Holding on to Forever

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

As always I'm happy to have feedback on improvements I can make, especially any technical/medical differences between UK and USA.

As always I apologise for the delay but I'm all over the place at the mo.

. . .

The silence was beyond uncomfortable. Derek racked his brain trying to grasp for something to say. He glanced from one woman to another. To his left round the table sat Des. She had stopped sobbing and now sat, mouth drooping open as she tried to comprehend what had just been said. Sarah, who was opposite their younger sister, was glaring at them all, arms folded in defensive defiance. Between his sisters sat his mum, looking directly at him pleading for support as her frail hands wrapped tightly around a mug of tea. He let his eyes drop down to his own coffee mug and sighed deeply. His mind was swirling, trying to process all the information he had just received.

"Well?" Sarah's voice cut through his thoughts, "Are either of you going to try and talk sense into her?"

"Mom," Des' voice was high pitched, borderline whining. "Why?"

Without looking up Derek saw his mum's hand move to cup Des'. "Darling, it's what I want. I've looked into all of the options and this is the route I want to take. Contrary to what your sister says it's not a whim, no-one has forced me into this. Its my battle and I'll do it my way."

An audible huff came from Sarah before she spoke, "Derek, please can you try and speak some sense into her! Sure she'll listen to her Baby Boy."

Derek looked up, "It's Mom's choice, we have to respect her decision," he said flatly.

"Seriously," Sarah bellowed as she stood up and stormed out of the room. Des started to wail again, his Mom moved to comfort her. All the time she looked over her daughter's shoulder at Derek, finally she mouthed 'Thank you'. Derek pushed up from the table and went after Sarah.

He quickly found her in the kitchen, pacing. Derek leant against the door frame. "Sarah."

She stopped and glared at him. "You really agree with her? That this is the best way of dealing with this?"

"What I do or don't think is not the point right now," he answered, his voice soft. Stepping forward Derek leant against the worktop next to where Sarah had stopped. Running his hands over his head, he sighed. "The way I see it, this is her life and her choice. She has been making her own decisions and doing things her own way for a long time now. She's had to. We have to trust her. She'd done a good job in the past."

"But D, this is very literally her life! The wrong choice could mean . . ." Sarah stopped, unable to say any more.

Derek pulled his sister close, holding her tight.

"She hasn't given up hope. She just isn't taking the path we assumed she would. You heard her, it's her battle. She's fighting this, her way. She has chosen to be part of treatment trails for whatever reason, but that is her choice. Do I agree?" Derek shrugged as he spoke, "Right now I honestly don't know what I think. But I know I want to support her, whatever is important to her, we do it. It might not be what we want but it's not our decision to make. She is going to battle this her way and hopefully that will allow her to be with us as long as possible. However Sarah we have got to face the one fact we do know - right now there is no cure! This is going to kill her eventually."

"Which is why I want her to have the best chance. To accept the tried and tested chemo treatment not something new that we don't know what will happen. They only gave her eight to ten months on the standard route, we don't know what this will do."

"Sarah," Derek tipped her head up to look into her eyes, "If I know Mom she has researched this and has made a choice based on fact. As she explained the placebo chemo is the same treatment she would have without the trial and if she is given the trail drugs it's not untested it is just that they are trying to build a bigger test base. Sarah, please, I know how hard this must be for you supporting Mom day in and day out, but please let's not spend what time we have left fighting."

Slowly nodding Sarah pulled back from her brother, "I don't want to fight with her, but I'm scared D."

"We all are," Derek wiped a random tear from her cheek, "I know what you're like, you don't have to try and shoulder all this yourself. We're all in it together - talk to us."

. . .

Pacing his old bedroom, Derek sighed, there was only one person who could help him. Grabbing his phone without even checking the time he called number one on his favourites list. Moments later the rings stopped and a familiar voice answered.

"Hey Baby Boy, how's my other Mother doing?"

Derek sighed, a huge lung full of air exiting him as if he'd been holding his breath since he'd arrived. "So far so good, but who knows?"

"D, whats up? Do you want me to head over? I'm sure I can sort a flight."

He could hear her rummaging around, and guessed she was already on her laptop looking at flight.

"HEY, pump your breaks. There is no need for you to run up here - I'll be back Monday. I just needed to hear you voice. I just needed to know you are there."

"D, I'm always here, Silly. You should know that. Now, please, let me help," Penelope pleaded.

Flopping down on his bed, Derek sighed again, "I wish you could. How are your miracle skills currently? Coz I think I need one, pretty damn quick."

"Hun, what is it?"

He could hear Pen's breath hitch. "Mom has gone into clinical trials instead of the standard treatment route. I arrived to her and Sarah in full blown battle over what she should and shouldn't be doing. All I want it time with Mom while we still have it not to referee between them."

"Oh Baby, that's awful," she soothed.

Derek got comfy on his bed, he knew what would happen, they'd chat until one of them fell asleep. He's eyes felt heavy already as he accepted that she was just what he needed. His solace.