AUTHOR'S NOTE: All lyrics are trademarked by their respective copyright holders.


"I'll give you a break, Bert, because I want in on the action. Send everything you've got on Ronald Prince to my e-mail address that I just gave you, and I'll get immunity for you when Prince goes down," Cameron barked to Bert Tannen with his Mr. Petersen voice inside the White House's solarium, "You and your brother get away with it, and I'll help you find someone more trustworthy to work the scheme with. I'll keep in touch. You just think this over and remember not to double cross Lieutenant Richard Vernon. Goodbye, Bert."

He hung up. "If Mr. Vernon ever finds out I used his name as an alias this time, Ferris...!" he protested to his friend, who was hunched over Natalie's laptop on the floor.

"Well you couldn't use George Morris again, Cameron; he'd get suspicious when he presumably calls up Prince to yell at him for betraying him," Ferris pointed out, "And since Mr. Vernon's had no contact with the school since he was fired, there's no way he'd ever find out. In the meantime, Prince took the bait; he's sending us some early Christmas presents," he gestured proudly at the laptop's screen.

"What do we have...bank account files," Cameron's eyes widened at the files popping up on the screen, "That must be Bert Tannen's slush fund to Karkovice and the hit team."

"And where Prince probably deposits his bribe money for Senator Tannen to get the job done," Sloane mused, "And what else...ah, a fifty thousand dollar check in Prince's name to Wilson Karkovice," she took in the next item popping up on the screen, "Apparently the operation's muscle wanted a raise. Can you crack these files?" she asked Natalie.

"Well, to be honest, Sloane, I'd prefer not to break into bank files, just in case it's a trick and it's a regular person's money," Natalie admitted, "But," she started typing on the keys, "I can forward all this to the FBI director with a request to look into it."

"But do we have anything that nails Bob Tannen himself!?" Jerry asked impatiently from the sofa, "I want him to go down...!"

"Patience, buddy, patience. Nothing yet directly tying Bob to Prince, but if we just wait a little longer, we'll probably get the smoking gun," Ferris urged him.

"I can't wait any longer, Ferris; I've waited a year and a half wanting payback, I can't wait much longer!" Jerry argued, rage crossing his face, "I want to see him go down!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not there yet, Jerry," Sloane stressed firmly, "If we put out what we have now, his accomplices go down, but he probably skips by claiming he knew nothing of it. Ferris is right; you have to be patient a little longer...were you able to get President Simmons?" she asked Jim as he came into the solarium.

"Tried, but the attendant says he's too busy in a high-level meeting with the King of Bahrain," Jim shook his head grimly, "I stressed this was a matter of life or death, that the president's good name was at stake, but I was told the prez would handle it later after the meeting ended. I did leave a message asking him to call me personally; I just hope I register high enough on the prez's radar to warrant a personal call."

"Probably not," Natalie sighed grimly and buried her head on her knees, "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I wished he'd never decided to leave the governorship!"

"I know, and I'm sorry," Cameron dared to put an arm around her, "It hurts when it seems your father doesn't care. I know exactly what you're feeling."

"Thanks, Cameron, I appreciate it," she gave him a warm smile. "Say, while we still have some time before we go to the fundraiser," she rose up and took his hand, "Come with me, I want to share something with you."

"What? What is...what's this for?" Cameron frowned at the helmet, harness, and gloves she pressed into his hands at the doorway. Natalie slid the solarium's door open and beckoned him around the promenade. Grinning, Ferris waved for Sloane to follow. "Zip lining!?" Cameron exclaimed worriedly outside, and indeed, Ferris, upon stepping onto the promenade, only then noticed the thick wire running from the top of the White House to a copse of trees across the North Lawn.

"This is the one thing I always liked stepping away from my computer to do," Natalie had now donned a helmet and gloves of her own and was checking the hooks and straps on her own harness, "So I made sure the staff here built me a line and aerial climbing area after we moved in. This is how I got out the other night, in fact; I zipped over here, then moved from tree to tree until I was near the fence, then dropped down and ran to the car I'd parked outside."

"I see, uh, well, Natalie, I'm not good with thrill rides, I should say..."

