Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.


A/N: This story is dedicated to Savannah Blair, for inspiring it. Thank you. . . I hope this doesn't take too long to write. . . Here's hoping I get a little free time! So, um, yeah, there's a bit of Jonda in this, cause it just happened. . . so um. . . yeah, enjoy it!!


And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 8: Worst Scene Ever!

Bobby screams as he notices people walking in, "Get me down from here!"

Jean, who happens to still have stained yellow skin, looks up. "Sorry, Bobby. I would, but Raven thinks you need to learn your lesson."

"But I'm in this scene!"

"Not yet, you're not," Rogue calls.

"Remy ain't so sure he's gonna like this scene."

"Me either, but it's in the script," Raven agrees. "And what the script says goes."

The Cajuns and the Rogue all look at each other. "Let's just get t'is over wit'. . ." Remy groans.

"What about getting me down?" Bobby calls.

"Fine," Raven says. "Jean, get him down."

Jean uses her powers to let him down, not to gently.

"Ow! Jean!" Bobby cries out.

She shrugs, "Sorry, Bobby. . . the iodine must be affecting my powers."

Bobby glares at her.

"Iodine doesn't affect mutant powers, does it?" Pyro asks.

Raven puts her head in her hands and shakes her head. "What have I gotten myself into?"

"It's okay. . . I'm here," Lightning tells her.

"Oh, like you are so much better."

Lightning glares at her.

"Kidding. . . kidding." She rolls her eyes. "Seriously, though, your ego is a little too sensitive."

"Would you stop about my ego and just start the play?" he asks.

She nods, "Lights! Camera! Action!"

A very wet Pyro follows a very wet Rogue onto the shore. He turns and looks at the ship. "That's the second time I've had to watch that bloke sail away with my ship."

Later on the same island, of course, but deeper in, they are amazingly dry.

Rogue is following Pyro now. "But y'all were marooned on this island before. Weren't ya? We can escape the same way y'all did then."

"To what point and purpose, young sheila?" Pyro asks, stopping and facing the young stripe-haired beauty. "The Black Pearl is gone. Unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice. Unlikely. Young Mr. LeBeau will be dead long before you can reach him." Said "Young Mr. LeBeau" is at this moment tied up on the Black Pearl set, in one of the cages. . . Poor Gambit. Pyro walks to a coconut tree and raps on it.

Rogue rushes to the tree and urges, "But you're Captain St. John Allerdyce." As Pyro starts pacing and counting, she continues, "Ya vanished from seven agents of the East India Company. Ya sacked Nassau Port without even firin' a shot." She gets in his face when he stops to jump up and down. "Are ya the pirate Ah read about or not? How did ya escape last time?"

He starts to tell her a lie, but thinks better of it. "Last time I was here a grand total of three days, all right? Last time," he says as he bends down to open a hidden trap door, "The rumrunners used this island as a cache, came by, and I was able to barter passage off." He climbs into the hole. "From the looks of things, they've long been out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Summers to thank for that." He is rummaging amongst the rum, which is not really rum, but tea. He finds a couple good ones and comes out of the hole.

Rogue looks shocked."So that's it then? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous St. John Allerdyce? Y'all spent three days lyin' on a beach, drinkin' rum?"

Johnny shrugs and holds up the two bottles. "Welcome to the Caribbean, luv." He hands her one of the bottles and walks off. She looks like she's about to cry. Of course, she's trying to remember this is just a play, and Remy's life isn't really in danger. Then, she looks at the rum and gets an idea.

The scene changes and Raven is in shock that they got through a whole scene without a single interruption. Now, it is night and Pyro is having the time of his life. He's dancing around a huge bonfire with a hot girl and a bottle of what is supposed to be rum.

The only thing that would make this better is if that hot girl was Wanda. . . He thinks and winks at the gothic girl watching from off stage. She smiles back at him and he starts singing with Rogue, "We're devils, we're black sheep."

Raven immediately makes sure Lightning, Logan, X23, and Sabretooth are wearing earplugs, as they sing, "We're really bad eggs."

