today it would be implemented.

When he rose from his bed, Usagi found Leo bent over the maps of Chibiko. The samurai said nothing for a few moments as he watched his friend.

In the last week Usagi had seen Leo mature from a guerilla fighter into a potentially great commander. The change had not been without its price; Leo's shoulders and facial muscles were always taut, a testament to the tension in them. His amber eyes held the fire of intense concentration and were nearly always burning these long, tiring days.

These were things only seen by Usagi. Before the troops, Leonardo's poise exuded confidence, his commands sharp and purposeful. Each step that Leo had taken in the campaign thus far had shown a precision and level of understanding that men twice his age had never mastered.

The respect he garnered from the men was likewise astounding. None questioned his orders or decisions, not even in private. Those that had been closest to Leo and Usagi over the past weeks were steadfast in their loyalty to the off-world kame. His word was law.

Breakfast arrived, the interruption finally bringing Leo's eyes up from his maps. Usagi stepped forward then but waited until the youth who had brought their meal exited the tent before he spoke.

"Did you sleep, Leonardo-san?" Usagi asked.

"Yes," Leo answered, noticing that Usagi did not look convinced. "I slept well, Usagi."

"You were awake when I retired for the evening and here reviewing maps when I woke," Usagi said. "If one of your men were to do the same, what would you tell him?"

Leo grinned slightly. "To win this war quickly so that we could all get a good night's sleep."

"And if the war is one of waiting?" Usagi asked.

The grin faded from Leo's face to be replaced by a new expression of grim determination.

"Not anymore it isn't," Leo announced. "It's time to change tactics."

Usagi drew closer to the table with its burden of maps and looked down to see what Leo had been studying. These were the maps that detailed every meter of the giant stone wall which surrounded the city.

Without removing his eyes from the maps, Leo said, "We can't wait any longer; innocent people are going to starve to death soon. I'm going in."

The significance of his pronoun did not escape Usagi's notice. "You mean that we will be going in," he corrected.

"No." Leo looked up. "I believe I've found a way inside, but only a small contingent of men are going to be able to successfully gain entry."

Placing his finger on a spot on one of the maps, Leo continued, "This is a wastewater outflow channel. It cuts through the base of the rock wall to carry effluent out of the city. Embedded in the rock wall are the steel bars of a large grate. If I can work some of the bars loose, I can slip into this tunnel and make my way into the city." He smiled briefly. "I saw it done in a movie once."

Usagi lifted an eyebrow. "And in this movie, how did they remove steel bars from solid rock?"

"Actually, they blew it open with gunpowder," Leo told him. "Unfortunately, we can't do that. Our entry must be silent. I propose to take a half a dozen men with me. Once we affect an entry, we'll make our way into the maintenance building. I have no information about the structure, but from my experience with sewers, there is going to be a place where someone can access the drains to make sure they stay clear of debris."

"You may find that has been barred as well," Usagi said.

Leo nodded. "We'll deal with that in the same manner as we do the tunnel entrance."

"How exactly will that be, my friend?" Usagi asked worriedly.

"The nice thing about having a genius for a brother is that you learn a lot of tricks for getting into secured places," Leo said with another quick flash of his rare smile. "One of those tricks is how to make a fairly corrosive acid. I've had this alternate plan in mind for a few days so I gave one of our men the formula and had him mix up a batch. I also had the blacksmith create a 'come-along'."

Usagi frowned. "That term is unfamiliar to me."

"It's a type of portable winch," Leo said. "Usually you use a wire cable with it, but that isn't something that's available here, so we'll make due with heavy rope. We got lucky in that there are a number of large trees near the outlet that we can use to anchor one end of the rope.

"By pouring acid on the porous rock that surrounds the metal bars, we should be able to loosen it enough so that by tightening the pulley we can yank the bars out of the rock on one side. We only need enough play in them for us to be able to slip through."

"And you will use the same procedure if you should encounter another obstruction?" Usagi asked.

"Exactly," Leo answered. "The process is completely silent and unless someone leans over the wall above us at the exact moment we're there, we shouldn't be observed. That's one of the reasons I only want to take a small group with me; with anymore men we'd be seen approaching the wall. With these few men we can cut through the grove of trees unseen until we're right at the grate."

"Once you are inside, what do you propose to do? A force of seven, even considering one of them is you, cannot possibly destroy Hebi's loyalists unaided," Usagi pointed out.

