9
"Ara wants to come over, is that okay?" Embry's voice sounds hesitant, as if he wished he never said it.
"Yes, I'd like that," I answer softly. He takes a deep breath in, before calmly walking over to the phone to call them.
My wolf has given me a lot of space. I barely feel her now. She knows I need this, and I am thankful. I need to pull myself together. I think I am doing very well, but Embry always worries about me.
"When is she coming over," I ask.
"She's going to stop by sometime today."
I never met Ara, although I've seen her before. I usually stay away from my mates pack in case my change is triggered by them. It seems every time I meet them I'm affected badly somehow.
"Are you gonna play dolls with me?" Claire stares up at me hopefully. I smile, grabbing one of her dolls. Dolls are strange looking things, with odd waist and twisty limbs. Claire seems to like them enough. Quil is always careful to watch me around her. I'm glad for it. I'm afraid one day she'll say something I do not like and the wolf will intervene. Right now Quil is sitting on the sofa pretending to watch TV, but I know for a fact he is not paying attention. His face is too still, and his posture too tense.
"Do you know Ara?" I whisper to Claire.
"Yes, she doesn't say much. Aunt Emily called her a people watcher." Her face scrunches in distaste, as if she cannot understand the concept.
If Ara is a people watcher why would she want to visit me? I cannot help but be confused. Wouldn't she avoid someone like me?
"Cause Seth doesn't stop her." I blink, turning to Quil. "She has this thing about control… she wanted to go see you." He laughs, almost lost in thoughts. "Half the time I don't think she wants to do the things she says, but she seems to take pleasure from it anyways."
"You stop your imprints from visiting?"
"Yes." He glances sideways at me, sizing me up. "If I could help it Claire wouldn't come, but I live here so sometimes I have to."
"Hey," Embry shouts from the kitchen annoyed. "Leave Mila alone, she can't help it." Quil shrugs, turning back to the TV.
As bad as it makes me feel I do not blame Quil. If it wasn't for the fact I knew my wolf would never touch Embry I wouldn't want me here either. "I'm sorry," I whisper, staring towards the ground.
"You can't control it, I get that. You don't do it on purpose, we're just taking… precautions."
"Quil," Embry says, giving him a warning.
"Okay, okay shutting up," Quil mumbles.
I always wondered why Quil does not come here very often. It is his home, but he usually only comes to sleep or watch TV. Claire is barely here with Quil. I know Emily kicked them out today, told them to go on a walk or something. It's only instances like this when I see Claire.
"Ara and Seth are here," Embry shouts from the kitchen. I've become more lax about Embry cooking, especially with his food tasting so wonderful. My stomach bubbles, something I've come to acquaint with being nervous. I whisper I'm going to the kitchen to help Embry and make my get-away.
"Mila?" I look up to see Embry staring at me, the boiling water forgotten.
"Mbri," I mumble. He places his utensil carefully on the counter and wraps me in a hug, kissing the top of my head.
"What is it love?"
I breathe him in deeply, taking in his earthy scent. "I am afraid."
He rubs my back in circles, making me relax against him. "It's okay to be afraid." He pushes my hair back and I look up at him. "It's okay, everything will be fine. Seth and Ara are really mild people." When he sees my confused expression he elaborates. "They're calm. Laid back, not too loud. Everything will be fine."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
I can hear low voices talking in the living room, voices I've been ignoring. "Can I stay in here until the food is done?"
"Of course. The noodles are almost finished. I'm waiting on the meat balls." He turns the oven light on to check and then turns it back off. I stayed glued to his side, holding onto his waist as he finishes the food.
All of his pack are afraid of me, that I understand. What they don't understand is I'm afraid of me too. I want to be the best mate I can, but it's hard to do that when you're more animal than human. It doesn't matter how much I fight, because my wolf will always win. Even when I fight with everything I have she takes over with ease. It doesn't even slow her down to fight. I breath in deeply, takimh the dishes from the cabinet and setting the table. It only sits four, so two of us will have to stand. Seth and Ara come in and I nod to greet them, giving them a small smile and staring to the floor. After standing there awkwardly for a few moments I walk behind my mate, wrapping my finger through one of the back loops in his pants and leaning my head against his back. He turns to look at me, rubbing a hand through my hair, and then pulling the garlic bread out the oven finishing the meal.
"How have you been Mila?" Seth asks with a smile. He seems very relaxed, calm even. It surprises me. Everyone around me is always on guard, even my mate.
"My health is good," I answer. Quil shakes his head at me with a smile, already used to my antics.
"That's always good,' he grins, seeming as if he truly means it and it's not some pleasantry.
"Yes," I agree haltingly. "You have been… good?" Another word I do not exactly understand. Good. It is used for everything.
"Yes, very good." The response pulls a true smile out of me. I hope to see Seth more often. Seth gestures over to his mate, who blushes with the attention put on her. "This is my imprint Ara, she's a bit shy like you."
