I knew he would come. That was the thing about Luke, no matter what if I said, "I need you" he was going to be there. I'm glad that hasn't changed when so much else has.
"Do you remember when we were nine years old and we went swimming at that lake for the first time. You wanted to swim out to the dock but I was too scared. It looked so far from the shore. The water got dark all around it and I was terrified. You didn't want to leave me on shore so you found a float to borrow and dragged me out behind you."
"I didn't want to leave behind."
"Once we were out there it wasn't scary. I just need you to show me."
"I could barely get you off that thing when my mom was calling us in. You just wanted to jump off it over and over."
"It was a great day."
"Yeah, it was." He walks over and sits down beside me on the ground. "We had a lot of great days."
"I miss you Luke." He puts his arm around me and pulls me close. We still like that for awhile. Just taking comfort in each other.
"I'm sorry I told Nathan. About us." I lift my head off his shoulder and look at him. I was so mad earlier, so angry that he would tell Nathan, as if he didn't have the right. But it needed to be told. It needed to be dealt with.
"I'm not." The words surprise him, I can tell. "He should know that truth. Its not fair to anyone to pretend that things are the way they were before. So much is different."
"Yeah. He told me that you told him about Dan and Deb." I can't imagine how hard it was to relive all that. Losing Keith was hard enough, but finding out that it was Dan who did it was unimaginable.
"I'm glad he talked to you. He hasn't said a word about it to me since the day I told him."
"He's still processing it all." We sit in silence again. It doesn't feel as comfortable as last time.
"So Hales, why did you call me. Why not Brooke or Chase?" This is a good question. They had been my go to people for a long time now. But I didn't feel like I needed them for this. Chase has been great but it was one thing talking to him about Coma Nathan, its different talking to him about my husband. And I love Brooke but I just wanted Luke this time.
"I needed you." I can' t give much of an explanation. I didn't even think about it before I made the call. I just knew that he was the only one I wanted to talk to.
"I thought you would hate me forever." There's that word again, hate. I didn't realize how many people thought I hated them. I guess I did a good job shutting off all my emotions. I don't think that's such a good thing.
"I never hated you." I stand up as I say it. The conversation requires too much energy to have it sitting down.
He gives a soft smile. "I never hated you either, in case you were wondering." I was. I think that I would hate me if I were him. The way I cut him out. I knew that he was hurting too.
"Why did you jump in the water?" I have been wanting to ask him since that day but never had the nerve.
"What?" I seem to have caught him off guard.
"That day, on the bridge. Why did you jump in too. I know Nathan was in there but me and your mom were asking you not to. You didn't even consider it, you just jumped." He finally stands up too. He takes my hand and looks me straight in the eyes.
"I just had to. Haley, I didn't think, you are right about that. Nathan, Cooper, Rachel, they needed help. I couldn't just stand on that bridge waiting for the sound of sirens. I needed to do something. To help." I get it. But I still hate it.
"You could have died. I could have lost you and Nathan all in one day. You both just threw yourselves down there having no idea what you would find. Not caring what happened to you, not caring who you would leave behind." I pull my hand from his and take a step back. This was all so long ago but feels so fresh.
"I had to do it Haley. I couldn't take the chance that they would die down there. I had to do it." I nod my head. There isn't really more to say about it all. I wish they hadn't jumped. They needed to jump. There isn't a clear right and wrong here. It just a terrible thing that happened.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. I still don't like it. But I understand it. I do." He looks unsure. "I don't want to be mad anymore Lucas. I don't want to pick up the phone to call you because Jamie said a new word or took his first steps and realize I can't. I don't want to dread getting all of Nathan's friends together because it means you will be there. I don't want to wonder what your life is like now, wonder if you're happy, if you're doing well. I don't want to not be friends because we are both too stubborn to do anything about it."
So many times I could've reached out over this past year. So many wasted opportunities. And for what?
"I wasn't a good friend to you Luke, I took out so much of what I was feeling on you. I pushed you away because it was so much easier than letting you stay in my life. I'm sorry Luke. I really am."
"It wasn't all your fault though Haley. We both made mistakes. I shouldn't have let you push me away so easily. I knew how hurt you were, I knew that you were shutting down, putting up walls. I could see you drifting further and further away. But I didn't do anything about it. I just let you go. We are where we are because of both of us."
"So how do we fix it?"
"I think we just do this. We talk. We are honest. We just have to be in each others lives and it will work itself out. I love you Haley and I miss you like crazy." He pulls me into a hug. It's one of those hugs that makes me feel so safe. I have missed him so much.
"I love you too Luke. I don't want to miss you anymore." We stood like that for a while. Just holding each other. Letting all the stupid things go and being there. Like we should have done months ago.
