Chapter 9-Fulfillment of Belief and Recognition

I opened my eyes to see the sleeping figure of James. He was rather adorable when he was asleep. His glasses were off and his hair was even messier than normal. He had an innocent and peaceful look to him. His arms were still around me and they tightened when I tried to get out of bed. I He smiled as his eyes opened slowly.

"Good morning love." He said roguishly.

"Good morning James." I said.

"Good afternoon's more like it." I was startled to hear a voice from behind me, even more so when I turned to see Sirius in the doorway.

"We were wondering where you were this morning when you both skipped breakfast. You should probably come down to lunch, which is in fifteen minutes." Sirius said.

Sirius bowed before walking out of the room. As he was closing the door, I could hear him snickering with humor.

"This isn't very good." I said.

"Best morning I've ever had." James said grinning.

We got out of bed and James started stretching as I thought of how I was going to get out of his room without being noticed, especially because I was in yesterday's clothes. I watched James as he put his clothes on and almost fall over three times because he was still tired. I laughed silently as he sat on the bed. Then I got an idea.

"James, where's your wand?" I asked.

"Uh, oh it's right here." He said.

He picked it up off of the nightstand and twirled it in his hand.

Man I hate being underage and not being able to use magic outside of school.

"Would you care to transfigure me something to wear?" I asked.

His eyes lit up immediately.

"Really?" He said playfully.

I rolled my eyes.

"James, make it something comfortable and appropriate." I instructed.

James pouted playfully.

"Aww, come on, can I pick?" He asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fine." He conceded.

He grudgingly transfigured my clothes into jeans and a black sweater.

"Thanks." I said.

I walked towards the door so that we could hurry and get down stairs. Before I opened it, James spun me around and passionately kissed me.

"James, we're going to be late." I whispered as I broke away and turned my head away from him.

I could feel James' muscled arms tighten around me and the way that he was looking at me when I glanced at him made me tingle all over. He relaxed finally relaxed his grip though and I turned around and walked out of the door quickly. I really didn't want to talk about last night. I knew it would come up eventually, but I don't know what to say or how I feel. I know I care about James… but love? I've never been in love with someone before. How do you know if you're in love? Besides, would it even be fair to be in love with him? I mean, I'm betrothed.

After lunch, I cornered Sirius in the library and tried to explain to him that nothing had happened last night. He had been wriggling his eye brows at me suggestively all through lunch when nobody else was looking. I told him that James and I didn't do anything and he rolled his eyes and left the room laughing.

"Boys are so frustrating." I huffed.

"Careful there Lils, you're outnumbered in this house." Charlie said.

I had recognized his voice, but I hadn't been aware that he was in the room. Maybe that's why Sirius left laughing. I'm going to kill him when I see him next!

I slowly turned around to see Charlie walk out from behind a tall bookshelf

"Charlie! I didn't know you were in here." I said.

"I kind of figured that was the case." He said sitting down on a couch.

I sat next to him as he started chuckled.

"Charlie, nothing happened with James and I last night." I said quickly.

"I know. But it's funny to see you getting all worked up about it." Charlie said.

I playfully punched his arm.

"So, you believe me?" I asked.

"Lils, I can tell when you're lying remember? Besides, if I honestly thought that anything had actually happened do you really think I would just be sitting here laughing?" Charlie said.

"Good point." I said.

"So, what were you doing in his room all night?" Charlie asked seriously.

I told Charlie about what happened. James saying that he had real feelings for me, and Sirius giving me James' journal. I told him that I'm not sure what to do, that I don't even know how I really feel.

"Lils, who are you kidding? I mean, I could tell that James really did like you. He was pretty obvious. But, I could also tell that you liked him just as much. That's what I meant when I said that I thought Remus knew more about the situation than you did. He sees it too. There's no reason to avoid James and this whole 'feelings' situation unless you're still in denial about your feelings for him. You have something special with James and you're happier than I've ever seen you. Do you really want to just throw this away?" Charlie said.

"I just keep thinking about mum. I hate her so much! How can she be so unfair like his?" I said.

"You mean, how can she expect you to marry somebody when you're in love with someone else?" Charlie asked.

"Yes!" I shouted.

Charlie smiled.

Well, he tricked me into that one.

"Told you so. When are you going to tell James?" Charlie asked.

I was quiet for a couple of seconds before I answered.

"I'm not." I said.

"What? Why not?" Charlie asked.

"Charlie, it's not fair for me to get involved with someone. It's better to just end everything now. It will be easier in the end." I said.

"Easier for whom, Lils?" Charlie said crossing his arms.

"You're so frustrating sometimes, do you know that?" I said.