Scott is holding a blanket that closely resembles Linus' and muttering, "I will not scream. I will not scream."

Raven groans.

"We can edit it out," Lightning whispers to her.

"Drink up, me hearties, yo ho," they sing. Rogue is beautiful and dancing like shes actually enjoying herself, which is something Rogue doesn't normally do. If Remy weren't still tied up and in a cage, he'd really be enjoying this scene so far. . .

"I will not scream. I will not scream," Scott mutters and starts sucking his thumb.

"Yo ho, yo ho," they sing.

"Ouch!" Johnny says as he stubs his toe.

"A pirate's life for me." They finish and Scott is crying by the end of the song.

"I love this song!" John states, and means it. He grabs Rogue's arm and swings her around. As she laughs, he says, "Really bad eggs! Ooh," he says as he falls and those with sensitive hearing feel free to remove the earplugs.

The bottle of "rum" is almost gone. He pulls Rogue down next to him. "When I get the Pearl back, I'm gonna teach it to the whole crew, and we'll sing it all the time."(1)

Rogue, pretending she can't act, says fiercely, "And y'all'll be the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish Main."

"Not just the Spanish Main, love," Pyro corrects, remembering to slur his words as if he was drunk. "The entire ocean. The entire world. Wherever we want to go, we go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hole and a deck and sails. That's what a ship needs. But what a ship is, what the Black Pearl really is, is freedom." He accents this speech with little firey images of ships and the Black Pearl, which Raven decides to ignore for the sake of him not burning down the set during this scene.

"John, it must be really terrible for you to be trapped on this island." She glares at the directors, who glare back and she cuddles up to John.

Wanda is jealous. She would be angry, but the look of absolute repulsion on Rogue's face is enough to calm the Scarlett Witch's fury. . . not to mention making her want to laugh.

"Oh, yes." Pyro answers, after sticking a tongue out at the girl he really dreams of. Slowly, he places his arm around Rogue, glancing in the direction of the set where our dear Cajun is tied up and locked. He is rather scared of Remy at this particular scene. "But the company is infinitely better than last time, I think."

Muffled shouting is heard from the direction of Remy's cage.

Raven pretends she can't hear it. Lightning winces, as with his super hearing, he can make out the words Remy is using. Fortunately, he can't understand half of them, since Remy is cursing in Creole and English.

Logan and X23 just grin evilly. Sabretooth starts laughing.

Rogue turns her head to look at Johnny's hand with a look that reads, "I'm about to puke."

"The scenery has definitely improved." Pyro continues, though, he's looking into Wanda's eyes when he says it, instead of at Rogue, like he's supposed to.

Wanda is trying not to blush.

"Mr. Allerdyce." Rogue says, finally pulling away as quickly as the script would let her.

"Mm-hmm?" he answers.

"Ah'm not entirely sure Ah've had enough rum ta allow that kind of talk." Rogue reprimands.

He raises a finger, "I know exactly what you mean, luv." He twirls his fake mustache and reaches behind Rogue's head.

She holds out her bottle of "rum," which happens to only be half empty. "To freedom."

He looks at the bottle and then adds, "To the Black Pearl."

They clink their bottles together in a toast and raise them to their lips. While Pyro gulps his down greedily, Rogue takes a sip and then lowers the bottle and watches as he downs the entire remains of the bottle. Needless to say, Pyro pretends to pass out.

When the scene changes again, it's daylight. Pyro sniffs. "I smell fire!" he says happily.

"Pyro. . ." Lightning groans.

"Okay, Okay, mate, I'll do it again!"

Pyro lays back down and pretends to be worried. He stands up quickly and watches as Rogue throws another box of "rum" on the fire. It explodes and she ducks. Pyro's mouth drops in awe of the pretty fire, but it's supposed to be because of the rum exploding.

He waves his arms and runs to her, "No! Not good!" The trees are also on fire. It's such a beautiful fire that he wants to cry. "Stop! Not Good!" he lies. "What are you doing? You burnt all the food, the shade! The rum!"

