Choices and Telling

BPOVI'm just under two months along. I know when this child was conceived. Christmas Day. It would have been romantic - if the father hadn't been my stepfather.

How am I going to tell Charlie? I come close a couple of times over a period of three weeks. I'm four months along when I crack and tell Jasper what's wrong.

The morning sickness is terrible. But it isn't even in the mornings - it's normally lunchtime, which has often resulted in me making dramatic dashes from the canteen, skin an odd green colour, one hand clamped over my mouth. Jasper quizzes me several times. So does Jacob and Edward. So do Alice, Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett's way of asking me what was wrong was actually quite funny.

He was waiting outside the ladies room.

"Hey Bella-Boo. Jeez you look awful."

"Oh, gee, thanks, Emmett. Remind me to come to you next time I need sympathy."

"I'm just saying. You're all green and clammy. Have you got flu or something? Oh God, you aren't infectious are you?" Emmett is all tact and sensitivity, just a nice big, cuddly teddy bear. Not.

"No, Emmett, it isn't catching."

"OK, but seriously, Bella, are you going to be alright? This is the second day in a row you've thrown up."

"Nah, Emmett, I'll be fine." 'No, you won't,' the voice inside my head whispers. Stupid voice. 'When are you going to face up to things?' "It's probably just something I've eaten. I'll be fine in a couple of days."

Rosalie and Alice ganged up on my, asking me in worried tomes if I was OK when I was still throwing up several days later. I managed to put them off with the dodgy food excuse, but I was slightly thrown when Carlisle showed up with a very stern expression on his face,

"Would you like to explain to me why you are almost three months pregnant and your father has been into my office in the hospital asking me if I can prescribe you something to settle your stomach seeing as you have a "bug"?"

"No, not really."

"Bella, you can't run from this forever. Now I'm sure you have your reasons for not telling your father you are pregnant, but you have to tell him at some point. You can't keep it a secret for nine months Bella!"

"Carlisle, I'm having a little trouble finding an explanation that won't give Charlie a heart attack or send him straight to the - look, I'm really busy Carlisle. I will tell him - I promise."

"No, no, what were you going to say there? Send him running for who?"

"It doesn't matter, OK? There's nobody for him to go to. It's not like it will make a difference. It's over." I'm only half aware of Carlisle in the room.

"What's over, Bella, what are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter! Please, can you just go?" He looks at me, but turns around and gets back in his car.

"Bella? Bella, it's Jasper. Are you alright in there?" I hang over the toilet bowl, retching helplessly. I pull the chain and stand up shakily. Jasper followed me this time. We've become friends, occasionally singing together, spending more and more time together. Rose told me he liked me, but I made it abundantly clear that I wasn't interested, as subtly as possible. He wouldn't want me if he knew, and therefore I will not set myself up for his inevitable disgust and abandonment. I move carefully, trying to keep my belly protected. It's showing, and my t-shirts and sweaters are getting rapidly baggier. I'm wearing Jacobs cast off now. They hang off me, which is exactly what I want. They hide the rapidly growing bump. I haven't been for a scan. I haven't seen Carlisle for nearly a month. He knows Charlie doesn't know, but he can't say anything without breaking doctor/patient confidentiality. I yank open the bathroom door, and Jasper falls onto me. I steady him automatically, but he still brushes against my stomach. I feel a flutter. He looks up at me in something vaguely akin to horror.

"What the hell…" I grab his hand and haul him inside the janitors closet across the hall from the loos. "Bella, what the hell was that I just felt?"

JPOV

"You have to give me your word you won't say anything. No matter what itell you, you can't say anything to anybody!" She looks desperate and she's clearly close to tears. "Except Carlisle, because well - you'll find out."

"Bella, I can't promise you that until I know what's happened."

"Promise me Jazz, please!" She looks desperate. I take a deep breath. I'm probably going to regret this.

"Alright. I promise." She takes my hands and guides them to her stomach. I can't quite believe what I'm feeling. She can't be.

"I'm pregnant, Jazz," she whispers, and then she starts crying. I hug her, expecting her to push me away, as she always does trying to stop me developing more of a crush (I'm going to kill Rosalie), but she doesn't. she grips the front of my shirt and buries her head in my shoulder. I don't mind the fact that my shirts getting damp.

"Sorry," she sniffles, wiping her nose after about five minutes. "It's just…you know…so hard!"

"Oh, Bella, why didn't you say something? You've just been saying it's a bug. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell Jacob?"

"I couldn't tell anyone. The only people who know are me, you and Carlisle. And you can't say anything Jazz, not to anybody!" I promise her I won't, and stand guard outside the loos while she washes her face and comes out. And then the blindingly obvious question hits me.

"Who's the father, Bella?"

"That isn't relevant Jasper."

"It's very relevant. You said the only people who knew were you, me and Carlisle. Doesn't the father have a right to know?"

"Not really, no." She refuses to be drawn on the subject any further.