"Well if you don't try it, there's no way you'll ever overcome those fears. Come on, just do what I do," Natalie hooked onto the line and cast off, sailing down the line with a loud shout of delight and disappearing into the trees. "OK, now it's your turn," she called back. With a deep nervous gulp, Cameron hooked onto the line, casting a pleading glance at Ferris and Sloane to bail him out. Both, however gave him a thumbs-up. Slamming his eyes shut, Cameron pushed off and slid at a snail's speed down the wire. Nonetheless, he made it safely to the other side. "See, Cam," nothing to worry about," Ferris called over encouragingly.

"Should we follow them on it?" Sloane looked around for any other harnesses on the promenade.

"Nah, let the two of them have their moment together. We can try it out later. We can go listen in on them, though," Ferris glanced around the White House grounds. In the sparkling light of the setting sun, the other Shermer High seniors were everywhere on the grounds, diving into the swimming pool, playing on the tennis courts, nailing golf balls on the putting green, and otherwise enjoying themselves. And Ferris couldn't help feeling a distinct sense of pride to have been able to open such a door to his classmates.

With a nod, both he and Sloane turned and bustled back inside the mansion. Five minutes later, they were walking across the lawn towards the tree Natalie and Cameron had disappeared into. "...all my life, I've been so scared of everything," Cameron was admitting above them, "Looking back now, I can't help thinking, what the hell was wrong with me? I feel like...like I wasted so much wanting to be sick all the time. When Ferris took me on that day off a few months ago, he made me see the world so much differently. I feel terrible we're going to have to split up now; I can see he's the best friend I could have asked for. He gave me the strength to stand up for myself in regards to that blasted Ferrari, made me see how much I've got to look forward to if I just tried to live."

"And I'm glad to have helped, buddy," Ferris whispered, beaming with pride. He and Sloane came to a stop under the tree and stared up at the other two teens' legs dangling down from the branch above. "Before that trip, there's no way I'd have been up here in the world," Cameron continued, "No way I'd've dared to try that zip line. But you were right, it wasn't bad at all. And it's not scary up here at all."

"I think you're a very brave man, Cameron Frye," Natalie told him warmly, "And I know how you feel with that too; looking back, I can't help thinking I spent all those years trying to be a computer ace, staying in my room all the time and not going out. It wasn't until Dad was elected president that I realized what I was missing, and now I feel like a prisoner who won't be able to enjoy anything until I'm a grown woman. That's why I felt I needed that night on the town; unfortunately, as you saw, I messed it up big time."

She sighed softly. "I just want to go back to the way it used to be," she lamented, "But they say you can't go back, you can only go forward. Only I don't know the way forward."

"Again, I don't either," Cameron muttered, "I guess something will come up. I hope I end up liking it."

It was his turn to sigh. There was silence on the branch before Natalie spoke up again. "Please tell me what you're thinking, Cameron?" she asked him.

"What am I thinking? I'm thinking of how I'm sitting here in the middle of the White House grounds with a girl I'll confess I've thought was the loveliest I'd ever seen the first time I saw her on TV, and wondering when I'm going to wake up back home in Shermer in a museum of a house playing second fiddle to a car again. Because this just can't be real," Cameron admitted.

"Why do you think you're not good enough for me, Cameron?"

"Just to cite the obvious one, you're you, and I'm me, a hopeless coward who lets everything get to him and doesn't know what his future is. You deserve somebody a lot better than me," Cameron lamented.

"I know it might seem like that to you. But Cameron, you're the most genuine person my age I've known in Washington since we moved here," Natalie assured him, leaning towards him in the twilight above Ferris and turning Cameron's face towards herself, "Everyone here puffs themselves up and pretends to be someone they're not; you're a real person, and I like that."

"Well, Natalie, I'm not the person you want me to be; I can never be that person..."

"I think it's more you're not the person YOU think you should be. But Cameron, I like you just the way you are. And there's the matter you did save my life."

"Ferris and Sloane saved you too..."

"But you got me out of the river. How can I not be eternally grateful for that? Look at me, Cameron; don't you want me?"

"Want you? More than anything in the world, Natalie...but I'm still below you..."

A brief kiss permeated the night air, bringing a smile to Ferris's face. "However, I can be goaded to aim higher in my dreams," Cameron said, his voice stunned.