We sit on the deck for hours, catching up on each others lives. I tell him all about Jamie and how I hope that once things are settled I can start taking classes, I've always wanted to be a teacher. He tells me about LA and how he is moving back to Tree Hill. That life just wasn't for him. He doesn't know where he is going next but he spends most of his free time writing.
I ask about Peyton.
"So, how does Peyton feel about your move back to Tree Hill. That's pretty long distance." He flings a small stone off the bridge into the water and we watch the rings its creates spread out and disappear.
"Well, its kind of a long story. But Peyton is not going to be living in LA anymore either." Did the internship not work out? Is she going to follow him back home? "I know what you're thinking but no, she is not giving up on her dream to follow me back here." Guess we really can fall back into our old ways. "The internship didn't really work out for her. It's been two years and she hadn't moved up at all. She didn't like the bands that she was helping represent and didn't care for the man that she was working for. She was just so unhappy."
It feels weird hearing all this now. It feels like I should have known this was all going on. Instead it's like Peyton is a stranger.
"That must have been hard." I don't really know what to say. I never really wished that Peyton would have anything bad happen to her, but I didn't exactly wish the best for her either.
"It was. It is. She is just lost right now. We both are. It kinda made it hard to keep the relationship going. We tried to lean on each other but it felt like we were just dragging each other down. I was spending my time working as a temp in all different places and she was coming home crying after work because her boss cared more about how many buttons she would pop on her blouse than her opinion about music. We decided to take a break. We aren't together right now."
"You aren't together? You seemed so together at the hospital." They broke up? And I didn't know? Did Brooke know? I can't believe she wouldn't tell me.
"We still care about each other and we aren't totally broken up, just taking a hiatus. There's a lot more that happened but I really think you need to hear some of it from Peyton. If you're planning to talk to Peyton that is."
"I am." I don't know when or how that conversation will go. But it needs to happen.
"Good. She misses you too." I wonder if they ever talked about me. I never really talked about them after. It was easier to just push them out of my mind and pretend I wasn't missing two important people from my life.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Luke."
"Me too. But you're here now."
I'm nervous walking up to my front door. Nathan has to be pissed at me. Running out and leaving during a fight is not the way that I want to handle things. If he had done that to me I would not be happy.
I stand outside on the doorstep and take a deep breath. Time to face it.
"Nathan? I'm sorry I left like that, I just needed some time." I look around the kitchen and living room for him. He isn't there so I move to the bedroom. Jamie is sound asleep but no sign of Nathan. He has to be here there is no way that he would have left Jamie alone. The porch.
I slide the door open and find him sitting outside with a beer in hand. I wonder if that is his first.
"Nathan?" He turns to look at me but doesn't say anything. "Nathan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to all come out like that. And running away was stupid and immature. I'm sorry." He looks at me but still not a word.
"Please just say something." He puts the beer down and stands up to walk over to me.
"I love you." Okay. I was not expecting that.
"What?"
"I love you. After you left I was mad. But I was more hurt and confused. I sat here watching Jamie play and thought about everything you were saying. About how angry and scared and sad you are. For the first time I really thought about what it was like for you. I mean, I had thought about it of course. But it didn't really sink in. How all this would change you. You have held so much together for two years without me. You have raised a beautiful son, kept him fed and clothed. Gave up college to work so you can support our family. I was told you visited me a few times a week at least. Of course you're different than the girl I left."
He wraps his arms around my waist and looks right into my eyes.
"I'm back now. I'm here to help with everything. You don't have to be scared anymore, you don't have to put up walls and push people away. We can' be just like we were before, but we could be better. I love you Haley James Scott. No matter how you have changed." I didn't expect this. I expected round two.
"Nathan. When I lost you it changed everything. I made a lot of mistakes, and I know that. But it was so hard. It took seconds for my life to change. You told me you loved me and dove in the water and then you were gone. For years. I've been so afraid since then. I feel like I could lose anyone that I love at any second. It was so much easier to just push people away. I couldn't survive losing someone else."
"You didn't lose me. I'm right here."
"I know. You are here. And things are different know. It's like I am waking up too." He pulls me into his arms. I don't even know what to say. I have said so much already tonight. Yelling at Nathan, while horrible, was like lifting a weight that I had been carrying since our wedding day. I don't have to be mad anymore. I don't have to do it all alone anymore. I can break down and lose it and take the time to rebuild all that I've lost. Because Nathan is here.
We stand in each others arms just taking it all in. I don't think I could feel any happier than this moment.
And then I hear the rain.
He grabs my hand and pulls me to the edge of the porch where the overhang doesn't quite cover. The rain starts slow and picks up speed. He kisses me and it feels as amazing as it did the first time we made up in the rain. The night he proposed.
Standing in the rain with Nathan I know that things are going to change. The worst two years of my life are over. I'm ready for whatever comes next.