"We aren't going to engage the enemy," Leo said. "We're going to open the gate so that you and Lord Noriyuki's army can do so."

"Your army," Usagi corrected him. "What you are proposing is quite bold and very dangerous Leonardo-san. If you are seen before you reach the gate, you will be trapped by Hebi's men. Even if you reach the gate, opening it will draw all of them to you and they will cut you down just before they slam the gate in our faces."

"I've considered that," Leo said. "If there weren't so many innocent civilians inside I would try to blow the gate open with explosives. I am going to strive for as few casualties amongst the cities inhabitants as possible. I firmly believe that once they see the tide is turning in this battle, they will be emboldened to take up arms against Hebi's invaders."

"That will not happen unless the gate is open," Usagi reminded him.

"We'll need a diversion, but it will have to be timed perfectly. I don't want anyone inside alerted that we are attacking before my men and I get into position. The diversion should then pull as many men as possible away from the area surrounding the gate," Leo said.

"What do you propose?" Usagi asked.

Once more, Leo indicated a spot on the map. "Have the climbers we sent up to scout for trails on the mountain go up again to a spot over the interior of the city. Send them up at the same time as I leave here; that should give them time to get into position and await your signal. When I am inside and ready to open the gate, I'll release one of the carrier pigeons we use to send messages to Lord Noriyuki. I'll have the cook dye its feathers bright orange so you'll know which bird is ours."

"When I see the pigeon, I will signal the climbers," Usagi repeated. "What do you want them to do?"

"Start rolling boulders down into the city," Leo said. "Make it look as though an invasion force was attempting to get into the city from the mountain side. That should draw most of Hebi's men away from our location."

"How will we time this so that I can have our troops at the gate when it opens?" Usagi asked. "If we start forward too soon, Hebi's men will rush back and you will be trapped."

Leo thought for a moment and then said. "Light an incense stick once you have signaled the men on the mountain. When it has burned halfway, start for the gate. Ride quickly my friend; you must be ready to swarm inside as soon as the gate starts to lift because once we're seen we won't be able to keep that gate open by ourselves."

"It will take some time to prepare the men," Usagi said. "You are planning to do this before first light tomorrow?"

"No, we're going to do it today," Leo said with finality.

Usagi stared at him in surprise, unable to speak for a moment. Finally finding his voice, he said, "Leonardo, is that not too soon? Surely it would be better to approach the city while the inhabitants are sleeping."

"Hebi's men won't be sleeping," Leo told him. "I have been watching them, Usagi. Before daybreak they double the guards because that is the time of day they expect for us to attack. They are awake and alert. I want to strike them just after their afternoon meal, when they are groggy from having risen so early and warmed to boredom by the sun.

"Additionally, the sounds of normal daytime activity will hide whatever noise we make when we're opening that grate. The early morning is too silent; someone would hear us. In the afternoon, the streets are more crowded and we have a better chance at getting close to the gate unseen if we blend in with the rest of the citizenry."

"You have given this a great deal of thought, my friend," Usagi said.

"I hope I've given it enough," Leo said as he stood up straight to stretch.

Stepping over to the tray that held their breakfast, he poured out a cup of tea and offered it to Usagi before filling one for himself. Sipping the hot, strong brew appreciatively, his eyes drifted back over to the maps.

"Who will you take with you?" Usagi asked quietly.

Leo glanced at him over the rim of his cup and then lowered it to answer, "Some of the men who've been with us since Famura. I'll want both Hideo and Kai. I need men that I can trust implicitly and who've trained with me."

"And who will follow your commands to the letter," Usagi added.

"Yes," Leo said. "This plan is tricky enough without the worry that someone will decide to go maverick."

Usagi did not understand the reference, but the meaning wasn't lost to him. Moving to the breakfast things, he accepted a bowl of rice from Leo and ate in silence as he contemplated his friend.

Leo's mind had returned to thoughts of his brothers, a tiny smile lifting the corners of his lips. 'Maverick' was the perfect word to describe Raphael; it was his brother's hot temper that often set Leo's plans awry. Somehow it always worked out for the best though, possibly because their teamwork was flawless.

He was wishing for his brothers right now. As much as he trusted the men he was going to take with him, they were not Donatello, Raphael or Michelangelo. His brothers had skills that these men would never learn in a lifetime of training.

Leo's brothers were also connected to him on a spiritual level and that unspoken bond had saved Leo's shell more than once. With a sigh, Leo helped himself to a bowl of rice and began to eat more out of necessity than hunger.

