Farewell
Hermione spent the morning all alone in the hospital wing. She read a lot, did some homework and tried hard not to think about him. Hopeless. Whenever she closed her eyes she could see his face in front of her, feel his lips on hers, hear his voice in her ear. It was as if she tried to stop breathing. Impossible. When Hermione finally accepted that she wouldn't be able to simply cut him out of her thoughts, she felt a bit better. Why not dreaming? If reality was such a mess why not at least imagine a better one? Everything was much easier in those dreams.
Malfoy gave up his plans, her friends found out that they would be very happy to see both of them together, Malfoys family felt honoured to have such a smart daughter-in-law and Voldemort of course vanished into thin air. No war, no fighting, no problems, just love, friendship and peace. Reality was the complete opposite of course. Malfoy wouldn't give up on his plans because this would mean that he'd give up on his family. She really couldn't expect that from him. Her friends would never accept a relationship with the "worst enemy" and Lucius Malfoy would rather kill his own son than accept him to be with a mudblood. And Voldemort wasn't likely to simply disappear again.
Hermione sighed and looked out of the window. It was November and Christmas was therefore close. Her whole life was upside down and she really wanted to tell anybody, to explain her feelings and get some advice. But none of her friends would ever understand. She didn't really understand herself. How could it be that easy to forget everything he'd done and said the last five years? Was love that powerful to make you forgive everything? One month had been enough to make her fall in love with the one guy she'd never thought she could not hate. Hermione shook her head. Was she really that stupid? Whenever she tried to remember the harsh words and sneering comments she'd hated for so long, she only could see that angelic face in front of her inner eye.
"But I already am like this. You just never took the time to notice."
Hermione hadn't forgotten those words from his older self and sighed. Now that she saw him in a different light, there were many situations she remembered. Malfoy helping Goyle to study for potions in the library, Malfoy kissing his mother at Platform 9-3/4, Malfoy laughing about a joke, Malfoy chasing after the snitch, his face concentrated. There were so many nice impressions, she'd noticed but never took a moment to think about it. She'd always taken for granted that Malfoy was simply evil and that there was nothing in between. But as he'd told her: things weren't always black and white. There were many shades of grey as well. Grey like his beautiful eyes…
"How are you today, Miss Granger?" a friendly voice asked and Hermione looked up surprised at none other than Dumbledore himself.
She cleared her throat and blushed.
"I'm fine Professor, thanks."
Dumbledore smiled his "I know exactly that you're lying"-smile and sat down in a chair next to her bed.
"That's great then. I was worried to be honest and thought we should use this opportunity and have a little chat."
Hermione just nodded, not sure what to say. The headmaster still smiled and his smart eyes watched her carefully.
"Is there anything you'd like to tell me, Miss Granger?"
Hermione thought of all the things that had happened lately. There were actually lots of things she could have told him. She finally shook her head a bit apologetic.
"No, Professor."
Dumbledore sighed but smiled.
"Well, I didn't expect something else." he said cheerful and looked out of the window. His gaze fell on a little squirrel in a tree outside, looking at a sparrow flying above.
"You think a squirrel and a sparrow could ever fall in love?" he suddenly asked curious.
Hermione narrowed her eyes. Dumbledore chuckled.
"Even if they would fall in love, where should they live, Professor?"
Dumbledore smiled.
"Maybe the squirrel could get wings."
Hermione snuffled.
"Why should the squirrel change? Why not the sparrow?"
Dumbledore's eyes were gleaming.
"Because the squirrel is stronger." he said squinting and Hermione blushed.
Dumbledore stood up.
"Get well soon, Miss Granger." he said smiling and Hermione nodded. She was still watching the little squirrel and sighed. Stronger, huh? She didn't feel like it, though.
ooooo
Ron, Harry, Ginny, Neville, Luna and Dean visited Hermione in the afternoon. They all sat around her bed and told her about what she'd missed in class. They laughed and talked and Hermione forgot her problems for the time being. Madam Pomfrey told her that she should stay another night in the hospital wing before she'd be allowed to go to her bedroom the next day.
