A/N: Here's the next installment of this story. I hope you all will enjoy it.

Honestly, the reviews continue to amaze me. I am so happy that people enjoy reading this story. It just makes my day.

Special thanks to BenoightLangson, Phyliska97, MrsChilton, NatVidal, guest, LaceNLeather24, elsamargarida, german reader and guest!

I don't own Law and Order: SVU!


"Stay for me. Stay with me. There will never be anyone else. Not in my bed. Not in my life. And not in my heart."
~ Rachel Vincent


The waiting was killing her. Holding on for hope became exhausting. Being in the dark about whether Barba was alive or not felt all kinds of wrong. Everything, all that had just happened, it changed everything for her.

It put her life back into reality and made her realize what had been right in front of her the entire time. She had been so blind and it had taken her too long to realize that. She felt so incredibly guilty that it took him getting shot to realize that she loved him. That she had loved him for so long and had denied it for her own sake and his. She had been so ignorant.

Her thoughts came to an abrupt end when she heard Chief Dodds asking a surgeon if there was any news about Barba. At first, she was surprised to see him at the hospital. His son had just died after all, but it meant he cared like everyone else.

''Doctor, how is Mr. Barba?'' Dodds asked impatiently. ''Can someone go see him?''

The surgeon approached Dodds and stopped in front of him. ''Sir, I am sorry but the doctors are stabilizing him and prepping him for surgery.'' he responded.

Dodds blocked his path. ''We need some news.'' he said firmly, pointing to all of the people behind him.

''I can only allow one person in the room.'' the surgeon said.

Olivia had paid close attention to the conversation and it left her feeling worse. There was no definite news about whether he would make it. She needed something more.

She felt a hand gently squeeze her shoulder, and she looked to her side seeing it was Tucker. She gazed at him through her puffy eyes.

''You should go!'' he insisted as he rose from the chair. He held his hand out to Olivia to help her out of the chair, noticing the expression of disbelief on her face.

''Ed, it's fine. Someone else can go.'' she said as she turned to him. It wasn't fine, far from it. But she couldn't exactly jump up and offer to go in, in front of the entire room. It would be too obvious.

''Go, Liv.'' he said, his voice gentle and soft. ''It's alright. You need this more than anyone else.''

She faced away from Tucker and nodded at the surgeon. She followed him out of the waiting room where no one questioned her about seeing Barba. She walked at a quick pace, needing to know more. And with a few more steps they reached a trauma room where she noticed doctors administering meds and rushing around Barba, with loud voices. Half of the words she couldn't understand.

Mostly because what she saw, wasn't what she had hoped. Barba was extremely pale and she barely recognized him. The clothes had been torn from his upper body and the gunshot wound seemed worse than before. His eyes were closed and he looked terrifying. It was a picture she never wished to see.

She was so caught up in the moment that she was startled when the doctors suddenly began to move him out of the room and into the hallway.

''Is he going to be okay?'' she asked desperately, following them.

''We don't know.'' one of the doctors responded. ''He has lost a lot of blood so we are going into the OR to stop the bleeding and try to repair the damage.''

''It's going to be major surgery.'' a male voice added. ''We will keep you updated, but you need to stay back here.''

She stopped in her tracks, her eyes following the bed as they rushed from her side. She stood frozen in the middle of the hallway, still completely lost and dazed. Her eyes fell upon a clock and she suddenly came to realize it had only been fifteen minutes since she arrived at the hospital, yet it felt like hours.

''Fifteen minutes.'' she whispered inaudibly. ''Fifteen minutes.'' she mumbled again, not moving.

She heard footsteps behind her so she took a deep breath, and then turned around when she felt remotely ready. On the inside, she was completely falling apart but she didn't intend to show it. She couldn't for obvious reasons.

She came face to face with Tucker again who looked at her with concern and sadness. ''Hey,'' she whispered.

''Hi,'' he greeted back, coming to stand next to her, his hand looking for hers. He found it and squeezed it gently, showing her support. ''Liv, I hate to say this but CSU needs your clothes for evidence.'' he informed her. ''I talked to the nurses and they have arranged for a room where you can change and leave behind your clothes.''

She stared down at her black shirt, which fortunately didn't reveal how much blood truly stuck to it. But as she shifted her gaze to her hands, she had to take another deep breath. ''Yeah…yeah…that makes sense.'' she agreed.

''Come on, I'll take you to the room.'' he encouraged with his hand on her shoulder.

She followed him slowly, her surroundings a complete haze. She couldn't even focus on Tucker and explaining her feelings to him. At that moment everything was too much to handle. Especially because she was barely keeping herself together. All she wanted to hear was that Barba would make it. It was all she could focus on.

She stepped into the private room hesitantly, turning around to face him. ''Thanks, Ed.'' she whispered kindly.

''I'm going to pick up Barba's mother.'' he revealed. ''Turns out that no one has contacted her yet, so I thought I'd pick her up and bring her here.''