"Yes," Rogue says, "the rum is gone."

"Why is the rum gone?" he says, enjoying the line.

Rogue twirls around to look him straight in the eyes. "One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men inta complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is oveh a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out lookin' fer me. Do ya think there is even the slightest chance they won't see it?"

"But why is the rum gone?" Pyro whines.

Exasperated, and who wouldn't be, arguing with Pyro, Rogue twirls back around and plants her butt on the sand. "Just wait, Captain Allerdyce. Ya give it one houh, maybe two, keep a weatheh eye open and y'all'll see white sails on that horizon."

He takes out the blank gun and almost aims it at her head, but instead, he puts it away and runs off to get a better view of his beloved flames. "What a beaut!" he says, looking lovingly at the burning set. "The set is burning and it's not even my fault!"

"PYRO!" Raven and Lightning yell. The long and loud scream is heard coming from Scott.

"Don't adlib about the fire," Raven warns.

"You're supposed to be angry about the fire," Lightning agrees.

"But. . . it's such a pretty fire. . ." he whines.

"Don't make me untie my Papa," Raven says suggestively.

The muffled shouting coming from Remy's direction make Pyro wince. "Can I at least tell everyone about it after the scene is over?"

"Sure," Lightning says. "I'll even pretend to listen."

"I won't," Raven says.

"Oh, come on, you want him to be a happy actor don't you?" he urges.

"No, not really," Raven says.

"But Raven!"

"Um, guys?" Rogue calls out.

"Yes?" they ask, eliciting another scream from Scott.

"Can we finish this scene before the set finishes burning?" Rogue wonders.

"Of course," Raven tells her, "Back to work!"

Pyro feigns anger about the rum. He can't be upset about the fire, make-believe or not. He runs off, mumbling about the trick she pulled on him. "'Must have been terrible for you to be trapped here, John. Must have been terrible for you.' Well, it bloody is now!" he shouts the last sentence back at her. He keeps walking and looks shocked when he glances up to find white sails on the horizon. "There'll be no living with her after this."

The scene changes once again, after Pyro was forced to put the flames out. There were then hours of him crying and telling everyone about the flames, and plenty of Wanda holding him while he wept onto her shoulder. "And people think, I'M crazy. . ." she groans. But the scene finally changes to the deck of the Dauntless.

Rogue is arguing, "But we've gotta save Remy!"

"No," Xavier argues back, "You're safe now. We will return to Port Royal immediately, not go gallivanting after pirates."

"Then we condemn him ta death." she urges.

"The boy's fate is regrettable, but then, so was his decision to engage in piracy."

"Ta rescue me!" she snaps. "Ta prevent anythin' from happenin' ta me!"

Pyro, always loving to be the center of attention, butts in, "If I may be so bold as to inject my professional opinion. The Pearl was listing near to scuppers after the battle. . . huh? What did I just say?" Looking at Raven, he decides it doesn't really matter. "Never mind. . . It's very unlikely she'll be able to make good time." He is talking directly to Scott. "Think about it. The Black Pearl. The last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up, right?" He shakes and Scott gets a whiff of his breath, which smells like tea, but is suppose to reek of rum.

Scott backs up, "By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Allerdyce. Not only myself." He turns to walk away. Bobby is seen at the tops of the stairs.

Rogue gulps, takes a deep breath, stalls as long as possible, finally glances in Remy's tied and caged direction and mutters, "Anythin' fer that stupid Cajun. . ." She runs after Scott. "Commodore, I beg ya, please do this. Fer me. As a wedding gift." That got Scott's attention and also that of Xavier.

He wheels next to her. "Anna. Are you accepting the commodore's proposal?"

"Ah. . . Ah. . . Ah can't do this!" she raises her hands above her head and turns to face the directors. "Ah can't! Ah can't even pretend ta marry Scott!"

"Gee, thanks Rogue. . ." Scott deadpans.

A muffled cheer comes from Remy's direction.

