This is a reflective chapter, where not a lot actually happens! (sorry, if it's not very interesting!)
The scene that plays out was originally just going to be a little lead into the rest of the chapter, but it got longer and longer and seemed to become a chapter in itself! So I thought I'd leave the other part until the next chapter, and so as not to spoil the restful mood.
Thank you to Indehed for the Emmerdale/Danny Miller idea and to WFCTGIO for the other TV show ideas that will find their way into a channel hopping fic soon!
Christian let himself into the flat, his eyes immediately spotting the head of dark bushy hair above the back of the sofa. The blinds were closed, with the only light coming from the bright glow of the TV screen as it cast flickering shadows across the floor. The volume on the television was turned so low it was barely audible, and the angle of Syed's head suggested he wasn't watching it at all.
It was late evening and Christian had just finished a bout of training sessions with a couple of city clients, he'd showered and changed at the gym, in case Syed was already asleep by the time he got home. Thinking Syed must have fallen asleep watching TV, he quietly set his gym bag down on the floor and softly walked around the sofa, intending to gently rouse his lover and put him to bed if need be. It had only been a couple of days since Masood had called by the flat, and Christian knew that seeing his father again, and the difficult words that had been exchanged, had affected Syed more than he was letting on. It had been bad enough with Zainab crawling her way back, one minute clinging onto his hand, the next pushing him away again, but now here they both were, stirring up old insecurities, frustration and doubt. Not to do with him, or what they had, Christian knew that much, but to do with Syed himself and his shared history with his parents.
Christian could see it in the way Syed tossed and turned at night, struggling to find peace as his thoughts played unhindered in his sleep freed mind. Every so often, an involuntary movement or perhaps a thought even his unconscious mind didn't want to contemplate, would cause him to stir into near wakefulness and he would snuggle close into Christian's warmth before drifting off again.
Syed's immediate concern after Masood's visit had been for Christian, to be strong for him, to let him know he was there for him, as he hadn't been able to be at the time of Qadim's attack. But as Christian's emotions had been soothed by Syed's warm embracing arms, the sweet tones of his gentle voice and the tender caress of his kisses, he felt that at long last he was able to let go of the last remaining fear and anguish from all that time ago. Challenging Masood, the one who could have helped him but didn't, and speaking the painful thoughts out loud had been a cathartic experience for Christian. He'd even managed to get somewhat of an apology from Masood, not perfect, but it was probably the best he was going to get, and he felt some resolution to what had happened. He'd never forget it, but he could move on.
Move on. That's what Syed had said to his father, that he wanted them to move on. But Christian knew Syed hadn't got the resolution he wanted, that he deserved. If anything, seeing his father again, after all this time apart had only served to confuse him more, to stir up all the thoughts and feelings that had been allowed to lay dormant, while Syed had settled into his new life with him, their own perfect bubble. And settled in he had, finally allowing himself to be who he really was. Christian had watched him blossom and grow, like a flower that had been denied sunlight for too long, the transformation had taken time, but it was remarkable in it's revolution.
He was still Syed of course, with all the nuances and delicacies that made him who he was, but somehow he had transpired to just become more. It was like before, he was just a ghost of himself, grey and ashen, with only brief glimpses of the brightness of colour that lay within. Glimpses that only Christian would see, that Syed would let him see, in their stolen moments together. The brilliant flash of a smile that glowed from somewhere within him, the intense look in his eyes that opened up to show the deep emotion within, the intimate, burning touch of his hand, belying the fiery passion that ran through his veins.
But now, Christian wasn't the only person privy to the real Syed. He saw it in the way Syed laughed and bonded with Tanya in the salon, in the way he quietly and confidently took pride in his work, in the way he'd engage in silly relaxed banter with the regulars in the Vic, the way he'd lean into Christian as they sat snuggled in a corner of the pub. Christian saw it in the way Syed would casually, but affectionately put his arm around him at R n R, his honey-brown eyes looking up lovingly, flirtatiously into Christian's, his broad, gorgeous smile, absolute in it's genuineness.
He was happy. This was not a mask, this was Syed, the real Syed. And even in R n R, in a room full of people, with artificial lights blazing, music blaring, people animated, their tongues and movements loosened by alcohol and a sense of revelry. Even amongst bodies adorned by precious metal shining, glitter and sequins sparkling, to Christian, Syed was always the brightest and most colourful thing in the room, he outshone them all, he was Syed, his true self, his total self, and he was glorious in his uniqueness.