''That's really kind of you.'' she said unsteadily. ''I'll see you later then.''

When the door closed behind him, she turned to the hospital sweats and began undressing. She carefully put each piece of clothing into the evidence bags, only keeping on her bra and panties. Next she put on the hospital sweats and sat down on the edge the bed, her hands coming to rest next to her. She looked down for a moment and noticed the dried up blood along her skin. She hadn't noticed it before, but now she couldn't stop staring down at her hands.

She immediately rushed into the bathroom, turning on the water. She began washing off the blood with shaking hands as the remnants of blood caused the water to color light red. By adding extra soap and heating up the water, the blood began to fade from her skin.

Although the blood was now gone, she felt completely lost. She turned off the water and stared right at her own reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her expression seemed lifeless. It looked like she had been put through hell, which was almost the case.

Barba was the one who had much more to endure of course. And the situation still seemed surreal to her. She could barely believe what was happening.

She'd been standing in a hospital bathroom, cleaning off his blood. Barba's blood. Something she never wanted to experience. But it had forced her awake, even in her hopeless and disheveled state. Things were clear, and she no longer felt confused about her feelings towards him.

She loved him. She loved him so much it hurt. In never admitting her feelings, she was able to remain distant from him. It was her form of denial, which had now been torn to pieces. And her denial had come at a cost. Barba was that cost. And that she couldn't live with.

She'd seen the signs, heard it in his voice. He always protected her no matter what, even against her own will. Since the moment he walked into her life, he'd been a real friend.

She stared back at her own reflection once more, and didn't like the person she saw. She only ever imagined feeling like this if she'd lost the love of her life. And it only confronted her with the fact that he'd been right next to her all this time.

Slowly, she gathered herself, knowing a difficult time was still ahead for the entire squad. She had to remain strong so she was capable of leading the investigation into Barba's shooting. Whoever had done this had to pay, and she wouldn't stop until that person was behind bars.

She emerged from the room and made her way back towards the waiting room where most people were still waiting to receive any news regarding Barba. Her eyes fell upon Chief Dodds as she approached, while he looked back at her.

''Is there any news yet?'' he asked her.

She shook her head. ''He just went into surgery.'' she said hesitantly. ''It doesn't look good.''

Dodds immediately noticed that something was off about Olivia. In many other stressful situations he'd seen her compartmentalize. She was strong enough to remain focused to do her job. But in that moment he saw something different in her. And despite his own sorrows, he decided to take her out of the waiting room.

They settled into the hallway where he observed her once more. She appeared to be a ghost. Her face was filled with emotions he couldn't describe.

''He'll make it.'' he encouraged. ''He has to make it.'' he muttered under his breath. The loss of his son was crippling to the point where life would never be the same again for him. But adding another loss to that would destroy even more people.

''You should go home, Dodds. Be with your family.'' she tried to tell him, but he instantly shook it off. ''Thank you for being here.''

''Does Barba know?'' he asked bluntly.

Through her watering eyes, she looked up at him bewildered. ''Know what?'' she repeated, not understanding what he meant. His eyes had softened and he threw her a small smile.

He took a step forward, closing some of the distance. ''That you love him.'' he replied with ease. He watched her take a step back, shaking her head at the same time. Her behavior suggested that she had not spoken about it before.

''Why would you say that?'' she said with a hint of fear in her voice.

Dodds shrugged his shoulders at her question. For him it had always been crystal clear that Barba loved Olivia. It had taken time to notice that Olivia had the same feelings. She had been more adapted to hiding it, or most likely, denying it.

''The only people who don't know that you love Barba, are you and Barba.'' he told her with all honesty. ''Olivia listen to me…'' he began, preparing to be shot down by her. But for his surprise she remained silent. ''My son died and I didn't say everything I wanted him to know. I believed there'd be more time, but there wasn't.'' he stopped, his voice faltering because the emotion was getting to him. ''I didn't show him enough how much I loved him. How proud I was of him. And no one should have to go through that.''

The tears were streaming down her cheeks while she stepped forward. She opened her arms and embraced him. The embrace was short but filled with respect and trust. She took a step back, wiping away the tears. ''I'm so sorry about Mike.'' she croaked out. ''He was an amazing man.''

''I know.''

A moment of silence fell between them before Olivia cleared her throat and looked back up at him. ''You're right.'' she admitted. ''I love him.''

''No surprise there.'' he smiled shortly. ''Don't wait another minute to tell him when he makes it.''

''I won't!'' she promised, nodding her head at him.

She stayed back as Dodds turned around and returned to the waiting room while she remained out in the hallway. She let her back come into contact with wall behind her. She leaned back and closed her eyes as flashes of Barba's face appeared before her.

All she needed was for him to make it. He had to survive, and then they could figure it out from there. Together. That was all she wished for. It was the only thing she truly wanted.