Pain engulfed me as the mage touched me but it was the chance I was waiting for to strike. I caught hold of hands that snaked into my mind to my deepest fears to bring them to life only for one purpose: To break me. But I would break him first.
"Maleficar! Blood mage!" I roared as my hands settled at his throat and pushed down hard. The blood mage let out a guttural cry as eyes that lacked empathy moved to my own, horrified as I forced the air out of his chest. The tried to speak but all that came out was a guttural noise as he pushed at my chest desperately to get me off him. He tried to reach for my neck, but he flailed about helplessly as I hold him down.
"Cullen…please…I-I can't…b-breathe…" The mage managed to rasp as I choked him. Him knowing my name made no sense as his hands stopped moving against me and he forced his eyes open. The desperation was gone and instead there was a weird sense of acceptance in his reddened eyes. Good.
"I do not know you, blood mage…but you know my name? Did you scour my mind for it?" I asked and the mage looked at me in confusion as I forced more air out of his throat. The maleficar's eyes widened in realization but it was too late to fight back as the mage used the last of his strength to caress my face. I cringed as the warm fingers touched my face. I ripped his hand away and resumed strangling him. "How dare you touch me!?"
"I failed…y-you, Cul…" The mage said as he stilled. My body swelled with pride as I pushed his lifeless body away and sneered.
"Of course you failed. A templar will never break to the likes you." I whispered as I moved over to the door slowly. The fools had made the mistake of releasing me from the barrier but unfortunately I wasn't on my Lyrium so draining them would be harder than normally. I had to consider my options carefully as I could smite a maleficar but only briefly. It was a stroke of luck that the maleficar that I killed was so docile.
I placed my ear to the door and managed to hear whispers of several people. Amongst them were several men and women that I didn't recognize. I peeped through the keyhole and saw a mage dressed haphazardly in a silken robe with a Qunari of all things and another mage with flowing locks of bright blonde hair. She seemed frightened as she attended to the others, shadows lingering just out of my vision. There was about seven mages out there and I was a lone man.
The odds were not in my favor but I had to act. There was no question as to how long it would take until the dead mage would be deemed missing. I tested the door slightly with my bare shoulder and saw that it was quite sturdy. I didn't have my armor, so I'd have to throw all my body weight into the charge and tackle the nearest mage and hopefully take one of them hostage to draw out the encounter but still. The battle will have to go quickly as there was no telling what kind of crazy magic they'd use on me.
I moved backward and pushed the mage's body out the way to make space to dash. I prayed to the Maker as I readied myself for what I was about to do. It was my job as a templar to protect the mages but now that they were compromised- it was my place to put them down like the dogs that they were. If I died…I'd die as a templar in the service of the Maker.
I roared as I charged and banged the door open, the looks on the fools faces were dumbstruck as I moved to tackle the girl I saw from before, she ended up tumbling over the railing down to the ground below in a loud screech as she hit the ground below with a loud thud. Unfortunately, the large Qunari ripped me down to the ground as several other hands coiled around me but I fought back.
"Cullen! Stop!" The Qunari shouted as I fought against his powerful hands. His sheer size defied reason as he kept me fast as several of the mage's rushed into the room while many others below screamed in horror.
"SHUT UP!" I cried as I used my strength to break free. The Qunari shouted out as I pushed out of his grip and darted towards the mage in the silken robe but a man I recognized instantly blocked my path. "B-Branson!?"
"Brother…please calm down!" He cried as he took hold of my hands. I heard another scream as an elf that rushed into the room clutched at the dead body and wept.
"NO! Shite! Fucking shite- Josh-Posh's dead!" She screamed as she clung to the body. The name she used…it was so familiar. I could swear that I felt sad for his death for some reason.
"Josh?" I asked in confusion. Branson looked at me horrified as the mage in the silken robe covered his face with tears streaming down his cheeks and rushed downstairs while the Qunari followed after him in a haze of motion as Branson pulled me into a tear-ridden hug as his leaner arms settled around me. Branson wasn't one to cry. He was always tough and filled with pride as he kept his emotions out there and ready to strike out to those he considered a threat, to himself and his family. It was weird to say the least as he wept for the mage- unless…he was a thrall. "Who the hell is Josh?"
"The man you…loved and the man who gave himself to you because…he trusted you. You…you killed him in a fit of madness."
I felt my head throb and I understood exactly what he said in that moment. It was as if a veil was pulled from my eyes as I felt my heart begin to crumble. I turned all too quickly, slipping and racing into the room where I left the mage from before. I saw Neria shaking her head as she approached with a dagger in her hand as she moved swiftly.
"Neria…I'm sorry! I didn't-"
"You…You fucking bastard!" She screamed and I felt an intense feeling of pain wash over me. She pulled me close and gritted her teeth as she forced the dagger deeper into my chest. I welcomed the pain as it dulled the feeling that overwhelmed me. I saw the world fade as my vision darkened and then…nothing. No sound- no feeling at all but a deep set self hatred that consumed my heart and mind.
Was I dead? I hoped I was.
Life without Josh…Oh Maker…how could I ever live without the man I loved?
