But he's just a ramen chef!

Authors note: For what I am about to write I will be considered a shameless pervert. I only hope that God/Buddha/Shiva/or whoever the heck decides where my eternal soul goes can forgive me for this.

This chapter came to me in a flash moment and I have no clue why. Personally I think it is very brilliant but very shameless.

Heaven forgive me………alright enough of this crap, it's 'M' rated for a reason, so prepare yourself.

Chapter nine: Sakura the…prostitute?


"Anwko-cwan!!!" shouted Naruto with his face buried deep in her cleavage.

"Naru-chan!!!!" shouted out Anko as she wrapped her arms around him and cuddled him further into her bust. Naruto brought his face out of her chest and looked up at her with tear filled eyes.

"I misssssssssssssssssssssssssssed you sooooooooooooooooooo much." said Naruto. He then took the more dominant position and leaned her down. He brought his lips to her ear and whispered. "And now that you are back…" he said in an all too seductive voice. He then proceeded to slam a large bottle of sake in front of them. "Time for Fun!!!!"

The two then began drinking and kissing in the most shameless matter. The people of the stand just seemed to ignore them, all being far to use to the pairs antics.

"Well…while those two are busy." said Kakashi, moans interrupted his train of thought. He shook his head back and forth to clear it of all perverted images. "Let's discuss the Chunnin exams."

Team 7 looked at the silver haired man with a raised eyebrow. "What do you mean sensei?" asked Sakura in a worried tone

"Each of you has demonstrated that you are strong, capable, and your progress is simply astounding." said Kakashi his eye going up in a 'U'. "I feel that it is time for you to try and rise through the ranks."

Sasuke gave a small confident smirk, Hanabi's face remained as stoic as ever, and Sakura…Sakura looked absolutely horrified. "Calm down…calm down…Kakashi wouldn't allow us to take the exam if he didn't think we were ready."

"Damn right he wouldn't!!!!" shouted inner Sakura.

Despite her inner self's motivation she found her body silently trembling. Sakura looked down, ashamed at her cowardice. She looked at both her team mates, who seemed calm and collective. She then turned her eyes to her sensei and found he was now ignoring everyone around him with his head in his perverted book.

Her gaze then went to Naruto. "NARUTO!" she all but shouted in her mind. "He'll know what to do."

"Yeah, he got you to focus last time." said inner Sakura with a disinterested wave; she was currently reading the same book as Kakashi and giving the same perverted giggle.

Sakura blushed in embarrassment at her dirty inner self. She let out a sigh to bring herself back under control. Inner Sakura continued to giggle perversely and Sakura felt her face continue to heat up. She ordered another bowl of ramen to keep her mind off what 'Sakura' was doing.

Her teammates however, had long finished their food and found no further reason to stay. They left the stand, most likely to go off and train for the Chuunin exams, and were soon followed by Kakashi.

"Uh…Naruto." she said turning in her seat only to discover he wasn't there. Her eyes went wide. "Ayame, where is Naruto?"

Ayame turned from her work and looked over at the pink haired girl. "Uhh…I think he said something about going out with Anko."

Sakura was out of her seat and out the door in a flash. Ayame stood there and blinked. "You…you need to pay." she said to herself.

Sakura ran at a speed that could only be described as panicked. "Where is he, where is he, where is he!!!" she chanted as she ran.


Naruto sat on a bench with Anko beside him. "Alright…what about himm?" slurred Naruto pointing to a man passing by.

"Gay." said Anko almost instantly.

"Him?"

"Gay."

"Well what about her?"

"Yeah, she's definitely gay." said Anko with a grin.

Naruto scratched the top of his head. "Huh, never would have thought Haku would have this much company."


Back at the ramen stand Haku fell to his knees and began to cry in a corner.
Naruto looked around and his gaze eventually wondered to a fast approaching pink haired girl. "Okay, what about Sakura?" asked Naruto pointing at the fast approaching female.

"Hmmm, hard to say." said Anko as she closed her eyes and put her hand to her chin in the thinking pose. "Well on the surface she appears straight, what with that whole crush on the Uchiha and all, but from what I've seen of her and that blond friend of hers…I would say she is most definitely gay!"

