Title: Alright On My Own Chapter 9

Author's Note: For disclaimer, see chapter one.

Author's Note 2: I am so sorry this took so long. I have a million excuses, but they're unimportant right now. Let's get to the god stuff!

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Chapter 9

December 10, 2000

Standing at the door of the Pediatric Cancer Center of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, Alex tightens her grip on Olivia's hand.

"Hey," Olivia says, giving Alex's hand a reassuring squeeze. "We don't have to do this today if you don't want to."

Alex turns her head, offering Olivia a small smile. "If I don't do it today, I won't do it at all."

"You just bought them yesterday, Alex."

"It has to be today, Liv," Alex says, leaving no room for argument.

Olivia nods. "Okay, she says. " Stepping forward, she pushes open the door.

The Pediatric Cancer Center is brightly-colored and filled with sunlight streaming in through windows on the roof. Doctors and nurses wear bright clothes and wide smiles. Children play in the open recreation room and run through hallways.

Alex swallows hard and keeps her attention focused on her feet, keeping herself from looking anywhere else.

"Alex?"

Alex freezes, knowing exactly who that voice belongs to, and quickly drops Olivia's hand. She takes a deep breath and turns around slowly, looking up to meet the deep-blue eyes of a woman with graying blond hair.

Olivia looks between the women, noting how similar they look.

"Aunt Viv," Alex says.

Ah, Olivia thinks.

"Trevor said you were back," Alex's aunt says.

"You still speak to Trevor?"

"He has lunch with your uncle every once in a while." A silent, tense moment passes before Viv extends her hand to Olivia. "We're being terribly rude," she says. "Doctor Vivian Cabot, Pediatric Oncologist."

Olivia grasps the woman's hand in a firm handshake. "Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan Special Victims Unit. Pleasure to meet you, Doctor Cabot."

"Please," Vivian says, smiling freely, "call me Viv. Everyone does." She claps her hands together, looking from Olivia to Alex. "Come with me; we'll have lunch." Without waiting for an answer, she turns around and walks out of the Pediatric Cancer Center.

Looking over at Alex, Olivia shrugs her shoulders and follows the doctor. With a sigh, Alex begrudgingly follows after them.

They stop at Vivian's office, electing to leave the bags of toys there instead of lugging them out to lunch with them.

They decide to eat at a restaurant down the street from the hospital – which proves to be easier said than done. Doctors, nurses, and other hospital staff crowd the small restaurant, making it almost impossible to get through the doors. Once they finally make it through the line and have paid for their lunches (Alex springs for Olivia's because "You've done so much for me, Liv. Let me do something for you."), they take up residence at a little back booth.

"So," Vivian begins, the mischievous twinkle in her eye making Alex apprehensive, "where did the two of you meet?"

"Work," Olivia says. "Alex is our ADA."

"How's that going, Alex?"

Alex shrugs. "Well. We have a very high win/loss ratio."

Vivian smiles. "Something that's contributed to you, I'm sure."

"Absolutely," Olivia says. "There's no one better than Alex."

Looking down at her plate, Alex smiles, blushing deeply. "It's not just me," she says. "The detectives play a really big part. Without them, there wouldn't be cases for me to prosecute."

Looking between Alex and Olivia, Vivian smiles softly. "It seems as though you two make a very effective team."

"The best," Alex says, reaching over and squeezing Olivia's knee under the table.

Olivia goes to respond, but is silenced by the ringing of her cellphone. Looking down at the screen, she frowns and excuses herself to take the call outside.

Vivian reaches her hand across the table, laying it atop Alex's. "I'm very sorry for your loss, Alex. And I'm very sorry I didn't attend the funeral."

Alex sets her jaw and focuses her attention on a spot behind her aunt. "Thank you," she says, and though her words are clipped and her expression is stony, Vivian knows she is not resentful.

Looking at the woman in front of her, Vivian feels a surge of pride. This Alex sitting in front of her has been through so much pain and heartbreak and she still manages to get out of bed every morning and live her life. "I'm very proud of you, Alex."

Alex blushes. "What are you talking about, Aunt Viv?"

"You. You've gone through so much and you're still able to sit in front of me with a smile on your face."

"I think a lot of that is owed to Olivia, honestly."

"The two of you are…together?"

Alex sighs. "I don't know, Aunt Viv. It's…complicated."

Vivian smiles, patting Alex's hand. "The best things in life usually are."

Alex nods and looks toward the door, smiling as she sees Olivia walk back into the restaurant. "Everything okay?" she asks once Olivia sits.

Olivia nods. "Yeah. Fin and Munch were just looking for a couple files."

"Do you need to go in?"

"No, they know this is the first Sunday I purposely requested off since joining the squad; they wouldn't dare ask me to come in today."

"Are you sure, Liv? I don't want to hold you back from going in."

Vivian, sensing the women need a moment to themselves, excuses herself to go to the restroom; Olivia will forever be grateful for that.

"Alex," Olivia says, looking seriously into Alex's eyes and taking hold of Alex's hands, "there is absolutely nowhere I would rather be today than with you."

Alex blushes deeply, looking down at their intertwined hands. "You're not just saying that because you pity me, are you?"

"Nothing I do for you is out of pity. You must know that by now, Alex."

"Then why do you do it?"