"It's terrible without you, Mione. I have to take notes myself, can you imagine that?" Ron asked shocked and they all laughed.
"I'll be back tomorrow, so don't overwork yourself." she answered ironically and grinned at the redhead.
Ron's smile made her feel weak. He took her hand and Harry cleared his throat.
"We'll be going then, Mione. Ron, you can stay if you want to."
Harry squinted, Ginny grinned and Ron blushed. Hermione tried a smile. She'd resolved to forget about Malfoy, hadn't she? Wasn't being with Ron the best way to do so?
They all disappeared smiling and Ron looked down on their hands, still shy. Hermione squeezed his hand and smiled at him. He smiled back and it cut into her heart to see his eyes soften. He bent down and kissed her forehead. Hermione shivered.
"I'm glad you're ok, Mione. You really scared me. When I saw you in Malfoys arms, it was the worst feeling I've ever had. I first thought… Well, I was shocked, to be honest. I thought he'd done something to you and I really wanted to kill him."
Hermione shook her head.
"We met by coincidence and I collapsed. It was actually nice of him to take me to the hospital wing. He could have let me in that corridor, you know. But he didn't."
Ron narrowed his eyes and squeezed her hand.
"I'll never let him touch you again anyway. I can't stand it."
Hermione had a lump in her throat. She felt like crying but held back the tears.
"He's not that bad." she whispered without knowing why. Shouldn't she finally shut up? Why did she feel the need to defend him?
Ron snorted.
"Yeah sure, he's really kind." he hissed ironically.
Hermione looked at Ron sadly.
"Shouldn't we finally end those enmities? I mean, why not try to get along with each other?"
Ron's eyes widened and he looked at her stunned.
"Friends? With Malfoy? Impossible, Mione. Some enmities never end, you know."
Hermione tried not to sob. So it really was impossible. There was no hope at all. No way, she could ever have both: her friends and her lover.
Ron looked a bit worried.
"Mione, you'd really try to be friends with someone who said those kinds of things? Someone who wouldn't care if we'd be killed? He hates us Mione. Just because he'd been kind once in his life, doesn't mean that he's not a jerk."
Hermione just nodded. Well he was right, wasn't he? From Ron's point of view there was no grey, just black and white.
"Take your time and relax. I'll look after you tomorrow." he finally whispered, bent down again and kissed her lips this time.
Hermione was surprised and widened her eyes. Ron's kiss was soft and warm, his lips kind of clumsy but passionate. Her first impulse was to push him away, but then she simply let him do as he pleased. Hermione closed her eyes and tried to feel something else than shock. She wanted it to feel good, wanted it to feel right, but it only felt like that when she thought of the blonde angel she'd fallen for. When Ron finally stopped the kiss, he smiled at her fondly and caressed her cheek with his hand. Hermione couldn't say anything and tried not to cry.
"Good night." he whispered again, turned around and left.
Hermione felt the salty tears on her cheek and buried her head in the white pillow. So there really wasn't a match for Malfoys kiss. If Ron had kissed her first, then she probably would have thought it was perfect. Now she just felt sick.
Hermione didn't hold back and cried until she felt empty. When a soft hand suddenly caressed her back she didn't even cringe. She just sat up and threw herself into his arms again. It was stupid, irresponsible, hopeless, but she still needed to feel his embrace, even if this would be the last time. She sobbed and he fondled her hair, kissed her cheek, whispered consoling words without sense. He took her hand and pressed it on his chest, where she could feel his pulse. It was as if he could really understand the confusion in her heart.
She calmed down and put her head on his shoulder.
"You think a squirrel and a sparrow can ever fall in love?" she asked sobbing.
She felt his smile.
"They already did, didn't they?" he answered and Hermione gasped.
She looked up into his silvery eyes and felt his hand running through her curls. Hermione closed her eyes and another tear ran down her cheek. He kissed it away and she trembled. So this was actually wrong? Why did it feel right, then? Why did it feel like heaven? She remembered her intention and tensed.
