I'm Just Your Problem Chapter 9
I do not own Avatar The Last Airbender or any of its characters the song "I'm Just Your Problem" by Rebecca Sugar
*This fanfiction is not related to Adventure Time I was listening to this song while thinking of this story idea and it stuck
I turned around with my arms crossed, the child walked closer to me but she still kept her distance. I guess did remember my little episode from that time.
"I'm sorry being here has caused you so much pain," she said. "When we first met I never would have guessed that you were my sister."
I flinched when she addressed me as her sister; I clutched my hands into fists once again.
"I was so happy when I found out about you though… but at the same time I was a little sad too," Kiyi said. "I was sad that you didn't like me."
"Of course I don't like you, even before I knew the truth that didn't change. But the fact that you're that woman's spawn makes me have even more reason to hate you."
I took a peek at the child to see the expression of sadness she would have after me saying that. It my surprise and dismay she just stood there, she looked firm and determined for some reason. Odd child.
"I can't dislike or hate you though," she stated calmly. "I think I can understand your reason even if it hurts me."
"Stop it!" I exclaimed as I turned around to face her. "Stop acting like her! The last thing I need is another one of that woman."
The child didn't flinch but she still was fiddling with her fingers.
"Mommy and Daddy told me about you and Zuko, they told me about your Daddy and your home. How Mommy had to leave and how she met my Daddy… how she got a new face and a new memory. But that she had to forget about you and Zuko in order to get that memory."
"That's why I hate her so much, she choose to forget about her first children in order to have you! In order to live the life she always wanted… a life without Zuko and me! You are the product of two selfish people!"
I was getting frustrated with this child, nothing I did seem to scare her off. Ironically it was easier to intimidate her before she was aware of my identity. She shifted a little but she didn't leave, her olive green eyes pierced into my golden ones. She bowed her head down.
"Mommy feels bad for that… when you ran away I could hear her cry at night. I could hear her call out your name before Daddy would help her calm down."
"Oh how sweet," I said mockingly. "Did she call out 'monster' instead of my name? Because I fail to see how you know who she was talking about without her using that name. After all I'm the monster of the family."
"No you're not a monster; you're Azula… big sister Azula."
"What are you talking about? There is no relation between me and you! Zuko is my true sibling!"
"But you're my sibling too-"
"Enough!" I shouted at her. "Zuko is my only sibling and the only one I need. Just like how I don't need another father, I don't need another sibling either. I don't need a mother either."
I crossed my arms again and glared at her, I dared her to defy me with more of her nonsense.
"Don't you feel only if that was the case?"
"No! I have Zuko now… as long as one person loves me then it's okay. Unlike you I don't need to be surrounded by all these people just to feel good about myself… I only need one person you selfish little girl."
Just when I was about to turn around and send her away I felt something tackle me. I fell to the ground, I avoided hurting myself thankfully but that didn't excuse the little pest that was on my chest. She had her small arms wrapped around my waist and she clung to me tightly. I sat back up and was about to push her off when I saw her eyes closed with tears trailing down her face.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I'm sorry Mommy forgot about you to have me! I'm sorry she left you all alone and for raising me during that time! I'm sorry for being born and that my existence causes you so much pain and hate! I'm so so sorry big sister Azula, I just want to be your little sister but I want you to be happy too."
More tears leaked out of her face as she talked to me, I honestly didn't know what to do now that she was aware of how much I hated her. I grabbed her shoulders tightly to the point where she winched in pain. She was lucky that my nails had been cut recently or else it would have hurt more. I was really angry now.
"Let go of me you brat! You are nothing but the daughter that woman chose to have just to replace me! Because I turned out be a monster she had to make sure she did it right with her second daughter! That way she was able to prove that she was a good mother! You were born from parents who love each other while I was born to parents who didn't love me! Your existence is nothing but a thorn in my side, a thorn I have no problem ripping out!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I hurt you too," Kiyi sobbed. "I'm sorry you think you're a monster and that you think that nobody loves you."
"Why are you crying? You have the childhood Zuko and I never got to have, you have loving parents while Zuko and me have an abusive father and an abandoning mother. My father hit me and pushed me beyond my limits when it came to pain, he taunted me with my own emotions and feelings. My mother left me just so she could forget about me and start a new life with another husband and child. How could you possible understand how I feel?"
"I don't but I can at least try to!" she responded. "I don't want you to be sad anymore. I want to be one of those people who you can trust because I love you… Azula!"