"I'd hope you would. No matter what happens from here on, Cameron, I'll always remember you," Natalie told him affectionately. Next to Ferris, Sloane sniffed happily. "It's so great he finally got his moment," she confessed to her boyfriend.

"Yeah, he earned it," Ferris agreed, "Of course, I lucked out and found the girl I want to marry a long time ago," he pulled Sloane into a kiss himself, "And rest assured I'll never let her go."

"I love it when you talk that way," she teased him warmly, "Should we climb up a tree and get intimate like them?"

"Show time, you love birds," Jim had arrived on the scene behind them, "It's about a fifteen minute drive to the hotel they're having the fundraiser in, so we'd better get going now if we want to get there when Tannen does."

"You've got the hacked phone?" Ferris asked him. Jim pulled one out. "OK, keep it in a safe place. Go tell everyone I told you was in Drama Club, and everyone else among the seniors who volunteered to come along that we're heading out."

"Will do," Jim bustled off. "Were you two down here the whole time?" Cameron protested as he and Natalie climbed down to the ground.

"Oh, long enough to see two special people starting to feel something for each other," Ferris told him with a grin, making Cameron blush in embarrassment, "OK, now, we've got to make things wild enough once the music starts to leave Tannen disoriented," he pulled everyone close, "Since Jerry should have the honor of making the switch, we'll give him the hacked phone and try and maneuver Tannen towards him in the confusion. But we've got to be careful to make sure they don't come face to face; since Jerry's confronted him before, Tannen will know something's up if he sees him again..."

"Are we planning some extracurricular activities, Ferris?" came a firm and unexpected voice from the fence to his left. Ferris froze up, stunned. "Mr. Jacobson," he turned quickly to see the teacher leaning against the fence with a frown, "I, uh, it's not what it sounds like...how'd you...?"

"Simplest way of all: called Corey and asked where he was. And he mentioned you'd set it up. You've really got a nice game running here, don't you Ferris? Faking a burst appendix, and then getting Mr. Steinberg to put himself to sleep with one of his too-long lectures so the class could break the schedule of this trip," Mr. Jacobson said, his frown deepening, "I actually figured it out reasonably quick, Ferris; it was much too obvious to connect the dots from Senator Tannen's speech back at school to us coming here and you breaking away from the trip all the time. Not all of us teachers are as dim as you think. And let me guess that you weren't really sick on those other days you missed school this semester too, am I right?"

"I, um, uh..." Ferris stammered, going white.

"What you seem to be planning against Senator Tannen's almost certainly illegal," the teacher told him sternly, "There's really no reason I shouldn't call Mr. Rooney or any of the other teachers right now and turn you and everyone else here in," he gestured at an equally white Sloane and Cameron.

"But...but if you figured it out earlier, you had ample opportunity to tell Mr. Rooney all week and didn't," Ferris realized, regaining some of his composure, "Why not?"

"It's the strangest thing; I've always been a stickler for protocol as a teacher, but...I can remember back when I was seventeen. I had straight As and was on the dean's list, but I was starting to feel cramped and suffocated by school," Mr. Jacobson reminisced, leaning against the fence, "I realized I needed a day off. So I took five in a row off; I called all my best friends, and we took a secret road trip up to Wisconsin, telling our families we were sleeping over each other's houses. Somehow, we managed to get away with it, and we all had the best week we could have imagined...I really needed that week. I guess everyone needs a day or two off when they're younger once in a while. Sometimes I wish I could still do the same today," he sighed wistfully.

"So you understand, then? Stopping and looking around at life once in a while makes us all wiser and better?" Ferris asked him, a smile starting to return to his lips.

"I may be a teacher, the establishment figure, but truthfully, I was you once, Ferris," a smile crossed Mr. Jacobson's lips as well, "And to be honest, I've always had a feeling something was off with Senator Tannen. So here's the deal: don't get anyone killed, and I never saw you here. Deal?"

"Deal," Ferris reached through the bars and shook his hand, "You know, I always thought you were the best teacher Shermer High ever had, Mr. Jacobson..."