"Because" – Olivia sighs like the answer is heavy in her soul and weighs down her shoulder – "you deserve the world, Alex Cabot, and Iwanttobetheonetogiveittoyou." The end of her confession comes out in a rush and she refuses to look at Alex as a blush creeps up her neck and covers her face.

Alex searches for the words to explain how much Olivia's confession truly means to her, but is interrupted by the reappearance of her aunt.

"Are you two ready to go?" Vivian asks, staring pointedly at their clasped hands.

"We are," Olivia says.

Standing, Alex clears her throat, turning Vivian's attention from their hands to Alex's face, and grabs their trash off the table and tosses it into the bin.

Engrossed in conversation, the three women walk back to the hospital. At some point during the walk, Alex reaches out and takes hold of Olivia's hand; Vivian pretends not to notice. When they get to the main entrance, Alex stops and stares up at the building.

"I don't think I can do this today," Alex whispers.

Olivia squeezes her hand reassuringly. "That's okay, Alex. You don't have to."

Alex nods and breathes a shuddering sigh of relief, letting Vivian pull her into a tight hug. "It was really nice to see you again, Aunt Viv."

"You still have family here, Alex. Don't let your mother take that away."

Alex blinks, momentarily stunned into silence. "I won't," she says, her voice thick with tears.

"And don't be such a stranger."

"Yes, ma'am."

Vivian steps back, smiling sincerely at Alex. "I mean it, Alexandra. Do not make me hunt you down."

Smiling, Alex nods. "I'll call you this week to arrange dinner."

Vivian nods and moves to unexpectedly embrace Olivia, who tenses up with wide eyes staring at Alex in utter confusion. Alex shrugs and Olivia seems to relax enough to lightly return the embrace.

"Take care of that girl," Vivian whispers, making sure Alex cannot hear her. "She's been on her own for far too long."

"Yes, ma'am," Olivia says. "I understand."

With a nod and a smile, Vivian walks through the doors and back into the hospital.

"How are you feeling?" Olivia asks, reaching out and taking hold of Alex's hand.

Alex shrugs. "It was nice to see her again. It's been a while."

"It seems like you two were close."

"We were. She was there for me at a time when no one else was." Feeling the memories creeping in and beginning to take over, Alex sighs and shakes her head. "What are we doing today?"

Olivia shrugs. "The world is your oyster; you name it, we'll do it."

Alex grins. "I know exactly what we can do."

Hours later, they find themselves spent and sweating, their breath coming in ragged gasps.

"God, Alex," Olivia groans, readjusting her body to work out the cramp in her side. "How long did you say it's been?"

Alex laughs between slow, deep breaths. "Three and a half years."

Olivia groans and lies on the ground, the snow seeping through the thin material of her running pants. "Are you serious?"

Alex nods and reaches down to pull Olivia to her feet. "You're going to get frostbite."

"As hot as I am?" Olivia grins, shaking her head. "I doubt it."

Alex rolls her eyes and bumps her shoulder into Olivia's. "Keep dreaming, Benson." She flashes a smirk at Olivia and takes off at a fast jog. "C'mon, speed demon; we only have a mile left."

Olivia groans, hanging back for a few extra seconds to admire the way Alex's spandex pants hug her form. You're going to be the death of me, Alex Cabot, she thinks, quickening her pace.


December 12, 2000

The apartment is shrouded in darkness when Alex gets home from work. Slipping off her heels, she flicks on the small kitchen light and watches as it slightly illuminates the living room.

Olivia is curled up in her leather armchair by the window, staring out at the city. Her purple throw blanket is draped over her lap and the mug of tea in her hands has long since gone cold.

Alex drops her bag on the kitchen counter and approaches Olivia slowly, as if she is a wild animal. When she is close enough, she crouches down in front of Olivia, taking care to stay in her line of sight, and gently takes the mug from her hands.

"Alex?" Olivia whispers, lowering her gaze to meet Alex's eyes.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Alex asks, reaching up to wipe away the tears streaking down Olivia's face.

"My mom died."

"Oh, Liv," Ale whispers. She stands up, takes hold of Olivia's hands, and leads her to the bedroom.

Olivia sits on the edge of the bed, her eyes glassy and unfocused and vacant. Very carefully, Alex helps her out of her work clothes, leaving her in just boyshorts and a white tank top.

"C'mon, sweetheart," Alex urges, helping Olivia under the blankets.

Once Olivia is settled, Alex changes into pajamas and settles into bed, curling her body around Olivia's. She presses a kiss to the base of Olivia's neck and holds her as she grieves.

In the back of her mind Alex knows from personal experience that come morning, they will pretend this show of weakness never happened.


December 19, 2000

The morning Serena Benson is laid to rest is bitterly cold and snow falls lightly, leaving a thin coating on the casket.

Olivia stands next to the gravesite with her head bowed, tightly gripping Alex's hand. She hasn't shed a single tear since that first night, though she knows she should or she should at least want to.

When the service is over, Olivia lays a bouquet of flowers on the casket and says a quick prayer. She presses a kiss to the tips of her fingers and touches the top of the casket, a silent tear slipping from her eye as she whispers her final goodbye.

When she turns around and looks at Alex, she can feel something in her change.

Dressed in all black, Alex stands out against the backdrop of snow-covered graves and trees standing like sentinels, protecting the dead. The light sunlight hits her just right, giving her a halo surrounding her body and making her blond hair shimmer.

And though it is supposed to be a somber time, Olivia can't help but smile, because for the first time in a long time, she finally feels like she is home.

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