"We have to stop this. No matter what happens, we're not allowed to go on like this. We'll hurt everyone. We'll lose everything. It has to end." she said sobbing and he cocked an eyebrow.
"You think it's that easy?"
Hermione shook her head.
"There's no choice."
He snorted.
"Did Weasleys kiss make you feel guilty?"
Hermione looked at him astounded.
"I've seen you." he stated, his eyes suddenly steel grey.
Hermione gulped and closed her eyes. This was her chance to destroy it, to make him believe she didn't feel like she did.
"What if I enjoyed it?" she asked bravely.
Malfoy just smiled crooked.
"Why did you cry then?"
She shivered and closed her eyes, another tear running down her cheek.
"You can't lie to me, honey. I see right through you."
Hermione bit her lip and opened her eyes to look into his face.
"I'm not strong enough to get wings." she whispered and he cocked an eyebrow. When he got what she was referring to, he just smiled.
"Maybe I could lay mine down?"
She sobbed.
"We can't change what we are." she stated once again and his hand wiped away the tears.
"No we can't."
She nodded and took a deep breath.
"I look horrible for sure." she whispered and tried to arrange her hair and stop crying.
He just grinned.
"You look like a squirrel."
Hermione laughed.
"Can you stay? Just tonight?" she asked blushing and he smiled.
"Sure, if you want me to." She nodded.
He covered her and lay down behind her. His arm was wrapped around her waist, his breath on her neck, his body pressed against hers.
"Will you go out with Weasley from now on?" he suddenly asked and she could feel how his arm tensed.
She took a deep breath.
"Would you be jealous if I did?"
He snorted.
"I wanted to kill him earlier. I was really close to bump in and beat him up." he admitted and Hermiones heart pounded harder.
"Will you go out with Pansy?" she dared to ask back.
Malfoy chuckled.
"If you go out with Weasley, then I'll have to pay you back, don't you think?"
She turned around and glared at him and Malfoy laughed and hugged her firmer. Hermiones lips were on his throat now and she could feel his pulse quicken. She smiled and kissed his neck softly.
"You shouldn't do that." he whispered and she put her arm around his waist and pressed her little body against his.
Malfoys reaction was a moan with closed eyes. Hermione knew that she acted stupid, but she just couldn't help it.
"Do you promise that you'll forget me tomorrow?" she asked and he opened his eyes and looked at her intensively.
"I'll try."
She nodded, pressed her lips against his and enjoyed one last night in heaven.
ooooo
It was an innocent night. Malfoy didn't try to seduce her even though Hermione was sure that she wouldn't have resisted. They kissed, talked, hugged, slept, cried and laughed. It was nevertheless the most intimate night Hermione had ever spent with somebody. When she woke up it was still dark, but dawn was close. Malfoy was next to her, his face relaxed while sleeping. Hermione watched him with a smile. Was this love? To be able to watch your lover the whole night without getting bored? She memorized every detail in his beautiful face.
Hermione kissed him softly and a little smile appeared on his lips. His arm held her firmer and he wrapped his leg around hers to hold her by his side. She chuckled. He was cute while sleeping. Too cute. It would be easier to let go if he'd have been drooling or snoring, but he was perfect, even when he slept.
He finally opened his grey eyes and looked at her confused. When he remembered where he was and with whom, he smiled.
"Morning." he said husky and Hermione shook her head disbelieving.
He cocked an eyebrow.
"What?"
She snuffled.
"Do you have to look neat as a pin, even though you only slept two hours? That's unfair." she moaned and he started laughing.
"I'm sorry." he said ironically and she smiled.
"I hope you are."
He smirked and watched her closely. Hermione blushed and tried to arrange her own, messy hair.
He took her hand and kissed it.
"I think you're gorgeous." he whispered and she blushed even more.
"You must be kidding." Hermione stated and sat up. He shook his head.
"Do you have the slightest idea how tempting you appear right now?" he suddenly asked and Hermione was obviously stunned.