There was so very much to be done in the next few hours.

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A faint sound from the dojo reached Don's hearing as he left the bathroom. Tossing his damp towel into the hamper, he went downstairs quickly, holding his gear in his hand. Practice had ended a half hour previously and normally the only one who ever stayed behind was Leo.

His rational mind told him that Leo wouldn't sneak back into their home; he would announce his presence. It was his hopeful mind that drove him to walk briskly towards the dojo, wanting with all his heart to see the blue of his oldest brother's mask sitting on a face lit up by one of Leo's rare smiles.

Don experienced both surprise and a touch of disappointment when he saw that it was Raphael who had made the sounds. Standing in the door to the dojo, Donatello watched his red banded brother set out a large circle of candles on the section of the floor that was reserved for meditation.

A section of floor primarily used by Leonardo for meditation, Don amended silently to himself. Raph meditated, but usually only the minimum amount required by Master Splinter's edict. Finding inner peace for Raph meant punching something, not sitting still.

As Don watched, Raph began lighting the candles and when he had a nice glowing ring of fire, he stepped over to the wall switch to extinguish the overhead fluorescents. That's when he noticed Don observing him.

"'Sup?" Raph asked, continuing his uncharacteristic actions as though nothing at all unusual was happening.

"Are you going to meditate?" Don asked with an incredulous lilt in his voice.

"Yeah," Raph said, taking a seat and wriggling a bit to get comfortable.

Don moved further into the dojo, trying to read what was going on in Raph's head from his facial expression. Raph looked up and watched his brother's approach, his face giving nothing away.

"Do you feel all right?" Don asked.

"I'm fine, Donny," Raph answered with a touch of annoyance. "Can't a guy meditate without getting the third degree from his family?"

"Sorry. It's just . . . well, you never do any extra meditation. Are you channeling Leo?" Don hadn't meant to say his oldest brother's name, but since it was in the forefront of his mind, it slipped out.

Raph scowled at him. "No, I ain't trying ta be Leo. I ain't trying ta take Leo's place. I ain't trying ta win a popularity contest with Master Splinter. I just felt like meditating. Is that okay with you?"

Don held up a hand in a gesture of appeasement. "Did not mean to push any buttons, bro' and I didn't mean to step into your personal space or anything. I've been feeling kind of edgy lately and I thought you might be feeling that way too."

Backing away, Don turned to leave. Raph saw how dejected Donatello looked, observing the way his shoulders slumped, a sure sign that he was upset.

"Hey, Donny, wait a minute," Raph called, making a decision.

Don stopped but didn't face Raph; merely glancing over a shoulder to find out why his brother had called to him.

"Look bro', I sorta had this weird ass dream last night," Raph said after taking a deep breath. "It was about Leo. He seemed ta need my help, Donny, like he does when something we're into is damn dangerous and I tell him he's doing the right thing. I ain't ever had a dream that was so real and it made me wonder if maybe I connected ta Leo somehow."

Don spun around and came back to him. "Do you think Leo is in some kind of danger?"

Raph shrugged. "Could be. Feels more like he took on a fight for somebody else and is wondering now if he got in over his head."

Nodding at the candles, Don asked in a low voice, "Is this an attempt to reach out to him? Your way of trying to watch his back even though he's so far away?"

"Maybe," Raph said, his face grim. "I dunno if I can, but I feel like I gotta try."

Moving into the circle of light, Don sat down next to Raph, the dimensions of the circle forcing him close against his brother. Raph turned his head to stare at Don, his brow furrowed in puzzlement.

"I had a similar experience one night myself," Don said. "I was overly tired and worried about . . . things. Leo seemed to come to me and he helped me relax enough to sleep. It's possible that we do have a way to communicate with him. If he needs help, I want to be there for him too."

"Yeah, okay," Raph said gruffly, turning back to study the candlelight.

He heard Don's breathy exhale and after a couple of minutes, Raph stole a glance over at the genius. Don's eyes were closed, his breathing leveling out as he centered himself. Having his brother so near gave Raph an enormous feeling of strength and an inner peace he hadn't felt in a long time.

Closing his eyes, Raph concentrated on finding the path that would lead him to Leo. Somehow he knew that he would meet Don along the way and together they would do whatever needed to be done to keep their oldest brother safe.

Together was exactly the way they always solved their most difficult problems.

TBC…