"You will do it, or I will leave Gambit in that cage all night!" Raven growls, with glowing eyes.

"But. . ."

"No buts!" Raven shouts.

Rogue sadly turns and faces the now disenchanted Scott. "Ah . . . am. . ." she mutters.

"A wedding!" Pyro calls out to Ray and Roberto, who are behind him. "I love weddings! Drinks all around!"

Rogue looks at the ship deck, nearly in tears at the disbelief of what she said.

Scott looks arrogantly at Pyro.

Pyro catches the look and sighs. He places his wrists together. "I know. 'Clap him in irons,' right?"

Scott walks down the stairs, "Mr. Allerdyce, you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with a bearing to Isla de Muerta. You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase 'silent as the grave'."

Raven grins, "That line is worth saving for later. . . "

Lightning raises an eyebrow, "You're going to use it on your students aren't you?"

"Yes, yes I am." she nods.

"Now who's interrupting?" Pyro whines.

"Shut up!" they tell him.

Scott winces and asks, "can I just say my line?"

They both nod. Rogue is smiling.

"Do I make myself clear?" Scott asks.

"Inescapably clear." Pyro answers and Rob and Ray take him to the helm.

They stop for a moment to untie the rather angry Gambit. Then the scene changes to the Black Pearl. A mop goes into a bucket of tar and then onto the floor. The IAR parrot on Piotr's shoulder squawks and says, "Shiver me timbers."

Logan nods at the IAR bird and says, "Cotton here says you missed a bit." The crew of the Interceptor is in the cage across from Remy.

Lance who is the one holding the mop, smacks it against the bars. Toad is in the background, with a different mop.

Remy leans against the cage bars. "You knew Jean-Luc LeBeau?"

Lance stops, "Ol' Bootstrap John. We knew him. Never sat well with Bootstrap, what we did to St. John Allerdyce. The mutiny and all. He said it wasn't right with the code. That's why he sent off a piece of the treasure to you as it were. He said we deserved to be cursed. And remain cursed."

"Stupid blighter." Toad whines.

"Good man," Logan challenges. Remy wants to laugh at them calling his father a good man, but tries to hold it in.

"Well, as you can imagine," Lance continues his story, "that didn't sit too well with the captain."

Toad walks up next to him, "That didn't sit too well with the captain at all, yo."

Lance glares at him.

Toad sees it and says, "Tell him what Lensherr did."

"I'm telling the story!" Lance yells. He then turns back to Remy and calmly continues, "So, what the captain did. He strapped a cannon to Bootstrap's bootstraps."

"Bootstrap's bootstraps," repeats Todd, laughing.

"Remy would've liked to see t'at. . ."

"Gambit!" Raven growls.

"Well, he would!" Remy says.

"You are talking about my grandfather!" she says, with a raised eyebrow.

"What? Are you telling Remy he's a good grandfather in your dimension?"

"No! But, that's beside the point!" she stamps her foot in anger.

"Then please, enlighten me, what exactly is your point?" Gambit says his own eyes glowing as fiercely as his future daughter from another dimension.

"The point is, you are ruining my play!"

"Oh. . . that. . ."

"Oui! That!" she growls.

"Alright fine, Remy will be good and listen to the nice story. . ." He mutters something else under his breath, but the four who heard him decide not to mention it.

"Lance, please continue," Lightning begs. "Please!"

"And last we saw of Ol' John LeBeau, he was sinking to the crushing, black oblivion of Apocalypse's locker. (2) 'Course it was only after that we learned we needed his blood to lift the curse."

"That's what you call ironic, yo," Toad says.

They both start laughing. Remy hides his mouth so no one can see he's laughing too.

Footsteps are heard as Magneto, Alex, and Cain show up.

Erik orders, "Bring him," and throws the keys at Toad.

The scene changes. Looking through a spyglass at the enemy ship sits Commodore Scott. He brings the spyglass down. "I don't care for the situation," he says a tad bit lofty. "Any attempt to storm the caves could turn to an ambush."