"I can tell when people flatter me, Ferris. But I still appreciate it," the teacher smiled again, "Before you head out, tell the Secret Service men at the front gate who I am; I want to come share the experience here with Corey as his father."

"Consider it done, Mr. Jacobson. And thanks again."


"Good evening, Mr. Bueller. Your mission, whether you choose to accept it or not, is to plant this decoy cell phone on Senator Tannen and wait for him to use it, then save anything incriminating he says and call the FBI. As usual, should any members of your Bueller Associated team be killed or captured, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds," Ferris rambled out loud, watching the front of the hotel the fundraiser would be in from inside the presidential limousine.

"You can count on me, Chief, I'm always on duty," Jim chimed in from the limo's front seat in a spot-on Inspector Gadget impression, then made the sound of a simulated explosion. "Very good, nice and inconspicuous," Cameron muttered from the back seat.

"Hold the phone, all of you, here he comes...with his secretary," Natalie frowned out the window at Tannen approaching the hotel with a very lovely woman in his arms, "I didn't know she could afford that luxurious a gown...oh dear Lord," she groaned in disgust as Tannen kissed his secretary passionately on the lips, "Really, Tannen, that on top of everything else...!?"

"That dirty coward!" Sloane was indignant herself, "His wife's seven months pregnant with their third child! No wonder she was living back in Chicago; he wanted the family far away while he cheated on her!"

"Well, that's another ace we can play if nothing else," Ferris whispered to her, gesturing her to film Tannen's adulterous kiss on her cell phone, but the couple had broken it off before she could start taping and was entering the building together, "He certainly can't run for president with a major adultery scandal hanging around his neck. OK, you all know what to do?"

"Yep," everyone nodded in unison. "Jim, phone," Ferris asked the assistant deputy director of media relations, who handed it to him. "All yours, Jerry," he handed it to his friend, "But like I said, be careful how you make the switch; Tannen'll know something's up if he sees you face to face. And please don't let your emotions get the better of you; this situation calls for logic, not emotion."

"Can't promise anything, Mr. Spock," Jerry said softly, pocketing the camera, "All right, let's do this."


"Much as we all wanted to hope for the best, ladies and gentlemen, a little over halfway through the Matthew Simmons administration, it's clear things aren't working," Tannen announced to his fellow congresspersons and the wealthy donors inside the hotel ballroom, "Tomorrow I'll be making my official announcement, but I want you all to know now that I wish to seek our nation's highest office. I think all my years as chairman of numerous Senate committees has given me more than enough experience for the job, and if elected, I can bring this country to a period of greatness both economically and socially that it's never reached before. Now I know many of you supported Matthew Simmons during his run the last election cycle. Look at the poll numbers; a generic challenger from the other party beats him in every reputable poll. I can almost certainly do better than that. Besides, I've heard certain rumors that a storm's going to break concerning secret and illegal actions Simmons might have committed..."

"This weatherman says that storm's chances aren't a hundred percent," Ferris mumbled from behind the door to the ballroom, "Everyone ready?" he asked the members of the Drama Club, who nodded, eager to give one last performance. He sided up to Cameron, "Your job's to get Tannen over to Jerry, but be as natural as you can, and don't let Tannen see him if you can," he whispered in his best friend's ear.

"Why are we even risking having Jerry do it at all?" Cameron had to know.

"I know it's a risk, but he deserves the honor," Ferris turned to Jerry, listening in nearby, and flashed him a thumbs-up. "Just do your part well, and I think we'll be OK. Nervous?" he asked Cameron.

"Of course...but also glad. I thought about joining Hairspray, but decided I'd lose my nerve up on stage and embarrass myself. I've regretted it since then," Cameron admitted glumly, "Sitting there in the audience, watching you and everyone else dance and sing your way into the audience's hearts, it made me feel insignificant. I wanted another chance, and now it looks like I'm going to get it."

"Good for you, Cameron; you're finally learning to take chances and live," Ferris told him with a smile, patting him on the back. He turned at the sound of applause inside the ballroom. "Looks like this is it."