Anko said this while gently slamming her fist into the palm of her hand. She wore a smile that would make it difficult to determine whether she was serious or joking. However that smile did not appear to confuse Naruto as he instantly responded.

"THAT'S AMAZING ANKO-CHAN!!!!! How do you know?"

"INSTINCT!!!" shouted Anko. She grabbed the sake bottle from his hand and gulped some down. A flush came to her face, and she gave a happy sigh of relief.

During this time, Sakura had successfully made it to Naruto. She was currently panting heavily and had her hands on her knees. "N-na-naruto." She managed in between pants. "I n-need to ta-talk to y-you." Sakura took in a deep breath and stopped panting.

"SAKURA-CHAN!!!!" shouted Naruto. "What a coincidence, we were just talking about you!"

Naruto gave a hiccup, both he and Anko quite clearly drunk. "Naruto, I need your help." said Sakura. "I hope he's in the right state of mind for this."

"Tch, like it matters. I'm pretty sure he was drunk the last time he helped us." said Inner Sakura.

"That's true…"

"Whatttt do you need help withhhhh?" asked Naruto with a smile.

"Well uh…" Sakura's gaze went to Anko. The young pink haired shinobi shuffled on her feet nervously. Naruto seemed to sense what Sakura was thinking.

"You can say it in front of Anko-channnn!!!" said Naruto wrapping his arm over Anko's shoulder. Anko did the same and they both put their cheeks together and stared at Sakura. Goofy and mischievous grins were plastered on the two's faces.

"Well…you see." Sakura thought carefully about what to say. "I need some advice."

"Noooo problem I got loads of advice!!!" said Naruto swinging his hands in the air to show his enthusiasm.

"Meeeeeeeee tooooooo!" sang Anko.

"Wear clothing that shows your figure." said Naruto.

"Alwaysss strut what youuu got." said Anko.

"Get tested regularly!"

"To get the best response sslowly slide yourrr tongue over the tip of hisss-"

"ENOUGH!!!" shouted Sakura blushing furiously. "I need advice about the Chuunin exams."

"Ohhhhhhhh." said both Naruto and Anko in unison. "Why didn't you say so?"

Sakura's eyebrow twitched as he said that, then she finally just let out a sigh. Her expression turned to a sad one for a moment. "I…I'm worried I'm not ready…" she said in almost a whisper.

"hmmm." said Naruto.

"hmmm." said Anko.

They then looked over at Sakura and a bright mischievous flash went through their eyes. Sakura suddenly became very nervous, and took a step back.

Naruto and Anko each put a hand on one of her shoulders. "W-wait, wh-what are you…"

Sakura was dragged off at lightning speed. Both Anko and Naruto gave off evil laughs as they carried the unsuspecting girl to her fate.


Some time during her 'kidnapping' a blind fold had been placed over her eyes. Sakura had felt her clothes all but being ripped off and something new and far less 'conventional' was placed over her.

The blindfold had been pulled off her eyes and Sakura blinked. Her head swung left to right trying to figure out where she was. Naruto and Anko were no where in sight, and Sakura felt a deep chill as a breeze swept by.

"Why is it so col-" Sakura looked down at her clothing and nearly screamed. Her 'clothing', if it could even be called that, consisted of a black lingerie bra with a loose fishnet top over it. Her bust was all but exploding forward as the bra seemed to flatter her chest in such a way that it appeared bigger. She wore a black mini skirt that was so short the bottom of her heart shaped butt was exposed. She didn't even need to look to know she wasn't wearing any underwear.

Sakura paled considerably at her situation. She looked in her hand, finally noticing a note taped to it. Sakura quickly read it.

Dear Sakura,

You are currently in Konoha's Red Light District. In order to prove that you are ready for the Chuunin exams, both I and Anko have decided that you are to perform the less glamorous aspect of being a kounichi…simply put you are now a prostitute.

Isn't that great!!!

Successfully seduce one person of your choice. If you are unable to or get scared and run away, then you might as well quit being a kounichi. Regardless of what you may think, this is actually something that may be asked of you in the future.