She looked at herself. Her top had ridden up and bared her belly button, the shorts showed a lot of her legs and her hair was a mess of heavy curls flowing over her back. She blushed and crossed her arms over her chest. Malfoy just smirked.
"Too late, honey."
She pursed her lips.
"You think I'm… attractive?" she finally asked, her cheeks burning.
He chuckled.
"Stupid question."
"I thought I have zero sex-appeal?" she asked sneering and he grinned.
"I was lying."
She smiled and felt the first sunray on her shoulder.
"You have to go." she stated sadly and Malfoy nodded.
"You want me to ignore you from now on?" he asked husky and Hermione felt a strange pain when thinking about that.
"It would be best." she answered truly.
He rolled his eyes.
"I asked if you want me to ignore you, not what would be best."
She gulped.
"What I want isn't important."
He frowned, his eyes a steel grey mask. Hermione shivered. He stood up, ready to leave her and disappear from her life. She didn't think, didn't intend to do so, but she suddenly held him back. Her hand grabbed his shirt and when he turned around he saw her biting her lip. His gaze softened.
"I thought it would be easier to let go." she admitted.
He hugged her again, trying to express his feelings in that last, long embrace.
"I told you it's too late, didn't I?"
Hermione sobbed. She put her hands on his cheeks and looked into his silvery eyes.
"Thank you. For showing me how it has to feel. For being by my side when I was down. For helping me to understand. Thanks, for everything. Farewell." she whispered, kissed him one last time, turned around and left to the bathroom.
She locked herself up in the little room and felt the tears running down her cheeks again. She waited a long time until she finally came out again. Malfoy was gone and with him all the warmth and joy she'd felt last night. Hermione closed her eyes. Why did it feel wrong to do the right thing? When she finally wanted to go back to bed, she saw a green and silver scarf lying on the pillow. She sobbed, took the piece of clothing and held it in her arms as if it was the most precious thing she'd ever owned. It smelled of him.
ooooo
Draco couldn't remember to have cried often in his life. There had been moments when he'd been sad enough to cry, but he'd never done so in front of anyone. Crying was a sign of weakness. But no matter how much he hated the feeling of being weak, he couldn't stop the tears running down his cheeks right now.
He knew exactly when he'd fallen for her. It had been the moment when she'd bumped into him crying. Her body on his, the tears in her golden eyes, her words and the way she said them… From that moment on she'd fascinated him in a strange way. He'd started to hate hurting her, to want her to be safe. And when she'd found out about his plans, he'd expected her to sell him immediately, but she hadn't.
He'd kissed her out of desperation and a strange and irrational attraction he felt towards her. From thenceforward he started to want her. He thought it was only a fleshly need, something he could easily forget. He'd been wrong. Her smile, her eyes, her tears, her voice, everything about her was suddenly perfect. He needed her in a way she'd never be able to understand.
When she'd appeared as Raquelle on that Halloween party, he'd thought she was a real demon. The way she'd smirked was still in his memory. She was the greatest temptation. It was much too easy to forget everything important in her presence. When he'd found out that her body actually reacted to his in that passionate way, he'd been lost. From the moment she'd pressed her lips on his, he'd been definitely lost. She didn't have the slightest idea of course. Why her? Why did it have to be her of all girls?
Draco thought of last night and cringed. Did she even know how hard it had been for him to hold back? How hard not to touch her the way he'd wanted to touch her? He was pretty sure that she wouldn't have resisted. But it wasn't supposed to be like that. If she really wanted a life without him, then he simply didn't have the right to take her, even though he'd wanted her more than anything else in his life so far.
The very thought of Weasley kissing her still made him livid. He'd wanted to break every bone in the redhead's body. He'd been close to interfere, to beat him up and show everyone that her lips belonged to him and to no one else. But the look in her surprised eyes, the little tear on her cheek and the obvious pain in her expression had made him hold back. He'd just clenched his fists and tried to calm down.