"There's a thousand and one ways this could go wrong, Ferris..." Cameron offered one final warning. Ferris paid no heed, listening to the party chairman announcing, "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a special guest who has brought along a special group of young people who wish to share their special talents with us. Give a big hand to the girl America's come to love, Natalie Simmons." A warmer applause greeted Natalie as she walked into the ballroom, unable to suppress glares at all the legislators and donors who seemed quite eager to dump her father for Tannen, at least to the senator's face. "Honored senators, as Mr. Brickford just noted, it is my distinct honor to introduce a group of kids on a trip to the capital who have prepared this sampling from their Drama Club production from this past year. Sit back and enjoy the sights and sounds of the pride of Chicagoland, the Shermer High Drama Club, to present the following selection from Hairspray."

"Here we go..." Ferris mumbled under his breath. Much as he hated to admit it, Cameron had a point that there were a number of ways his plan could go wrong. Nonetheless, he put on a smile as the music kicked in from the hired band and Rachel strutted into the center of the ballroom and belted out the beginning of the signature song: "You can't stop an avalanche as it races down the hill. You can try to stop the seasons, girl, but you know you never will. And you can try to stop my dancing feet, but I just cannot sit still..."

"Five...four...three...two...one...Linc's on!" Ferris slid dramatically across the floor, reaching Rachel's side right as she finished the first verse. "Ever since this whole world began, a woman found that if she shook it, she could shake up a man..." he started belting out in perfect synchronization with her, also matching her move for move across the floor, just as he had during the actual play a few months ago, "...and so I'm going to shake and shimmy it the best that I can today, because you can't stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky, you can wonder if you want to, but I never ask why, and if you try and hold me down I'm gonna spit in your eye and say: you can't stop the beat!"

Continuing his dancing moves the drama instructor had taught the Drama Club over the winter while the next verse kicked in, he glanced around the ballroom for Tannen's location. The senator was on the dais, on the third seat to the right of the speaker's podium, only half-heartedly watching the performance on the floor, now joined by other Drama Club members-including Sloane, filling in for a junior not making the senior trip. "Wait till the floor's flooded with people before having them attempt the switch..." he reminded himself mentally, knowing confusion was his best bet to effectively switch the cell phones. As the refrain returned, he backflipped dramatically onto one of the tables, hefted Rachel up with him, and spun her over his head, to applause from the wealthy businessmen sitting below him. Hitting the finishing move for this particular refrain, he leaned backwards with Rachel in his arms, glanced to the door, and pointed at Tannen's location for Cameron, who nodded and swaggered into the ballroom. "You can't stop my happiness, because I like the way I am," he sang with complete conviction, his words seeming to Ferris like a long-overdue declaration of more independence for his friend, "And you just can't stop my knife and fork when I see a Christmas ham. So if you don't like the way, I look, well I just don't give a damn...!"

In a flash, he jumped onto the dais and hauled Tannen up from his seat. "Hey, what the hell...!?" Tannen protested, to no avail, as Cameron started spinning him in a circle rapidly. "Because the world keeps spinning round and round, and my heart's keeping time to the speed of sound..." he continued the song, pushing the dazed Tannen towards Natalie, who joined him on the dais and spun Tannen herself, "I was lost till I heard the drums, then I found my way...!"

"Everybody, you know the lyrics, join in!" Ferris shouted out loud, waving the legislators and donors onto the floor. A few rose and joined in the dancing, while others remained reluctantly sitting until pulled to their feet by the rest of the Drama Club members. In moments, the floor was crowded with dancers. Ferris squinted to look for Jerry and saw him by the end of the dais. He waved at Cameron and pointed towards Jerry. Cameron looked, nodded, and started dancing Tannen towards the other boy, who had the hacked cell phone in hand, ready to make the switch. Just as Tannen was in range, however, the senator pulled himself out of Cameron's grasp and started stomping off, out of reach of Jerry's attempt to grab the phone. "No, no...!" Ferris grimaced, watching a disgusted Tannen pushing through the crowd, waving for his secretary and lover in the back row of seats to follow. "Jim!" he leaped up and waved to the assistant deputy director for media relations outside the door, "He's leaving; bring him back in!"

Jim glanced towards Tannen, who was just about out the door, then grabbed him in a flash and danced him back into the ballroom. "Hey, take your hands off me!" the senator protested.