Knowing this, it pained Christian to see the worry and frown lines crease his smooth brow once again. The ghostly remains of his past life causing shadows in those sparkling eyes. Things had reached a state of limbo with his parents, a cyclic dance, that had no end in sight, it was wearing him down, wearing him out, Christian could see it.
Of course, Tam had been a hero in all of this. At least Syed had the unwavering and steady support of his brother, who visited and stayed in contact regularly, for this Christian was grateful. But Syed needed his own form of resolution with his parents, at some point something had to give, someone had to give, so that they could all let go, move on. He just hoped that someone was the people that started this in the first place, that caused the shadows in those beautiful brown eyes, he just hoped that the person to break wasn't Syed. Not after everything he'd been through, everything they'd been through, how far they'd come, to get to this point.
He could almost see the grey clouds swirling just over the horizon, the smell of a storm brewing hung like stagnant droplets in the air, he could almost feel them against his skin, taste the stale bitterness on his tongue. But they were strong and united. They had each other. He was confidant, they could get through this and come out the other side, all the nightmare, and haunting memories of the past, the guilt, finally laid to rest, for both of them, for good.
As Christian moved between the TV and Syed, he realised that his young lover hadn't been asleep afterall. His eyes were heavy and glazed, staring intently into his own inner world , lost in his own thoughts, in his past, blind to the present around him.
"Hey," Christian said, trying to sound cheerful, to bring Syed back to him, back to them, back to now. Syed looked up, slightly startled, and rubbed his eyes.
"Oh... Hey, sorry, I never heard you come in." Syed said apologetically, trying and failing to stifle a yawn.
Christian bent down and placed a kiss into the soft hair on top of his head. "Sleepyhead." he teased gently, "What you doing sitting here in the dark anyway? Watching…" Christianed glanced back at the TV, "Emmerdale?" he looked at Syed, smiling, eyebrows raised. "You're not sitting here fantasizing about Danny Miller are you?" Christian teased.
"I.. I wasn't really watching…" Syed replied a little too quickly, before smirking and rolling his eyes at Christian's facetious expression. He picked up the remote that sat idly next to him and switched the TV off, immediately plunging the room into near darkness.
"It's ok," Christian sighed as he eased himself down next to Syed, the energy seeming to drain out of his aching muscles as he laid back against the sofa and slid an arm behind Syed, drawing him near. Immediately Syed snuggled into his side, his head fell gently onto Christian's chest and he drew his knees up until he was curled up tightly like a small child against Christian's large frame. Christian wrapped his arms protectively around Syed and tilted his head until his temple made contact with the top of Syed's head, and he nestled into the soft strands of raven hair, as if he could transpose all of the thoughts and worries from Syed's mind into his own.
They sat entwined together in the dusky twilight, eyes closed, silent except for the gentle rise and fall of their steady breaths. Their inner souls connected and soothed by the warmth and comfort of their bodies held together in their tender embrace. Christian could feel the heavy blanket of sleep muffling his thoughts, his waking mind retreating into a peaceful place, where his subconscious lay cushioned in the knowledge that he wasn't alone, he would never be alone again. The love that enveloped them, that breathed life into their two bodies, their two souls, was so instinctive, so consuming and so enduring, that he knew no matter what happened it would not change, he would never not feel it.
Christian felt himself drift in and out of consciousness, aware of the weight and heat of Syed's relaxed muscles and softened limbs draped over him, and the deep steady rhythm of his sleeping breaths. A dull ache began to seep into his lower back from the confines and angles of the sofa, they niggled into his dozing state, bringing his thinking mind back to the surface.
"Sy…" he whispered gently, stroking the curtain of dark tendrils back from his lovers face.
"Mmmm…" Syed sighed and stirred lightly, nuzzling further against the warmth of Christian, before easing back into the gentle stillness of sleep.
"Hey… sleeping beauty," Christian's velvety voice breathed into Syed's hair, and his fingers gently traced a path along his arm in an attempt to rouse him, but Syed showed no signs of disturbing his idle slumber.
Christian, in his contentment, considered simply letting them stay huddled where they were, until the morning light broke through the blinds and into the shadows. But his muscles feebly protested and he knew Syed's mind and body was in need of a more nourishing sleep than the uncompromising sofa could give him.
So resolutely, Christian gently but firmly slid one arm behind Syed's knees, and with the other holding him to his chest, he lifted the smaller man and stood up in one fluid movement. Syed murmured quietly as Christian carried him over to the bed and gently laid him down, sliding off his jeans and pulling the duvet up around him, before taking off his own clothes and climbing into the softness beside him.
It wasn't long before they fell into the soft net of slumber, finding each other again in their dreams.