Soooooooooo Good Luck,

Uzumaki Naruto Worlds Greatest Ramen Chef!

Sakura wasn't sure what she should be more shocked by. The fact that she had just been told to find a man and have sex with him, or that Naruto was successfully able to write such an eligible letter while drunk.

"I can't do this!!!!!" Sakura shouted in her mind. Her surprise and disbelieve were scattered throughout her mind.

"Yes you can, you've studied!!!" shouted Inner Sakura shoving a book of Icha Icha Paradise forward. "I believe in you."

"I don't care I don't want to lose my virginity like THIS!"

"Oh don't be such a baby, and besides the letter just said to seduce some one, it never said anything about having sex." said inner Sakura.

"But it said I'm now a prostitute, doesn't that imply that I am supposed to have sex with someone." thought Sakura.

"Details, details, it almost sounds like you want to do this."

Sakura blushed brightly. This drew the attention of several men. "Hey baby." said a man from behind her. He placed his arm over her shoulders and almost hung off her. His face had a hint of flush running through it. The man was under some of the influence. "How's about we go and…"

His hand cupped her breast and it sent a shiver down Sakura's spine. Sakura was in a state of silent fear and confusion. She didn't speak, but her legs…they moved. Her mind was blank at how she should react, but her body followed him. He led her through the Red Light District to a hotel.

Sakura was sweating, she had become aware of the fact that she was following this man, she was also aware of the way he was holding her. His hand was rubbing on the small of her back, causing a wave of sickness to pass through Sakura. She didn't like his touch.

She slowly regained herself and moved a little faster so his touch on barley brushed on her. She could tell that the man was strong, if she tried to run now he would most likely stop her.

She had to get out of this, but she had no clue how. She briefly entertained the idea that this was all some sort of joke, and Naruto and Anko were going to pop out any minute.

They approached the room the man had purchased. She felt him lean down and touch her ear with his tongue. "So…how much?" he asked in a whisper.

Sakura shivered, her breath had been caught in her throat and she had been unable to speak. The thick sent of alcohol made its way into her nostrils, causing Sakura to nearly gag. The man apparently was far more intoxicated then he let on.

She noted the eagerness in his eyes as well as the blind lust. He would have no qualms raping her if she said "no" to him.

His hand sluggishly went to the doorknob, his grip slipped a few times. Sakura briefly wondered how he had managed to come this far without letting on his intoxication. He finally opened the door and, with a bit of force, pulled Sakura inside.

The pink haired fifteen year old, found herself lying on a large bed. She had landed in such a way that her body was spread out and her back was angled up so her larger chest was jetting into the air.

The man clumsily fell on her and Sakura lost most of her breath from the impact. His hand moved sloppily under the fishnet and he brought his mouth to her neck. Every action he made disgusted Sakura even more as she shivered.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!!" shouted inner Sakura.

"I…I…I don't know, didn't you want me to do this?" even in her head Sakura's own voice sounded weak and confused.

"Are you kidding me?! What you're doing right now is disgusting!!!" Inner Sakura was fuming. "Stop right now!"

"B-but Naruto said-"

"F--- Naruto! Your only fifteen, and God knows that on real mission the target would be dead by now!"

The man licked her neck, and in that moment all logic and sense returned to Sakura. What was she doing? What was she even thinking? Power and fury burned in Sakura's eyes as she pushed the man off her.

He stumbled on his feet. "Hey!!! What are you doing bit-"

Sakura cocked her fist back and slammed it into his face. The man went soaring through the air, and crashed through the door of the room. His face was a bloody mess and he was clearly unconscious.

"CONGRADULATIONS!!!!"

Sakura turned around at break neck speed her eyes wide. Naruto and Anko flung themselves out of a closet they had been hiding in. Confetti, balloon's, and a banner came with them. The banner saying 'You Did It!!!'.

Sakura's face was confused and even a little disbelieving. "Huuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh????????!" was all she managed with her eyebrow twitching.