"You can't stop today as it comes speeding down the track," Jim broke into the last regular verse of the song himself, trying to get Tannen close to Jerry, "Yesterday is history, and it's never coming back. For tomorrow is a brand new day, and it don't know white from black...!"

"I said let go of me!" Tannen jerked hard to the right, again going out of Jerry's range before he could grab for his pocket. Jim quickly picked the senator up and started pressing him over his head. "Come on, now!" he mumbled to Jerry out of the corner of his mouth, dipping Tannen low enough for him to reach. Jerry quickly reached into Tannen's pocket and pulled out the regular cell phone...but unluckily, a man dancing nearby bumped into him before he could substitute the fake one, sending it flying out of his grasp and skidding across the floor. And worse, Tannen had noticed the phone's removal. "Hey! He took my phone!" he screamed, pointing accusingly in Jerry's direction. Jim hastily dumped Tannen off to some wildly dancing donors, who carried him across the floor. "Ferris, it's over there; get it, quick!" he shouted over the din of the song, pointing at it.

Still belting out the lyrics and trying to look natural, Ferris danced across the floor, trying to get to the phone, but each time he got close, someone kicked it out of his reach. He did a spectacular Baryshnikov move through the air and grabbed hold of the phone briefly, but was then bumped himself, sending the phone flying through the air, where it bounced off the hands of the dancers on the floor, many now eagerly getting into the song despite their exalted positions. "This is straining this story's credibility to have it do this...!" he complained out loud, trying to push through the throngs of people to get close to it.

"Hey Ferris, this is great!" Rachel eagerly bent down into his face, "They love us! Maybe I'll get that boosted scholarship after all!"

"Hope so. Big finish: You can't stop the motion of the ocean or the rain from above; they can try to stop the paradise we're dreaming of, but they cannot stop the rhythm of two hearts in love to stay..." Ferris frantically sang out the final lines of the last refrain and spun Rachel off to another dancer, then turned back towards the phone's last location-just in time to see an elderly man dancing by the open window knock it right out with a wave of his hands. "Oh no...!" Ferris groaned, cartwheeling to the window in rhythm with the closing crescendo and glancing outside just in time to see the hacked phone get crushed by a garbage truck passing underneath. Ferris slumped down on the windowsill and slapped his hands over his face. "Tell me that did not just happen...!" came Cameron's horrified voice over his shoulder.

"Hate to say it, Cam, but you were right; it went wrong," Ferris admitted glumly.

"Now what!? Tannen's bound to know something's up now, Ferris...!"

"That's him, grab him!" came Tannen's shout over the loud applause from the guests in the ballroom. His heart in his throat, Ferris slowly turned to see a pair of security guards grabbing Jerry, trying to run out the door with Tannen's regular phone. "He tried to steal my phone!" the senator shouted accusingly, "Take him downtown and book him!"

"You ruined my family's life, Tannen; they've got to know it too!" Jerry shouted at him, "Don't nominate this man for president; he has ties to corrupt businessmen and thugs!" he shouted at everyone else in the ballroom, "He stood outside my dad's store and all but preached for it to come down...!"

"No, no, don't blow the cover here...!" Ferris whimpered silently, but Jerry continued shouting, "He's a demon, don't listen to word he says!"

"Sorry about this, folks; I've never seen this young man before in my life, and I don't have a clue what he's talking about," Tannen lied to the onlookers. "Take him down to the precinct; I'm pressing full charges on him for theft and attempted slander," he demanded to the guards, who nodded and started dragging Jerry out.

"Let go of me; he's lying!" Jerry continued shouting, "You're all making a big mistake...!"

The guards hauled him out the door and out of sight, silencing his shouts. "Ferris, now what do we do!?" horrified herself, Sloane joined him by the window.

"I wish, I knew, Sloane, I wish I knew," Ferris shook his head. For once, he was at a total loss for ideas.

"Too late anyway; he knows now," Cameron groaned, pointing at Tannen, who was staring in shock at his cell phone. "Sixteen calls? What the hell's this all about!?" the senator clearly mouthed, then stormed out of the ballroom to make some calls of his own. Ferris lowered his head grimly. The plan had come apart faster than he'd even anticipated it possibly could have, and he didn't know how they could move forward and salvage victory...