"Well, I don't think you're doing the right thing and I think you'll regret it. Besides, you both already love one another. You'll only hurt yourselves if you stay apart. You should embrace it." Charlie said.

"Would you?" I asked him seriously.

I really wanted to know.

"I would do anything if I thought I had the chance to experience love." Charlie said smiling.

"Charlie, I understand what you're saying. I really do, and a part of me agrees with you. But another part of me keeps saying 'What if I go through with this, will I be able to say goodbye?'." I said.

"Do you really think that you can now?" He questioned.

"Do I have a choice?" I asked.

"Well, then enjoy it while you can." He said.

"Argh! You're worse than Remus." I said.

"Someone say my name?"

We turned around to face the entry where Remus was standing.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"It's Christmas Eve and we have a Marauder tradition. Now, why is he worse than I am?" Remus asked.

I rolled my eyes and stomped out of the room. I've been around boys for way too long. I decided to find Charlotte, and it took me almost twenty minutes before I finally found her in the kitchen.

"Lily, how wonderful. Do you know anything about baking?" Charlotte asked when I walked in.

I smiled and walked to the counter she was at.

"I thought you had house elves to cook for you?" I asked.

"Oh yes dear, but it's a tradition that we always make desserts on Christmas Eve the muggle way. Would you like to join me?" She said kindly.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude. It is a family tradition." I said.

"Nonsense darling, you're just as good as a part of the family now. Who knows, one day you might be. Oh but I could only hope." She said as she winked at me.

I smiled. James' mum was wonderful. Why couldn't my mum be like her?

I put on an apron and poured flour into a bowl. James walked in and smirked when he saw me standing next to his mum. He put on an apron and stood next to me.

"James, where are the boys?" Charlotte asked.

"I dunno, they were right behind me." James said.

A few minutes later the rest of the Marauders walked in with Charlie.

"All right, let's get started!" Sirius said rubbing his hands together.

All the boys wore identical expressions that said 'I am the trickiest person in the world' and it gave them all away. I knew they had just been up to something. I looked to James to see if he was in on it, but he looked just as confused as to what was going on.

We were in the kitchen for several hours making cookies the muggle way. There were sugar cookies cut into the shapes of Christmas trees, peanut butter cookies shaped like candy canes, chocolate chip cookies shaped like stars and gingerbread cookies shaped like little men that we each got to decorate. Sirius went a little crazy with the sprinkles and Remus had to take them away from him as we all laughed. We were just taking them out of the oven that was magically expanded when there was a loud 'pop' sound. We turned to the door where James' dad had just apparated home. He rushed over and whispered into Charlotte's ear. Her eyes got wide and then she ran out of the kitchen. Henry turned to the rest of us.

"There was an attack from the Death Eaters. I need you all to stay put and take care of yourselves. We'll be back as soon as we can." He said.

"Dad, let us come. We can help." James said.

Charlotte ran back in with her cloak on and wand in hand.

"No James, I need you to stay here." Henry said.

"Right." James said frowning.

"Boys, take care. Lily, be safe." Henry said.

With that said, both of the Potters disapparated.

"Kind of ruins the mood for festive cheer." Sirius said looking at the freshly baked cookies and sighing.

We nodded and walked out of the kitchen to sit in the living room in front of the fire. We sat in silence. James sat next to me with his arm around me as he stared into the fire.

It must be hard for him. Attacks have become more frequent as Voldemort grows more powerful. His parents have to go out each time and fight and there's never any assurance that they'll return. Each goodbye could be the last. I squeezed his hand to silently let him know that I was there for him. He pulled me closer.

After about an hour everyone wondered out of the living room on their own. There was nobody left except for James and I. When we were alone he finally spoke to me.

"I hate waiting like this. I don't know if my parents will be alright or if the attack could have been on someone I know. I feel so left out." James said.

"I can't pretend to understand what it must feel like. But, your parents are the best aurors. They know how to take care of themselves." I said.

James smiled sadly.

"It also means that they are pretty big targets. I know that the Death Eaters would be greatly rewarded if they could tell their 'master' that they killed the Potters." James said angrily.

"Voldemort isn't at the attacks?" I asked.

"Rarely, the coward. He sends his little Death Eaters to do his dirty work. Unless it's someone very prestigious. They haven't really been attacking the more important people yet. I'm not saying that everyone isn't important, just that he either doesn't know who is more involved with his demise or he knows they're well protected." James said.

"You're parents are well protected aren't they?" I asked.

"Why do you think they wanted us to stay here? This house alone has protection charms from Dumbledore and my parents. Besides, it's been in my family for many generations so there are probably protection spells in place that we don't even know or use anymore. This house is probably the second safest place that exists, the first being Hogwarts." James said.