I stopped clutching her shoulder and held my hands in the air. I could feel my lip quiver and my face started to burn with the stinging sensation of tears. Tear poured out of my eyes and fell onto Kiyi's face. The child still had tears in her eyes when she felt mine hit her. She looked up and got a good look at me, I blushed from embarrassment from her seeing me like this.
"Don't look at me!" I exclaimed as turned around. "The ugly monster that wasn't worthy of being loved by her own parents!"
Several more tears came out and I felt my body tremble from all of these raw emotions. I hated myself so much! That's when I felt two small hands touch my face. The hands made me turn around to face the child. She had a sad smile on her face and tears were still escaping out of her olive green eyes.
"You're so pretty big sister," she reassured as she placed my head next to her chest. "There, there. You're so pretty, you're not a monster. You're not lonely now."
She wrapped her arms around my head and caressed my hair as she said that, her smile remained.
"You have big brother Zuko and me. You're not lonely and you're not a monster. You're my pretty big sister who I love so much… even if you don't like me. Even if you wish I was never born I still love you."
I let her words sink in; I don't know why I felt so light now. I allowed myself to cry out all my years' worth of pain, my head was still pressed against her chest and she was still caressing my hair.
"There, there. Big sister is going to be okay because she's not lonely anymore. I want to show you what real love is like if you will let me… please say you will. I want you to be happy and proud to call me your little sister."
"Just like I'm happy and proud to call you both my little sisters," a familiar voice said.
Kiyi and me looked at who said that and we saw Zuko standing by the door way with a smile on his face. He walked toward us and wrapped his arms around the both of us, Kiyi still had her arms wrapped around my head and didn't let go but she nuzzled Zuko's face.
"You're both my little sisters and I love you both equally. I want us to be a family, even if we have our problems and even if we're not perfect… we can get through it together."
"I want to be a family too big brother Zuko… but I want big sister Azula to be one with me too.
"Well that's up to her… what do you say Azula?"
"Will you accept my love big sister?"
Kiyi let go of my head and stood next to Zuko, they both waited for my answer. I didn't know real love was and maybe I will never truly understand what it was… but I kind of wanted some. This little girl really wanted to love me but once again it was my choice whether or not to accept that love. However, could I trust this child the way I trusted Zuko? Up until a week ago she was terrified of me.
"Tell me Kiyi," I addressed. "Are you afraid me of me?"
"I… I use to be… I will admit… but after learning so much about you from Mommy, Daddy and Zuko I started to feel a bond with you. I was afraid a little while ago before I started to talk to you too since I didn't know if you would listen to me. But I'm not afraid now."
"Why is that? You know I'm a monster."
"Does a monster cry?" she asked. "A real monster would want to be alone forever but I know that's not true for you. Even if you thought you might be better off alone I know that's not true… you want to be loved just like any other living thing. I want to give you that love along with Zuko. Please believe me."
I heard her explanation and maybe she wasn't full of nonsense as I thought. But if I accept this child then that means I would have to accept Mother and Ikem… do I want to do that? Do I want to forgive her? Am I ready to face her now? I've hated her all my life and not hating her would feel as if I've lost a big part of myself. But at the same time look at where my hate got me… it's just like Zuko said. Even after all the horrible things I said to her this child wanted to be my sister, she wanted to be the little sister I never knew I had until a week ago. What was the right choice? I already accepted Zuko…. my older brother… and now Kiyi wants to be accepted… my little half-sister.
"You still consider me a sister after all I've said to you Kiyi?" I questioned.
"Isn't that what a family does? Aren't they supposed to forgive each other?" Kiyi replied. "Because I forgive you Azula… I hope you can forgive me too."
Tears rushed out of my eyes again and I tried to wipe them away as fast as I could. My vision was becoming blurred.
"I can't seem to stop these tears," I cried.
Zuko and Kiyi embraced me from both of my sides; their faces were touching my own. We sat there for a while and after several seconds I placed one of my arms over around of them. They looked shocked at first but their shock turned to joy. We were hugging each other, a small circle of siblings. But you know I don't mind now. What about Mother and Ikem? What should I do concerning them? At this point I don't know if I could bring myself to continue hating them. I'll think about that later though, right now I want to enjoy this moment with my siblings… with my brother and sister.
"I'm not a problem to them," I said to myself.
Azula has accepted Zuko and Kiyi as her siblings but can she bring herself to forgive the woman who gave her life? Or the man who is supposed to be her step-father? What about the other bring she cannot seem to forgive: herself?
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