Sound came and went, as did light and feeling. Sometimes a horrible feeling would engulf me suddenly, forcing me to scream out in pain but my mouth would not respond. In fact, my body did not respond at all. There was a distinct feeling in me and I understood it completely once I came to and could not remember how I ended up behind my desk with an empty philter of Lyrium in my hands.
I was made to forget and for the life of me, I could not recall any detail as to what or who I forgot- but there was this feeling…this emptiness that came after the numbness subsided. It was as if I had woken up from a bad dream but I couldn't tell what was missing. Was a name? A face? A person? A feeling? I could not understand it but the others…Maker…I didn't have to ask. It was written on their faces. I was responsible for Belle being as traumatized as she was but…there was something else. Their eyes filled with hatred because of said something as well.
They looked at me like I was a monster. Even as I led Inquisitor Lavellan's troops to victory in the Arbor Wilds as Commander and member of the Inner Circle, my men and women looked at me like I was some kind of abomination, but it didn't really matter. I was cold and stern to the outside as I ordered and lead to victory but inside, whether I looked at Sulahn or my family or not- the pain I saw in their eyes… defied reason. (What could I have done to warrant such hatred?)
I tried to make myself scarce but ma ashalan…she wanted me to hold her and the latent emotion inside me would push and tear at my heart as she hugged at my chest. I would recall a face briefly as she silently wept against me and somehow I knew that said face was of an important man- but it would be a fleeting moment and then…I wouldn't be able to recall his face again.
The Exalted Council was brutal. The Fereldans and Orlesians both cracked down on Alara and I could see her patience (and self-control) was beginning to wear thin as we reached the final Eluvian that led to where Solas was. I expected to see the Qunari Saarabas that the Viddasala had leashed up but she and the mage was dead- torn to pieces as if a gigantic hand ripped them into half.
Alara yelped as we approached a hooded figure, bathed in green light that shone brightly as it perked up at our arrival. It gave me (and only me) a sick grin as I shouted in horror as it moved. A finger clicked and everyone besides myself and Alara was turned to stone as the same green light engulfed us. I knew the feeling it brought. It was an Anchor.
"Go and meet with Fen'Harel while I deal with this miscreant." The man clothed in black wolf's fur rasped in an inhuman voice that sent a shiver down my spine. The Inquisitor looked at me, unsure and with concern until the hooded figure pulled back its hood and I took in a visage that my mind knew all too well as I remembered what I had done to Josh.
Alara had no need to be coerced and walked by me with timid steps as she mouthed a low "Ir abelas" to me. I merely nodded and turned back to the former-inquisitor who looked at me with hateful eyes as he readied his spear, the very spear I gifted to him in an attempt to woo him. He looked at me and flushed, but at the same time, there was something off about the way he looked at me. "I see you have kept his necklace. This is good. You love him still."
"Why are you speaking as if you are not him?" I asked with confusion lacing my words. I approached him, unconcerned for my safety as I saw him tighten his hold on the spear. "Have you forgotten who you are?"
"I am Change. You merely killed Purpose. He was the one who loved you with all his heart. I just allowed myself to get bound you." The mage giggled as we began to circle each other. The mage grinned as he pointed to my necklace with his Marked hand. It was then that I realized that the Anchor covered most of his body. "It is called the Dasemah'lin and is the ultimate gift a Dreamer can bestow on his other half."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you not recall all the bouts of pain you had? When you were unconscious?"
"I do…but does that have to-" Josh silenced me and a defiant finger wag and smiled impishly as he approached. He touched the necklace I had on and I felt pain flood my mind that made me scream out loud. "AAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"Ngh! Y-You have died more than a hundred times at the hands of the Inquisition. I still love you despite what you did, Cullen. I cannot see you this way. I must lift your veil so that you may think for yourself. Please protect me! You will die if ma nas is lost from the Dasemah'lin!" Another voice spoke and it was much sweeter than the previous voice. I looked behind me and I let out a sharp gasp as another Josh approached, with a look of empathy and love in his eyes as he encircled my body with warm fingers. I reached for him and let out a yelp as my own fingers went through the man I loved. He was still dressed the same as the day I strangled him. "I-I missed you."
"I missed you too, but…how is this possible? I must be going mad!"
"Maybe. You killed me. I am…all that remains of myself in the necklace." Josh then pulled away pointed to the other former-Inquisitor and I felt the mage grab hold of my hand. "My survival is not what matters. He is a demon who has kept me safe…but he has his own plans. Please stop him, Cullen. Please! I want you to live!"
"I will."
"Solas will tear down the Veil and I will kill the both of you. I will be free!" Change cried as it suddenly screamed out and shifted into the form of a massive dragon. I felt dread fill my heart but a whisper in the air allowed me to resist the fear that gnawed at me and allowed me to shield myself and Josh from the icy breath of Change.
"You were always free, Change. I am sorry you felt subjugated. Please forgive me!" Josh shouted as the dragon whipped its tail out, shattering the statues of our friends instantly. (NO!) I managed to block the worst of the blow and gave Josh a sad look as I felt his hands at my back as the dragon reared up to bite. "I'm so sorry!"
"Josh…I'm sorry for what I did to you."
"Oh, Cullen…It was a moment of madness. I love you."
"I love you too."