We both sighed and continued to stare at the fire. It was beginning to get late and I was getting tired. I leaned into James and decided to take a little rest until his parents returned. I closed my eyes and I could feel James put a blanket over me.

James' parents didn't return until shortly before midnight. Sirius had poked me until I woke up and then he proceeded to poke James who had also fallen asleep. He said he was bored and right after he said it, the Potters apparated behind him.

"Finally! I didn't think you were going to make it back in time." Sirius said.

"Sirius! You're being a bit disrespectful." Remus said walking into the room accompanied by Peter and Charlie.

"Was anyone murdered?" Peter asked nervously.

"Not to worry Peter. We had a tip-off so we were able to get there just in time. Nobody was murdered." Henry said.

"Alright, Henry and I have already picked the pairs for this year. It will be: James and Lily, Sirius and Charlie, and Peter and Remus. Good luck everyone! We've got five minutes until we start." Charlotte said as she looked down at her watch.

What was she talking about? Everyone looked excited except Charlie and me. We were both confused. We didn't know what anyone was talking about. I saw Sirius explaining something to Charlie as James pulled me to the side.

"Alright, this is like a scavenger hunt that we have every year. The team that wins gets a special gift. And trust me, it's always good. Now, there will be clues that we have to look for and the rules are: there aren't any. Understand?" James said quickly.

Uh ...no? I was still confused. At midnight the clock chimed and everyone ran out of the room. James was almost dragging me down the hall way where there were three pieces of parchment floating in midair. James grabbed a piece and read it before shoving it in his pocket. They must have all been random clues because everyone ran off in different directions. James led me to the library.

"Look for the other clue." He instructed as he ran toward a book case.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's something that's out of place." He said.

Well that helps me. I don't know what it's supposed to look like or what is out of place. That's probably why they paired us the way they did. Charlie and I didn't really know this house all that well. At least not like Sirius and James do. They know plenty of shortcuts that lead to many different places in the house.

We were searching for almost twenty minutes and I was getting tired of searching when I didn't even know what I was searching for. I sat down on the piano bench and watched James tare out books from the shelves. I turned around to play the piano a little, out of boredom. I looked at the music that was sitting on the stand when I realized that it wasn't music at all. It was a cookbook.

"James, come look at his." I said.

James dropped the book that he was flipping through and ran over to the piano.

"What is it? Did you find the clue?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and pointed to the cookbook.

"Yes! You found it! Let's go." He said quickly.

"Go where?" I asked as he was running for the door.

"To the kitchens of course, where else would we go? Hurry up." He said.

I got up and ran out the door following him down to the kitchens.

When we entered the kitchens we started looking around and going through cabinets and drawers. We were only there for fifteen minutes until James noticed a painting of a ballerina on the wall that wasn't supposed to be there.

"So now we go to the ballroom?" I asked.

James nodded and I followed him to the ballroom.

The ballroom was empty. There was nothing but marble floors and chandeliers. We did check the paintings, but James assured that they were all supposed to be there. The piano was normal and magically playing by itself, but we were at a loss for what the clue was supposed to be.

"Maybe it's the piano?" I asked.

"Well, we've already been to the other piano. Where else would it lead us?" James asked.

I was thinking and humming along with the song. I knew this song, I could actually play it. It was Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. It was one of my favorite piano pieces. Then something came to mind.

"James, this song is called Moonlight Sonata. Maybe we're supposed to go outside?" I said excitedly.

James considered me for a moment before looking out the window. I too looked outside and noticed that there was no moon tonight.

"It's even better Lily, we're going to Remus' room." James said.

"Why do we go to Remus' room?" I asked.

"Moony." Was all he said.

I nodded and I followed him out.

We walked up three flights of stairs to where our bedrooms were and went into Remus'. We were looking through all of his stuff trying to find anything out of place. I felt like I was invading his privacy, but James didn't seem to care so I didn't say anything.

"Lily, look through his books would you? Just flip through them and see if there are any notes or anything that could be a clue." James said before diving under the bed and lighting his wand.

I turned to the bookshelf and studied all of his books for a moment before I pulled one out and fanned through it. I had gotten through two very big rows of books and made notes to myself to ask Remus if I could borrow some, when something fell out of the book I had just pulled out. I turned the book over and it was a collection of poetry. I bent down and picked up the small scrap of parchment. There were a lot of scratches and scribbles where someone had marked out things. This obviously wasn't the clue so I went to put it back in the book when the name Ashley caught my eye. Even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn't help but pull it back out and read it. I was only trying to make sure my friend was ok, right? I read the parchment and realized that it was a poem that Remus had copied and added to for Ashley. I was reading it when James came over all of a sudden and looked at it.

"What's this?" He asked taking it out of my hands.