"Congrats Sakura, you passed and this should prove that you are more the qualified to handle the Chuunin exams." said Naruto. His face was flushed and his grin was bright, Anko mirrored his expression perfectly.

"This…this…this was all a set up?" said Sakura disbelievingly.

"Well sorta…all we did was follow you." said the pair in unison.

"Then was he in on this to?" asked Sakura pointing to the unconscious man that had been about to do unspeakable things to her.

"Nope!" said Naruto and Anko happily. Sakura slammed her fist on the tops of their heads sending them to the ground.

"What do you mean 'Nope' I COULD HAVE BEEN RAPED!!!!!" shouted Sakura.

"Relax, relax, Anko here would have stopped it if it got to out of hand…and besides wait till you hear this." said Naruto. "The man you knocked out with a single punch was a special Jounin, his name is Ebisu. Now there is no way you can say you're not ready for the Chuunin exams.

Sakura's mouth hung wide open as she looked at the grinning duo. "That…that logic makes no sense." said Sakura in confusion as well as anger. "One, he wasn't expecting it, and Two, he was drunk; there is no way I could have beaten him if this hadn't been the case…THIS DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING!!!"

Naruto's cheery features instantly took on a soft, but serious look. "So?" he said. This surprised Sakura out of her thoughts, even Anko gazed at him curiously, not that she let it show. "A win is a win, and a loss is a loss. It doesn't matter if that Jounin is stronger or not, because the fact is that if this was a combat situation he would be dead and you would be alive."

Sakura looked at him with wide eyes. He spoke with an air of confidence, the same calm seriousness that had led her to taking his advice the first time. However this time his words seemed more sadden. They had an edge of experience to them, and Sakura found her eyebrow being raised.

"Sakura, strength isn't everything…this is one of the things the Chuunin exam will teach you. If you exploit your opponents weaknesses, wear them down, or even cause them confusion you can win." said Naruto. "Its not the strongest or the most skilled, but the person that comes out on top without having to use the most force."

"But I…I don't want to be weak." said Sakura.

"Then don't be, train even more." said Naruto with an honest smile. "But unless you can get super charged by tomorrow, use this type of thinking to compete."

Sakura found herself nodding unconsciously. The blonde's manner of speaking held such an air of grace and knowledge that Sakura couldn't help herself.

The goofy grin came on Naruto's face. "Alright then good luck." said Naruto shoving Sakura out of the room, Anko and him followed soon afterward.


Both he and his purple haired companion walked away from Sakura and went towards Anko's apartment. The woman in question looked at her friend with a curious gaze. Naruto seemed to notice this.

"What is it Anko-chan?!!" he asked with his usually playfulness.

"Naruto." Anko said this in a serious voice. Naruto noticed this and frowned a little. "How…how do you know so much about the Shinobi life."

Naruto's frown deepened and Anko felt a pang enter her heart. He brought his hand up to his straw hat and pulled it over his eyes.

"I'm going home." He said in an almost cold voice and Anko felt herself stop in shock. He went in a different direction, most likely towards his home. Anko watched his retreating form.

The air around him seemed to be much darker and gloomier as he left. Anko for the life of her, wished she had not said anything.


Naruto slammed the door to his apartment. He went towards his counter and grabbed another bottle of sake. He chugged it down and slammed the bottle on the counter, shattering it. Blood slipped from his hand as the glass cut his skin.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry….I'm sorry…"


Authors note: Okay here I go.

First up: I don't condone prostitution or rape in any sort of way. This was written out of comedy and nothing else. It's 'M' rated so I'm sure it was no big deal.

Next: This chapter was just sort of filler in a way, the real action and story will come with the next series of chapters. The Chuunin exam is going to be the real place where the progress of this story is going to develop.

Finally: As you all know I am a guy, and for that simple fact I like Yuri. Because of this I am actually considering pairing Sakura with Ino. This would happen much later in the story and is only a side thing. I ask for how everyone feels about that, as I'm not sure if I should do it or not. If your a Yoai fan I ask that you not vote for the simple fact that if you say no it is hypicritical of you.

Thanks, hope you enjoyed this chapter.