In his boat, sits Pyro, Rob, and Ray and some miscellaneous rowers. Pyro quickly says, "Not if you're the one doing the ambushing. I go in and convince Lensherr to send his men out with their little boats. You and your men return to the Dauntless and blast the bejesusout of them with your little cannons, eh. What do ya have to lose?"

"Nothing I'd lament being rid of," Scott says truthfully.

Pyro doesn't quite get it, "Now, to be quite honest with you, there's still a slight risk to those aboard the Dauntless which includes the future Mrs. Commodore."

"Sorry, but it's for your own safety," Bobby says as he watches to random extras drag Rogue into the Captain's quarters.

"Ah don't care what the Commodore ordered!" Rogue screams. "I have ta tell him!" Rogue glares at Bobby. He almost stops them, but he glances at the directors. It takes him all of a split second to decide who's scarier. . . Raven. . . definitely Raven. . . "The pirates! They're cursed! They can't be killed!"

Bobby steps up as they let her go. "Don't worry, miss. He's already informed of that. A little mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story." He chuckles as he closes and locks the doors from the outside.

Rogue screams. "Stupid Scott. He deserves ta be killed!"

Lightning looks at Raven. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"What?" she says. "It was good adlibing."

"Oh, I feel so loved right now," Scott deadpans.

"I love you," Jean says.

"Thank heavens. . ." he says. "Sometimes I think you're the only one who does."

No one says anything.

Raven decides it's time to get back to the play.

"This is St. John Allerdyce's doing!" Rogue screams through the doors.

Pyro is happily rowing a long boat into the cave. He smiles and hums "A Pirate's Life For Me" under his breath.

Inside the cave, Magneto is walking, throwing the apple up and down and generally looking pleased with himself.

"No reason to fret," Lance is telling Remy. "Just a prick of the finger. A few drops of blood."

"No mistakes this time," Alex says. "He's only half LeBeau. We spill it all!" Alex pushes the tied up Remy towards the chest. Sabretooth follows with a grunt in Lance's direction.

"Guess there is reason to fret," Lance tells Todd who immediately starts laughing.

Alex holds Remy over the chest while Magneto digs into it. The crew chants and Pyro wanders through the the front with a "Beg your pardon. Beg Your pardon."

"Begun by blood," Magneto starts.

"Excuse me," Pyro says to the RPEs.

"By blood. . ." Magneto continues. He stops as he sees Pyro waving at him.

"John?" Remy says.

"It's not possible," states the self-proclaimed Master of Magnetism.

"Not probable," correct the pyromaniac.

"Where's Anna?" Remy asks.

"She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Summers, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really. Except for Anna who is, in fact, a woman." Pyro rambles.

"Shut up!" Magneto growls. "You're next."

They are about to slit Remy's throat with their cardboard dagger when Pyro interrupts, "You don't want to be doing that, mate."

"No, I really think I do," Erik disagrees.

"Your funeral," shrugs Johnny, looking away.

Magneto rolls his eyes and turns to look at him. "Why don't I want to be doing it?"

"Well, because. . ." Pyro starts. He starts to climb. "Because the HMS Dauntless, pride of the Royal Navy, is floating just offshore, waiting for you."

The crowd of pirates starts to mumble.

Outside a bunch of longboat packed full of soldiers are floating, waiting for him to send out the pirates.

Ray turns to Roberto. "What we doing here?"

Rob rolls his eyes, "The pirates come out, unprepared and unawares. We catch them in a crossfire, send them down to see Old Hob."

Ray growls, "I know why we're here. I meant, why aren't we doing what it was Mr. Allerdyce said we should do with the cannons and all?"

"Because it was Mr. Allerdyce who said it," answers good Ol' Stick-Up-His-Nether-Regions.

Ray asks, "You think he wasn't telling the truth?" like he is appalled by a pirate who would lie. . .

Inside the cave, Pyro is trying to manipulate Erik Lensherr. "Just here me out, mate. You order your men to row to the Dauntless. They do what they do best."

The crew laughs heartily at that one.