The pack has misunderstood me, taking my quietness and avoidance as shyness. I am not shy, but fearful.
I only nod.
His mate clears her throat. "I hear you have not always lived in America."
"No, I have not. My first home was in Russia, although now I hear it's called Latvia. They declared independence," I murmur thoughtful.
"Where else have you lived?"
I stare at her, unsure. "I don't know. I ran many places, but do not know their names. It didn't matter to me as a wolf."
She nods slowly, chewing some of the food in her mouth. It seems that Claire and Quil have bundled up to one chair, with her on his lap. My mate takes everything off the stove and does the same to me, leaving a kiss on my cheek. I pick my plate up to eat and lean against him. He is too tall and it is awkward to reach down for the food.
"You have lived a very long time. Do you remember a lot? What did everything used to be like? Did you see any civilizations that are now gone?" She pries with a scholars thirst, staring at me unblinking. She somehow reminds me of the monk that would sometimes visit our town to get food for his monetary during the warm season. He liked to ask us questions, so many questions at once that it would overwhelm a person. Most people tried to avoid him unless they needed his religious practices.
"The world is very different, almost like a different planet," I whisper. "The way you speak, the customs you have, the way you act. It's all very confusing. Life is a lot easier now, not so many people die. You have children and most of them live. My mother birthed nine children, only five survived. She lost three during pregnancy, one during birth, and the last one died before reaching its one milestone. It was the cold season, and we could not stay warm enough let alone a babe."
"I am not sure about civilizations," I continue on. "As I said before, I was a wolf. I can tell you about Russia though. Our Tsar had died a few years before… everything happened," I say, referring to myself turning into a full-time wolf. "The common people called our time the Time of Troubles. I do not know if they call it that now, or if it is even recorded. Our crops were poor, we were very hungry. A famine was spreading throughout the country. All but one of my family members had died before the famine really hit us. I hunted for my brother, so he was not as hungry and was able to live through it."
"You had a brother?" Surprise is evident in Embry's face. I do not speak about my past or family much. I'm just unsure what to say about it, and it's been so long that some details have been long forgotten. Most of my memories are of the forest, running and racing through tree lines and crashing into streams.
"I had three brothers, one of them survived and lived to old age."
"Tell me about him."
"I was a wolf when he became an adult. He was very good with wood, and made his own shop. He had eleven children, seven survived to childhood and only four to adulthood."
"Were they sickly?" Ara probes.
"Not really, there was no medicine. Many got sick and died. His first wife and first born got sick and died. He re-married and that wife lived."
"You saw this as the wolf?"
I nod, twisting my napkin in my hand. Embry rubs a comforting hand up and down my arm, sensing my nervousness. Soon after we clean up dinner Seth, Embry, and Quil watch some strange sport with a ball that seems to be broken based on the ovular shape of it. They both scream at the TV, getting excited as the mini people run from one side to the other. Claire has fallen asleep in Quil's room already being worn out from when Quil played with her earlier.
"Do you like it here?"
I turn to Ara. We're sitting on the floor talking, a decent amount of space between us. "Here as in with Embry? Or here as in this time period? I like both."
She nods, thinking about what I said. "You know, I was expecting a lot worse with how all the guys put it."
I swallow deeply, tugging at a string in the rug. "My animal is," I pause, thinking of the best word. "Unstable."
"You seem fine now."
"Until I feel like someone is threatened," I counter.
She shrugs, rolling her shoulders as if she didn't care about that little fact. "Maybe it is your guardian's way of protecting you."
I blink. "What?"
"Your guardian? The one that protects you?" She inches closer, excitement in her face. "Quileute's believe that everyone gets a protector. It can be a spirit, an animal, anything really. I think yours is a wolf, and maybe your people all get the wolf as a protector. It would make a lot of sense if that were true too, with you two being imprints."
It takes me a few minutes to process this, trying to figure out what to do with this information. "You think the wolf is not me, but a spirit that visits my body and protects me when I need it?"
She leans back. "That is what I think."
"But my sister. She did not have one. Her soul left her body and could enter a wolf's."
Ara thinks this over, her brows furrowing down in thought. "She did not find her guardian? But maybe she knew it was a wolf and leaving her body to go in a wolf's was her way of searching for it."
I crawl over to her, taking her hands in mine. "Is there a way to get it out? I must, I must have it out."
She hesitates. "Maybe, I am not sure," she hedges. "I do not know if that really is your Guardian."
"We can try though right?" Desperation is in my voice. Embry hears me and turns to me worried, watching me carefully. I ignore him.
Her eyes show indecision, looking left and right until they settle on me. "I'm planning on doing a trip to A-Ka-Lat to meditate among my ancestors to find my Guardian. I'm not sure if that will help, but it's worth a shot right?"
Yes, of course it is.