She caused him physical pain. But not only physical. She'd taken his heart as well. Whenever he closed his eyes, he could see her in front of him. To cut her out of his life was as if he'd been asked to tear out his own heart. Draco rolled his eyes about those dramatic thoughts.
When he remembered her farewell, he felt weak again. She'd thanked him. Him! As if he'd done anything worth saying thanks. As if he hadn't just caused her trouble. But the way she'd said goodbye had made him feel worse than ever before. He wasn't ready to give that up yet. He'd wanted to be strong and keep away from her, but the moment she'd given him that farewell kiss, he'd decided that there was no way he could ever forget her. He'd already told her that it was much too late.
ooooo
Hermione dressed and was officially laid-off from the hospital wing. She walked towards Herbology class, lost in her thoughts. The green scarf was in her bag and reminded her always of the one she was supposed to forget. Agonizing.
Hermione opened the greenhouse door and was immediately welcomed by Ron and Harry who grinned at her. She smiled back and looked around until her eyes met a silvery gaze. It was impossible not to react. Hermione bit her lip and went next to Ron. She tried to pay attention to class and failed. How should she manage her last two years of school with these feelings? She'd definitely fail in all of her exams.
Hermione took a deep breath and pulled herself together. She concentrated on class and nearly forgot about everything else. But every class ended sometime and when they all started to leave the greenhouse, Hermione bumped into Malfoy and felt a prickle all over her body. Maybe it was just imagination, but Hermione had the strange feeling, that he actually held her hand for a short moment and played with her thumb. She looked at him surprised, when Ron suddenly went in between, took her hand and dragged her along. Hermione looked back and saw Malfoy standing there, his expression making her shiver. What did he actually intend to do?
Ron seemed pissed and Hermione didn't say a word until they reached the castle.
"What's wrong with that ferret? Since when doesn't he even cringe when touching you? He really pisses me off…" Ron snarled and Hermione tried to calm him.
"You overreacted, Ron. We just bumped into each other. It was actually Ernie's fault. He pushed me."
Ron stopped.
"Don't take me for a fool! You think I didn't notice the way he looks at you? Don't defend that bastard!"
Hermione froze. Ron was obviously hopping mad and she couldn't even resent his anger.
"I'm sorry." she whispered and he sighed. His fury had vanished and there was a pain in his brown eyes that made her feel even guiltier.
"It's not your fault. Since you wore that costume on Halloween, every guy is watching you. I even heard some Slytherins talking about you and it drives me crazy to see those longing gazes."
Hermione was flabbergasted.
Ron sighed again.
"You had no idea, right? Damn, Mione, you really don't know how you looked like, right?"
She blushed and pursed her lips.
"Well, you never noticed me so I thought it was the same with every other guy." she hissed and Ron frowned.
"Sure I noticed! Always! I just didn't dare to tell you."
Hermione looked at him surprised and he took her hand into his and smiled forgiving.
"Always." he repeated.
"Oooh, Weasel and Granger holding hands, how cute, I could really puke." Pansy sneered and Hermione glared at her.
"Shut the fuck up Pansy or I'll hex the hell out of you!" Hermione suddenly hissed and the brunette Slytherin widened her eyes in surprise.
She obviously knew exactly that Hermione was way too good in non-verbal spells to challenge her and therefore left without any further comment.
Malfoy watched the whole scene motionless and Hermione took a deep breath. Ron looked at her grinning and squeezed her hand. She tried a smile and they entered the castle together. Malfoy was standing next to the door, his hands in his pockets, his eyes set on her face. When she passed him, he reached out and put a little note in her hand. Hermione looked at him interrogatively but he only smiled. She held the note firm and her heart was pounding. What did he actually want to tell her that badly?
So, that's it for now, chapter 9 is ready. What do you think? Do you like it? I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you feel the same way reading it. Thanks so much for your reviews by the way! I'm grateful for every review which is posted. I know there are more readers than the ones who actually review, but I'm nevertheless very happy to have you guys tell me your opinion. :-) Thanks a lot and please don't stop reviewing. I'm counting on you! *lol*