Pyro continues, "Robert's your uncle. Fannie's your aunt." He shakes his head, because he hasn't got a clue what he just said. "There you are with two ships. The making of your very own fleet. Course, you'll take the grandest as your flagship, and who's to argue. What of the Pearl? Name me Captain. I'll sail under your colors. I'll give you ten percent of me plunder. And you get to introduce yourself as Commodore Lensherr. Savvy?"

"I suppose in exchange, you want me not to kill the whelp." Lensherr doesn't sound pleased.

"No, no, no. Not at all. By all means, kill the whelp." Remy glares at him. "Just not yet." Pyro turns to Remy when he says this. "Wait to lift the curse until the opportune moment." Reaching in the chest, he says, "For instance. . . " He grabs a handfull of coins. "After you've killed Summer's men. Every," he drops a coin. "Last," he drops another coin. "One," he drops a third coin. He hides the fourth one.

Remy notices, but keeps his mouth shut. He decides to play along with Pyro's trick for now. "You've been planning this from the beginning. Ever since you learned my name."

"Yeah," agrees Pyro.

"I want fifty percent of your plunder," Magneto breaks up the act.

"Fifteen," counters Pyro.

"Forty," argues Magneto.

"Twenty-five. I'll buy you the hat. A really big one, Commodore."

Magneto smiles. "We have an accord."

They shake hands.

"All hands to the boats!" Pyro calls out. "Apologies. You give the orders."

"Gents," Magneto orders, "Take a walk."

They all head out and Johnny looks confused again. "Not to the boats?"

Magneto looks at him like he's lost it. Pyro gets that look a lot. . . and I do mean a lot. . .

Lance and Toad are laughing with the rest of the crew and walking out when suddenly, Lance is stopped by a couple of women's parasols. Course, it helps that the parasols are held by Juggernaut. They look up at Cain, who grins menacingly.

"And cut!" Raven calls out.

"Finally," Remy says, untying himself and lunging at Pyro.

Rogue and Wanda run over to stop him.

Pyro runs behind Wanda. "Save me! I was just reading the script! I swear, mate. I was thinking about Wanda! I swear!"

Remy thinks this over and it's hard to think it over when Rogue is kissing him to try and get his mind off it, after all if you have a power inhibitor on. . . you might as well use it, right?

So, Pyro and Scott both are saved by a quick thinking Rogue today.

Raven squeals, "Aren't they so cute!"

"Earth to Raven. . ." Lightning says, waving his hands in front of her face.

"Knock it off, Lawr," she says, batting his hand away.

"Well, it's unnatural for you to squeal. . ." he says and the cast all agree, except Remy and Rogue, who are still kissing.

Raven glares at him, "Just because I am a powerful mutant with a very bad temper does not mean I am not a teenage girl."

"Oh, I know," Lightning agrees. "Trust me. . . I know." He's looking her up and down when he says this and smirking.

She smirks back and that's about the time Remy and Rogue come up for air. "Hey!" Remy says, "Stop looking at Remy's daughter like that, or t'is t'ief will have to become an assassin!"

"Papa!" Raven groans. . . Then, she just shakes her head. "Let's just go, Lightning."

And so shall we. . .


To be continued. . .


A/N: (1) I mean, seriously, doesn't that sound like something Pyro would actually say? Come on. . . it was as if they looked at Pyro and thought. . . Hmm. . . Jack Sparrow, eh? Lol I know, I'm insane, but crazy people are more fun! That's why we all love Pyro, right?

(2) For those of you who missed the hint about the sequel last chapter. . . here it is again! coughmainvillaincough

Wow. . . It didn't take half a year. . . Aren't you all proud? I'm thinking of starting either a C2 for parodies, or a forum to discuss them. . . so if you either know of one already or want me to start one or the other. . . let me know in your review, k?

Next up, the end. . . wow, it kinda makes me sad, but it's true. . . The end is coming.

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . . what with my last grandfather nearing his end and my favorite uncle sick with cancer as well. sigh