He started to read it before I could get it back.

"It fell out of this book. I was putting it back when I noticed Ashley's name." I said.

James read on and then he looked at me smiling.

"I knew it." He said.

"Knew what?" I asked.

"That Remus likes Ashley." James said.

"Remus likes Ashley?" I asked excitedly.

James gave me the parchment back and I finished reading it.

"I wonder why he didn't give it to her." James said.

I thought about it for a second.

"Maybe he's planning on it." I said.

James grabbed the book and read the title.

"No, I gave him this book last year for his birthday. Besides, look at the parchment. It's old and crisp. That's been in there for awhile. He's probably even forgotten that this was in here." James said.

"But why take the time to do this and then not give it to her?" I asked.

James frowned and then looked out the window.

"I think I know why." James said.

So Remus was afraid of what Ashley would think of him? Or more specifically, what she would think of his monthly problem.

"I guess we should keep looking." James said.

I put the note back in the book, and replaced the book on the shelf.

After five more minutes of searching, James found the clue. It was a baseball trophy. Remus is a pureblood who has never played any muggle sports before. James was leading us to the gallery when Sirius and Charlie came out of a closet and started jinxing us! We had to run like mad before we ducked into the first open room that we came to. We ran in and locked the door so Sirius and Charlie couldn't follow us in. I was out of breath but glad that I didn't get hit by any of the jinxes. James looked fine as well and we stood against the door for a moment listening to see if Sirius and Charlie were still there.

"I think they're gone." James said.

"Let's go then." I said.

I tried to walk, but I couldn't move. It's like I was stuck in one spot. James realized this too because he was also struggling to move out of the spot he was in.

"What's going on?" I asked.

James was looking around before he told me to look up.

Magical Mistletoe. So that's what Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Charlie were all up to before they walked in the kitchen to help with the cookies. I just knew they had been up to something. But really, is mistletoe the best they could do? I mean, I'm not afraid to kiss James. It's not like I haven't done it before.

"Well aren't they clever?" I said sarcastically.

James didn't say anything. He was still looking up at the mistletoe.

"Let's get this over with so we can get out of here." I said.

James looked back down to me.

"Don't sound so excited Lily. I'm sorry if I'm an inconvenience for you." James said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean to say it like that." I said apologetically.

"Well, it makes since. You've been avoiding being alone with me all day." James said accusingly.

I didn't say anything. This conversation was sure to turn into the conversation I have been dreading.

"Why are you avoiding talking about what happened last night? Are you afraid to hurt my feelings or something? I would rather you just be honest with me." James said.

I sighed.

"James, I don't want to talk about this." I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because, I don't know! I don't know about you or how I feel or anything!" I said.

James looked a little hurt.

"What do you mean?" He asked softly.

"James, I do care about you. But, I'm scared." I whispered.

"Scared of what?" He asked.

"I don't know." I said.

"Lily, I love you." James said.

"What is love though?" I asked.

James arched his eyebrows.

"It's like, I need you to be with me. I have to be around you all of the time because you're amazing and everything you do fascinates me. You're all I think about and I feel lonely when you're not around." James said.

"I'm scared James." I said.

"What are you scared of Lily?" James asked me softly.

"Goodbyes." I whispered.

"Lils, I'm not saying goodbye. I'll never say goodbye. You're the first person that I've ever, well, fell in love with. I was scared at first too, but Lils, I'll always love you." James said taking my hands.

"What did you call me?" I asked.

"Lils?" He said.

"Charlie's the only person who calls me Lils." I said.

"Sorry, I-"James began.

"No, I like it." I said.

James smiled and we kissed under the mistletoe breaking its hold over us.

James smiled and we walked out of the room hand in hand. We didn't say anything, we didn't need to. We walked to the living room, where Sirius and Charlie were screaming in excitement that they had won. I'll admit I would have enjoyed having the gift though. It was two old golden rings that allow a person to apparate anywhere regardless of anti apparation charms or age. All you do is twist them and say where you want to go. Charlie and Sirius each got one. I didn't even know such a thing existed. We were told that they were one of a kind. Also, we were told not to tell anyone about them.

James and I said nothing the whole time. We just stood and watched everyone silently as we held hands. Charlotte and Henry passed around Butterbeers to everyone. I noticed Sirius and Charlie talking. They were looking at James and me. I picked up a little of their conversation.

"You know, it was all inconsequent really." Charlie said.

"Yes, but it did speed things up a bit." Sirius said raising his Butterbeer bottle to me from across the room.

I smiled and shook my head.

"It's after midnight. You know what that means?" James asked me.

"What?" I asked.

"Happy Christmas!" He said and kissed me while everyone whooped and happily.

It would be a happy Christmas indeed.